/ Suspected kidnap....

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Bitsofdeadtree - on 17 Jul 2017
Odd title I realise, but I had a rather strange experience this weekend and wondered if there were any members of the police on here or someone who knows how they operate.

In short, met up with someone this weekend, after having met them on a walk a few weeks ago, and had agreed to take them out to do some easy climbs and a bit of wild camping in swanage. We enjoyed our selves so much that we decided to stay an extra night, however she failed to inform her friends that she was going to be staying an extra night.

She had previously said to her friends that she was meeting up with this guy she had met whilst walking, in the same way a lone female would mention to friends as if she was going to meet someone new on a first date, so when they didn't hear back from her they got concerned, contacted her parents, who in turn reported her missing to the police.

When we got back to the van, coming back into phone signal she had hundreds of missed calls, and we both had a text message from the police. Turns out they had tracked me down, gone to visit my mother to ask about me, my vehicle registration, my state of mind etc. When I spoke to the police on the phone they were very suspicious of me, and wanted this female to report to her local police station so they could confirm that she wasn't under duress telling them she was fine on the phone. By this point they had gained entry into her house, visited her work, my mother, tracked our vehicles. I'm quite impressed at the response to be honest.

However, I can't help but feel like I now have some sort of black mark against my name/vehicle that I was once suspected of kidnapping, that will somehow haunt me in time to come. I have never been in any trouble with the police, so am unsure on what information is held onto. Absolutely no crime took place, but can't help but feel like I am somehow the guilty party!
bouldery bits - on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:

Might be worth contacting the Police for confirmation that this isn't the case?
Bitsofdeadtree - on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to bouldery bits:

That was my first idea, however they will not give me any information. They won't even tell me they went to see my mother, which was obiously confirmed to me from her! Imagine the shock she had being told I was suspected in the disappearance of someone ????
Oceanrower - on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:

That seems like a hell of an over-reaction . Was she vulnerable in some way?

If not, girl goes off with bloke for a couple of days. So what?
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Bitsofdeadtree - on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to Oceanrower:

Nope, in fact she was 5 years older than me, high powered job, responsible. But then again I'd only just met her so no idea really. Nothing that came across as making me feel like she was vulnerable.

It's kinda shaken me up a bit!
pasbury on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:

Your story makes me deeply sad. It seems we must be accountable for our whereabouts and actions at all times?
AndrewHuddart - on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:

Regardless of whether the response was appropriate or not (for what it's worth, I think it was probably appropriate given what info they had), a letter to the relevant police and crime commissioner would be about right - worth having something in writing from them saying 'false alarm'.
Fraser on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:
> Odd title I realise, but I had a rather strange experience this weekend and wondered if there were any members of the police on here or someone who knows how they operate.

'off duty' should be on here at some point if you're lucky and he/she sees your post. Usually very helpful and objective in police-related matters.

Having read what you describe, it does all sound very odd and I'm not surprised you feel a bit vulnerable. Mind you, I'm very sure I'd not have gone off with a woman who I'd never met before and spend two nights with her, wild camping or not!

Edit: sorry, didn't mean never met, 'hardly met'/ known.
Post edited at 19:30
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Bitsofdeadtree - on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to Fraser:

Yeh, it has opened my eyes a bit I dare say. When you clearly don't have any sinister actions within your mind, it's very easy to forget that other people still might view you as being suspicious!

Whilst I would probably agree with you now, it does make me somewhat sad that in this day and age we have to change the way we conduct ourselves in order to avoid a possible arrest. I have actually gone on many trips with people, both male and female, sometime involving overnighter's, without even a thought that anything like this might occur. I guess I have a new outlook, but are we really responsible for ensuring that the other parties keep to what ever arrangements they have made with people to ensure that they are safe?
Bitsofdeadtree - on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to pasbury:

This is made even worse that all of the actions taken by the police were done within a 9 hour period of being 'missing'

If I didn't hate having to carry a mobile phone and always being contactable, the consiquences of not being contactable on one, for even a short perid of time, makes me hate it even more!
Timmd on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:
I guess one either has to be more careful, or decide not to worry if one isn't doing anything wrong?

