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So, if you're roughly my age, 42, how do you refer to your girlfriend, to whom you are neither engaged nor married? It is hard to find a decent phrase...
Girlfriend - seems teenage, tones of no real commitment
Partner - sounds dry, no love there
Other half etc - downright offensive
Significant other - terrible corporate wankspeak
Lover - doesn't do justice to full relationship
Thoughts welcome for something that sounds good and portrays all that an adult relationship is.
Post edited at 18:16
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
6 years younger than you and I don't know why since I'm not northern, but I say lass.
6 years younger than you and I don't know why since I'm not northern, but I say lass.
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
This is going to be good.
Me and mine use the term partner most often. I use GF on occasion. I'm afraid I fail to see what's offensive about other half, but maybe it depends on how it is said.
Never, ever, prefix with the definite article. Referring to 'The Dog' is fine (when you actually mean the dog and not her). Not so 'The Wife' or 'The GF.'
This is going to be good.
Me and mine use the term partner most often. I use GF on occasion. I'm afraid I fail to see what's offensive about other half, but maybe it depends on how it is said.
Never, ever, prefix with the definite article. Referring to 'The Dog' is fine (when you actually mean the dog and not her). Not so 'The Wife' or 'The GF.'
Post edited at 18:40
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
Get engaged and make it easier. Do it at Christmas and it'll save you buying her a present.
Get engaged and make it easier. Do it at Christmas and it'll save you buying her a present.
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
Why is other half offensive? It suggests you found someone who fits with you well so that together you are more than just 2 individuals, you are a team.
Why is other half offensive? It suggests you found someone who fits with you well so that together you are more than just 2 individuals, you are a team.
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
Im a similar age and have thought about this. I usually use with partner, she uses boyfriend.
The dry nature of partner doesnt bother me because im incredibly un-romantic.
She often comments on my lack of romance, to which i will reply with a typically unromantic sentence something like "yeah ive always been like that".
She seems happy enough though. We dont argue and dont try to change each other.
Im a similar age and have thought about this. I usually use with partner, she uses boyfriend.
The dry nature of partner doesnt bother me because im incredibly un-romantic.
She often comments on my lack of romance, to which i will reply with a typically unromantic sentence something like "yeah ive always been like that".
She seems happy enough though. We dont argue and dont try to change each other.
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
I've pondered the same over the years, I settled for partner but did get a few people asking if I was gay so started adding a name.
Looking on the bright side of a situation it's not an issue for me worry about for the moment being single.
I've pondered the same over the years, I settled for partner but did get a few people asking if I was gay so started adding a name.
Looking on the bright side of a situation it's not an issue for me worry about for the moment being single.
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
Good..now introductions are done with Nick how abouts we go climbing? Been wondering what you were up to
> I want something for this scenario "This is xxxx, my yyyyy"
Good..now introductions are done with Nick how abouts we go climbing? Been wondering what you were up to
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In reply to doz:
Hey man, great to hear you! Been busy junior doctoring mainly! Let's get onto Lochnagar soon.
Hey man, great to hear you! Been busy junior doctoring mainly! Let's get onto Lochnagar soon.
In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
I'm a similar age, I'm quite happy with girlfriend, although I usually just use her name and expect people to know.
She uses the term partner, I'd rather she said boyfriend. Partner just feels a bit cold. I don't know why!
I'm a similar age, I'm quite happy with girlfriend, although I usually just use her name and expect people to know.
She uses the term partner, I'd rather she said boyfriend. Partner just feels a bit cold. I don't know why!
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
I'm older than you & my usual solution is to introduce her as "ma femme", partly as we live in France (& mostly speak French) but also as it means both woman & wife. Occasionally I'll remember "compagne" which I guess is the nearest French gets to partner although I like to think its closer to companion which I prefer to partner which also sounds like something to do with business.
But I quite like the Scots 'biddie-in'
I'm older than you & my usual solution is to introduce her as "ma femme", partly as we live in France (& mostly speak French) but also as it means both woman & wife. Occasionally I'll remember "compagne" which I guess is the nearest French gets to partner although I like to think its closer to companion which I prefer to partner which also sounds like something to do with business.
But I quite like the Scots 'biddie-in'
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
Same age, same relationship. Partner or girlfriend depending on the context. She uses partner or boyfriend.
