UKC

Went for my physio appointment today, gave receptionist my details and she politely informed me that it had been rescheduled. 'Did you not get the letter informing you?', she asks....


What stupid questions have you been asked?

In reply to higherclimbingwales: Her.."why isn't this printer working"
Me..."Its a photocopier"
Her..."But its next to the computer"
Me..."Yes but its a photocopier, its not connected to the computer"
Her.."Stupid thing"

In reply to higherclimbingwales:"Can I use uk book tokens overseas?"

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

"Is that the moon?"

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Why has my phone battery gone flat?

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

- do cats lay eggs?
- what is water made of?
- which country was first?
- when did people invent everything?

All courtesy of my four year old, in one day.

In reply to gribble:


Those are great questions! What's stupid about them?

I trust you thrashed the little tyke thoroughly for having the temerity to be curious?

In reply to Tim Chappell:

My brain was beginning to melt... yes, she has been thoroughly chastised and has promised she will no longer try to learn things.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Asked of me on temrinus platform in Victoria ststion manchester

'Which way will this train leave the station?'

Have a guess!

In reply to higherclimbingwales:
Were you going there to have some physiotherapy?

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Do you fancy going climbing at the weekend?

In reply to Tim Chappell:

I agree, the questions cannot be from a curious toddler who doesn't know any better.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Q.Does this make me look fat?

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

What time do they fire the One O'Clock gun?

In reply to higherclimbingwales: A vodafone sales man rang the other day to make me some "great offers". Part way through the call he asked "do any of your family and friends have a mobile phone?". I replied "are you having a laff? All my family and friends have a mobile phone!" - it was obvious that it was only a matter of time before I hung up...

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

I had an old flatmate who would always ask "I wonder who that can be" when the phone rang. Me, "anyone with a f*cking telephone".

In reply to highclimber:

- do cats lay eggs?
- what is water made of?
- which country was first?
- when did people invent everything?

All courtesy of my four year old, in one day.

Food for thought? youtube.com/watch?v=iG9CE55wbtY&

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

The catering person on the train said "The buffet is situated towards the front of the train". Two Americans got up, looked around them at the thousands of tons of metal hurtling along the track at 100mph, and asked me, perfectly sincerely, "Which way is the front?"

I was lost for words.

In reply to Baron Weasel:

http://xkcd.com/1053/

I was driving past a farm with my OH a while ago, she asked "why's that sheep so ugly?"

It was a pig.

In reply to Tim Chappell:

It doesn't count if they're too American to know better :-P

In reply to higherclimbingwales: Walking past some wind turbines on a still day: "do they make any electricity if they're not going round?"

In reply to Steve John B:

i must remember to get some financing for developing solar pv coatings on turbine blades...

In reply to higherclimbingwales: I've had 'do you just climb up the easiest bit on the rock then?'

When I say no, then i usually get 'why not?'...

:|

In reply to higherclimbingwales: 'have you climbed Everest then?'

In reply to higherclimbingwales: My sister in law runs a business in the Potteries and lives in Chester. Knowing that we live in Wales one of her girls asked if we had to show our passports when we travelled to see S.i.L

In reply to higherclimbingwales: If you mated a Bulldog with a Shitsu would you get a Bullshit?

In reply to higherclimbingwales: Does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centuries
have a use by date?

In reply to tspoon1981:

We were driving across the A66 to the Lakes. My mate said, "Did you see that kestrel?" It was someone flying a kite.

In reply to higherclimbingwales: i was stopped by the traffic cops once for not wearing a seatbelt, they got me out my works van and i stood on the pavement with the van behind me and the traffic cop facing both me and the van.
the van was covered in massive logos saying BT on it, i was wearing overalls with the BT logo on it, when questioned where i was going i said i was going to repair a telephone line for a customer.
he then asked me who i worked for ?, even his mate gave him a funny look and laughed.
i was going to suggest the cid might be missing out on a good candidate but decided better of it.

In reply to higherclimbingwales: Having seen someone deck from a fair height, and do some pretty obvious damage, like develop an extra knee mid-thigh, I started to approach, when some moron pushed past me, ran up to the casualty and asked 'Are you OK mate?' The reply will not be recorded on this forum.

In reply to buzby: We went climbing in the early 70s in Gideon Quarry, when is was still a repository for WWII munitions. It mean we had to climb over barbed wire fences, fight our way past signs saying 'Danger - Keep Out' etc tc etc.

Well we survived, obviously, and as we were making our way back out past said signs, over the barbed wire fences etc etc etc two MPs turned up in their jeep and said 'Oy - don't you know you're not supposed to go in there?'

'Really, officers? We had no idea...'