Edit: I thought adults generally had to be missing/24 hours overdue for anything to start to be done?
Post edited at 20:33
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Fraser on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:

It sounds like a case of being guilty until proven innocent. Best of luck with a happy outcome all round.
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Albert Tatlock - on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:

They could have also thought that it was a bit of a Joyce McKinney kidnap scenario from the 1970's ?
bouldery bits - on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:

Hope you get as much Resolution as you can on this mate. I think, at the very least, they owe your mum an apology.

Bitsofdeadtree - on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to Albert Tatlock:

Is that the Mormon case?
Bitsofdeadtree - on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to Fraser:

We both had a great time! Hence the reason for extending the trip for a night. Can't say the atmosphere was all that great at the end of the day though.... HA
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David Martin - on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:

No doubt off-duty might be able to give a more authoritive answer, but I'd give it a few months and then do a subject-access request on your Police National Computer record.

Not to be overly alarmist, as I understand, even if you haven't been charged/convicted of any crime, the mere fact that you have been investigated will likely mean you are now on the database. It could have detrimental impact subsequently.
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Bitsofdeadtree - on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to Timmd:

Actually, having researched this now, the official advice is to contact the police as soon as you realise someone is missing. Even if that's only an hour.

This advice might have interesting results next time I'm stood up ;)
Albert Tatlock - on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:

Yes, the poor chap was chained to a bed and made to have sex with the young blonde lady ,until he was rescued / released
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Stichtplate on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to Albert Tatlock:

> Yes, the poor chap was chained to a bed and made to have sex with the young blonde lady ,until he was rescued / released

Hmmm, poor chap. Mrs stichtplate informs me that if I was ever to under go such a terrible ordeal she'd be very supportive. Though inclined to take my tackle into protective custody with the aid of a rusty pair of scissors.
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off-duty - on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:

Hard to say if it was escalated from a low risk to a high or medium risk. Sounds like a medium.
To be honest those sound like the routine actions that would be carried out in a missing enquiry. They are all fairly obvious lines of enquiry.

When they located her its fairly standard practice to see the missing person in person, so that we can be sure she is safe and well.

I'm pretty confident from the level of response that you won't have been "created" on any police system, though your name will probably be mentioned in the body of her report.

Officially you might need to do a data protection/FOI request, unofficially you may be able to find out by speaking to the cops in the area where she lives (they'll be carrying the report)

As for the over- reaction sadly that is likely to be fault of the woman and her friends and the info they have provided. It's hard to know exactly what was reported, but in UK when you are reported missing we look for you.

Even if you are a 17 year old in care who has walked out of your care home to go and hang out with your (age-appropriate) boyfriend.
For the 83rd time.
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Bitsofdeadtree - on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to Albert Tatlock:

I took 150 metres of rope and taught her a load on new knots, but I had no such luck :p
Albert Tatlock - on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:

Next time try 5 meters of heavy duty galvanised steel chain and shackles, forget the knots .
pasbury on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:

> If I didn't hate having to carry a mobile phone and always being contactable, the consiquences of not being contactable on one, for even a short perid of time, makes me hate it even more!

Yes this was one of my first thoughts - will mobile phones end up 'owning' us rather than the other way round?
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JimR - on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:

Must admit that if a daughter or friend disappeared after meeting up with a random stranger I'd be contacting the police as well.
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pasbury on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to JimR:

> Must admit that if a daughter or friend disappeared after meeting up with a random stranger I'd be contacting the police as well.

Even if they were grown up?

Disappeared or not contactable for a few hours?
JimR - on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to pasbury:

> Even if they were grown up?

> Disappeared or not contactable for a few hours?

I've got 3 daughters youngest aged 23 . eldest 30. If anyone of them went off radar and I was aware of them meeting up with a random and were not responding to messages I'd be very worried and would contact the police. I would add that it was very irresponsible of the lady to let people know she was meeting up like that and not advise them she was OK.
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pasbury on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to JimR:

I must have caused my parents endless worry then. Disclaimer - i am a man, but men are also at risk of violence.