Same age, same relationship. Partner or girlfriend depending on the context. She uses partner or boyfriend.
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In reply to Removed User:
However hard I try I really cannot understand why some people get agitated about this.
> Never, ever, prefix with the definite article. Referring to 'The Dog' is fine (when you actually mean the dog and not her). Not so 'The Wife' or 'The GF.'
However hard I try I really cannot understand why some people get agitated about this.
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
I've lived with my girlfriend for over 13 years and generally to refer to her as 'my Mrs' or 'the Mrs'
I've lived with my girlfriend for over 13 years and generally to refer to her as 'my Mrs' or 'the Mrs'
Post edited at 19:59
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
I'd probably go for partner in your case, but I acknowledge that it can be a little dry.
I met my wife when I was 21. From 21 to 27 it was 'girlfriend'. When we got engaged it became 'partner' and since marriage it became a whole host of vile expletives.
Joking aside, not sure how 'other half' is downright offensive. I find it quite nice. Being from Yorkshire, I've also used 'our gert' when I'm with close friends, pissed.
I'd probably go for partner in your case, but I acknowledge that it can be a little dry.
I met my wife when I was 21. From 21 to 27 it was 'girlfriend'. When we got engaged it became 'partner' and since marriage it became a whole host of vile expletives.
Joking aside, not sure how 'other half' is downright offensive. I find it quite nice. Being from Yorkshire, I've also used 'our gert' when I'm with close friends, pissed.
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
I normally find "the fire breathing dragon from the 7th level of hell" buys me 48hrs of silence 😉
I normally find "the fire breathing dragon from the 7th level of hell" buys me 48hrs of silence 😉
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
quite like "beloved"-partner just sounds like some dodgy wild west combo.
quite like "beloved"-partner just sounds like some dodgy wild west combo.
In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
I got self conscious about this too and started just saying my wife about two years ago. I figured that even if we weren't married to all intents and purposes we were man and wife. (Or woman and husband) Then we got married and the problem went away.
I got self conscious about this too and started just saying my wife about two years ago. I figured that even if we weren't married to all intents and purposes we were man and wife. (Or woman and husband) Then we got married and the problem went away.
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
If there's warmth in how you say it I can't see partner sounding dry. Tone is everything imo.
Anybody else who wanders away thinking 'How dry' after a display of fondness has got to be a bit odd, I think.
> I want something for this scenario "This is xxxx, my yyyyy"
If there's warmth in how you say it I can't see partner sounding dry. Tone is everything imo.
Anybody else who wanders away thinking 'How dry' after a display of fondness has got to be a bit odd, I think.
Post edited at 22:19
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In reply to gribble:
Filly always makes me think of a horse.
Depends how long you've been together. If it's quite a while, I'd use other half (I don't get the "offensive" comment either), but newer relationships are tricky and I'd feel uncomfortable trying to label it really. In the example you used, I'd just introduce her by her name and let them work it out.
> Filly. I found it to be more acceptable than squeeze.
Filly always makes me think of a horse.
Depends how long you've been together. If it's quite a while, I'd use other half (I don't get the "offensive" comment either), but newer relationships are tricky and I'd feel uncomfortable trying to label it really. In the example you used, I'd just introduce her by her name and let them work it out.
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In reply to AlisonSmiles:
How about just 'sweetheart' but done in Humphrey Bogart's voice?
> my sweetheart?
How about just 'sweetheart' but done in Humphrey Bogart's voice?
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
I'm neither married or engaged, but I do often call my partner "my wife" to new people and perhaps explain later. Met 20 years ago, have lived together 19, had kids for 11 so girlfriend doesn't seem to do that level of service justice!
I'm neither married or engaged, but I do often call my partner "my wife" to new people and perhaps explain later. Met 20 years ago, have lived together 19, had kids for 11 so girlfriend doesn't seem to do that level of service justice!
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
All titles imply possession of some kind. Why not just use her name? Shows you respect her for who she is.
All titles imply possession of some kind. Why not just use her name? Shows you respect her for who she is.
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
This is xxxx, the one that puts up with me
> I want something for this scenario "This is xxxx, my yyyyy"
This is xxxx, the one that puts up with me
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
It may sound really old fashioned but what about "Lady friend" as Lady is a compliment applicable to any age? Nothing wrong with a bit of oldfashioned as the years pass.
