UKC

Ok Listen up. I need everyone to read this. Climbing is my life. My passion… It is the thing I love more than anything. Thing is it’s really messing with my recovery and I guess the problem came when my eating disorder took over and climbing turned from fun to a calorie burning activity a way to mesure my progress in weight loss.

It hasn’t been as much of a problem until recantly I guess that’s because I’ve only just started mentally recovering. Until almost exactly a month ago I was only eating to get away from creepy doctors and weigh ins. Sure I wanted to get better. Live a normal life but the motivation wasn’t fully there. I’ve only recantly taken that step to mentally recovering.

I guess it’s time to say goodbye. I’m not going to quit climbing… I am still going to go climbing but I can;t compete anymore and I’m not sure I will beable to go on a friday..This is for a number of reasons I would like to bulletpoint.

The word competition makes me want to relapse. Lose a ton of weight because it will make me a better climber.
I use climbing andf how my harness does up as a mesure I know I’m. Fatter. Fatter than everyone else there. I just feel like a massive failure
TRIGGERING COMMENTS.
People wanting me to do the next competition when I can’t…
It is so sad… like I am breaking while writing this. It annoys me that soemthing so silly has got in the way of something I loved so much. I’m not sure but maybe telling my climbing instructor about my ED would help?? If I get the courage. Then I could still go on fridays. Face it he doesn’t NEED me at the next competition everyone else is way better than me.

I just ate at my nans the portion size was way to huge and although the actualy curry sauce was weight watchers It was so hard to eat the meal and then I had to eat a dessert. I was almost crying. I didn’t want to eat. I really just. I’m too fat… and this is what climbing seems to do with my now. Well when I go on a friday more than any other time.

Anyway enough ranting about my life. I am going to speak out and make a statement.

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Eating disorders in the climbing world is a very hidden thing. You wouldn’t expect a climber to have an eating disorder would you. More ballerinas and gymnasts. The thing is climbers do develop eating disorders. Ever heard the term weight to muscle ratio! See for young climbers while developing especially when competing and put underpressure this term can send any pre-disposed mind into frenzy. Even if X has not directed it to you… Someone else in the group maybe. Comments like “There’s nothing of you” Make someone with an eating disorder want to get skinnier. If a 12 year old can climb a 6c+ why can’t you. Simply because she weighs less than you. To the eating disorder it has nothing to do with how much they climb or how long they’ve been climbing for but the weight and it really does get in the way.

It’s basic physics knowledge the lower your mass the easier it will be to get up the wall. Thus being skinnier, lighter. Unhealthy thin will make you the best climber you can be.

You see my point. I know climbers are percived as strong. And ment to be toned have muscle but they still do develop eating disorders. Think of it like this. Climbers are like balleriners and gymnast just on a wall. Just watch a few videos. It’s beautiful It really is.

I’m not even saying it’s just female climbers with eating disorders. It is male too. Ok females are more at risk because in society it is much more acceptable for men to be muscly also men and women climb in very different ways.

You may disagree with my. Say it’s unheard of. Deny it all. But it’s not and we need to raise awareness for this. Make it more acceptable to talk about. It is not just me suffering. There are others. This also isn’t just about young people in climbing developing ED’s but adults on the pro circit or even not competing just climbing outdoors. Once they seem to have reached a plateau the most simple thing to do would be to lose a bit of excess fat. It would make climbing easier. Just a couple of kg can make all the difference. (Seriously I am proof of that) A diet to lose some excess fat can go to far. We climbers are very committed people and we will do anything to achive THAT climb. THAT MOVE. We can also me quite competitive.Sometimes it can spin out of control and we need to raise awarness for eating disorders in the climbing world.
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I would love to make a documentary about this topic so if you want to get involved don't be scared to contact me. I need some people to interveiw. You can film, voice record or just send my over your answers typed. I would also love some badass clombing footage. Everyone will get credit ofcourse.
If you would like to get involved please contact me and if you want to answer the questions then I will send them over to you also if you have a suggestion for a question don't be afraid to comment.

I want to interveiw people with and without ED's to get a balanced opinion. Climbers and non climbers. Teens and adults.

So far I'm working on (Obviously not all of the questions will apply to everyone)
1.How did your eating disorder affect your climbing and how did clombing affect your eating disorder?
2.Have you found climbing triggering during recovery? (If in recovery)
3.Why do you think eating disorders in climbers is such a hidden issue?
4.Is it just to lose weight to be a better climber or are their deeper routed issues?

In reply to mayhematic:

i know little about competition climbing or climbing, but i think you've identified that the 2 are magnifying each other... i'm going to be harsh and say get the hell out of the competitive environment and go and enjoy some real climbing somewhere beautiful.

In reply to Dom Whillans:

Yep. That's deffinatly the best route. I just want a wider veiw of this like not just my own experiance and opinions. I'm hoping to start climbing outdoors this year.

In reply to mayhematic:

Respect to you for putting this out there. Must have taken a great deal of courage. I think that being able to talk about issues shows that those issues are starting to lose their power over us. Hope this is the case with you.

