UKC

Apologies in advance for revisiting an old topic of mine.

Six months ago, when I was diagnosed with Lymphoma, I let a number of my "friends" know the situation and, as some of you know, I'm disappointed that they have made little if any effort to see how I'm getting on.

However, despite this, I did keep in touch with one couple because the wife herself had been through Lymphoma about thirty years ago. She seemed genuinely interested in hearing of my progress.

It did occur to me that it was always me phoning them to give them updates so I decided, ten weeks ago, to wait and see if they phoned me. I have always believed that they have always had a caring attitude towards other people. Sadly they have made no effort to contact me and I'm quite surprised at them not having done so.

Apart from anything else, should I cross them off my Christmas card list? ;o|
(I feel like telling people that my phone does take incoming calls ;O(

In reply to mypyrex:
Illness to one side, I have always found that you have to make the effort with people. But if you put in, you usually get out.

PS How are you getting on?

In reply to ByEek:
Feeling quite well now thanks. Seeing consultant tomorrow following scan the other week. Fingers crossed.

In reply to mypyrex:

Could it be that you were phoning regularly, now you are not they think you want leaving alone.

In reply to The New NickB:


I know what you're saying, except that they are the normally the sort who phone if they haven't heard from somebody for a while.

In reply to mypyrex:

In that case Perhaps they're going through their own problems and would appreciate a call from one of their friends.
Life's to short for bitterness and resentment. Particularly for trivial matters such has who has/hasn't made a phone call

In reply to mypyrex:
With some of my friends I'm usually the one who calls them regularly, and then if I don't 'ages' will go by before they ring me (though they're genuine in wanting to know how I am etc), and I accept it as just one of those things. Sometimes it's equally balanced, and sometimes one or the other person rings more, I think.

In reply to deacondeacon:

Well said. MyPyrex, why don't you just pick up the phone? They might really appreciate a friendly call.

In reply to mypyrex:

glad to hear you're doin' well...

thing is, I do care even though I don't know you

but I wouldn't ask 'cos I'm not someone you know

the other thing is, I don't ring people I know, because I assume they have something more important to do

so I just wait to hear 'n hope for the best

though I do have few friends and 4000+ acquaintances

In reply to mypyrex:

Yeah bummer isn't it. When I had a serious illness a year ago the only contact I had from anyone was from my work manager who rang me up whilst I was in ICU to ask if I was really going to need the time off that the consultant thought I was going to need.

In reply to Tall Clare et al:

But the thing is I DO get texts and phone calls from others and it's on a "they ring me, I ring them" basis. I'm not saying it's 50/50 but if they've not heard from me for a while then they will call to ask how I am and vice versa. OK I know people are all different but if I knew somebody who was unwell and I hadn't heard from them for a while I would make a point of calling them.

The couple of whom I've mentioned, I might ring them tomorrow - depending what the consultant says.

In reply to AndrewW:


Yes, some people are like that. A bit like a place I was working in when my father died. I rang one of the bosses and all she could say was "We look forward to seeing you back at work" :0( 0/10 for empathy.

In reply to mypyrex:
One of my oldest and probably my best friend is 'terrible' with a capital T at remember to ring and doing roughly his share of being in contact, but I genuinely know that it isn't because he isn't my friend, or because he doesn't care about me. He's even said to not take it personally if he's rubbish at ringing, it's just one of his quirks.

With him not finding relationships easy and having long and funny working hours, I see him as having in some ways quite a lot on his plate in keeping a good relationship with his girlfriend going, and doing his house and garden and shopping and the bits and pieces which make up life.

(He drove straight round when I told him over the phone about my mum passing away, which is probably the kind of thing that matters in the end...)

In reply to mypyrex:


Nobody can tell you what to feel, but I'm happy enough with crapness from certain people when it comes to staying in touch. I probably have to know the person well enough to not mind though.

In reply to mypyrex:

That should be 'crapness' in quotes, as I often don't take it as such.