I don't like "partner" as it is almost derogatory to the addressee, "there is a relationship but You are not in the list of those allowed to Know the details". I also agree that "girlfriend is a bit of a nuisance as you get older, almost patronising like calling people of a certain age "young at heart".
I do quite like someone saying "My Bird" at ANY age!
It may sound really old fashioned but what about "Lady friend" as Lady is a compliment applicable to any age? Nothing wrong with a bit of oldfashioned as the years pass.
I don't like "partner" as it is almost derogatory to the addressee, "there is a relationship but You are not in the list of those allowed to Know the details". I also agree that "girlfriend is a bit of a nuisance as you get older, almost patronising like calling people of a certain age "young at heart".
I do quite like someone saying "My Bird" at ANY age!
Post edited at 09:40
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
PSP or "preferred sexual partner" is apparently "in" these days.
PSP or "preferred sexual partner" is apparently "in" these days.
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
Here(Sweden), there sambo a status where you live with your partner, sarbo partnered but separate homes, mambo still with mum!
All are recognised statements of living or relationship status whether talking with friends or even the tax office, beyond girlfriend which is more teenage like here.
Here(Sweden), there sambo a status where you live with your partner, sarbo partnered but separate homes, mambo still with mum!
All are recognised statements of living or relationship status whether talking with friends or even the tax office, beyond girlfriend which is more teenage like here.
In reply to Father Noel Furlong:
But he wants people to know relationship, so he could introduce "bob, from running club, Sarah, my Mum and XXX, the person I have been in a relationship and lived with for 10 years"
I use OH or partner usually. However apparently when OH mentions his partner at work people think he's gay...
But he wants people to know relationship, so he could introduce "bob, from running club, Sarah, my Mum and XXX, the person I have been in a relationship and lived with for 10 years"
I use OH or partner usually. However apparently when OH mentions his partner at work people think he's gay...
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
I call mine 'Her'.
When saying emphasise the capital H and look skywards.
I call mine 'Her'.
When saying emphasise the capital H and look skywards.
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In reply to wercat:
That's mental (to not put it too bluntly ), I've never felt like that when anybody has called their loved one a partner.
> I don't like "partner" as it is almost derogatory to the addressee, "there is a relationship but You are not in the list of those allowed to Know the details".
That's mental (to not put it too bluntly ), I've never felt like that when anybody has called their loved one a partner.
Post edited at 18:32
In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
To friends: Management - as in 'Are you coming to the crag?' 'Hang on. I'll ask Management'
To friends: Management - as in 'Are you coming to the crag?' 'Hang on. I'll ask Management'
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
Alternatives to girlfriend?
Hookers, less hassle and much cheaper in the long run
The above is advice I was given as a young man. I didn't listen but often wish I had
Alternatives to girlfriend?
Hookers, less hassle and much cheaper in the long run
The above is advice I was given as a young man. I didn't listen but often wish I had
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In reply to Timmd:
perhaps you are too young to remember a long time before "partner" was used. The first time I received the term I was confused as partner meant a business associate.
Mental indeed as words and associations are experienced in what the Romans called the mens and the reactions we feel depend on our previous conditioning.
perhaps you are too young to remember a long time before "partner" was used. The first time I received the term I was confused as partner meant a business associate.
Mental indeed as words and associations are experienced in what the Romans called the mens and the reactions we feel depend on our previous conditioning.
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
Girlfriend/Boyfriend I would say is perfectly acceptable and normal.
The fact that no one has managed to provide a suitable alternative, sort of suggests that girlfriend/boyfriend is the best option.
The closet alternative is probably 'Partner', but that in reality is just an easy way for people to be 'politically correct', which in this case is just basically wrong.
Girlfriend/Boyfriend I would say is perfectly acceptable and normal.
The fact that no one has managed to provide a suitable alternative, sort of suggests that girlfriend/boyfriend is the best option.
The closet alternative is probably 'Partner', but that in reality is just an easy way for people to be 'politically correct', which in this case is just basically wrong.
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
Doesn't matter as long as you don't prefix it with 'current'. This is my current wife, GF etc
Doesn't matter as long as you don't prefix it with 'current'. This is my current wife, GF etc
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
I use partner, for want of anything better. I used to use girlfriend, but it doesn't seem right after nearly 25 years together.
