/ The worst film.....like ever!

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The Lemming - on 03 Sep 2016
What would you nominate?



Just watched, to the very end, to see if it could get any worse and it did not disappoint. Well it did, but you know what I mean.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you.....


London has Fallen.

3
Skyfall - on 03 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

I'm saving this for a certain (pissed) evening ...
no_more_scotch_eggs - on 03 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

One of the 'Transporter' films with Jason statham. Not even sure which. Just unforgivably dull.

Actually, no; all 3 hobbit films. Bad fan fiction mixed with passages of watching someone play a video game. Excruciating elf on dwarf double entendre. Endless plot induced incompetence. Just unforgiveable.
6
Kevster - on 03 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

Troll hunter, hours of life you'll never get back.
25
Mooncat - on 03 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:
Public Enemies, just f*cking awful.

6
angry pirate - on 03 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

It's got to be the Hobbit. I texted some mates about half an hour before the end and one of them told me to persevere as it picked up towards the end. I've rarely been so pissed off by another human being as it was such a lie.

Have kept well clear of parts two and three.
3
The Lemming - on 03 Sep 2016
In reply to Kevster:

> Troll hunter, hours of life you'll never get back.

I got through 5 minutes before hitting the stop button.
6
no_more_scotch_eggs - on 03 Sep 2016
In reply to angry pirate:
> It's got to be the Hobbit. I texted some mates about half an hour before the end and one of them told me to persevere as it picked up towards the end. I've rarely been so pissed off by another human being as it was such a lie.

> Have kept well clear of parts two and three.

I really, really wish I had. ...

It started off sh*t, then went seriously downhill; but without doubt, they saved the worst til last.
Post edited at 00:01
2
Dax H - on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

Lesbian vampire killers.
Zero lesbian action.
I like climbing - on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

The Revenge of the Killer Tomato wasn't great........
Danm79 - on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

I can answer that without hesitation;
Featuring the acting talents of the Chelsea football hooligan Donal McIntyre did an undercover job on and some cage fighter who shagged Jordan, "Killer Bitch" is a film that promises nothing and delivers less.

It looks like a 15 year old's GCSE project. All the way through I was asking my mate variations of the question, "is this an 'actual film'?" Not feeling I was making myself understood when he kept saying yes, I asked if you could buy it in a shop, (which it turns out you can).

It is bafflingly bad - don't miss it
Bulls Crack - on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to Kevster:

> Troll hunter, hours of life you'll never get back.

Not the original surely? Quirky and funny. Didn't bother seeing the US remake
alan moore - on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to Bulls Crack:

There's a remake!!...this would explain the negativity above.

The bit where the guy runs out of the woods screaming "troll" in his Norwegian accent is movie gold....
Greasy Prusiks on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

Independence day.
10
Bulls Crack - on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to alan moore:

There was but it looks as though it never appeared, in which case some obviously didn't like the joke!
Lee Proctor - on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

I have generally been a fan of Ridley Scott films but his record of delivering a good movie has been very hit and miss over the last few years. "The Martian", for example, was a good movie but in 2012 he gave us the frustratingly poor "Prometheus" and then just one year later the utterly terrible "The Counsellor" hit our screens. This film is so bad on so many levels that it defies logic, it has a stellar cast and no more. I watched this film in small 10 minute chunks over a couple of weeks on Sky and once I made it to the credits I felt I deserved a medal for eventually getting that far. I am sure there are more awful B-type movies out there but they never profess to be anything more than they are, the Counsellor is just pseudo intellectual bullshit wrapped up with glossy A-listers.
Offwidth - on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to Bulls Crack:
I guess there must be... I thought the Norwegian film was great fun.. These threads on worst films just show some UKCers need to get out more...poor or 'not my taste' is not the same as terrible and this urge to show oneself up on the internet with no sign of irony is bizarre. Lazy US Blockbusters do deserve to get it in the neck though....just a bit of spending moved to scriptwriters could massively improve many an effects 'monster'.
Post edited at 08:29
no_more_scotch_eggs - on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to no_more_scotch_eggs:

From the dislikes it looks like there are some closest hobbit fans here- go on then, explain why it wasn't actually the vast stinking pile of balrog manure it seemed to be. ...

;-)
1
no_more_scotch_eggs - on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to Lee Proctor:
Not seen the counsellor, but prometheus was far from being a worthwhile additional to the Alien series

Dull and reliant on plot induced stupidity to move the story along.
Post edited at 08:43
1
Alyson - on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to no_more_scotch_eggs:

> From the dislikes it looks like there are some closest hobbit fans here- go on then, explain why it wasn't actually the vast stinking pile of balrog manure it seemed to be. ...