When I was 18 I spent two months hitching round Scotland meeting nothing but 'randoms' or people as I prefer to call them. I spent one of those months walking and camping with a guy who responded to an ad in Climber and Rambler! This was 1983, before mobiles, I rang my parents once a week. Same year two months cycling round Iceland - two phone calls and four postcards were the only communication.
These were formative experiences for me, giving me a sense of self reliance, confidence and faith in others.

Risky? I really don't think so.
JimR - on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to pasbury:

> I must have caused my parents endless worry then. Disclaimer - i am a man, but men are also at risk of violence.

> When I was 18 I spent two months hitching round Scotland meeting nothing but 'randoms' or people as I prefer to call them. I spent one of those months walking and camping with a guy who responded to an ad in Climber and Rambler! This was 1983, before mobiles, I rang my parents once a week. Same year two months cycling round Iceland - two phone calls and four postcards were the only communication.

> These were formative experiences for me, giving me a sense of self reliance, confidence and faith in others.

> Risky? I really don't think so.


Different situation completely. I've also done my fair share of hitching etc when I was younger.

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birdie num num - on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:

Did you use rohypnol?
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Bitsofdeadtree - on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to birdie num num:

I prefer a blunt object. Sniffer dogs can't smell a candlestick.
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bouldery bits - on 17 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:

Yes they can.

It smells like candles.
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Darren Jackson - on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to birdie num num:

> Did you use rohypnol?

Derren Brown told me that you love it when he makes you act like a ewe at tupping time.... Apparently, you're extremely 'suggestible'?
Post edited at 03:34
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Roadrunner5 - on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to JimR:

> Different situation completely. I've also done my fair share of hitching etc when I was younger.

Why?

I agree as a dad I'd chase it down. But why between sexes?
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climbwhenready - on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to Roadrunner5:

> Why?

> I agree as a dad I'd chase it down. But why between sexes?

What?

Hitchhiking round the country for a few months vs. "I'm meeting up with this new guy for the weekend - I'll be back on Sunday"? One has an implied late-back procedure, one does not.
Bellie on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:

I'm pretty sure the suspected kidnapping thing is just your assumption. The police would have treated it as a missing person, until there was evidence that it was anything else.

Therefore if you are mentioned in a report it would be in relation to her as a missing person, which turned out to be not so, and just concerned friends and relatives.

Like Off Duty mentioned, if you have any concerns, have a word with the station handling it. Explain that you aren't sure what it all means to yourself if anything.



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JimR - on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to Roadrunner5:

In the travelling / hitchhiking situation going off the radar is expected. Meeting a random for a "date" and letting people know you are doing so then disappearing without letting anyone know is rather more unexpected (especially if not characteristic behaviour) and concerning.


Chris H - on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:

This is a bit of a "call-out time" incident. Its the responsibility of those setting up a call out to cancel it.
Rob Naylor - on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to JimR:

> I've got 3 daughters youngest aged 23 . eldest 30. If anyone of them went off radar and I was aware of them meeting up with a random and were not responding to messages I'd be very worried and would contact the police.

I've got 2 daughters, 28 and 25. Both go "off radar" for days at a time. The elder one is sofa-surfing at a random stranger's flat in Riga at present, or was 3 days ago. Last time we had contact the did say she was thinking of going back to Vilnius, but no idea whether she did or not. She's a journalist researching for a book, on a shoestring. Younger one lives in the same town as us, but in her own flat, rented with a mate. She works hard, and often gets so caught up in it that she forgets to contact us for a few days at a time, and doesn't respond to texts in a timely manner.

If we called the police every time they went of radar or didn't respond to messages, we'd be down the plod shop every week or so! They're adults and we don't expect that they keep us informed of all their movements. With the older one, it's a bonus if we know which country she's in at any time!!!

