UKC

Hi,

Thought I would post on here to see if anyone had any advice?

I just feel completely bored, stressed and zapped of energy. I just can not be bothered to do anything. On my days outside of work, I sometimes go climbing but other times I just can not be bothered and will just sit in the house all day doing nothing.

I just don't see the point in doing anything. I work full time, 12hr shifts and when I am at work I always feel I really must make an effort to do something on my off days. My off days come and I end up doing nothing. I just feel so unmotivated. I then go back to work, feel stressed that I have not done anything, say I will do more on my rest days and then again I will do nothing. It feels like a stupid circle.

At the moment, I am in a job that I do enjoy (and which pays fairly well for what it is) but it is on secondment. It is a job that I would like to be made permanent in but because of that I am waiting and waiting and waiting for a job to come up rather than going travelling etc. I feel trapped in this society. A short term gain in travelling would then impact my long term job prospects.

I am just unmotivated to do anything. I used to speak to my mum about 2-3x a week, an hour or so each time and now I just can not be bothered. I have all day to do this and instead I sit here and do nothing. And then I am back to work. The joys.

Anyway, I don't know why I am posting this. Maybe to kick start something in me to get up and do more with life...

Thanks for reading!

In reply to drink_more_tea:

Do you have a significant other?

In reply to drink_more_tea:

If it aint rude how old are you?

In reply to drink_more_tea:

See your Doc and get your thyroid checked !

In reply to Martin not maisie:

Thank's for the replies.

I am 25yrs old. Yeah I have a partner which we probably end up fuelling each other's boredom? I don't know?

I'll have a read of the thyroid thing - thanks.

In reply to drink_more_tea:

Sounds like its the 12 hour days to me. Even if you like the work that will really drain your energy and not leave you with much get up and go on your off days.

In reply to drink_more_tea:

save up some money and go and see some of the world. India might open your eyes again!

In reply to drink_more_tea:
I'd be very knackered indeed working 12 hour days,so that's probably nothing unusual. I'd give your mother a ring, it can't do any harm and she might be helpful even if it's just to share with, and you can bet she'll be pleased if it used to be regular.

Could you get away for a weekend to anywhere in the UK?

In reply to drink_more_tea:

Plan some shit. You need something to look forward to.

In reply to nastyned:


My thoughts exactly.

To the OP: if you're stuck with the working pattern, one approach might be to make commitments for your days off in advance. If I'm struggling to get motivated, I find a UKC 'blind date' (i.e. arrange to go climbing with someone you've never met) can be helpful. Not only will it get your arse out of the house, you'll be forced to act like you're quite up for it and enthusiastic, rather than being mopey/whiney/moany...and pretending is nearly as good as the real thing.

What about setting some training goals, and deliberately getting better at climbing? A session coaching/setting a structure plan for the autumn/winter could be beneficial. Maybe find partners who are relying on you to turn up too. Are there routes/problems round here that you really want to do, that you could train towards? What's a climbing ambition you'd love to achieve? Or other ambition for that matter?

If you don't do anything deliberate, you will fester and mope, a lot. It may sound a bit trite or obvious, but definitely make sure you sleep, eat and exercise well. It was definitely a good idea to post on here btw, someone (maybe not me) might come up with something that really works for you.

In reply to drink_more_tea:
What Jon said, & ring your Mum too, we can like to think they'll be around until their 80's etc, but that doesn't always happen.

Go ring your Mum.

In reply to drink_more_tea: Interesting post. Sounds to me like 2 things are probably true:

1) You have depression
2) You're a paramedic/police officer/doctor.

I'm an EMT with the ambulance service in Manchester and I completely identify with yur feelings of lacking energy. I do 12 hr shifts and, by the time I get home (assuming no late finishes) it's usually 14hrs between leaving and getting back home. I was pretty knackered most of the time. I was also depressed but these are not the cases any more (at least no more than the background level of depression/tiredness that probably everyone has).

Things that helped:

1) Eating stupidly well. A nutribullet type thing is extremely helpful (plus the willingness to actually use it).
2) Plenty of sleep.
3) Fresh air & sunshine.
4) Making plans (which is difficult if work often takes up your weekends)
5) Going part time.

The last one is easy if you're old like me and don't have a mortgage any more, maybe not so easy for youngsters.

Basically you're probably eating crap food, your sleep patterns are f*cked and you have depression. Don't take drugs for the depression. It will sort itself out if you deal with the food, fresh air and sleep issues.

In reply to drink_more_tea:


Stop eating/drinking wheat in any form for a week. You might well be one of the many people who has an allergy. Always worth a go.