> ;-)

1) Martin Freeman
2) Aidan Turner's beautiful face
2
no_more_scotch_eggs - on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to Alyson:

Ok ok, I'll give you at least one of these. ...

;-)

But slim comfort surely in the face of the endless tide of go pro barrel rafting dwarves, corny clichés instead of dialogue, and molten gold-surfing...?

I've heard that there are fan edits out there which are actually quite good- I can believe it, each film still had moments of brilliance, sadly smothered by hours of dull tripe. ...
purplemonkeyelephant - on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

Syriana. Waited the whole movie for something to happen, nothing happened.
1
nikkormat on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

Mad Max: Fury Road.

Good Will Hunting.

Any Terminator film after Terminator 2.

24
davidbeynon on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

End of Days is the only film I ever walked out of.

To be fair I didn't walk out as such, just needed to go to the toilet and decided I couldn't be bothered with going back.

The Baby of Macon is the worst film I ever sat through. Mostly because the art student who had dragged me down to see it was in between me and the exit.
Simon4 - on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to no_more_scotch_eggs:
> But slim comfort surely in the face of the endless tide of go pro barrel rafting dwarves, corny clich£s instead of dialogue, and molten gold-surfing...?

I haven't seen most of these films, but though the films may be dreadful (and almost certainly are), the pure poetry of the denunciations here is shimmering beauty, especially yours. So the films, while themselves being excrebal justify themselves by the eloquence of the condemnations that they conjure up.

I certainly agree with you regarding the hobbit films though, how to cash in on the success of the Lord of the Rings films (which actually started from 3 weighty books) by stretching and wildly over-stretching a really very slight precursor book to and beyond bursting point. Death Wish 5 combined with Rocky 7, Alien versus Predators with Expendables sniping from the sidelines while sharks bask.

But please tell us why you despise other films, I love to read your prose, though not very interested in the subject, I just like the language of vilification.
Post edited at 22:04
Mike-W-99 on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to Danm79:

Agreed, the Norwegian Trollhunter is great. Maybe the subtitles were too much for some folk?

"You think a squirrel did this?"
aln - on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to Simon4:

>excrebal

I don't think that's a real word.

I just like the language of vilification.

That's become obvious over the years.
2
Lusk - on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

1976 or 7, cinema in Harrogate with two families, Raid on Entebe or something 'starring' Burt Lancaster.
I've had numerous low points in my 56 years, but none have come anywhere near that one.
Gordon Stainforth - on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to aln:

> >excrebal

> I don't think that's a real word.

Surely just a not-too-awful spelling mistake for execrable.

1
Simon4 - on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to aln:

> I just like the language of vilification.

> That's become obvious over the years.

You must be confusing me with a Guardian reader. They are the experts at abuse. Just as well, since they have no other abilities.
14
Tyler - on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to Simon4:
> But please tell us why you despise other films, I love to read your prose, though not very interested in the subject, I just like the language of vilification.

Sorry to let you down but as you would expect from someone who quite enjoyed London Has Fallen and thinks Mad Max Thunder Road was brilliant (mind you some pretty respected critics are of the same mind) I'm too low brow to be eloquent but even 8 years later I need to vent my impotent rage at Revolution Road - it's just shit. It was lauded by critics and the thing that pisses me off about it most is every time I mention it on one of these threads someone pipes up how good it is, it's just a case of Empror's New Clothes. Nothing happens, it's just two self absorbed people bickering, it's unrelenting misery but you don't give a shit about any of the protagonists. It's just a dull sub sub plot that the writers would give to some minor characters it didn't know what to do with in a soap opera. It was the first film me and the (now) wife went to see, afterwards we both said we'd have walked out but we assumed the other was enjoying it. These days we'd have walked out after half an hour and done a dirty protest in the pick and mix on the way past for good measure.
Post edited at 22:40
1
no_more_scotch_eggs - on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to Simon4:

Thanks Simon. .. I do enjoy crafting a good rant. Though the target has to be deserving, and few have been more deserving than the hobbit trilogy- such a let down after the LOTR films.

Nothing else immediately comes to mind at this point (though I recall literally throwing stuff at the tv screen while watching '28 weeks later', such was the intensity of the stupidity being displayed by some of the characters in order to move the plot along- again, in a film I'd had high hopes for)

Have you listened to Mark Kermode's film reviews on radio 5 (or podcast)- not to everyone's taste but I like them, and he does a good line in evisceration of films that he feels deserve it.
aln - on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to Simon4:

> You must be confusing me with a Guardian reader.

