/ Useful life hacks...

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Timmd on 07 Sep 2017

Every so often, a 'useful things to know' thread appears, and all kinds of things get contributed, and it's been a while since there was one, so I thought I'd start one with 3 I've recently discovered.

A small mineral water bottle lying on the ground with a head torch directed at it's base, can create more of an 'ambient light' sort of light than a head torch by itself, resulting in light being spread more roundly.

In the absence of deodorant, some squirty hand soap or shampoo rubbed into the armpits can help to keep any pongs at bay.

To make life easier/lazier in the kitchen, steaming potatoes instead of boiling them, can mean that an old porridge pan or a pan with dried on sauce, can be used to put the steamer water in, making it easier to clean once the potatoes (and veg) have been cooked.

Contribute away...
Post edited at 10:53
3
pasbury on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

stained clothes? circle the stain with a permanent pen, so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone.
mypyrex - on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:


> In the absence of deodorant, some squirty hand soap or shampoo rubbed into the armpits can help to keep any pongs at bay.
Think I'll try that on the rest of the TMB
pasbury on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your home by filling the bath with cold water, adding a bottle of bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in.
Spartacus on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:
Don't chew gum. Elastic bands tied in knots and covered with toothpaste make a cheap alternative that clean your teeth at the same time.

When tidying up after a party if you deflate the balloons before putting them in a bin bag you can get more in.
pasbury on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

Trying to lose weight? Buy only Russian Alphabetti Spaghetti as there are only 22 letters in the Cyrillic alphabet. Just watch the pounds fall off.
Spartacus on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to pasbury:
Don't buy expensive personalised number plates, simply change your name to match your existing plate.

Mr BPC 536Y. Bradford.
1
Jack - on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

Make your car look like a taxi by sticking an empty cornflakes box to the roof.
pasbury on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

Save money on expensive egg timers by popping the egg in boiling water then get in your car and drive away at 60 mph, when you're three miles away phone up your wife and tell her to take the egg out.
Andy Hardy on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Jack:

Make your Nissan Micra look more like a dodgem, by attaching a lighted sparkler to the aerial.

Don't waste money on expensive binoculars, simply stand closer to the object you wish to see.
Spartacus on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Jack:
Recreate the appearance of a climbing fall by covering yourself in tomato sauce lying at the bottom of a cliff covered in rope and opening and closing your mouth like a goldfish while staring into the distance.
4
ablackett - on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

Get paid to poo by always going at work.
Bob Hughes - on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

an angry wasp in an empty cigar tube makes a cheap and effective home-made vibrator.
Timmd on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to mypyrex:
> Think I'll try that on the rest of the TMB

It only 'helps', it possibly needs reapplying more than deodorant does.

I guess if you only apply it once you're in company at the end of the day, that still saves the noses of others.
Post edited at 13:42
Lusk - on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

Can't wait for the weekend?
Go to bed and don't wake up until Saturday morning.
jonnie3430 - on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

Some wonderful responses there, unfortunately I don't have a sense of humour, so will take this seriously.

> A small mineral water bottle lying on the ground with a head torch directed at it's base, can create more of an 'ambient light' sort of light than a head torch by itself, resulting in light being spread more roundly.

Add glycerine for better shine, apparently. They can be used as solar light bulbs too :https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liter_of_Light

> In the absence of deodorant, some squirty hand soap or shampoo rubbed into the armpits can help to keep any pongs at bay.

Use a pitrok crystal stick to stop sweating instead of deodorant. A single stick lasts over a year, so long as you don't drop it in the sink and smash it.

Use a shaving brush with normal soap to avoid having to pay for shaving foam.

> To make life easier/lazier in the kitchen, steaming potatoes instead of boiling them, can mean that an old porridge pan or a pan with dried on sauce, can be used to put the steamer water in, making it easier to clean once the potatoes (and veg) have been cooked.

Microwave potatoes instead of steaming, boiling or parboiling. Quicker and simpler.

Make the cook do all the cleaning. Amazing how much you can get done while cooking, or how easy pans are too clean when they are still hot.