Tea? Try green for a bit if you don't already.

In reply to drink_more_tea:

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I have been doing 12hr shifts (3-4 shifts a week) since Feb 2014 and I feel it is never really been a problem. Alongside this I used to also work another job, around 10 or so hours each week. It is only since the start of my secondment a few months ago that I have only been working for my current employer. However, it probably does not help that my employer keeps asking me in for overtime as they are short staffed and as I am on secondment I feel pressured into saying yes to give a good impression.

I am little stressed out that my secondment job will not last and I will be forced to go back to my contracted job which I hate and spent around 2 weeks off earlier this year with work related stress. Before the secondment opportunity came up, I had plans to go travelling for a year but then this disappeared as I took the secondment. And now I feel trapped, I can't end my secondment, I don't want to say I want to get away from all of this to my employer because then I won't get a permanent job which I want/need. Financial security is so important to me.

I used to go climbing regularly, go hiking etc...one of the best weekend trips I have had was in the Lake District last year when I stayed in a small little hut with no phone, computer etc and now I just can't be bothered to walk to the shops. I can not be bothered to go the Peak District or the Lake District and just end up sitting in this house waiting for something to happen?

I do need to do more exercise, every time I am at work, I say to my self I must not come home and sit in front of the computer like I have just done whilst I have been at work and get outside and get some fresh air. I just feel really unmotivated. It sounds like a good idea to arrange a climbing session with some people and then am forced to leave the house but that does get pretty hard with friend's work patterns.

Not sure if the 12 hour days are the problem. I work long hours as I'm self employed but the buzz of being busy carries on to my off duty life as well. It's all too easy to get stuck in a rut. Friends should help kick start the joy in life, getting out and doing.

In reply to drink_more_tea:

And yeah I do need to ring my mum more often.

It is the same with my Granddad. My Granddad used to ring me every week, midday on Sunday. However, once I started shift work I rung him due to working nights and sleeping during the day. And I am embarrassed to admit sometimes I just seem to be like I can not be bothered, I'll ring him tomorrow. Then what happens our weekly chat (which only takes 5 or so mins) ends up being once a fortnight.

I also have not seen them since Christmas which probably does not help. I live up North, they live down South. Even then it was a flying 1.5 day visit as I had to be back for my shift at work.

They ask every now and again when I am coming home but I just don't seem to do anything about it...Sometimes the way my shifts fall I can get 4 or so days off in a row, plenty of time to go home and spend some time with the family...and I just don't put the effort in.

In reply to drink_more_tea:
You recognise you need to break this, which is good.
Presumably you do something like 4 on 4 off or similar. I suggest you pick one of your days off, perhaps day 2 or 3 and plan a day trip sufficiently far away (say an hours drive!) that you are more likely to commit - to the seaside, local attraction, cinema and meal out, city centre shopping, visit rellies, whatever....
You can build from there....

Good luck

In reply to drink_more_tea:

Sometimes it's possible to be in a bit of a circle of not doing things, I don't know how possible it is for one person to say what direction another person's life should take, or on anything that's a biggie, but getting to go and see your family would almost certainly do you good, perhaps they next four day break your get, see family for three of them and go climbing back at home on the fourth, and potter about at your local wall or something?

Sometimes making the simplest of steps to feel better can feed off itself and then things keep improving.

In reply to drink_more_tea:
I agree with Frank. It does sound like you're suffering with borderline depression. I can understand your feeling of being trapped, I feel the same at times.. The knowledge that we are trapping ourselves doesn't seem to change anything does it!?!

What about your other half? I'm assuming you've had this conversation with them? What do they think?

My advice, for what it's worth.... Pack your shit and go travel! Don't lay there on your death bed regretting all the things you didn't do... You will get another job when you get back. Make it a long trip, work your way around the world. The experience you'll gain will be invaluable and will aid you in getting work when/if you come home.

In reply to drink_more_tea: Plenty of very good advice there,jon stewart and frank the husky in particular.I think most of us have been there at some time or other, doesnt matter how long or short its not nice,your in a rut,and you need a plan to get out quick,all the best.

In reply to drink_more_tea:

What Frank said.

I can completely identify; I have felt exactly the same.

I'm an A&E doctor, gruelling shift pattern like Frank used to do, nearly 40 but only started medicine at 30 so still fairly junior with plenty of mortgage and 2 preschool kids.

I frequently resent all these 'gifts' in my life and it often feels like it's really not all worth it. Then I'll struggle to remind myself that I'm actually really lucky and am just being idle and ungrateful. But it's hard to convince oneself of that when you feel demotivated and no longer look forward to doing anything.

