UKC

OK, Mrs G has been away this week and isn't back till the weekend.

Yesterday, I unfortunately reversed into one of the dogs - also known as Mrs G's precious boys - on the driveway.

I rushed him down to the vets, and apart from needing a couple of stitches in his ear, he's fine. He's is though sporting a bucket on his head to stop him scratching the stitches out, and because he's a Great Dane, it's a pretty big bucket which he has to keep on till next Friday.

As if that wasn't bad enough, this morning I inadvertently knocked a vase which is rather precious to Mrs G off the table in the hall. It is now in a lot of pieces.

Now I've already figured out that I can blame the vase on the dog, and the stitches and bucket on the head means he won't get in trouble, so it's a win win.

However, the big question is, should I own up to reversing into the dog in the first place, or let him take the blame for that too? - he has got form, he ran through the french doors a year ago.

Just to add a bit of extra background, I've still got one foot in the doghouse after getting drunk at a dinner party a fortnight ago and vomiting all over her favourite little black dress and handbag as she was helping me to the car.

In reply to Goucho:

My only question - how the hell do you not notice a Great Dane?! I thought when I started reading that it was going to be a low-slung dog, a dachshund for instance...

In reply to Goucho:

I'll tell her if you don't

In reply to Goucho:

Dog knocked the vase which smashed on his head thusly requiring stiches. Reversing? What reversing...

(seriously though, how DO you not notice a Great Dane?!)

In reply to Goucho:


Glad the dog's OK. Had he not been, I recommend the following for advice.

http://www.channel4.com/programmes/peep-show/on-demand/41968-005

In reply to TomGB:



Oh you're a fecking genius. Thank you

In reply to Tall Clare:


I was fiddling with something on the dashboard and not paying attention when I heard this bump followed by a yelp

In reply to Goucho:

Poor doggy! Glad he's okay. One of our cats, who is black and thus thinks she's a ninja, likes to jump out at our cars as we enter the driveway - always a bit terrifying.

In reply to Goucho:


...as long as she never speaks to the vet!

In reply to TomGB:

>

Were you drunk again?

In reply to Goucho:


What did you tell the vets you did to the dog? If you said reversing, then Murphy's law the vet will ask your Mrs next time she goes how the dog is doing after being reversed over.

In reply to SenzuBean:


I told the vet I found him like that.

It's his word against mine

In reply to Goucho:
honesty is rarely the best policy in my experience. still you can have fun with it either way at times.

In reply to Goucho:

Did you hit the dog or did the dog hit your car?

In reply to Goucho:


No he's not, that was the obvious scenario!

I tend to relay information like that to my wife by text.

In reply to CurlyStevo:

You are like some sort of marital Jedi master.... I have much to learn.

Probably why I'm divorced.

In reply to Goucho:

Getting this thread deleted might be a good idea.

In reply to Goucho:


I would be economical with the truth. Unless the dog has tire marks on it.

Good luck!!

In reply to Goucho:

After 26 years I've found that:

If you're telling porkies - she'll find out....
Face it - you're in the poo!

In reply to Barrington:

The dog will tell her when she gets back (don't ask me how). Never underestimate the bond between a woman and her faithful hound.

In reply to Goucho:
If you confess in the short term you will be forgiven but in the long term you will be reminded of your lack of care (when they really meaning your stupidity) many times.
If you dont confess and then lie she will find out (believe me she will) and the proverbial will hit the fan. You will end up sleeping in the kennel, loss of marital privileges for a week or two, and she will remind you of your lying and trying to cover up and lack of care (stupidity etc) many,many times. In my experience wives have memories like elephants.

So its down to damage limitation - your choice now.

In reply to Tall Clare:

I think you should tell her (about the dog), be quietly upset but relieved. Then show her this thread, so you'll seem much better and more trustworthy than all us machiavellian scrotes!

Oh, bum, forgot about the vase. Hmmm

In reply to Goucho:

Tell her the dog broke the vase, and you knew she could never forgive the dog so you had it put down.

Then when she is really crying hard let the dog into the room - she won't see the ear because her eyes will be all blurry.

Maybe?

In reply to Goucho:

Thanks UKC for all your advice and comments.

Having pondered the situation over a couple of glasses of vino, and an in depth conversation with the dog and his bucket, we both decided it would be best to come clean.

I have therefore spoken to Mrs G on the phone and explained how the dog got overexcited, knocked over the vase in the hallway and then ran out into the driveway straight into the back of the car.

In reply to Goucho:

Good luck, Goucho! Time for a couple more glasses of vino!

In reply to Goucho:

I thought the whole point of having a dog is that you can blame it for all sorts of misdemeaners from room clearing farts, broken cups and eating your homework. The best bit is despite constantly taking a bullet for the team it will always remain loyal. Ever seen a homeless man with a cat? Exactly! Dogs are ace and for all the above all they ask in return is rubbed tummy and ruffled ear.

In reply to Goucho:

You live in a sitcom mate!

Best of luck with her indoors, you'll need it.

In reply to Goucho:


Were you trying to find the knob to turn the volume down on that annoying beeping that was getting faster and faster?

In reply to Barrington:



You should hear some of the things my parents never told one another....it creates a strong bond to be in a conspiracy with one's parents.

In reply to Goucho:

A true classic UKC thread. Thank you one and all. Sure beats the Referendum bores.

In reply to Goucho:

Goucho, occasionally I worry that you'll (belatedly!) start to get normal and even, dare I say it, a wee bit boring. (I've had an awful lot of disappointment in my life.) But no, everything's absolutely fine and exactly as it should be. I see now that my worries are merely the neurotic ramblings of a silly old fule.

Am glad the dog's OK.

Mick

In reply to planetmarshall:



Still one of the funniest episodes of any comedy i've seen.

"did you have to eat the dog?"

In reply to Goucho:

58 and still vomiting in taxis on girls in pretty black dresses!

The most overlooked side to this thread...

I'm in awe!

In reply to Goucho:

I hope you remembered to mention that the dog has also left the toilet seat up, and didn't cut the bloody hedge...

In reply to Mick Ward:




No need to worry Mick, once an idiot always an idiot, and like most idiots, I'm blissfully happy in my idiocy

In reply to GarethSL:




Only once a year

In reply to Goucho:

Why not combine the two tales? Dog knocked off vase onto its own head, hence the stiches. Easy.

In reply to Goucho:


You could've made up a ridiculous story about the dog jumping in the car, starting the engine, then pressing the accelerator instead of the brake and nearly running you over......

On second thoughts though, Mrs Abseil would NOT be amused if I tried that.