UKC

From point of view of father with doubts. Would you have you?

In reply to Saldi:

Is there a missing comma?

In reply to Jim C:

I'm not sure what u mean?

In reply to Saldi:

Would I, have I ?

Would I- yes
Have I- No

In reply to Jim C:

You see someone posting on an emotionally traumatic subject as a good time for pedantry?

In reply to Saldi:

With all due respect, Saldi, your grammar is such that I can't tell what you're actually asking. I suspect that Jim C is making a genuine attempt to work out what that question is, and to answer it.

In reply to Jim C:

Are there any men on here who have had reason to doubt the parentage of one or more of their children, and have then went on to have a DNA test? If so, I'd like to hear their experiences.

In reply to Jamie Wakeham:

Seems pretty clear, he wonders whether he is the biological father of his child and whether DNA testing is the way forward.

In reply to Sir Chasm:

Well, that was my best shot, too, but he seemed upset by Jim C's fairly reasonable answer to that question!

In reply to Jamie Wakeham:


I'm already upset FFS, there's a clue in the subject matter.

In reply to Saldi:

Haven't done but if it's a significant issue for you then go for it.... Assume you've spoken with the mum?

In reply to abr1966:

Yes. I'm looking for personal experiences to help me decide.

In reply to Saldi:

You have a curious posting history...
http://www.ukclimbing.com/forums/t.php?t=620728&v=1#x8096259

In reply to EddInaBox:

Curious how?
Do you have any help to offer on the subject?

In reply to Saldi:

That thread, the day you joined the site (at least under the name you are using here) and then nothing until now, just an observation.

Sorry no, I don't have any children, but I hope whatever you are going through gets resolved with a minimum of grief for you and all involved.

In reply to EddInaBox:


Well observed, the same subject. Good for you, why bother replying if you have nothing to add?

In reply to Saldi:

That's pretty rich considering your contribution to my Mont Blanc thread!

In the same vein I'll just say 'why not get a paternity test?'

In reply to Foxache:

Don't know what your Mont Blanc thread is but hey keep laughing while I'm dying inside

In reply to Foxache:


Ah right. I suggested you have a great experience with your disposable income paying for an experienced Mont Blanc guide.
What's wrong with that?

In reply to Saldi:


Everybody's personal experience will stem from their relationship with their partner, and the circumstances that lead to the issue. I don't think you'll be able to draw much use from that.

In reply to Saldi:



Maybe something has got lost in translation then. It's frustrating when you've got a dozen people saying 'don't do that/get more experience/get a guide' but none of them will explain why. I read your reply as being in the same tone but if it wasn't then I apologise.

In a futile attempt to at least add something of value (and the real reason I came onto this thread in the first place) I'd say if you're not sure, get the test, but my question still stands even if it was asked tongue-in-cheek: why would you not want to know for sure?

In reply to Saldi:

Hi, friend of mine had couple of one night stands with a work colleague. She got pregnant, and told him it was his. Kid was born and he did his part, paid child maintenance, had the kid on weekends, and the kid was involved with his parents. A few people commented the kid was quite dark. The mum and him are white, although he's quite tanned. At first it was kind of mentioned jokingly but eventually people started to have proper doubts. Eventually he got a paternity test and it wasn't his. He was obviously upset and felt foolish but also, I think, a bit relieved. His parents were very upset to and offered/asked to continue seeing the wee guy as the real dad and his family remain unknown, but the mum said no.

Make of that what you will, but if I had any doubts whatsoever I'd have a test.

Also, I think Jim C was genuinely asking what you meant, I wasn't sure until I read further down but there's really no need for the other stuff - e.g. "you have a curious posting history"? what a strange and thoughtless thing to write. Ignore them and I hope you're okay.

In reply to Saldi:

If you're in a relationship with the child's mother, go and talk to these people, on your own to begin with:
http://www.relate.org.uk/

If you're being pursued for parternity/ maintenance claims, try citizen's advice or a lawyer:
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/about-us/how-we-provide-advice/advice/

As you've seen, Internet forums like this one might not be the best place to get advice on sensitive subjects.

In reply to Saldi:


Depends on the situation. If I was in a loving relationship and trusted my partner then no I wouldn't dream of it.
A few months after I left my ex though I found out she was pregnant and the dates tried back to when I left.
She miss carried but had a kid arrived there would have been testing but mainly because I was in there on the Friday night and we broke up Saturday morning, a random bloke was in there Saturday night and her ex husband was in there on Sunday night so the kid could have been anyone's.

In reply to Dax H:

>I was in there on the Friday night and we broke up Saturday morning, a random bloke was in there Saturday night and her ex husband was in there on Sunday night

Gripping read for a Sunday morning over toast & marmalade.

In reply to Saldi:
if you trust the woman involved enough to continue a relationship with her then you should really trust her on the matter of parentage. If there's no longer a relationship then go testing. If you go for the tests this will have a heavy impact on the continued relationship whatever the result.
Perhaps ask the woman involved if she understands your situation and would be happy with this.

In reply to Saldi:

I would say it depends on the situation and if you're going to break a trust and a confidence with the mother if you test. If you're in a relationship with her then why wouldn't you trust her?

But if you're not with her and she's on her own, you have legal rights to a paternity test. If she's with someone else and is telling you the child is yours, the chances are, she's telling the truth.

In reply to Saldi:

Minor doubt about one of my kids. Conceived around the time my partner had a drunken one night stand. Was tempted to have a paternity test, but didn't. 23 years later, I'm glad I didn't. I might have treated him differently to my other kids.