After a bit off time off away from work, it's sleeping well and eating well and not relying on booze or drugs that helped most. And trying to get out in fresh air, even if not to accomplish anything particular.

In reply to drink_more_tea:

I totally relate and in pretty much in the same position mentally.

I've recently split with my partner/ moved out/ work a job I hate/ lethargic/ uninterested in everything/ borderline teary a lot of time.

I've set myself some selfish goals. Physically with training, forcing myself to get to the wall. Training methodically and properly when I can, just going for the sake of going when I can't.
Longer term in working towards moving city and changing jobs. Again, it's something to focus on. Make yourself do even a little tiny bit towards it. Even if that's only 10 minutes in your 8 hours of slobbing about.
Don't spend all your time with your partner. This can add to depression (I've found). Lean on your family and friends.
And try and be honest with yourself. You sound like you haven't figured out what exactly is making you unmotivated. Figure out if it's the job, lack of goals, partner, surroundings etc. and then plan to change it.
By the sounds of the replies, everyone goes through this, which I find/ found quite useful to know!

In reply to drink_more_tea:

It does sound like mild depression to me.

If you can manage it, make sure you go for a walk every day. 10 mins or 20 if you can.

Every day off pick one task that you have to do, and one treat that you want to do. Just tiny things to start with, like having a nice cup of tea in your favourite cafe, or going to a bookshop or something of that sort.

Never have a day where you don't leave the house.

Avoid staying in your PJs all day, get showered and dressed.

If you can manage those things, it helps prevent a slide. If you can't, then its time for a chat with your GP.

http://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/depression.aspx

Take care.

In reply to drink_more_tea:

1. Book some holiday.
2. Prior to next 4 days off, post in climbing partners.
3. Go climbing.
4. Have a friggin awesome time.
5. When you get home, ring family and tell them all about it.

Rinse and repeat

In reply to drink_more_tea:
Isn't 'fuelling boredom' an oxymoron ?
At your age, you should be throttling life by the neck, leave boredom to old scrotes like me !!!
Also, the idea of committing to a task ' blind dates' on here or setting yourself an exercise or 'enjoyment' goal will help as well.
Kind thoughts
Adrian

In reply to drink_more_tea:

Recognising the need for exercise is good. Obviously difficult if doing 12 hour shifts and getting the initial motiviation to actually do it tough.

But once you finish that first week of exercise, you get the double whammy of suddenly being in the swing of it and the mood boost of actually doing it. Possibly one of the most effective mood enhancing drugs out there that I've experienced

In reply to drink_more_tea:

No silver bullet here I am afraid, just sympathy. I feel much the same way, an extended spell of 60+hr weeks has left me feeling utterly drained. Every waking work hour is spent with a sense of dread that yet more work will be added to a load I am already not really coping with. I often feel on on a mental knife-edge whilst at work, on one side bursting into tears and never stopping, on the other side, going on a rampage of swearing and punching. I teeter along the middle path which, as luck would have it, resembles normal seeming behaviour!

But, the only thing which is keeping me halfway sane is the climbing. Cranking is my psychic self-defence. No matter how drained the job has left me, every weekend, I get out and climb. Indoor walls, sport crags, bouldering: what-ever, where-ever. Get out of the house, come home righteously tired and achy. It often starts off feeling like I am just going through the motions, but I am generally glad I made the effort on the way home. Staying at home because of work induced tiredness would be letting "them" win! Losing myself for hours trying to perfect a move between a pair of limestone crozzles or resin blobs is a victory of self-determination: nothing could be more pointless and happily less commercial.

So, I cannot really offer useful advice on restoring a work-life balance (if I had any, I would have taken it myself). But, as for getting out despite the loss of mojo due to work, one thing to try would be arranging partners for each forthcoming weekend via facebook groups / forums. If you have made prior arrangements, you should hopefully feel duty-bound to get out despite wanting to stay on the sofa.

I have also felt cheered of late by buying a fingerboard and making a promise to myself to get 1 or 2 good sessions on it every mid-week. This has encouraged me me to try to get home from work an hour or so earlier every so often. And, it feels good to do something that can give great gains in a pursuit I love, for a fairly modest investment in time, during days I normally write-off for anything but work (every session is a little moral victory for me versus modern life - like stealing office stationary!). Something to consider - buy a fingerboard, introduce a midweek training routine / regime, and make an effort to keep to it. The more structured the better - training diaries, the beastmaker app etc - anything that encourages adherence even when looking for excuses to slob out.

