UKC

Whilst I've been laid up having chemo etc. I had regular contact from my brother, nephew and his wife as well as Mrs' two sons. When I finish my treatment I'm planning to host a lunch to say thank you to all those who have supported me and given me encouragement as well as my consultant.

One person who, for reasons best known to herself who has not contacted me, either directly or indirectly, is my niece. She does not live a million miles away(probably about 40)

Now the quandary is, if I invite the rest of the family but not her that will presumably be seen as a big NO NO; whereas if it is a thank you gesture to the others, how do I justify asking her to come?

?????

In reply to mypyrex:
A "lunch to celebrate family & the end of chemo" would include her.

In reply to elsewhere:

Yes I suppose on reflection it would be the right thing. Just that I have mixed feeling as to why she hasn't bothered like the rest of the family.

In reply to mypyrex:

I wonder if you could/should delegate dealing with this to another family member.

I suggest asking one of them to talk to her about why she hasn't been in touch (maybe she is anxious about it or wrongly feels that she would be intruding for example)

I think that you may get a better idea of whether to invite her once this conversation is held.

I get the feeling that you are hurt that she hasn't been in touch and that is what this is about, not protocol. Sweeping it under the carpet won't help.

In reply to mypyrex:

Don't be too hard on her....

You haven't said how old she is, but young people can be a bit clueless and selfish sometimes. Not because they are deliberately mean but because no one has actually suggested that a certain action would be really appreciated.

Some people have this empathy in built, others need to have it suggested, gently or more pointedly.

I had a family member who got really upset and enraged when sending a card was forgotten, whereas it doesn't rank that highly on my personal richter scale....

We're all different so invite her and celebrate your return to full health!

In reply to mypyrex:

How old is your niece? What was your contact with her before your illness? How good is she at dealing with people being ill? Not everyone can cope with other people's illnesses, especially if they're young. And you can get into the "I didn't get in touch early on, and now I'm putting off getting in touch because it might be awkward" thing.

I'd invite her. It might be a way to overcome any awkwardness that might have developed. She might not be able to/might choose not to come anyway...

Glad to hear you think you've turned the corner.

In reply to Babika & captain paranoia: At 47 she's old enough to know.

In reply to mypyrex:

You can not always understand or change other people you can only really change or affect yourself.

To err is human to forgive divine. Be kind, be noble and invite them all, life and time is once only.

Cheers

Toby

In reply to Toby_W:





Agreed, and life is too short really.

In reply to Babika:


Regardless of her age, perhaps she just doesn't like the guy for some reason.

Sorry guy.

In reply to Removed User:



Well, if she is a mature adult then she should put that to one side.

In reply to mypyrex: If she couldn't be bothered to get in touch with you, even send a card or a text(!) then she shows herself for what she is. Sure, she may have problems, not know how to deal with someone having cancer but that's no excuse in a 47 year old. She wasn't bothered enough to make any effort, so I would say she is excluded. The lunch is for those who have supported and encouraged you, which completely excludes her.

In reply to Frank the Husky:
Not worth it if that will upset those who were supportive.