/ The stuff left out of climbing films
For starters, how about
* A real life shot of a non-climbing partner asking the question 'If you had to choose between climbing and me, which would you choose?' and footage of the answer... (On the same theme, an interesting short film would be to ask climbers 'If you had to choose between your non-climbing partner and climbing, which would you choose and why?' I imagine quite a few might have to be filmed with disguised identities.)
"Oh FFS get a move on and _stop_ going off route and stop whinging"
Very good. Plus the more understated 'How's it going?' which says the same thing.
5 minutes? Sounds like a speed climbing video. Ah, just realised you mean 5 minutes per metre.
Spending half an hour trying to find at least one decent belay anchour, then your partner coming up and pointing out that it moves
If you haven't seen it, try and get hold of 'The Face' video featuring Airlie Anderson and Aid Burgess. They're climbing on the desert sandstone in Utah and Airlie doesn't seem to appreciate it...
I have seen it. It's one of my favourite climbing videos. AA getting her just desserts after calling AB a "wuss"!
The background sound, without music plastered all over it.
"watch me, ooeerr, F****, hold on, I don't think I can do it, hold on, arrrgh, pant, can you check the route in the guide book? here goes, watch me! retreat, I'm going to go for it be ready to catch the fall, I don't like the look of that cam, hold on, I'm going to place some more gear (waits 15 minutes) bugger that nut/cam/hex won't stay, watch me, ooeerr"
repeat several times
finally does the move
"oh it was easy - nothing to worry about"
Couldn't you just summarise that as staggering incompetence? :P
I think the bit most left out of climbing films - tea breaks and malt loaf...maybe a little nap at midday
On a long multi pitch in the mist, with rain starting to fall.
"It goes that way" (second who never leads)
"No , it goes this way according to the guidebook" (me)
"I think you should go that way, it's easier"
"No it's not, it leads to a dead end"
"I still think"
"Look, do you want to lead it..."
"Then shut up.."
The most important things that are never mentioned are the basic bodily functions - I've never escaped dysentery of various degrees on trips outside Europe and the results tend to occupy ones thoughts as much as anything else, especially when bivvying in a small tent or a plastic bag!
Getting to the bottom of the route (after a decent walk in) only to discover that one or other of you has forgotten a vital bit of kit so has to improvise...
Hilarious! And very true...
> Getting to the bottom of the route (after a decent walk in) only to discover that one or other of you has forgotten a vital bit of kit so has to improvise...
That's not always left out, actually. On Lynn Hillís NIAD video LH is sorting quickly through karabiners when her hapless second confesses that heís forgotten his belay device. LH doesnít miss a beat; simply hands him a couple of karabiners and carries on gear sorting.
monologues at the belay (particularly on winter routes):
"FFS what the F is he doing?"
With shots of the face going through, interest, rage, boredom and back again.
All of it is instantly forgotten once seconding the pitch that you find invariably hard (serious case of second blues?).
inspired by another thread... hours of footage of the second apparently having a complete mental break down while being eaten to death by midges... or spending 4 hours in your tent removing ticks from your b_ll s_ck ;-)
A single 15 minute shot of the belayer on a summer multipitch route while the leader is setting up a sparce belay somewhere out of sight and hearing - staring off into the middle distance for a bit, poking at the bits of lichen, peeling old scraps of tape off some nuts..
2nd:taps feet, checks watch
2nd: mutters under breath
Leader: SAAAAAFFFFFEEEEE!!!! <turning puce>
2nd: DAVE! ARE YOU SAFE YET?
> "Oh FFS get a move on and _stop_ going off route and stop whinging"
or as "our" new insult goes...
MAN UP PRINCESS!!!!
The moment when after marking critical points on the rope with tape and rehearsing with the worried belayer/girlfriend how she needs to run backwards if they come off or it will be certain death the successful hero looks down from the top of the climb and sees she is actually standing around with a ton of slack out watching some guy on another route.
> or as "our" new insult goes...
> MAN UP PRINCESS!!!!
We like to go with 'you've dropped your lipstick'
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