In reply to drink_more_tea:

Make some commitments. If you don't have commitments it is easy to sit around and waste your time.

Make a commitment to do something with your partner, a friend or a family member. It takes one minute to make the commitment, but once you have you are far more likely to do something.

Make sure you have some friends with similar interests, if you don't currently then get some. Join a club if necessary, might seem like hard work and not very appealing initially but once you have a network of friends to do interesting things with you are much more likely to do things.

Make some commitments to your self, something that inspires or interests you. Give your self a target and something to work towards.

Book a holiday and pay for the tickets, that's a commitment that you are unlikely to back out of.

I can me lazy and unmotivated if I don't have a commitment/target. Once I make firm plans with other people I nearly always follow through. If I enter an event (triathlons for me at the moment) I am MUCH more likely to get out and train.

In reply to drink_more_tea:

First - much sympathy. I feel similar, and to be honest it was a bit of a relief to find I'm not the only one.

I am a bit concerned at the number of people that have just diagnosed you're depressed because you're in a rut and feeling lethargic though! Maybe you are, but from what you've written that would not be my go to answer. (I suffered from depression for a number of years and suffered badly, have kicked it)

My situation is a bit different, I know the main cause for me is losing my partner (for now at least :-/). I also don't have a solution as I'm struggling breaking the rut too, and I have that added complication. But a few things I've found to work for me even if short term -

+ eating better
+ drinking less booze (which is bloody hard when going for a beer and some banter is one of the few short term fixes)
+ forcing myself to make plans ahead
+ forcing myself to then follow through on them!
+ getting out doors. Not necessarily to run or climb, but even if it's just a walk with a friend who's got a dog, or go and read a book on a hilltop, simply being outside can help immensely. I've taken to just doing a loop on the motorbike around some of the good roads here for half an hour just to actually leave the house.
+ dont' beat yourself up if you have a 'wasted' weekend. Sometimes spending a weekend with netflix can be what you need. It's only a problem if you're doing it every weekend and it's getting you down. Don't feel guilty about the odd one or every other or however hyou want to balance it.
+ it sounds like you and your partner might be in a rut too. Not something I can do now, but I've always made a point of arranging a (for want of a better term) 'date night/day' at least once a month if not more often. Get out, spend some money on enjoying yourselves selfishly, do something different or just go for a meal somewhere you normally wouldn't. Try a comedy night, they can be great as it's not just you two chatting about the bills and work all night. Also do the opposite, make sure you spend nights doing something apart.

I find the hardest thing is seeing why a plan will be better than none. Go away for the weekend? meh I'll just be bored and miserable somewhere else. Do it anyway. I've got a week off in october (first full week in 3 years, but that's job woes which I won't go in to!) and despite thinking "I'll just be bored but elsewhere and spending money" if nothing better crops up I'm going to bike around scotland or down to cornwall or something for a few days just to have a break from routine. Worst case I've had a quiet week to relax and got away from the bad habits of wandering the local so that will probably help me recuperate. Best case I actually love it and it gives me future plans to look forward to.

Don't know if my waffle will help at all, but if nothing else I hope you take away that you're not alone in feeling like you do. Good luck!

In reply to drink_more_tea:

Hey, sorry you're having a tough time. I think most things have been said already. A few extra things though -

Maybe speak to your employer about the chances of the secondment turning into a proper job. Or whether they'd consider you for a full time position even if you do go travelling. Depends on the siutation, of course.

Another thing is if you've already wasted a lot of your day off, don't let that mean you waste the whole day. I often have plans for a full day of healthy, fun,productiveness and once I fail to do the first few things I just give up on the whole thing. Even if you've sat about all day it's still worth a quick boulder before the wall closes.

Related to the one above. Have something planned for first thing - a run or such like - get your kit out the night before and just get up and do it straight away.

All the best

In reply to drink_more_tea:

Mark Twain, long ago, had some very wise words:

“Sing like no one is listening,
love like you’ve never been hurt,
dance like nobody is watching,
and live like it’s heaven on earth.”

In reply to drink_more_tea:

Travel. Sod the job woes and future job prospects

In reply to drink_more_tea:

I haven't read through much of the thread, so sorry if I'm repeating what others have said.

I work 12 hours shifts too. In reality that is a 13 1/2 hour day door to door if I finish on time. 50% of the shifts finish late (anything from 1/4hour to 3 hours). When you start doing the maths out of 24 hours, with a decent nights (or days) sleep, it doesn't leave much time for anything else.

