UKC

Just a quick query here to see if my reaction to my newish climbing partners behaviour is reasonable or not ; I'm pretty miffed ...
I have been climbing a number of years both indoors & out and had a few long term climbing partners. A guy in my old climbing club approached me as he was interested in training etc Not a problem ..we have been training indoors together a few times a week since early Dec - routes & bouldering. He has a few years less experience than me but probably 7+ years under his belt. I am the stronger climber in the partnership and he is having a few head issues ..we've all been there

..This is the 2nd time he has informed me that he is heading out to a crag WITHOUT inviting me along ..I am really pissed ..but should I be ??? I usually prefer to climb as a pair myself but as its so early in the season I think messing around with more than 2 can work ..and as far as I know the guy he is climbing with is more on my level than his ..But mostly I think its just rude ...

Could be lots of valid reasons:
- logistics
- he / his climbing partner hates climbing as a 3
- you're stronger and he wants easy mileage to get his head back in
- he doesnt find you supportive and encouraging (eg you're so focussed on your own "I'm the stronger climber" goals you don't support him leading his own goals)
- the two of you have different temperaments (eg laid back vs pushy, chatty vs quiet) so that a whole day of craggin together doesnt appeal to him.

All in all I think it's not too uncommon, but in that situation I do agree it's polite to make an excuse, even if lame.

You could always organise a trip and invite him, to get the ball rolling ...

In reply to JCLB:
When he goes cragging are you missing out on the training session?
If not then I reckon you're being a little over sensitive.

In reply to JCLB:

Maybe it was the other climber's idea to go and he doesn't feel right inviting you outright. If he's telling you beforehand it could be an indirect invitation though. Maybe tell him you'd love to go out too and see if you can think of a fourth person to rope in between you?

In reply to JCLB:

It's a climbing partnership for goodness sake, not a bloody marriage. Do you really expect to be it to be 100% mutually inclusive?

In reply to JCLB:

I would check the T&Cs of the contracts you evidently exchanged specifying a monogamous partnership. If you signed pre-nups, I would sue his ass - get custody over half of his gear - his left rock shoe, the leg-loops of his harness, and the outer-sheath of his rope.

In reply to JCLB:

You're being unreasonable! Loads of my friends do different things without asking me along and vice versa. You've only been climbing with this guy for 3 months, you're not Brown and Whillans....

In reply to JCLB:

Yes, unreasonable. My regular cycling buddy goes out without telling me, most usually on a Friday when he's enjoying part-retirement. It doesn't bother me; we have good rides together and good rides solo or with other people.

In reply to JCLB:
I don't think he's doing anything wrong. Letting someone down once you've agreed to go climbing is annoying, but until you have that agreement he can surely do whatever he likes?

Edit: what has the level you climb at got to do with it? That might be your priority when finding partners, it's not everyone's!

In reply to JCLB:

One of my climbing buddies climbs much harder than me. His warm up is my ragged edge. This meant I led a lot less and my grades dropped. I like going climbing with him (good friend, good banter, good routes) but I need to go out with others nearer my grade if I'm going to improve.

In reply to Jon Stewart:


I must admit I much prefer climbing with folk who are climbing round about the same grades as I do. Moreso outdoors than indoors for training, where there are probably a wider spread of options at any one time.

In reply to JCLB:

I'm calling troll

In reply to JCLB:

Sic the lawyers!

https://www.whsmith.co.uk/products/separation-and-diy-divorce-kit-valid-in-...

In reply to JCLB:

If your post is anything like you are in real life then I reckon he's found someone a liitle less precious and self centered to climb with and has jumped at the opportunity.

In reply to Fraser:


Me too, but I also like to climb with my mates who climb at different levels.

In reply to JCLB:

invite him out climbing - it works both ways

In reply to Hardman:

If you mean that in the sense of a long-term climbing partnership during which they climbed only with each other - neither were Brown and Whillans!

In reply to JCLB:

Being blunt, maybe having a hissy fit on social media about it is symptomatic of why they may chose to climb at crags with someone more relaxed ? Training partners and crag partners are something different and they don't have to be the same people.

In reply to deepsoup:

Yes, yes, hands up to that, couldn't think of another famous partnership at that time in the morning...

In reply to JCLB:

Why does grade matter so much to some people anyway? Is your grade somehow a symbol of your hardness or virility?

There is a parallel in road cycling where the cyclist who bashes out 80 miles on Saturdays is viewed as a serious rider. I gave up on the distance illusion years ago and although I'll happily ride 60 or 100 miles with my son and pals as a social event, I'll be ensuring we stick together and give a slipstream to weaker, novice riders. My weekend rides are shorter nowadays and are planned for quality not quantity. Doesn't the same apply to rock climbing?

In reply to Rigid Raider:

Grades do matter. Climbing has to have some challenges (for me at least). As with cycling there are times to mellow and times to push.

In reply to Rigid Raider:


They provide an objective-ish indication of how well you climb. Why shouldn't they matter to some people? Doesn't mean that they should matter to everyone does it?

In reply to JCLB:

You could try Relate ?

In reply to Hardman:
I meant to add a winky smiley thing to that. Wasn't meant as a dig, just indulging in a bit of traditional UKC pedantry!

In reply to JCLB:

I recommend you find out who the new partner is and inform him that he was YOUR friend first and it's not fair that they're playing with him!

In reply to JCLB:

Hmm, I think you are more talking about social etiquette than climbing etiquette. You need to decide how you both interact as friends.

It's also possible he went climbing without you as he doesn't want to hold you back climbing easy stuff.

In reply to JCLB:

Climbing is like sex - it gets boring if you always do it with the same person...

But, yeh, it kinda sucks that he didn't invite you to make up a threesome...

In reply to deepsoup:

Forgiven. X

In reply to JCLB:
yanbu LTB