UKC

Today on the way to the Peak I had the horrible situation of miles away from a service station and no hard shoulder. 

Desperate for a wee I emptied my 750ml chilli bottle out the window set myself up and tried to wee I that. 

Didn't realise alot more than 750 ml was about to come out and one hand on the wheel and one hand on the bottle soon I was weeing all round the cab of the van.

This must be more common than I think, anyone else been in these dire straits? 

In reply to BBRC:

A mate pissed into, and massively overflowed, a bottle at the back of a minibus in Bulgaria at the end of a ski trip.

The driver had made 3 very long smoking stops without apology leaving everyone very anxious about missing their flights. Despite repeated attempts to get him to speed up no haste was witnessed at any point. The flights were caught but only due to luck.

Said mate "donated" an old t-shirt to absorb the excess piss but I can assure you that the penultimate back row of said minimus was left in dire need of sanitation. Utterly grim.

Strangely our next ski trip wasn't to Bulgaria.

In reply to BBRC:

I'm not an expert in this sort of thing but I'm pretty sure that driving along the highway while simultaneously attempting to stick your todger into an empty bottle of chillies is not only extremely foolhardy but also some sort of offence.

In reply to BBRC:

youtube.com/watch?v=cHUVzj1IdeU&

Good luck using a chili bottle...

In reply to BBRC:

Next time turn off, find a quiet spot. Pee. HTH

In reply to BBRC:

My sister in law was stuck in stationary traffic on the motorway once and needed to go so found some suitable container and just as she started to go so did the traffic...

In reply to BBRC:

If you are pissing a lot more than 750ml you may want to get your prostate checked…..

In reply to jt232:

Wouldn't that suggest a good healthy flow?

I would have thought that having relieved oneself if that amount, one could stop and be fine waiting to pee the rest.

In reply to jt232:

I’ve been regularly peeing around a litre for as long as I remember. A doctor friend was impressed but unconcerned. I also had my prostate checked earlier this year, (not because of this) and apparently it’s fine.

In reply to BBRC:

Only once, traffic jam stationary for 2 hours about a mile from some services I had intended to visit for a pee, stuck in the middle lane so I couldn't go to the hard shoulder.

Certainly wouldn't do it while moving though! 

In reply to Robert Durran:

Average bladder capacity is like 400-500ml, if it’s more than that could be that it’s not emptying and getting stretched. Or you could just have an abnormally large bladder

In reply to jt232:

Wouldn't it be more concerning if you were busting enough to piss all over your car for less??

In reply to BBRC:

The most concerning thing is the idiocy required to try and piss while driving. What an absolute chump.

I'd take this down if I were you btw,  admitting to driving offences online doesn't end well. 

In reply to Longsufferingropeholder:

I mean, neither is ideal but given that UKC is mostly older men having an unusually large bladder might make you think going to see a GP and assuming the position could be in order….

In reply to jt232:

My pee bottle is 1 litre. By morning I can usually fill it to 3/4 and sometimes full.

If I was filling it with multiple pees through the night I would be more concerned.

In reply to MG:

I think the point is that he couldn't stop or turn off!

In reply to midgen:

Boooooring

In reply to Robert Durran:

Yeah this is the exact point, no where to stop.

Although seems now potentially I have some mad bladder abnormality 🤦‍♂️😂

In reply to BBRC:

The longest distance between stops/junctions on a motorway is 15 miles and normally much less. Even at a crawl that's only 45 mins.

Imagine that in the course of trying to pee in a bottle while driving you caused a bad accident. 
 

“I was trying to pee in a bottle,” is not an explanation that the police, a judge nor I would believe when you were cut from the wreckage with your cock out.

In reply to Robert Durran:

Heard a funny line on a drama recently “I used to pee like a racehorse; now it’s like bloody Morse code!” Can relate!

In reply to BBRC:

I once used a petrol can plastic nozzle as an extender. Trying to piss over a ribs big inflatable tubes. Boy did it sting afterwards.

In reply to MG:

Conversely I have been in many jams where it has taken over a hour to do a couple of miles in slow moving / stop start traffic.  

In reply to BBRC:

Seems appropriate to drop this here...

