UKC

Now we are leaving the EU it strikes me that there is great scope for regulating the things that really need regulating.

The important stuff.

Firstly, bin bags. There should be a minimum tear resistance standard for bin bags. I propose this standard be set somewhere between 'new £5 note' and 'Hilleberg tent material'. The amount of times a bin bag has let me down and ruined my morning is astonishing. The knock on effect on my productivity, and thus the broader economy, has been incalculable.


Secondly. Zips. They should last 10 years. minimum. No matter what. End of.


Anything else to add folks?

In reply to bouldery bits:

All mountain jackets should have a storm flap!
Road bikers should be made to ride single file and pull in if there's not room for a car to overtake!!!

In reply to bouldery bits:

Bog roll. Standardised strength and thickness. No one will risk a single layer for a wipe, but you shouldn't need to fold it thicker than the yellow pages before tackling a post curry explosion.

In reply to summo:


Apparently German loo roll is ISO standard A6. Being an ISO and not EU standard, nothing presents us from adopting that.

In reply to wintertree:

Is that standard sufficient??

In reply to bouldery bits:

Firstly, bin bags. There should be a minimum tear resistance standard for bin bags. I propose this standard be set somewhere between 'new £5 note' and 'Hilleberg tent material'. The amount of times a bin bag has let me down and ruined my morning is astonishing. The knock on effect on my productivity, and thus the broader economy, has been incalculable.

I suggest we do likewise with toilet paper as there's nothing worse than having a 'pop through' first thing in the morning.
In fact, the UK used to have just the right stuff. None of this EU rubbish: -

http://www.thechopper.co.uk/izal.jpg

In reply to bouldery bits:

Everyone seems to have gone down the bog roll road...

In reply to wintertree:

Apparently German loo roll is ISO standard A6. Being an ISO and not EU standard, nothing presents us from adopting that.

The equivalent UK one is British Standard SH1T.

In reply to bouldery bits:


Exactly, does sausages and sauerkraut provide the same challenges that a tikka masala might.

In reply to FactorXXX:


Grand parents had that, better to baked it and hold out until home.

In reply to summo:

Grand parents had that, better to baked it and hold out until home.

Your Grand Parents are very clever and cunning.
They put the Izal out when you were in residence to stop you from pebble dashing their porcelain with your stinky curry arse grenades. As soon as you left, they'd put it back in the cupboard and get out the soft Comfy Bum toilet paper.

In reply to bouldery bits:

Sorry failing to see the funny side of this. Really funny? or rather insensitive dig at fringes of what many of us believe to have been the most important and significant union of our time, excuse me for not personally rolling around on the floor but actually feeling pretty gutted! Maybe make some jokes about Donald Trump and climate change that might be even funnier and we can all lighten up on that and stop being 'remoaners' etc.

In reply to FactorXXX:


Cunning indeed, sounds like a good plan for when our kids leave home and return occasionally.

In reply to flowerpot:

Sorry failing to see the funny side of this.

Toilet humour is definitely a British thing...

In reply to flowerpot:


Def troll.

In reply to FactorXXX:


That standard is nationally known as BS

In reply to bouldery bits:

Yeah well spotted anyone who can't find anything funny about Brexit must be trolling LOL!

In reply to flowerpot:

'' we'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when, but I know we'll meet again some sunny daaaaayyyy''
Prophetic ta ta europe!

In reply to flowerpot:
Try not to take it all so seriously.

None of us are getting out of this thing alive.

BB

(Remain voter)

In reply to john arran:

Well at least we wont be adopting ANSI since Trump will have abolished it soon....

In reply to bouldery bits:

Selling parsnips with woody cores should be a capital offence.

In reply to flowerpot:

Well done sir, your "Troll of the month" award will be delivered soon.

In reply to Big Ger:

You've agreed to hand it back...?

In reply to captain paranoia:

I'd call you witty, but I'd only be half right.

In reply to bouldery bits:

I think the whole affair is highly amusing. We vote out. But we re-instate all the EU legislation into UK law. The british buy more 'foreign booze than they ever did before and.............

I also remember that every sheet on every toilet roll in the Royal Navy had the "RN or Royal Navy" printed on it. The sheets were pretty tear proof though.

I remember a sign in a toilet. "Wash your hands - germs can travel through toilet paper". Underneath someone had written, "So did my fingers".

In reply to Dave Perry:

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/politics/politics-headlines/britain-to-celebr...

In reply to deepsoup:

Funny but not really satire is it? It's a factual news piece!

In reply to bouldery bits:

Standardise parking space widths.

Just slightly smaller than an SUV or 4x4 or whatever they're called. Maybe they'd get the message that we're living in Britain and drive something that suits our roads.