2
Chris Harris - on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

Can't think of anything witty? Simply copy something from Viz.
1
Timmd on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Chris Harris:
The Viz origins went over my head.

Another one has popped in, if you want to stop a gate from sagging by putting diagonal pieces across the frame, if you put something under the gate until it's at the right height, you can find the correct angles to cut the wood to just from holding it against to and inline with the corners of the frame.
Post edited at 13:51
5
Bob Hughes - on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

> In the absence of deodorant, some squirty hand soap or shampoo rubbed into the armpits can help to keep any pongs at bay.

i can't help thinking this would give me raging armpit itch

FactorXXX - on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

if you want to stop a gate from sagging by putting diagonal pieces across the frame, if you put something under the gate until it's at the right height, you can find the correct angles to cut the wood to just from holding it against to and inline with the corners of the frame.

I normally get a mate to hold the gate when I'm doing something similar and tell him I'll be right back after I've fetched some tools.
One cup of tea later...
WaterMonkey - on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

Fool fellow motorists into thinking you have a modern, energy efficient car by turning off your engine every time you stop at traffic lights and simply restarting it before you drive off.

Note: if you're car has a starting handle on the front you may want to avoid doing this.
pasbury on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Chris Harris:

Guilty!
jondo - on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

Can't climb E9 ? Just put it on your UKC profile.
Sir Chasm - on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Bob Hughes:

You could always add some water and, y'know, wash.
1
Chris Harris - on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

> The Viz origins went over my head.

Just to clarify, it was a general reply to topic, rather than a dig at you.

Timmd on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Chris Harris:

Ha, I knew that.
Lion Bakes on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

Cant climb E9? Abseil down the route and place gear. Photoshop the rope out above you.
Spartacus on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Chris Harris:
Sadomasochists save money on expensive dominatrix prostitutes.

Simply travel on Virgin trains at 5pm on a Friday. Discomfort, degradation, real danger and verbal abuse from specialists in uniform for a fraction of the cost of what you would pay in Soho.
1
althesin on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to pasbury:

Save money by spending less.
Bob Hughes - on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Sir Chasm:

> You could always add some water and, y'know, wash.

So the "life-hack" is "In the absence of deodorant, have a shower"

every day is a school day, eh?
Bob Hughes - on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Spartacus:

> Sadomasochists save money on expensive dominatrix prostitutes.

> for a fraction of the cost of what you would pay in Soho.

debatable.
Bjartur i Sumarhus on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

If you take a crap on a first date whilst at their place and the toilet doesn't flush, don't fish it out of the bowl, throw it out of the window for it only to land obviously on the window sill, then get stuck in the window trying to retrieve so that the first date has to call the fire brigade to come and free you.
girlymonkey - on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to pasbury:

I like the joke, but there are actually 31 letters in Russian Cyrillic alphabet
captain paranoia - on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Bob Hughes:

> i can't help thinking this would give me raging armpit itch

I can't help thinking it would result in foaming armpits...
EddInaBox on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to captain paranoia:

Worried that having run out of deodorant, rubbing squirty soap or shampoo into your armpits with give you raging armpit itch? Put the soap or shampoo in your mouth and have a gargle, people will think you have rabies and stay far enough away that they won't be able to tell how bad you smell.
1
Si_G - on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to EddInaBox:

> Worried that having run out of deodorant, rubbing squirty soap or shampoo into your armpits with give you raging armpit itch? Put the soap or shampoo in your mouth and have a gargle, people will think you have rabies and stay far enough away that they won't be able to tell how bad you smell.

Just wash and use deodorant and wash your clothes. It's not difficult.

Mind, if I forget to rinse properly I get horribly sore itchy armpits from the soap.
6
marsbar - on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

Alcohol hand gel is great for getting rid of underarm pong, and also for starting fires.
pasbury on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to girlymonkey:

> I like the joke, but there are actually 31 letters in Russian Cyrillic alphabet

Oh, that's what you get for using Viz as a source of advice.
marsbar - on 07 Sep 2017
wercat on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

If you can't sleep don't just lie there getting stressed about it. Read an escapist book you really enjoy till you're too sleepy to go on, even if it's for an hour or more.
1
Yanis Nayu - on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

Tips. They're called tips.
Yanis Nayu - on 07 Sep 2017
In reply to pasbury:

> Trying to lose weight? Buy only Russian Alphabetti Spaghetti as there are only 22 letters in the Cyrillic alphabet. Just watch the pounds fall off.