Most people who work 8 hour days will spend a portion of there free time in the evening bumbling around, doing chores round the house, food shopping, watching a bit of tv, playing on the internet, short session at the wall. This just doesn't happen with 12 hour shifts. But when you have a whole free day off, you can often feel under pressure from yourself or others to make the most of that whole day, after all aren't you lucky to have 3 or 4 days off a week compared to all those 9 to 5ers who just get 2!!!
But the reality is you need your down time to just bumble, same as everyone else, so try to use one of your days off each week to just bumble and be lazy and recover, and don't feel guilty for it, and stop beating yourself up.

I'm bumbling today... hiding from the rain, cleaning the house in stages, with guilt free ukc and facebook breaks inbetween, and lost of cups of tea. I deserve it after working 36 1/2 hours in 3 night shifts over the bank holiday weekend whilst everyone else was off enjoying themselves!!!

In reply to drink_more_tea:

Thanks to everyone that has taken the time to reply

I think some of the problem is that my partner is currently unemployed. He is probably worse than me, as I actually have a job to go to get me out of the house but he does not. So he does literally sit inside the house for a whole 12hrs while I am at work. Then when I have my rest days, it just seems to happen as well that we just do nothing and can not be bothered to do anything. We do try and make some plans to go and do things such as climbing, an exercise class etc but the time comes and goes and we just don't bother. Then it gets too late.

SAF - you are correct about having a day to just bumble around before doing something on the other days. Sometimes, it does feel like pressure in your wasting the day off to just organize the house, clean, do the washing etc but it is something that can not be done on a run of 12hr shifts.

I just don't know what to do with life. I work in the NHS, I was in a job that I hate, got my secondment which I do enjoy but then I think what's the point? I go to work, I come home from work, I rest for a few days, I then go back to work. I wanted this secondment so much to escape my old job, and I do enjoy this job but I just think what's the point, it is just so unfulfilling.

When I was younger, my family really struggled financially, my mum was a single parent to 5 of us. I always dreamt that I would be very career minded, I would work my way up and earn lots of money to be very financially secure. I always thought this would make me happy. I have a job that does pay well (for what it is) and am very financially secure; it just does not make me as happy as I thought it would. Sometimes I think that I will get this new job, that will make me happy, or I'll get promoted, that will make me happy but its just not enough. I always seem to want more.

One problem is that we don't have any plans. We just do not know what to do. I could go travelling but then that will affect my job prospects, financial security, my pension etc. This is probably not helped that we tried to go to Europe beg. of July for a month, spent a couple of grand and it was rubbish, we came home after a week. It just seems that we have a lost so much motivation to do anything. My employer is not really letting on what is happening with my secondment so I don't whether I am coming or going.

I do find life boring. For some reason I don't see the point in getting a promotion at work or getting better at climbing, or learning a new skill as it is just seems pointless. But then instead I just sit here and do nothing which is probably worse.

Sorry for the essay!

In reply to drink_more_tea:

some fine advice above but I'm surprised no-one has suggested that drinking more tea might help

In reply to drink_more_tea:
It 'possibly' sounds like you perhaps need to have a think about what gives your life meaning & feel fulfilled, or is a helpful addition to the mix, or if there's something lacking?

Speaking personally, If I can find something to do with conservation in Sheffield I'll be made up, as I already really appreciate being able to see my family and friends which go back a long time, it's a very helpful thing for me, while a job doing something helpfully green would be something which has meaning to get up for (for me).

If you're only 25, I wouldn't stress too much about feeling like there isn't any point, as finding out what gives meaning to life or finding a point can be a process which takes until one's 30's or 40's or beyond, & it can be something which changes, though it isn't a nice place to be, to not see any point.

If you're currently in a pretty well paying job (or even not too badly paying) which you enjoy, and are actually trained in something, that's a very good base to build from, in having experience which you could perhaps use to find the same kind of job somewhere else (different hospital or different city) with better prospects &/or more security, and you've more to show for your time than somebody who hasn't managed all that if you ever want to change direction, and the strength of focus required can be applied somewhere else...so in one sense it's all good is what I'm trying to say, or it mostly is since you're currently fed up.

In reply to drink_more_tea:
Perhaps you need to go & stay out until 4am due to a fun night out, or to have a party, have a change from being routine & sensible?

In reply to drink_more_tea:


I wish I'd traveled more in my 20s. If you want to go traveling do it, what you are doing at the moment isn't making you happy right now, if it was you wouldn't have posted this thread. It doesn't mean it won't be the right job for you in a few years.