There's always that fine Scots word - bidie-in.
I use partner, for want of anything better. I used to use girlfriend, but it doesn't seem right after nearly 25 years together.
There's always that fine Scots word - bidie-in.
In reply to Red Rover:
I thought social media was another name for the dole
> I used to think that meant your mates were on the dole
I thought social media was another name for the dole
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
When someone introduces their partner, I am left wondering whether they are in business together or shagging.....or possibly both.
When someone introduces their partner, I am left wondering whether they are in business together or shagging.....or possibly both.
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In reply to earlsdonwhu:
I find the looks people exchange and their body language when partner is used can be helpful.
Probably not fool proof mind you...
I find the looks people exchange and their body language when partner is used can be helpful.
Probably not fool proof mind you...
Post edited at 18:26
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In reply to Timmd:
that probably means you don't remember the change from more open declaration of relationship
that probably means you don't remember the change from more open declaration of relationship
In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
I used to say "the object of my tenderness" when I tried to win over her father. Now that we're married I tend to use a simpler "Shub-Niggurath"
I used to say "the object of my tenderness" when I tried to win over her father. Now that we're married I tend to use a simpler "Shub-Niggurath"
In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
Our Lass
(Although this term could also mean, my Mam or sister)
Our Lass
(Although this term could also mean, my Mam or sister)
In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
This is quite a tough question and I agree that none of the options feels like it's a perfect fit. After much deliberation, I think if it were me I'd like to be referred to as 'my woman'. It has the same sort of loving pride as 'my wife', it is adult rather than juvenile, and I think it has a permanence which 'girlfriend' also seems to lack. It's the best I can come up with anyway.
This is quite a tough question and I agree that none of the options feels like it's a perfect fit. After much deliberation, I think if it were me I'd like to be referred to as 'my woman'. It has the same sort of loving pride as 'my wife', it is adult rather than juvenile, and I think it has a permanence which 'girlfriend' also seems to lack. It's the best I can come up with anyway.
In reply to Alyson:
sounds a bit like ownership to me.
My bit of skirt?
> This is quite a tough question and I agree that none of the options feels like it's a perfect fit. After much deliberation, I think if it were me I'd like to be referred to as 'my woman'.
sounds a bit like ownership to me.
My bit of skirt?
In reply to krikoman:
I don't think so, not any more than 'my husband/wife' denotes ownership. It's all about how it's said and the kind of person you are. It does suggest an exclusivity, but then the majority of long-term relationships are of an exclusive nature.
I will assume you're kidding and let this pass
> sounds a bit like ownership to me.
I don't think so, not any more than 'my husband/wife' denotes ownership. It's all about how it's said and the kind of person you are. It does suggest an exclusivity, but then the majority of long-term relationships are of an exclusive nature.
> My bit of skirt?
I will assume you're kidding and let this pass
In reply to Alyson:
F*ck Buddy?
It's none threatening, there's no ownership implied, it can be used by both parties and is therefore not sexist.
> I don't think so, not any more than 'my husband/wife' denotes ownership. It's all about how it's said and the kind of person you are. It does suggest an exclusivity, but then the majority of long-term relationships are of an exclusive nature.
F*ck Buddy?
It's none threatening, there's no ownership implied, it can be used by both parties and is therefore not sexist.
In reply to krikoman:
Not to mention it fully encapsulates the deep love and profound emotional commitment of a lasting relationship. Perfect!
Not to mention it fully encapsulates the deep love and profound emotional commitment of a lasting relationship. Perfect!
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
We have plumped for husband/wife even though we aren't married. We have been together over 12 years, are engaged but just haven't got around to actually doing the deed. Got a joint mortgage which is probably harder to get out of than a marriage anyway.
We have plumped for husband/wife even though we aren't married. We have been together over 12 years, are engaged but just haven't got around to actually doing the deed. Got a joint mortgage which is probably harder to get out of than a marriage anyway.
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In reply to Alyson:
Good point.
"My delight"?
> Not to mention it fully encapsulates the deep love and profound emotional commitment of a lasting relationship. Perfect!
Good point.
"My delight"?
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
If your still resident in 'Sunny Leith'...The appropriate local nomenclature, is surely....'Ma Wee Rage'?.....