In reply to bouldery bits:

Prior to the vote I heard a 'leave' voter on a radio 4 phone in yelling the we'd no longer have silly EU laws. When asked to give an example she said (& this is true truth) 'Oven gloves!!! They say oven gloves have to be safe up to 200 degrees!!'
Now I know ovens can heat up to that, but... well, it's when the scales fell from my eyes and I saw that a hard brexit was our only course.

In reply to Jim Nevill:


This is quite a popular recourse to wanting our own laws, they either come back with something about bendy bananas, go silent or say something along the lines of, "well I can't think of any off the top of my head, but there's loads!"

In reply to krikoman:

It's what happens when people's research is limited to the newspapers they read and their circle of friends on Facebook.

The whole debacle is an exercise we seriously need to learn from and pass some pretty strict laws.

In reply to Dr.S at work:
We could adopt BRISCII and replace ASCII for good.


We'll need a good homegrown operating system to replace that nasty Euro Linux as well. Back to George or Arthur?

In reply to bouldery bits:

There is an urgent need for a law banning tea shops from putting napkins under the food being served, so they don't go soggy. Now we are free and have control, I expect this to be enacted forthwith.

In reply to MG:

HP Sauce and Terr'ys (sic) Chocolate Orange to be labelled clearly and loudly as Foreign Produce,


or repatriated.

In reply to bouldery bits:

Packaging that states "Peel here" must peel there. It also must peel off all of the film all of the time, not just remove the "Peel here" tab, making the packaging as accessible as Pink Floyd - Umma Gumma.

Change in shops shall be given in this order: coins, notes, receipt. Anyone putting coins on top of opened up notes into the customer's one free hand, shall be shot.

Flat whites are required to be stronger than a latte. Any coffee shop serving flat whites that are really just small lattes will be forced to half the price of all their cakes for a week, so that it will be only £2 for a tiny piece of flapjack.

Steering wheels are not able to be turned further than 30 degrees from centre without the correct indicator on.

All town planners must be forced to cycle to work for three months on any new cycle infrastructure.

Chilli flavour anything must be hot.

Free bread in all restaurants.


I could go on.

In reply to MonkeyPuzzle:


I'm sorry, but that's just pandering to the out-of-touch metropolitan elites who have wrought such havoc on our country. You can have black coffee or white coffee. Anything else is just namby-pamby pseudo-sophisticated foreign bollocks.

In reply to tony:


Coffee?

This is England.

All Coffee shops to be shut down and reopened as Tea Shops. Serving only Tea, and crumpets, scones (pronounced properly), and fairy cakes (they're not muffins!!!)

In reply to MonkeyPuzzle:

>Free bread in all restaurants.I could go on.

Doesn't get more French than that.

In reply to DancingOnRock:

It's a little known fact that drinking coffee predates drinking tea in Britain, and in fact, it was coffee shops in London that introduced tea. The insurance house Lloyd's of London was founded in a coffee house in 1688.

In reply to tony:

Ha. Yes. I think I knew that.

But that's not quite as humorous.

In reply to tony:


Flat whites were invented in Australia and so reflect our new global, outward looking attitude. See you on the beach for Christmas dinner.

In reply to tony:

no, there has always been the traditional "milky coffee" as made by grandmothers - I still drink this when I can get it, not at all like a latte or a white coffee.

In reply to DancingOnRock:

Not wanting to start an argument, but is that scone as in phone or scone as in gone.

Perhaps we should reach a compromise in our brave new world "collectivity of isolation".

How about scone as in done?

In reply to wercat:

Some French say that by mixing milk in coffee you create a poison. Some French waiters look at you as if you just sprouted another head if you order anything but an espresso or just café, as they call it.

In reply to DancingOnRock:

Nah... coffee was sold in England before tea. To get the full Brexit regression we must go back further and ban tea!

In reply to DancingOnRock:

That just reminded me of that old ranter William Cobbett's views on tea:

"I view tea drinking as a destroyer of health, an enfeebler of the frame, an en-genderer of effeminancy and laziness, a debaucher of youth and maker of misery for old age. Thus he makes that miserable progress towards that death which he finds ten or fifteen years sooner than he would have found it if he had made his wife brew beer instead of making tea."

In reply to Bob Kemp:


... and potatoes.

In reply to hokkyokusei:

Yes! Damn foreign muck...

In reply to Bob Kemp:

Everybody must drink (bad, flat) beer from age of weaning from the breast, on pain of contracting typhus. That far enough back?

In reply to colinakmc:

Sounds about right!

In reply to DancingOnRock:

I had Tea and scones in the sun whilst cycling on Arran at the weekend.
No one asked me what kind of tea I wanted , they just served tea.
All was well with the world.