Don't miss out on the opportunity to travel now, you've got another 43 years (and that's if they don't push the retirement age any higher) to focus on your career, you could probably change career more than once in that time and still climb reasonably high up the career ladder if you are that way inclined.

The NHS is a massive organisation, there will always be jobs to come back to. Have you looked at the section in Agenda 4 Change on sabbaticals, I think you are entitled to negotiate 18 months or 2 years worth of sabbaticals during your career.

How old were you when you started paying into your NHS pension, you have to pay into it for 40 years to max it out, and the retirement age is now gone up to 68, so you could take 3 years off and still not have anything to worry about.

In reply to drink_more_tea:

I think your own lack of energy is because of being troubled by your partner's state of affairs. Perhaps it has overwhelmed him and that is at least in part overwhelming you, as you can't see any way through. That means you can't make any plans with any expectation that they will come to fruition and you are uncertain about the future. Perfectly natural.

You could begin by taking a look at your partner and seeing if he needs help - perhaps he is abit depressed and needs guiding towards help. If you can take small steps like this that provide hope of progress forward it might help. It might be a case of you both needing some help from each other but both being a bit overwhelmed and not at present able to support each other.

In reply to drink_more_tea:

Sorry if this turns into an essay, and hope it doesn't come across as too much of a lecture.

Firstly, there is no concrete definable "meaning of Life" (42 not withstanding). Rather, at least in the relatively advantaged west, we have the opportunity to live meaningful lives; existential angst doesn't seem to be a big issue where folk are struggling to survive. And that's seriously not meant to be a dig at anyone.

So what does/ would make your life meaningful?

You mention the financial difficulties of your childhood and how that motivates you towards financial security. On the face of it that's fine, but "fear" as a motivation is a bit negative. You say you "always dreamt" that you'd be "career minded", maybe you're not and are relying to much on the stick without enough carrot. Try thinking about what you want rather than what you don't want. Bit like skiing/mountain biking, look where you want to go not where you're scared you may end up; you always end up going where you're looking.

Are you staying where you are because you want to be there or because you're scared of the alternative?

You initially imply that you want to go travelling, but later say you had the opportunity of a month away (something few of us could afford the time or money for(again don't take as a dig)), but you bailed after a week. What happened?
(Don't go answering any of these questions on a public forum, just have a think)

You say your partner is out of work. Why? What are they doing about it? You say your partner sits around doing nothing all day every day. Why?

Most of us can sympathise with the idea of needing a day in the house just to catch up with housework, especially if doing 12hr shifts, but why is there anything to be done if your partner is at home all day every day? What are you BOTH bringing to and getting from the relationship? Is your partner consciously or subconsciously sabotaging things, if you do nothing on your days off does that normalise their behaviour for the rest of the week?

Are you staying where you are because you want to be there or because you're scared of the alternative?

Are one or both of you suffering from depression?

Don't listen to the "fresh air, exercise and a healthy diet" crap; if it was as straight forward as that then no sportsmen/women would ever suffer from depression. Don't get me wrong, just as if you were asthmatic that would be great advice and would go some way to reducing the severity and frequency of attacks; it wouldn't cure you and you may still need to see a GP and even take medication occasionally. If depression has a biochemical basis then no amount of organic lentils is going to sort it. Even if you and/or your partner have been suffering from a reactive depression for a prolonged period that can have an impact on your brain chemistry.

If the things that you intellectually feel should make you happy are not having that effect one of two things are likely to be wrong. Either, the things you thought you wanted aren't really the things you need; or your body isn't releasing the happy chemicals when you are experiencing happy things.

Don't feel bad about the odd duvet day; we all need to curl up and tell the world to feck off now and again.

Nothing ever lasts forever.

We're not meant to be happy all the time, it'd get boring; then we'd only be happy when we were really miserable because it'd be a bit of a novelty.

BUT, we do have the opportunity to live meaningful lives that bring us a sense of contentment.

Don't just hang there waiting for a hold to appear, disco leg will get you. Keep moving, doesn't matter if it's up, down or sideways; you'll find something. Talk to friends, family and don't rule out professionals; sometimes just saying things out loud has an amazing impact (and we all need some beta sometimes). And remember, it's not a first ascent; loads of us have been there and there is no reason to believe you are in any way less well equipped that some of the bumbly old farts that have made it.

Wishing you health and happiness.