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JimR - on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to Rob Naylor:

> I've got 2 daughters, 28 and 25. Both go "off radar" for days at a time. The elder one is sofa-surfing at a random stranger's flat in Riga at present, or was 3 days ago. Last time we had contact the did say she was thinking of going back to Vilnius, but no idea whether she did or not. She's a journalist researching for a book, on a shoestring. Younger one lives in the same town as us, but in her own flat, rented with a mate. She works hard, and often gets so caught up in it that she forgets to contact us for a few days at a time, and doesn't respond to texts in a timely manner.

> If we called the police every time they went of radar or didn't respond to messages, we'd be down the plod shop every week or so! They're adults and we don't expect that they keep us informed of all their movements. With the older one, it's a bonus if we know which country she's in at any time!!!

The difference is, yours being off the radar is habitual and expected so not a major worry. Going off the radar in uncharacteristic fashion in unusual circumstances is completely different. I did say that earlier.
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rj_townsend on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to bouldery bits:

> Hope you get as much Resolution as you can on this mate. I think, at the very least, they owe your mum an apology.

An apology for what? Taking an allegation of potential kidnapping seriously? I really don't think so.
rj_townsend on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to Timmd:

> I guess one either has to be more careful, or decide not to worry if one isn't doing anything wrong?

> Edit: I thought adults generally had to be missing/24 hours overdue for anything to start to be done?

In this case it sounds like it was being treated as more of a potential kidnapping than a standard "gone missing". Without intending to cause any offence to the OP, my feeling is that the police response is admirable, and exactly what any of us would wish for in the event that we were concerned for a loved one's welfare.
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Fraser on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to rj_townsend:

> An apology for what?

Being part-responsible for causing her potential upset, albeit completely accidentally.
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rj_townsend on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to Fraser:

> Being part-responsible for causing her potential upset, albeit completely accidentally.

"Let's not interview the relatives of potential suspects in case it upsets them". Sounds like a great plan...
bouldery bits - on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to rj_townsend:
> An apology for what? Taking an allegation of potential kidnapping seriously? I really don't think so.

Causing distress. I'm not saying the police acted improperly. It's important that they act quickly on situations like this. Similarly, they should accept that this response has caused distress and they should take responsibility for that.
Post edited at 18:14
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Fraser on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to rj_townsend:
> "Let's not interview the relatives of potential suspects in case it upsets them". Sounds like a great plan...

I know I'm being dim but I don't understand your point. It wasn't suggested that the Police should apologise to her, it was the OP.

Ah, sorry! I see it was indeed the Police being suggested to apologise, I'd read it as the OP, sorry.
Post edited at 18:23
rj_townsend on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to bouldery bits:
> Causing distress. I'm not saying the police acted improperly. It's important that they act quickly on situations like this. Similarly, they should accept that this response has caused distress and they should take responsibility for that.

Quite frankly, no.

From everything that has been described here, they were doing exactly the job they are expected to do, in exactly the manner they would be expected to do it.

It's unfortunate that distress was caused to your mother, but the police's time is far better spent chasing-down leads and suspects than avoiding asking questions which may cause worry. They really can't win - they get vilified when they don't act, and vilified when they do.

Edit: The OP's mother.
Post edited at 18:32
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bouldery bits - on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to rj_townsend:
My mother?
Not me mate.
Do try and keep up.
Post edited at 18:30
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Bitsofdeadtree - on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to rj_townsend:

To be fair, when the police came knocking at her door, asking if she knew me, as she knew that I was out climbing, she expected the worst before they had time to say much more. She was really shaken up, her mind then wasn't put to ease when they told her they wanted me in connection with the disappearance of said female she had never heard of!
rj_townsend on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:

I quite understand that it must have been distressing for her. My issue is whether the police should be expected to apologise for doing their job and, from what has been described here, I don't.
ads.ukclimbing.com
Bitsofdeadtree - on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:
I'd also like to point out that I'm impressed at there reaction to be fair.

They tracked me down from my interaction with said girl on Facebook, then from the information they gain from that, looked up an old company I was registered as a director for under companies house, contacted another registered director of said company, who then in turn gave them my old address, which happened to be my mother's house.