If your still resident in 'Sunny Leith'...The appropriate local nomenclature, is surely....'Ma Wee Rage'?.....
In reply to krikoman:
Used to say 'my partner'; these days I say 'my current wife'.
But I quite like the use of girl or boyfriend by people who are clearly not girls or boys, and definitely not friends either (as in a bloke I once met who referred to his wife as "the enemy", "wouldn't want the enemy to find out...")
Used to say 'my partner'; these days I say 'my current wife'.
But I quite like the use of girl or boyfriend by people who are clearly not girls or boys, and definitely not friends either (as in a bloke I once met who referred to his wife as "the enemy", "wouldn't want the enemy to find out...")
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
Girlfriend is fine for me, and we've been together 11 years. She often refers to me as 'The Boy'
Girlfriend is fine for me, and we've been together 11 years. She often refers to me as 'The Boy'
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In reply to johnjohn:
whatever the preferred term, it is important to insert 'the current' as a prefix when they are within earshot. Keeps them on their toes, y'know.
Being on their toes gives them more purchase when they launch into you.....
whatever the preferred term, it is important to insert 'the current' as a prefix when they are within earshot. Keeps them on their toes, y'know.
Being on their toes gives them more purchase when they launch into you.....
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In reply to wercat:
I travel across the border from Canada to the USA to see my ...... my what? The almost always unfriendly US border guards ask who I'm going to see, so I say my lady friend. We're both previously married and divorced, we're both older than 60, so even though it may sound old fashioned, it seems perfect to me to call her my lady friend. When we're in the mountains I sometimes refer to her as my wife, to simplify questions if we encounter other folks. She refers to me as her hiking friend. We've crossed the border so many times now that we've both been asked why we don't marry. To which we say, "... we not ready yet"
Going in both directions I have been asked some odd questions. Once a young Canadian Sikh guard insisted I tell him everything I had been doing with my lady friend during the weekend. I told him we went for a walk and ate some good food. He pressed for more information. I asked him if he really wanted to know. He said yes, so I told him the truth, that we had spent the whole weekend having sex. He didn't ask any more questions and quickly waved me through. I hope he had nightmares about his old mum and dad.
I travel across the border from Canada to the USA to see my ...... my what? The almost always unfriendly US border guards ask who I'm going to see, so I say my lady friend. We're both previously married and divorced, we're both older than 60, so even though it may sound old fashioned, it seems perfect to me to call her my lady friend. When we're in the mountains I sometimes refer to her as my wife, to simplify questions if we encounter other folks. She refers to me as her hiking friend. We've crossed the border so many times now that we've both been asked why we don't marry. To which we say, "... we not ready yet"
Going in both directions I have been asked some odd questions. Once a young Canadian Sikh guard insisted I tell him everything I had been doing with my lady friend during the weekend. I told him we went for a walk and ate some good food. He pressed for more information. I asked him if he really wanted to know. He said yes, so I told him the truth, that we had spent the whole weekend having sex. He didn't ask any more questions and quickly waved me through. I hope he had nightmares about his old mum and dad.
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
Doris is the default reference in my house
she also answers to
Tanglefanny
doglips
chimp
Captain Spagnoklia
Nodrik
Tipsy von Fumblesex
Doris is the default reference in my house
she also answers to
Tanglefanny
doglips
chimp
Captain Spagnoklia
Nodrik
Tipsy von Fumblesex
Post edited at 14:34
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In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
My bitch?
Partner only works when she's present, if she's not there then people wonder if you're gay ( unless you say 'my partner Susan'). F*ck buddy isn't appropriate as you're in a proper relationship.
My bitch?
Partner only works when she's present, if she's not there then people wonder if you're gay ( unless you say 'my partner Susan'). F*ck buddy isn't appropriate as you're in a proper relationship.
In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
Hmmm...I dread to think how many of these replies are in fact serious.....
Hmmm...I dread to think how many of these replies are in fact serious.....
In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
If you actually want an alternative for the concept of 'girlfriend' then you could do what the fur seals do. But only if you're planning some extreme winter climbing or work in a zoo:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/earth/story/20141117-why-seals-have-sex-with-penguins
If you actually want an alternative for the concept of 'girlfriend' then you could do what the fur seals do. But only if you're planning some extreme winter climbing or work in a zoo:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/earth/story/20141117-why-seals-have-sex-with-penguins
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