In reply to higherclimbingwales: 'Dinosaurs aren't real, are they?' (26 year old ex). That fling was short lived. Ironically, unlike the dinosaurs.

'How do you get the rope up there'... Um, we tie it to our harness and climb up

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

On topping out Darius, a teenage couple were sat near the edge, sharing the sunset.

She says to me, "did you just climb up there?".

In reply to higherclimbingwales: Whats the film Trollhunter about ?

In reply to higherclimbingwales:
an honest to God conversation I had:
"What are those eggs they look different?"
me "they are duck eggs"
"wow! Really? You wouldn't think ducks would lay eggs would you?"

In reply to Duncan Bourne:
Also one day with a work colleague in a fine drizzle:

"this is that rain that gets you wet"

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Walking through a dairy farm, an Irish ex said to me: Do male cows milk? I stopped, stared at her, then walked on. To this day I still wonder how she got a PhD.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

I can top that. On once telling someone that I had in fact seen Everest they asked.
"So was that the biggest mountain you've ever seen then?"

Not having access to a space shuttle to Mars I had to reply "yes"

In reply to higherclimbingwales: I wonder why Pied Wagtails are called Pied?

By a countryside ranger who likes to think he knows everything

In reply to higherclimbingwales: was also told by this woman that she thought her male cat was a girl because it didnt cock its leg and pee on the wall like a dog

In reply to muppetfilter:

>Whats the film Trollhunter about ?

Government coverups, I think?

In reply to RockAngel:

It's the way I normally cook them.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:
Whilst working in the Clachaig... innumerable daft questions. When at the reception desk people often pointed at the sign for the lounge bar and asked if that was the way to the lounge bar. The one that really got me though was when 2 orders got mixed up in the bar and one couple had ordered a burger and a BLT roll. They ended up getting a fish and chips and a cheese & ham roll. The woman was half way through the fish before she came up to the bar to ask if it was a burger. The guy didn't even notice the mistake with his roll. Granted, they do come under the earlier caveat of being too American!
The one I get a lot now is whilst sitting at reception at work, lights on, music on etc. 'Are you open today?' Errr... nope, just sitting here for my health!

In reply to mypyrex:

No just a Shitdog

I was on the Niagara cheesy bus tour and the tour guide gave their snippet of information along the lines of "the falls then flow through the Niagara Power Station which generate enough power for 1 million homes".

American guy puts his hand up "is it gas, coal or nucular powered?"

In reply to higherclimbingwales: a question asked to of my then 6 year old son, (it wasnt the question but his answer and the woman's response to his answer). He was being asked what lessons he liked at school and he replied "science and maths". the woman then asked him, "what about English?" (meaning Literacy). I saw him try to work out the question and answer and then responded with, "It's all in English". The woman just sat there opening and shutting her mouth like a goldfish not knowing what to say to that and I just fell about laughing!

In reply to gribble:


That surely is quite a profound question, also not very easy to answer.

A good thing she did not ask why water is wet. Could you have answered her correctly?

In reply to Madden:


Are you a boulderer?

In reply to higherclimbingwales:
I was once asked "do you know where the chapel is" while 2 metres from this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Kings_College_Chapel_Cambridge.JPG

In reply to isi_o:

Yes it's incredibly hard not to be rude on a Bank Holiday when people phone up and ask "are you open?"....

"I just wanted to check you were open" or "what are your opening times today?" would be totally acceptable, but when it is clear that I am a person not an answerphone why the **** would I come into work (a climbing centre, so likely to be busy on days when most people are on enforced work leave) on a Bank Holiday just to man the telephone?

In reply to Jenny C:

Seems a fair question, you might be there doing maintenance, catching up on paperwork or burgling the place

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Why are you single?

Stupid AND insulting

In reply to Jenny C: Similarly, we have customers phone me up on a Saturday, and then act surprised when I answer, saying "Oh, I didn't think you'd be open". So why did you call then?

In reply to higherclimbingwales:]

Whilst watching the new Captain America film, my ex turns to me and says "Is Captain America based on a real person? because the film is set in a real war isn't it?"

Needless to say at that point I knew it wasn't going to last!!

In reply to Ava Adore:

I get the "why don't you have kids" thing a lot, laden with accusation and suspicion.

I tell them I do, but they are all in care, at least the ones I didn't sell for medical experiments or organ harvest

In reply to Jenny C:

Cleaning, maintenance, to catch up on paperwork or maybe even a phone that is redirected to another number when there is no-one at the venue?

I'd suggest it would be pretty dumb to assume that a wall
is open just because someone answers when you dial a number that may not even be at the venue itself!