I have nothing to offer in the way of advice, but I hope you do get out to a high mountain crag sometime soon, and see that there's so much more to climbing than gymnastics and grades.

Wishing you all the best for 2014

In reply to csw:

Thanks and yes It did. Being able to talk about things deffinatly does show it's starting to lode power.

And yes so do I! I must climb outdoors. I'm aware there's more to climbing than gymnastics and grades but I would love to experiance that further.

In reply to mayhematic:
I think you'll get a lot of support for having the courage to be honest and speak out. I second what the others have said - if the competition environment doesn't help you, don't do it. I love climbing, but I don't love indoor climbing, I just train a bit to keep myself strong and fit for the real thing.

Get yourself really inspired to get out on some trips in the summer: particular routes you want to climb, which will be experiences you'll remember for the rest of your life. If you're not used to climbing outside, a trip to Pembroke, say, could totally blow your mind and give you a completely new outlook on climbing. Losing weight is not very helpful in trad climbing, if you're already a good indoor climber then you get better by gaining experience, not by extending your physical capabilities.

Have a look at some photos and get yourself some guidebooks, and find some other climbers who have similar aims (and perhaps a bit more experience outdoors) and if it inspires you then start making plans!

Here's a video of some accessible classic climbing in Pembroke for a bit of inspiration for UK trad climbing: http://www.ukclimbing.com/videos/play.php?i=1794

I'm not in a great position to give advice, but I guess you need to keep reminding yourself of what sensible priorities look like. Being healthy improves everything in life: you have more energy, you give yourself the best chance of self-confidence in the way you look, you give yourself the chance at fulfilling your potential in education, etc. It really is a very good idea to eat well, do lots of exercise and get plenty of sleep. Being healthy is really important to help you enjoy life. Climbing half a grade harder is not.

In reply to mayhematic:
I didn't have an eating disorder in my teens, it was always my mum's challenge to make us groan from being full when we were growing up, but I did get obsessed with having a good strength to weight ratio, and left my window open a little bit during one winter so I'd burn calories keeping warm. Which may have worked as I lost half a stone by the spring.

I still ate sticky cakes and things, so this wasn't entirely logical, but I can see how one could start to develop an eating disorder as a climber.

That you've noticed there's a problem or a potential problem for you if you stay in competitive climbing, is exactly what you need for you to make sure you take care of yourself.

Eat a sticky cake and go trad climbing. ()

In reply to Jon Stewart:


^ + one.

In reply to Jon Stewart:

Thanks so much and I can't wait till summer! I have absolutly no experiance outdoors so far but it is something I would deffinatly love to do!

In reply to Timmd:
I just made cake! I'll make trad climbing something to work towards.

In reply to mayhematic:


That's the spirit. ()

In reply to mayhematic:

Awww...

I think it is a good thing that you have been able to speak about this on here. I also think it would be good to tell your coach, because hiding who you really are from people is hard work. However, if you have anyone who has been helping you with your eating disorder, then maybe you could talk over this idea with them first, to help you work out what you want to do and some likely outcomes, before making the decision for yourself. (Do you have someone who you see as helpful to you at the moment?)

There is lots of good information out there - I've been trying to find an article I read about anorexia in climbing, but in the meantime, I found this:

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/athletes-and-eating-disorders

This next one has some great individual stories from atheletes themselves:
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/sites/default/files/Toolkits/Coachan...

Here is someone who used rock climbing as a way to deal with anorexia:
http://seleni.org/insight/news-information/climbing-away-from-anorexia

I really wish you the best of luck with everything.

In reply to tlm:

Thanks so much. I am going to tell him. And no I don't at the moment. I'm weight restored so thankfully no creepy doctors and I'm on a waiting list for therapy but it is a kinda huge waiting list. Thanks for the links

In reply to mayhematic:

I just wanted to say good luck and echo what others said about the courage it must have taken to have written that. I had anorexia, I've mentioned it on here before when the topic has arisen, and it's a horrible and very misunderstood illness. I don't think I can help with your questions though, sorry (my anorexia and climbing weren't linked - separated by a good few years) Climbing, especially indoors, has always been a pressure release for me - my friends would agree after our trips to the wall while I was writing up my PhD thesis! In terms of your climbing... I think if you want to climb, climb, but if you think you need a break to get your head in order that might be best. Climbing outdoors does sound like a good idea though.

Cat

In reply to mayhematic:

I think, from what I know (I'm no expert!) that it is very hard work to struggle along on your own without help. There is a lot of useful information around, I don't know how much use you've made of it, or if you have found any of it useful?

Sometimes, it's nice to read some success stories, to hear from other people who know exactly what it is like, and who are now in a good place, to give yourself hope and encouragement.

You can also use free online tools like these - they aren't a replacement for support from a real person, but they can help you to have a different way of looking at the issues behind your anorexia:
http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/anorexia.htm

Also, make use of people like friends, family etc - even if they are sometimes a pain, they usually do love you and care about you!

And even enlisting the support of strangers, as you have done on here is far, far easier than trying to do everything for yourself.

