In reply to flopsicle:
Sounds like you're afraid to commit to training and are looking for a trick - unfortunately there's not really any tricks, it's mostly just dedication and focusing on your goals - if you can't connect what you're doing to your goals you likely won't succeed.
It also sounds like you _want_ to climb harder too, and that you think strength will help. I think some basic strength work will help - IMO you should at least be able to do at least a push-up and a pull-up before needing any fingerboarding.
In my experience majority of people who can't do a pushup are overweight or have a severe arm injury (which you have not mentioned) - so I'm going to assume that you have a few lbs extra (correct me if I'm wrong). I also struggle with weight - I can so much as smell a cake and get fatter. Lately I've been a lot healthier and it's pretty much down to two things:
1) forcing myself to go to the climbing wall often (gone from once a week, to 2-3 times), and once I'm there - I get into it and have a great time. As a result, I'm sore and hungry when I get home, and I want something healthy to get my body to heal. My body craves vegetables and vitamins - not empty carbs. The more you exercise (in any form) and are in-tune with your body asking for protein/vitamins/minerals/etc - the more you will eat healthy food. It's a wonderful positive feedback loop - exercise more, you feel better, you eat better, you feel more like exercising, repeat.
2) this one is a trick, but before I would eat anything unhealthy - I would force myself to eat something healthier, normally an apple, sometimes a carrot. Then I'm allowed my sweet thing - and invariably I am satisfied with a smaller portion of sweets. Most of the time I just am happy with an apple now - and it's no longer forced, it's just "hmm, apple time!". It's very important that what you are substituting is actually better for you - all the "healthy" pre-packaged snacks in the supermarket are basically the exact opposite of what they say on the tin.
Last bit of advice is to set realistic goals for yourself. So for example with pushups - you will not magically be able to do them. The best way is to start with a "sub" pushup, where you only lift your torso from the knees. You should be able to do this. Start doing 5 sets of one rep, at the same time each day. Make it a habit and refuse to break the habit. Get this up to 5 sets of 5 reps a day, and then you start all over again working with 5 sets of 1 rep of a real push-up. Eventually 5x2, etc until you can do 5x5 pushups. Same approach for pull-ups - have a chair under your legs, and work on your progress. This way you are far more likely to make progress - and it's the progress itself that is satisfying, not the end goal of "I did a pushup". Progress is addictive, so use it to fuel further progress, which fuels further progress, etc etc.