In reply to Hyphin:


*Do* listen to the food/sleep/exercise crap. If you're complaining about symptoms of having no energy, then this is incredibly important. You're never going to have any energy if you're not sleeping well and exercising, which of course go hand in hand. In fact, you can pretty much guarantee you'll feel like shit if you don't eat, sleep and exercise well. No, this is not going to cure depression: but it does put you in a regime of habits that mitigate against the cycle of doing nothing, not sleeping, getting fat, feeling guilty, lowering self-esteem, not doing anything... It's not about curing the problem, it's about taking practical steps that are demonstrably positive, and which *will* have some positive impact, however small.


It's a fascinating discussion about how we medicalise psychological problems - all feelings are a result of brain chemistry, and all brain chemistry is a result of interaction with the environment. This is true whether they're "normal" healthy feelings or "disordered" ones. There is no real distinction between the two, just the DSM or whatever semi-arbitrary and totall flawed methodology is used to diagnose conditions.

It can of course be helpful to think about states of mind in terms of medical diagnoses, especially if there's effective therapy available. But I think in our culture we do a bit too much of this, and not quite enough of thinking about what we're doing in our lives and whether we could change things to make life more fun.

In reply to Jon Stewart:

Like I said, eating, sleeping and exercising well are all going to contribute significantly to physical, emotional and psychological well-being. The point I was making was that the denial of the existence of mental ill health contributes to the stigma about it which leaves so many suffering it for so long needlessly.

Some folk get through life without so much as a cough or a sneeze, while other's are born with chronic conditions; most of us bumble along somewhere inbetween. But just because you've never had the flu doesn't mean it doesn't exist, or that you're never going to get it.

I'd be the last person to suggest to anyone that the ingestion of any chemical, whether prescribed or otherwise, is a cure all. As I think I made clear you need to start by looking hard at your life. Questioning whether you are living by your values, doing things that have meaning for you and involving yourself only in relationships that you value and that bring you a sense of worth. This may lead you to having to make some difficult decisions. Failing to act on these decisions and hiding in a bottle, snorting a couple of lines or taking some prescribed medication is going to leave you as miserable as ever, probably even worse.

However, for most of us doing fun stuff leads to happy feelings which motivate us to do more fun stuff. That feedback loop can become damaged. Nothing that you do results in feelings of elation or joy, which then has a major impact on motivation to do anything. Dead simply, if you have low serotonin levels you ain't going to experience the feelings we associate with happiness. When that feedback is missing the tendency is to blame yourself, you're a selfish self centered self absorbed mall content that's never happy with anything, despite having so much to be thankful for. Yea I've been there! Took something to slow down the rate at which I reabsorbed serotonin and a few weeks later that fluttery excited heartbeat was back when I got a cuddle from one of my kids. A couple of months and the feedback loop was well established, doing fun stuff was fun and motivated me to do more of it. Also gave me a clear enough head to seriously think about what was and was not important to me, what things were worth paying my dues for and what things weren't.

In reply to drink_more_tea:

So your "partner" is sitting on his arse all day, while you work 12 hour shifts in the NHS and spend your rest days cleaning, sorting out the house and the washing?

No wonder you are fed up.

If he is depressed, then send him to the doctor. If he is just a lazy *=#@ then kick him the the curb before he completely drags you under as well.

Sorry to be blunt.

In reply to marsbar:

I had similar thoughts lurking but less bluntly put.

In reply to Hyphin:

What was it you took?

In reply to Hyphin:

Really interesting post, thanks.

I know quite a few people who've found SSRIs just what they need - if you respond well to a short course then they've done their job. Or if taking them all the time forever makes life much more bearable, then while it's not very appealing as a solution, I can't really explain why (although all drugs have side effects).

Anyway, I wish the OP all the best in finding a strategy that improves things.

In reply to Jon Stewart:

Would totally agree with you there. SSRIs kicked in after, probably, just short of a month (apparently that was quite quick), only stayed on them for, probably, a bit over six months. (Was years ago so a bit vague about times)
Obviously quite different from someone suffering from a major affective disorder who may have to be on medication for life, that often becomes less effective and they end up on a series of different medications. Not appealing, but again, similar to many folk suffering from chronic physical conditions.
As you say there is a delicate and complex interaction between life events, your perception of them, and the biochemical processes that convert all that into "feelings".

Not something I'd wish on anyone, but the important thing is that first step of admitting that what your feeling is no longer healthy unhappiness but something more serious. Often just admitting that your not happy makes a huge difference, takes away the strain of trying to be the happy chappy all the time, you find out your not the only one, realise that not everyone is going to judge you.