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Whenever I go to see my doctor after the diagnosis she always asks me: "What do you think we should do about it?"
I suppose it will be something to do with 'empowering the patient' or some similar bit of psycho-babble but how many ways are there of saying: "Well after seven years training and 20 odd years in general practice I rather hoped you might be able to come up with something.I did not pick a doctor to come to from a list of random tradesmen, you know." or "How about you cure it? That would be my preferred option."

In reply to owlart:

Because they hoped that you would be open and are pleasantly surpirsed?

In reply to higherclimbingwales:
when people find out you're a climber the daftest ones are always "would you like to do Everest?" or "do you have them thing that you hammer into the rock then?"

Working on the railways stupid questions are a daily event, perhaps not stupid to those that ask but they seem stupid to us!

"does this train go to Preston?"
yes
"but it has Manchester on the front"

2 trains on platform - "which one is it?"
the one with the engines running, the lights on and all the people sat on it...

Sat in my cab at Manchester Piccadilly, woman knocks on my side window
"Is this train for Sale?"
"No love, its not mine to sell"

The best one which went on for several YEARS was the last Blackpool to Liverpool train, it departed at 22.11.
half ten every Fri and Sat night, pissed up Wiganers and Scousers would arrive and ask where the last Liverpool train was?
"its gone, no more trains to Liverpool tonight"
"but I asked at the ticket office this afternoon and they said the last train was twenty to eleven, its only half ten now"
"I think sir will find the ticket office told you 22.11 not twenty to eleven"
We eventually got the train re-timed to 22.09 and had any more problems.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Every day in the co-op.

"do you want a bag?"

In reply to blanchie14c: Someone I know was friends with a GP and they had just returned from seeing a sadly deceased patient and he asked him "did they die of anything serious?"

In reply to doz generale:


i find the "do you need help packing" a tad strange when i have a basket with about 5 items in.

In reply to blanchie14c:


wouldnt it have been easier to have the ticket staff use the 12hr clock?

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

my wifes mum asking me if i could see her nipples through her t shirt was pretty gross.

In reply to higherclimbingwales: a lecturer trying to tell us that we didnt need answers to his questions because "if we had an answer we would know if it was correct"

a maths lecturer lost my exam paper, he didnt take a register so i obviously never turned up. he eventually found it on his office floor after insisting that he could not possibly loose it. Start of next exam i ask are you going to take a register. "No"

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

I might have told this tale before - anyhow.

My Dad's parents were solid Bradford working class - she a mill girl, him a blacksmith and prize fighter.

As a treat, my old man took them into the Dales for the day in his Cortina. As they rounded a corner my Gran looked out of the window and pointing to Bolton Abbey below turned to my grandad and said "Eee look Harold, they're pulling that lovely old church down".

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

not realy a question but was stupid..

best i heard all winter was" I've got a masters degree," all snotty like to me in a discussion. 10 mins later he said "can i make a cup of tea",

yep sure said the girl whos house it is, there is an electric kettle on the side.

mr inteligent looks at the kettle, looks at the electric cooker and moments later a scattering of neurones fire, Umm electric electric, ah i know Puts cordless kettle on the cooker and melts it with lots of smoke and dripping plastic..... fk thick or what!!!! excuse was oh not used an electric kettle for a long time!!!

In reply to jnymtch:

Ha- on a similar vein I recall a mte of mine being patronised mahoosively by some random woman at a business conference.

She lioudly told him he knoew nothing of the subject they were discussing and that she was right because she had umpteen letters after her name. He politely listended to her and then said "but it's the letters in front of your name that count".

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

My mate was watching Walking with Dinosaurs with his wife some years ago, when she gasped 'it's amazing, I didn't think any of these were still alive'! He replied in that ever-so-slightly condescending tone appropriate for such a statement 'Don't be daft dear, this is animation, CGI and all that. These lived millions of years ago....'

She smiled, nodded, and after a pause said -

'Ah, of course, silly me. It'd have been in black and white otherwise, eh'?

She was 100% serious, I kid you not.

We have guffawed about that one for years.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Our Lass once asked me what the road-sign 'Side Wind' meant as we we passed near J23 of the M1 on our motorbike.

She said it to rhyme with 'mind' though

In reply to John Rushby:

Liking your style. I think maybe I should tell people I do have a boyfriend but he's in a mental hospital. Or jail.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Belters that spring to mind....

In the US:
"is the moon we see the same moon that you see in Scotland". My reply...No ours is tartan and made of porage....
"do you have electricity in Scotland" No, we live in mud huts and eat gravel(whilst stifling growing urge to rant about Scots being inventors of tv and radio etc)

and my overheard-in-the-lift favourite...

Q: you been away, not seen you for a while?
A: yeah, been on holiday
Q: anywhere nice.....

