/ Things we don't have standard units for?

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mkean - on 19 Feb 2013
The metric/imperial wranglings on here made me think, there are loads of different units for all sorts of measures but some things have remained unquantified. So what do we not have units for that needs standardising?

I think we need an accepted measure of the suffering or trauma associated with an activity. So for instance running more than 5 marathons in 5 days is pretty silly and afterwards you'll probably say "never again" but as the time goes by and you forget how bad it was eventually it'll start to seem like a good idea again. I'm proposing the "Darwin Month", so an activity that you can't even think about doing for 3 years afterwards is a 36 Darwin Month activity.

Any other units that the world needs?
Clarence - on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean:

We don't seem to have any way of measuring personal stench which makes it difficult to write into office policies. If I could say "Dennis, it is unacceptable for you to turn up with a stench factor of 7.3* when you know company policy limits you to no more than 5".

*not got a good name for the units yet, maybe the Clegg or the Cowell?
Knitted Simian - on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to Clarence:

Maybe you could adopt a punches quotient when you pummel someone's runny egg like face for stinking out the office with their fish pie ready meal.
dissonance - on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean:

you sure the register havent got them covered?
mkean - on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to dissonance:

The Register have just provided real world examples for existing quantities so they've got units for length (Linguine), area (Wales), vloume (Bulgarian airbag) etc. but they don't have units for other things.
jkarran - on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean:

Squiffiness... very hard to quantify. Given the application any scale should obviously be very simple to apply.

Personally I limit myself to a simple 3 point scale:

1. Sober
2. Wouldn't operate a crane
3. Sleeping it off

It probably needs a little more resolution if anyone has any suggestions?
jk
mkean - on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to jkarran:
Squiffiness... very hard to quantify. Given the application any scale should obviously be very simple to apply.

At a pub while studing at university we came up with a measurement scale which worked on distortion of the persons perceptions of attractiveness. So for instance if a person would normally rate a person as "5/10" but when asked they said "8/10" this 3 point shift indicated the person was chemically impaired. Obviously this is open to a certain degree of bias but seems to work.

So on your scale no shift is fine, +2 points is wouldn't operate a crane >4 is sleeping it off.
Sir Chasm - on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean: Love? Then you could score which child you loved the most.
toad - on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean: Wales. We all know the "wales" is a measurement of everything from area of rainforest destroyed to the size of asteroids, but how do we measure Wales? Multiples of Hampshire?
freerangecat - on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean:

Your marathon example is covered by 'type 2 fun'.
Hephaestus - on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean:

I was really impressed with the concept of the Millihelen.

It's based on Homer's Illiad in which Helen, Greek Queen of incredible beauty, was kidnapped by the Trojans, kicking off a ten year war as the Greeks sent a 1000 strong navy over to Troy to get her back again. Thus it was that Helen became "the face that launched a thousand ships".

On this basis, the Millihelen is a unit of beauty, with 1 millihelen being sufficient to launch one ship.

Jim
Clarence - on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to jkarran:
> (In reply to mkean)
>
> Squiffiness... very hard to quantify. Given the application any scale should obviously be very simple to apply.

I'm not so sure that would work, apparently my quantity of squiffiness characterise by "I'm fine" included everything from being actually fine to decking out trying to get off a stationary bus.
Clarence - on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean:

Mind you while I was saying "I'm fine" we did come up with the "Booze Index" which is the percentage alcohol divided by the price per pint...or maybe it was the other way round...

...I'm fine!
mkean - on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to freerangecat:
My system covers type 2 and beyond...
Type 2 fun: Oh how we laughed about it
Type 2.5 fun: Oh how we laughed about it with the aid of medication.
Type 3 fun: Oh how other people will laugh at the wake when this is described.
Robert Dickson on 19 Feb 2013 - rcd.jb.man.ac.uk
In reply to Hephaestus:
> the Millihelen is a unit of beauty, with 1 millihelen being sufficient to >launch one ship.
Would a 1 microhelen face be used *for* launching ships?
Turdus torquatus on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean:

A friend of mine became notorious for the amount of time he'd spend faffing around before climbing. We came up with the "Taylor Ratio" in his honour, which is the amount of time faffing around compared to the amount of time actually participating in a sport. If you include packing up, travelling, finding the crag and route, having a pint etc it isn't too hard to achieve a Taylor Ratio of 5:1 for a short day's trad climbing. Cricket had quite a high ratio too.
cb294 - on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean:

The weirdest, actually existing unit I am aware of is the sturt which measures the distance between two tissues during their embryonic development.