A couple of years after my bout, I was approached by a neighbour who had been diagnosed, he said that it had been a big relief to him when someone told him I had been depressed, he said that he reckoned if I could get it so could anyone. Was sure there was meant to be a compliment in there somewhere.

Again, Health and Happiness to the OP and anyone else feeling rough.

In reply to Jon Stewart:


Enough people have a regular drinking habit and see going without for a month as some kind of challenge, though, it sometimes strikes me as funny that people can be comfortable being with vaguely alcohol dependent and see taking pills long term as being undesirable, but they wouldn't stop drinking.

Not to divert this thread off topic too much, it's just something which occurred to me, how society has normalised using one drug in particular.

In reply to drink_more_tea:

Thanks to everyone for their replies. I have just got back in from work so am going to work my way through as many posts as possible

I am just not sure what I want to do, I feel like I want to progress further in a career, whether that be the NHS or not, and to travel. Thinking about it, I want that job security to come back to if I did end up going travelling, this is something that the NHS is great about as you can take a career break. However, as I am currently on secondment I don't want anything to ruin my chance of getting a full time job. I think I am just going to have it hold it out, wait and see whether they send me back to my contracted job, extend my current secondment or open up a full time permanent position for that job. Also try and sort out my life on rest days. I do just need to make a plan for every rest day and stick to it as much as possible. Even if it just to go for walk or so to the shops.

I was only 24 when I started paying into my pension so not exactly built up anything grand yet and as it has been mentioned I still have many years to go and there is plenty of jobs in the NHS.

I really struggle to spend money, I don't like the thought of spending money and I just think if I were to go travelling and it was not good I would have wasted so much money. That was one of the reasons why I am came back from the Alps, it just was not great, I was so demotivated, I hated the price of the cable cars, lifts etc and I just didn't want to spend any more money. I was bored which is a crazy thing to say considering that we had planned it for like 1-2 months prior to leaving, had enough cash to pay for what we wanted to do and how can you be feel bored in the Alps I do not know!

I do enjoy doing all the organisation in the house. It has always been like that in our relationship really. He cooks the dinner which is one task that I do hate. I am not to fussed that these things are not done when I am at work and my partner is at home all day. He did have a temp job that finished in June which paid after tax more than what I am on now so I cant moan too much about that. He has gone from working 5-6 long days a week to nothing so he probably is feeling a bit unsure of what to do as well.

I just feel sometimes what's the point, why worry about going climbing, or getting a better paid job, each day just ends up being pretty much the same, one day turns into one month, one year, and before I know I am old and have not done anything. But then I don't really know what I want to do.

I thought it would be great getting my secondment, I would be really happy. I thought it would be great to get away from it all and go to the Alps but it wasn't. I suppose the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

In reply to drink_more_tea:

If you grow up with money being tight it can be hard to enjoy it when you do have it, which is a shame because it sounds like it spoilt your trip.

It sounds like you are able to articulate your worries which is a good start.

Sorry if I got it wrong about your partner.

In reply to Jon Stewart:

I found SSRI ok and helped me back to happy, but not entirely right. I'm on a very low dose of SNRI now and its great. Minimal side effects.

In reply to drink_more_tea:
Don't worry about your pension pot, you may never get to see it! I'm currently considering binning my pension of £300 a month in order to enjoy some hols with the family . At the end of the day, if you have a small pension , you won't starve but will have memories to keep you going. There's plenty of folk out there that won't be paying tax or NI that are enjoying life for the moment and will be as well off as you in your dotage

In reply to drink_more_tea:
Would you think about talking to somebody to figure out what's going on?

It needn't be seen as anything that's a biggie...in that you must be depressed if you're going to talk to somebody or anything like that.

It almost sounds like your upbringing where money was tight has sent you in one direction, and in your heart you're wondering if this all life has to offer, and chatting to somebody perhaps might unearth something useful, or it might not, it's just a thought I had.

Could be something to have in mind for the future perhaps, after waiting to see how things pan out....

In reply to drink_more_tea:

Life is inherently boring unless you go out of your way to make sure it doesn't get that way. The trick I find is to seek out and surround yourself with motivated people willing to put in the effort to transform it into something wonderful and exciting. The enthusiasm of others definitely wears off on us and it gets easier to self-motivate once it does.

In reply to john arran:

Absolutely.

In reply to drink_more_tea:

I can certainly relate to not enjoying spending money and needing the security of a job and savings.

There's nothing inherently wrong with that if you enjoy other things and have made the conscious decision to live like that. However that doesn't seem to be the case with you.

Can't offer much more advice than that given above, but you do need to take care of yourself. Hyphin's posts seem very sensible to me.