There's 33 - you'd get fatter.
aln - on 08 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

Life hacks... What a horrible buzzword bollox term that is.
3
Timmd on 08 Sep 2017
In reply to Yanis Nayu:
> Tips. They're called tips.

I am a victim of my absorbent mind?

have a like
Post edited at 04:12
bouldery bits - on 08 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

Feeling like you've been inside too long? Why not try going outside!
BrendanO - on 08 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:
Thanks! This is one of the most enjoyable threads I've read in a while (my wife is a massive fan of Viz' Top Tips).
But here's a real one I learned a couple of years back:

If you are trying to catch an escaped sheep (think traffic jam/potential car crash, rather than cheap leisure activity), grab a hind leg and it stops immediately, no wriggling or trying to escape. This gives you a moment to then grab it properly to lift it back over the fence into the field.
Top was shouted at me by a very posh lady after I spent 20 min helping an old bloke fail to catch a sheep, while everyone else sat in their cars doing nowt. Problem solved in 60 seconds.

Can't believe I took this thread seriously; I'm in for it now! ;)
Post edited at 09:41
Timmd on 08 Sep 2017
In reply to BrendanO:
I think I've learnt to go for the sheep rather than for the dog, if faced with a tired sheep and an enthusiastic dog chasing it and not wanting to be caught if they've paused briefly. Last time I leaped for the dog and they both ran off again - leading to me needing to jump into a river to catch the dog.
Post edited at 16:35
aln - on 08 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

I really hate the phrase 'life hacks'. But here's a tip. Apparently if you have a bit of bluetac mashed into your carpet you can remove it by putting brown paper over it then run an iron over it. My tip is don't do this, it melts your carpet.
birdie num num - on 08 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

Normally when I'm being chased by the Babylon I get away by hurtling over a bascule bridge just as it's opening to let a ship through
Robert Durran - on 08 Sep 2017
In reply to aln:

> I really hate the phrase 'life hacks'.

I've just had to google it. Shit like that is terribly depressing.
1
wercat on 09 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

Don't be ashamed to have some fine good quality nail scissors in your toolkit. They make excellent wire snips in tight corners and can even be used to remove duff ICs from elderly printed circuit boards.
Timmd on 09 Sep 2017
In reply to wercat:
That's a good idea. If you put a long handled Stillson wrench on the end of a ring spanner at right angles to it, if you're trying to undo a very tight nut and don't want to damage it, you end up with the equivalent of a very long spanner, and can carefully use more torque to (hopefully) undo the nut.
Post edited at 13:10
Kevster - on 09 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

Don't eat yellow snow.
Timmd on 09 Sep 2017
In reply to Kevster:

Unless you're a reindeer following where humans pee, apparently they use the salt from it.
Kevster - on 09 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

I adjust my previous statement.

Don't be reincarnated as a reindeer around dehydrated humans.
Jim C - on 10 Sep 2017
In reply to Spartacus:

> When tidying up after a party if you deflate the balloons before putting them in a bin bag you can get more in.

Or better still , ( Genuine skinflint tip) when tying off balloons , don't pull the end of the balloon all the way through the loop, it will still seal, if only partially tied , and after the party, you can pull on the end it will untie and it will deflate intact for re-use.
( and you save the cost of a bin bag too, and further save the world's recourses )

Top tip, if the recycled balloon is emblazoned with profanities, it may not be appropriate for re-use at wee Johnny's 3rd birthday party)
Big Ger - on 10 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

Marry a woman who doesn't like marmite or alcohol.

Free lifts back from the boozer, and more marmite.
Max Harms on 10 Sep 2017
In reply to Timmd:

instead of boiling small amounts of water the you need it, boil a large amount and freeze it for later

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