CB
mkean - on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to Turdus torquatus:
I like it, a friend once calculated that he drove the equivalent of the height of Everest for each meter of climbing he did over the course of a year. Maybe this sort of thing could be accounted for as part of a faffing index?
Clarence - on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean:

It is a bit like the Imelda which measures the importance of a social event by how many pairs of shoes are tried on and then discarded by your other half while dressing for it.

<ducks shoes whizzing overhead>
Hephaestus - on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to Robert Dickson:
> (In reply to Hephaestus)
> [...]
> Would a 1 microhelen face be used *for* launching ships?

I suppose it could be subverted in that way. If one had a face of sufficiently high value it could cause chaos down in dover.

But essentially it is a measure of beauty not of sea power, although you do need a large number of ships.
Blue Straggler - on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean:

Outrage could be measured in number of pages of Daily Mail online "User Comments"
mkean - on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to Blue Straggler:
Your problem there is an innate bias: According to the Mail comments "The Holocaust" isn't controvercial but "Migration" is.
Blue Straggler - on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean:

Fair point. I was only using the Mail as a convenient example to illustrate the concept though.

I'll rewind and just say that there isn't a unit for outrage :-)
Turdus torquatus on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to Hephaestus:

>
> On this basis, the Millihelen is a unit of beauty, with 1 millihelen being sufficient to launch one ship.
>

Would having a fairly plain face, but ten times larger than Helen's, launch a similar number of ships to Helen's efforts?

Fraser on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean:

Pain could be measured in 'waxings' or 'KIB's (kick in the b@lls).

Stubbed toe: 0.1 wax = 0.? KIBs
Child birth: 2 KIBs ? (guessing here, as I have fortunately experienced neither. Hmm, haven't experienced a waxing either!)
MJ - on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to Blue Straggler:

Outrage could be measured in number of pages of Daily Mail online "User Comments"

'Disgust' could be measured in 'Tunbridges'
Ramblin dave - on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean:
There should be a unit of how scared you got on a climb. Possibly the Elvis.
Philip on 19 Feb 2013
In reply to Ramblin dave:
> (In reply to mkean)
> There should be a unit of how scared you got on a climb. Possibly the Elvis.

Yes. Three pebble slab would be defined as 1 Elvis and everything else would be relative to this non-contentious route.
RKernan - on 21 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean:

A climbing partner of mine has a habit of extremem inadvertent campness. (Running shorts with buttoned up polo shirt tucked in, socks up to knees etc). To describe him adequately we decided on measuring his campness in 'Freddies' where 1 Freddy was absolute campness. 0.9 Freddies is the bst I've seen in a scenario that didn't involve moustaches and housework.
deepstar - on 21 Feb 2013
In reply to RKernan: Photo evidence please!
New POD - on 21 Feb 2013
I'm not sure but over on Piston heads they talk about Leptons.

I achieved 1200 Leptons this morning BTW
elsewhere on 21 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean:
Wales or nanoWales is the official unit of area*. For example, disasters occur in areas like "three times the size of Wales".

You can't just say "An area the size of Wales was hit by storms when it was stormy over Wales". What are the logical units of area for Welsh events?

*see http://www.theregister.co.uk/Design/page/reg-standards-converter.html#area
Oceanrower - on 21 Feb 2013
In reply to elsewhere: Excellent. Bookmarked, thank you!
Hephaestus - on 21 Feb 2013
In reply to Turdus torquatus: Having a large plain face does not equate to beauty. The Millihelen is a measure of beauty.
RockAngel on 21 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean: in dry stone walling, there are measurements of knee, hip, chest. Seeing as i am quite short, the dry stone walls are shorter than say if a 6 foot tall person built it
Richard Wilson - on 21 Feb 2013
In reply to Fraser:

> Pain could be measured in 'waxings' or 'KIB's (kick in the b@lls).
>
> Stubbed toe: 0.1 wax = 0.? KIBs
> Child birth: 2 KIBs ? (guessing here, as I have fortunately experienced neither. Hmm, haven't experienced a waxing either!)


