Horscroft and Geldard in Kendal Festival Scandalby Alan James - UKC and UKH Nov/2011
This article has been read 7,624 times
Senior Crime Correspondent Alan 'hold the front page' James has recently become privy to some shocking information. While innocently hiding under Jack Geldard's desk at UKC HQ, he overheard the following exchange concerning the forthcoming Question of Climbing quiz at the Kendal Mountain Festival....
John Horscroft: "Believe me Jack, we've got this sewn up. I've got two gambling syndicates eating out of the palm of my hand, one in India and one in China. If we can deliver the appropriate answers at the allotted time, we could be rich, rich I tell you!! Now, can you deliver?"
Jack Geldard: "Yeah, yeah, no problem. I've bribed all the other team members to play along so we shouldn't have any problems."
JG: "Yeah, you bet. I'm going to bolt some holds on at Malham for Steve McClure, and knit Grimer a chalk bag in the shape of Johnny Dawes, he's weird like that."
JH: "Far out. OK, you need to get question seven wrong."
JG: "Which one's that?"
JH: "That's the one about Dawes' new book and you have to answer; What is Johnny Dawes full of?"
JG: "OK, that's easy enough to remember. It's 'complete bollocks' right? How about question 23, What grade is Three Pebble Slab?"
JH: "No, we've dumped that one, couldn't agree on an answer. We've gone for question 32 instead, How many boulderers does it take to change a light bulb."
JG: "Right, and what's the correct answer?"
JH: "One. Unless the lamp is on a table, then he might need a spotter..."
JG: "Okay. Got it. How about the no ball I've got to bowl?
JH: "You what?"
We urge all right thinking UKC members to join us for the Occupy Kendal demo to ensure fair play....
MARMOT NIGHT - Friday 18 November 20:30 to 22:00 - buy tickets
Easily accessible from the M6 and by train and there are plenty of accommodation options in and around the town but you need to be on your toes as they fill up very quickly over the Mountain Festival weekend.
For all your questions, accommodation and travel needs go to www.golakes.co.uk here you will find all the information you should need for your visit to Cumbria, alternatively call the accommodation booking line on 0845 450 1199.
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