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Whilst stood on top of Malham Cove admiring the view

"Excuse me - could you tell me how to get to Malham Cove?"

Erm . . . . . . .!

In reply to SFM:

I was asked in the states:

Q: Where are you from?
A: Scotland
Q: What state is that in?

In reply to Milesy:

A state of depression?

In reply to Wiley Coyote:

I just had a vision of Alex Salmond in a tutu singing "State of Indepedance"

not nice

In reply to blanchie14c:


Sounds like poor communications by the staff in the ticket office ;(

In reply to Wiley Coyote:


But lots of people DO have an idea of what they might want, maybe from looking it up online, and whether it's nonsense or not this gives them a way talk about it.

I'm in a charitable mood.

In reply to Wiley Coyote:

In a similar vein in America:

American: OMG, are you from England?
Me: No, i'm from Wales
A: Oh, which part of London is that in?
M: The west bit

In reply to antdav:
A few years back, after getting our first DVD player I told my wife that I was going to return the rented DVD to the shop
"Don't you need to rewind it first"

And 3 weeks ago at work "Does my dog need a Pet Passport to go the Isle of Wight?"

In reply to higherclimbingwales: About thirty years ago, whilst having a meal in a restaurant in Florida, the waitress asked "Do you have automobiles in England?"

In reply to mypyrex:

The residents of Florida have been in the sun too long. When I was there and this bloke learned that I came from England and worked on the railway he asked me if I knew John such and such! Like yea, we only have one branch line in England!

I've dealt with several people who were having trouble with their wireless when it first became big 8ish years ago. They'd gone out and got the latest laptop as they started having wireless built-in and couldn't understand why it works fine at home but not when round at the sisters house or wherever

In reply to isi_o:

My experience of getting any food in the Clachaig is that it's best just to eat what you're served whether you ordered it or not.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Op Harvest in Bosnia involved collecting shedloads of weapons and ammunition from the locals. One particular model of grenade was renowned for being somewhat delicate to handle, so the information needed including in the daily Int summary. Cue Major **** "Ah, Corporal Ridge, which grenades are dangerous?". Just after the words left my lips and just before a red faced screaming shouty bloke threatened to do nasty things to me with a pace stick I realised "All of them, that's the general idea." probably wasn't a good reply.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Why has it taken so long for someone to attack the pirate bases in Somalia???

E

In reply to Enty:
Jhonny Depps been right busy like!

Arrr

In reply to antdav: Whist living in America I was frequently asked where I was from as the first question (I normally answered with the local town I lived in over there) Not content with knowing that I had just taken the micky the next question was usually 'What brought you to America'. The response: A great big jumbo jet! and then a hasty retreat as they didn't seem to like having the piss taken twice in two sentences. (Probably explains Vietnam, Iraq etc)

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

At the bus stop, I once got asked why I was dressed as a giant owl... Morons get everywhere, huh?

In reply to Clauso:

It's the look you get when making owl noises that I don't understand. It's like people just don't speak the language.

In reply to Clauso:

Well, were you?

In reply to mypyrex:

My chicken suit was at the dry cleaners.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

I made my way to the Manning Bar at Sydney University where the gig was. Ok, I'm stood outside waiting for the doors to open. I'm wearing a "Goodies" T-shirt, (hey I'm hip on cross-cultural irony ok?) This guy comes up to me and asks; "Is this where Hawkwind are playing?"

I look around me. Every middle aged and older hippy in Aus is stood around me, about a thousand of them, and they are all wearing Hawkwind t-shirts, and smoking dope, and this dim f*ck asks a geezer in a "Goodies" t-shirt that? "Nope mate, I think they're playing just up the road," was my reply. He strolled off in the direction I had pointed.

In reply to stroppygob:

oh man....i remember many good daze at the Manning Bar :p

In reply to SFM:
I've had similar in the states...

'Oh my gawd, you're from England? D'ya have TV there? And internet?'
Me: 'yes...'
Them: 'howd'ya get the electricity into the huts?'

I worked retail in Banff, Canada for a few years, I had some classics there.

American Customer: 'What currency do you use here?'
Me: 'Canadian dollars'
Them: 'They're the same as our dollars yeah?'
Me: 'No'
Them: 'But they're dollars. They must be.'

Customer: 'I want to go to Jasper'
Me: 'ok, you take highway 93 north from Lake Louise, it's about a 3 hour drive to Jasper'
Them: 'no, I want to take the tramway. The aerial one.'
Me: 'The one on the mountain in Jasper you mean?' (and told them where to find it)
Them: 'no, the one that runs all the way from Lake Louise to Jasper. I took it when I was a kid!'
errrrrr.........

Also, a customer, having asked where I'm from:
'So, you commute every day from England?'