A KIB is worth 2 or 3 Child births at least & here is why.


A few years after child is born a mother will often say "Lets have another child"

You will never ever hear a man say "you know what I fancy another KIB"


So a KIB is more painful than child birth.

nufkin - on 21 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean:

I have a system of rating bike rides by the amount of eggs I would have thrown at cars that tried to kill me, if it wasn't waste of eggs
blurty - on 21 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean:

A 'Clegg' is the volume of beer sipped out the top of a pint to avoid spillage, whilst transporting the glass back to the table.

(Named for a particularly clumsy bastard who hated to see ale go to waste)
Orgsm on 21 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean:

Bike rides are ratd in cake stop units. So that's a three cakes stops, or four cake stops etc.
Sarah G on 21 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean:

ugliness can be measured in bags. Eg "she's 3 bagger"- ie, one for her head, one for yours, and another one on her head just to make sure.

Sx
Clarence - on 21 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean:

A Winner is a measure of urine or semen that just about goes undetectable in an average sized dinner.
Fraser on 21 Feb 2013
In reply to Richard Wilson:

> A KIB is worth 2 or 3 Child births at least & here is why.

> A few years after child is born a mother will often say "Lets have another child"

> You will never ever hear a man say "you know what I fancy another KIB"

> So a KIB is more painful than child birth.


The man has a fair point. New conversion rate accepted.

RKernan - on 21 Feb 2013
annieman - on 21 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean: SHEDS?

Whats the unit for a shedload?
nastyned - on 21 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean: I've measured climbs in pints before, the number of pints I'd need to drink for the horror to fade so I could start my retrospective enjoyment. So after gibbering my way to the top I'd say "that's a two pinter"
Matt Schwarz on 22 Feb 2013
In reply to Sarah G:
> (In reply to mkean)
>
> ugliness can be measured in bags. Eg "she's 3 bagger"- ie, one for her head, one for yours, and another one ....

... incase some poor bugger walks in on you!
tom_in_edinburgh - on 22 Feb 2013
In reply to Hephaestus:
> (In reply to mkean)
> On this basis, the Millihelen is a unit of beauty, with 1 millihelen being sufficient to launch one ship.

So I guess the milliHenry mH is the inverse unit for people who fancy men?
tom_in_edinburgh - on 22 Feb 2013
In reply to Blue Straggler:
> (In reply to mkean)
> I'll rewind and just say that there isn't a unit for outrage :-)

Outrage is measured in Bolts (B) quantifying the number of bolts someone would need to place to produce an equivalent reaction.

Hephaestus - on 22 Feb 2013
In reply to tom_in_edinburgh:
> (In reply to Hephaestus)
> [...]
>
> So I guess the milliHenry mH is the inverse unit for people who fancy men?

Beauty is universal, my friend, and needn't be accompanied by sexual desire. No gender differentiation is required in its measurement.
Hephaestus - on 22 Feb 2013
In reply to tom_in_edinburgh:
> (In reply to Blue Straggler)
> [...]
>
> Outrage is measured in Bolts (B) quantifying the number of bolts someone would need to place to produce an equivalent reaction.

And high boltage outrage (such as that evoked by a Gritstone Bolt) measured in GB.
Mark Edwards - on 22 Feb 2013
In reply to mkean:

How about a LAV? (Light Annoyance Value). As in how annoying do you find the rear lights of certain VW (and other makes) cars that have LED lamps that flicker?
Old fashioned lamps have a certain amount of thermal/phosphorescence inertia, but some LED lamps can be really distracting/annoying.
Some people donít see the flicker/shimmer at all, but others do (a non scientific survey done by me, seems to indicate that those who play computer games are the most sensitive to this phenomena).
OK, I have to admit a professional interest in this subject as I have been testing dimmable LED lamps recently and there is no official specification of the subject.

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