In reply to mayhematic:

You're doing the right thing by writing down your thoughts & issues. It's good to ask opinions & hear lots of different views from which you can take the bits that help you & ignore the bits that don't.
I will throw something into the mix that is helping me.........
Instead of concentrating on how much you're eating, how much you weigh, whether you feel (or are) fatter or thinner, climbing harder etc. concentrate on eating quality food. I was losing weight on purpose but feeling rubbish - no energy, no strength etc. It felt good initially but then it went too far. I looked awful & felt awful. I was trapped in a bad place physically & mentally. I wanted to climb so I needed to eat more, but that was easier said than done. So I focused on eating more quality protein instead of minimising portion sizes or eating "diet" or low fat stuff. Just changing my mindset has helped & I'm in a better place with more energy. It's not easy, not every day is a success but I'm not sliding down the slippery slope any more.
Rebecca Dent has a good website. She also gave a good presentation at the womens climbing symposium & her power point slides were available online somewhere on the WCS website.
http://rebeccadent.co.uk/about/
http://www.womensclimbingsymposium.com/#!copy-of-news/c1sl8
Best of luck.

In reply to mayhematic:

Well done for speaking up, its a behave move and allows you to take control.

You'll get lots of support here, and probably lots in other areas of your life, but I know it can be hard to fund people who actually understand. There's places where you can talk to professionals without risk of being put on the antiquated treatment methods though (lots of doctors still really don't know how to deal with ED) and that might help.

Whatever works for you, this was brave and you deserve respect for it.

In reply to freerangecat:

I have EDNOS. That's even more misunderstood. People seem to think only ematiated people have ED's Good to see your recovered now. I am continuing climbing I just feel bad like I'm dissapointing people by not competing.

As for the questions that's just a first idea. If you want to gwet involved you can. It would be great to have to opinion of someone who has been helped by climbing.

In reply to Scarab9:

Thanks so much! Doctors really don't understand. Mine was so triggering.

In reply to wert:

Thanks so much for this! I am trying to live a healthier lifestyle now I've got my weight restored and not care as much.

In reply to tlm:

I found it quite interesting to read and yes success story's are motivating.
I have some of the very best friends in the world. I do talk to them Quite a bit.

In reply to mayhematic:

Dear Mayhematic

The impact of eating disorders on my climbing has been a large reduction in the last 2 years since someone very close and important to me has suffered a severe eating disorder, to near death. I have used climbing at a wall close to the specialist ED clinic where the sufferer has been treated to great effect to build confidence and satisfaction from physical activity rather than the destructive over exercising traits so common in ED's. I also managed to take them out in the summer climbing locally combined with a day at the beach and tomb-stoning which again I believe gave a focus on positive exciting physical activity in some of the most beautiful scenery in southern England. I would accept that my interpretation of the benefits is influenced greatly by the satisfaction I have gained from climbing and the environments it takes you to over a 30 year climbing career.
If anybody doubts the impact of eating disorders watch the segment in the middle of this weeks supersize v superskinny on BBC 3.My personal understanding is that the triggers for eating disorders are complex and a mixture of brain function (nature) and environmental/cultural (nurture) factors. Climbing on its own I do not believe would cause eating disorders of itself, but in combination with other factors and unrecognised could feed into an over exercising regime particularly competitive indoor climbing. As others have said climbing outdoors in a great setting in good company in my experience by its very nature is deeply therapeutic and beneficial to both body and mind.
On a positive note I hope to climb a bit more this year as the sufferer is making steady progress. The organisation that we have gained support and help from is BEAT which has a great website and forums and local groups which meet for carers.
I wish you well and that a full long term recovery comes to you soon

Chris

In reply to mayhematic:


I don't know anything about eating disorders, but have plenty of experience of self-criticism and depression, based at least in part on feeling that I was letting other people down. Your health and well-being are worth much more than any climbing competition. Also, according to your profile you are still young enough to get back into competing in the future if you wish to.

Good luck with the recovery.

Rug

In reply to chris ebbutt:

Thanks so much I love what you said so much. I watch supersize vs superskinny LOL. I've watched every episode apart from most of series 6 cause it's not widley available on the internet. I love this series. I found the earlier series quite triggering but what I've seen of series 6 and 7 have been ok.
BEAT are so good and yes I had an eating disorder before I got into climbing so climbing didn't cause mine.

In reply to rug:

Thanks so much It's horrible letting people down isn't it.

In reply to mayhematic:


That depends entirely on the people you're letting down, and whether or not you have to let yourself down in order to give them what they want

In reply to mayhematic:


Don't forget, there is no way of telling the difference between actually letting others down and you believing that you are letting them down, when you are not, in fact, letting them down.

You can, of course, ask them. However, you might not believe it if they answer that they don't feel let down.

At work, I always remember that however valuable I believe my own contribution to be, people would manage perfectly well without me. I've seen enough excellent people retire or leave over the years to know that would be the case. That takes the pressure off a bit and lets me see my own contribution as a nice extra for them, rather than as something that they won't manage without.