I am really curious to know who else they contacted, but as I said before, they will not furnish me with that information.
Bitsofdeadtree - on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to rj_townsend:
In principal I don't think that they should have to apologise as a rule, however, it has left me having to explain to my mother that I really did not have anything to do with any kidnap plot, and whilst I'm sure she does believe me, there is a tiny spec of doubt as no one official has mentioned to her otherwise.


Edit:
So perhaps not an apology, but maybe an update to say that nothing came of it and I'm in the clear.
Post edited at 18:45
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Wsdconst - on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:

Kidnaps are a time sensitive situation, basically as more time passes, there's less chance of finding someone. It might seem like the polices actions were abit premature, but if it was your friend/sister that had gone off and you weren't able to contact them, surely this is the exact response you'd want.
rj_townsend on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:


> Edit:

> So perhaps not an apology, but maybe an update to say that nothing came of it and I'm in the clear.

Yes, that would seem reasonable in the circumstances.
Bitsofdeadtree - on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to Wsdconst:

Yeh I can't argue, to be honest I'm still trying to get my head around the whole thing!
Timmd on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to rj_townsend:
> In this case it sounds like it was being treated as more of a potential kidnapping than a standard "gone missing". Without intending to cause any offence to the OP, my feeling is that the police response is admirable, and exactly what any of us would wish for in the event that we were concerned for a loved one's welfare.

It's very admirable policing.
Post edited at 19:04
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Timmd on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:
> Yeh I can't argue, to be honest I'm still trying to get my head around the whole thing!

Are things still as chilled with this female as they were before the atmosphere changed as you found out what was going on?

Perhaps don't refrain from being in touch out of not being sure, is my thinking, as she might be feeling the same.
Post edited at 19:04
captain paranoia - on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to Timmd:

> Perhaps don't refrain from being in touch out of not being sure

"Do you fancy being kidnapped for a weekend again...?"
Bitsofdeadtree - on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to Timmd:

Yeh we have been in contact. She is pretty upset by the whole thing really. They went through all her private paperwork and stuff at her house when they gained entry there. Not to mention that she has the embarrassment of her family, friends and workplace knowing she went away for the weekend with some new guy!

She feels like she has had her private life invaded, and then aired for all to see. It has defiantly killed the mood between us, which is a shame because it was going well.
rj_townsend on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:

> Yeh we have been in contact. She is pretty upset by the whole thing really. They went through all her private paperwork and stuff at her house when they gained entry there. Not to mention that she has the embarrassment of her family, friends and workplace knowing she went away for the weekend with some new guy!

> She feels like she has had her private life invaded, and then aired for all to see. It has defiantly killed the mood between us, which is a shame because it was going well.

Give it a couple of weeks and with a bit of luck you'll both be able to laugh about it. With a bit more luck you'll be on here in ten years time finishing your post with "and we ended up married"!
Timmd on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:
What he said. Perhaps leave it for a bit and see how she is? I guess if you sense the same from her then - you'll know it's for good.

It's you who knows her in the end, though...
Post edited at 19:48
off-duty - on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to Bitsofdeadtree:

> Yeh we have been in contact. She is pretty upset by the whole thing really. They went through all her private paperwork and stuff at her house when they gained entry there. Not to mention that she has the embarrassment of her family, friends and workplace knowing she went away for the weekend with some new guy!

> She feels like she has had her private life invaded, and then aired for all to see. It has defiantly killed the mood between us, which is a shame because it was going well.

Given the alternatives of blaming her friends for panicking and hitting the big red button, and blaming the police for over-reacting in an officious and insensitive plod-like manner - I'd suggest you go with the second option.
We can take it, and she's not going to want to blame her friends. ;-)
Bitsofdeadtree - on 18 Jul 2017
In reply to off-duty:

Haha Yeh, probably best that I don't suggest to her it was her fault. Unless of corse I like the idea of living in a dog house ;)

Blame the rozzers, standard practice nowerdays sadly. I don't envy you lot some times. Dammed if you do, dammed if you don't!

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