In reply to DaveHK:

or this.

youtube.com/watch?v=LMyferJ7eBU&

In reply to Kalna_kaza:

This is why they make minibuses with rear-opening doors, right? Also a good way of discouraging tailgaters...

In reply to BBRC:

We use one of these for the early hours calls of nature when family camping:

https://amzn.eu/d/izhJY03

One of the reviews for it is from a delivery driver and was entertainingly disastrous

In reply to jt232:

Also that degree of urgency is unusual.  Exits from motorways are rarely more than 10 mins apart, and if you can't last from the first inkling for that length of time or maybe little bit longer, jt232 may be right. It doesn't do any harm to get yourself checked out. Prostate cancer kills too many men, but if detected in time it can generally be dealt with.

In reply to Trangia:

The OP would need to answer for himself, but havn't we all played the game of deciding to last one more service station, then just one more......... ?

If you had more than 750ml in your bladder, I doubt the urge would come on suddenly; wouldn't you feel pretty "full"?

I'm certainly not trying to play down the risks of prostate cancer. In fact, being in my late 50's with a family history of it, I have a genuine interest in this - I'm just not convinced the OP has said anything to suggest there might be a problem. He had no problem going and then emptying his bladder.

In reply to 65:

It probably wouldn't make a huge amount of difference to the outcome whether they did or not, I think it'd be a charge of 'dangerous driving' either way.

In reply to Robert Durran:

A good old UKC diagnosis eh?

I have had prostate cancer. Urgency, frequency, and a large volume when I went were three of the symptoms which prompted me to go and get checked out. I never had any difficulty in going (urinating).

From talking to other men who have had prostate cancer and varying varying treatments it seems that symptoms, experiences, aggressiveness and reactions to treatment, vary hugely, and everybody is unique to some extent

Of course. it's entirely a matter for the OP, you may be right, but what's wrong with getting checked out? There is nothing to lose by doing so, but potentially a hell of a lot by not. I had two acquaintances, neither of whom wanted to go and get checked out at the time when I was diagnosed (about 15 years ago). They are both dead now from prostate cancers which were not detected early.

In reply to Trangia:

Of course. If the OP thinks he has reason to be worried he should get checked out. Something I have done myself.

All I am saying is that, on it's own, I'm  not sure the OP's post is cause for concern. As I said, it is perfectly possible that he just chanced waiting one service station too many; he didn't say the urgency to go came on suddenly.

In reply to deepsoup:

Even assuming there wouldn’t be a sexual offence charge, (the legal status of knocking one out while at the wheel is not my area of expertise) the ban, the fines, the increased insurance and possibly even the porridge would all pass in time, but the nicknames would still be getting sniggered about at his funeral.

In reply to BBRC:
A pint glass is usually sufficient for me. Just stop the flow if your container is getting full, it'll see you till the next stop at least.

In reply to BBRC:

I used to know a bus driver, he told me where buses stop at end of route that he covers  there used to be (once upon a time) public toilets but the council closed them all. Now sometimes he needs a pee and there's no loo.

His method was go to top deck (double decker) and pee into a lucozade bottle. He said they were best because they have a wider neck than standard bottle so much easier to pee into and nobody will ask questions if they see a lucozade bottle with yellow liquid in it. So apparently lucozade bottles are the answer if you think there's a risk you'll need it.

In reply to CantClimbTom:

Wide-mouth 1ltr Nalgenes are the way to go (plus a funnel for lady pee-ers?). Should be big enough for any reasonable bladder capacity, plus come in colours to mask the contents. And as long as you remember to close it tightly they're robust enough to survive a drop without then spilling piss all over your footwell. 

In reply to BBRC:

A few years ago I was surprised to learn why there are so many Lucozade bottles at the side of many roads - often appearing still full.

A highway worker told me that these are full of piss.  Thrown from the windows of lorries when the driver needs a piss and doesn't want to stop.  I'm not sure i could manage this whilst driving.

In reply to Billhook:

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Truckers%20Tizer

In reply to Billhook:

Tell me about it! We live in the Midlands, distribution capital of the universe and every flippin' layby is full of bottles. Why they can't take them home in a bin bag or put them in a bin is beyond me

In reply to Rampart:

Nalgene bottles come highly recommended I've since found out.