No I'm asking you a question about your post. I don't know anything about Guardian readers.
2
aln - on 04 Sep 2016
In reply to Gordon Stainforth:

Obviously. But a smart arse like him should get it right.
2
marsbar - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

One of the Pirates of the carribean films.
Lusk - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to aln:

I'm quite liking the thought of seeing Simon as being SimonGaurdianReader4 from now on
Big Ger - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

"Lesbian Vampire Killers", I was on a plane and the choices were limited.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lesbian_Vampire_Killers
graeme jackson - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

for me, it's a close call between ex machine and gladiator. Possibly not popular choices with the UKC massive but hey-ho it's a personal thing - I thought they were both unutterable shite.
5
duchessofmalfi - on 05 Sep 2016
Elysium and Chappie

1
cb294 - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to purplemonkeyelephant:

What! Heresy! Syriana was great!

Probably the only Clooney film worth watching twice (all the Ocean´s N arew orth once max).

CB
cap'nChino - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to Kevster:

> Troll hunter, hours of life you'll never get back.

I loved this film, a brilliant piece of Indie nonsense. I am genuinely surprised its receiving such hate.

My nomination is Thinner - the Stephen King adaptation film.
cap'nChino - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to alan moore:

> The bit where the guy runs out of the woods screaming "troll" in his Norwegian accent is movie gold....

To this day I cannot say the word "troll" without using a Norwegian accent.
cousin nick - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

Battleship. Dire.
Does the rounds on one of the freeview channels every few weeks.
cap'nChino - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to nikkormat:

> Mad Max: Fury Road.

> Good Will Hunting.

> Any Terminator film after Terminator 2.

Good sir, you're either Trolling (yes, with a capital T) us all or you're wrong.
1
Simon Caldwell - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

Forrest Gump
10
Rigid Raider - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

Cliffhanger with Stallone; absolutely dire. Films like that do nothing to discourage people from climbing mountains ill-equipped.
4
Dave Garnett - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

My opinion has not changed from the last time this was discussed. The correct answer is All is Lost. Nothing else so far mentioned comes any where near the unique combination of interminable tedium and frustration this manages to generate.

Watching Robert Redford break every rule in the book and react to a series of entirely self-inflicted disasters with even more catastrophically stupid decisions without ever quite managing to kill himself made me start to doubt Darwinism. Honestly, I really wondered whether it was supposed to be a movie about Alzheimer's and the dangers of allowing the senile access to yachts they no longer really recognise.
1
cb294 - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to Dave Garnett:

Was it even more shit than that unbearable Fedex advert starring Tom Hanks ? I watched that one on a plane, which is my excuse for not standing up screaming and leaving through the next available door.

CB
graeme jackson - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to duchessofmalfi:

> Elysium
wasn't as bad as oblivion (although it's a pretty close call)
1
coolhand - on 05 Sep 2016
Sex lives of the potato men

ads.ukclimbing.com
davidbeynon on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to graeme jackson:

The thing that impressed me about Elysium is how efficiently they managed to piss away the premise. The same elevator pitch could have been turned into a much better film.

Or a much worse one to be fair.
robal - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

baby geniuses 2

We watched it under the request of the youngest son, I've still not forgiven him.

I'm pretty sure he did it in order to mess with us. The kids used to get to select what they watch on a Saturday night with dinner, we all cook together and then watch a movie, he selected baby geniuses 1 (which is truely aweful) and then low and behold 2 weeks later selected number 2.

Since then we went for selection by committee and if there is no clear winner its bored games...
Tyler - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to Rigid Raider:

> Cliffhanger with Stallone; absolutely dire. Films like that do nothing to discourage people from climbing mountains ill-equipped.

Ill equipped? Did you not see that thing he had for firing bolts in? He had the best equipment ever!
john arran - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

This comes up on here from time to time. The answer still is, and probably always will be, Titanic.
3
mkean - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:
Can I assume that the sci-fi channel on sky is too lowbrow for UKC as while the Hobbit is pretty dire I struggle to place it in the same league of utter shame as "Sharknado 2", "2 Lava 2 Lantula" or any of their other high quality offerings?
1
The New NickB - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to mkean:

Sharknado 2 is actually a much better made film than Sharknado, but I think Sharknado is lots of fun for all its terribleness.

Some people are nominating films I really like, others are nomination films that I don't particularly like, but really are a long way from the worst films every made.

sensibleken - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

Objectively probably the worst is Manos: Hand of fate. Its terribly made, doesn't make any sense and is unbelievably dull. It doesn't even get to the so-bad-its-good level, its just plain boring.

Some films are so bad they actually ruin the good films that came before it. Terminator salvation I found entertaining but completely upended the point and plot of the preceding films by relegating John Connor to a kind of a post apocalyptic blogger.

Some films attempt to be tragedies but by overloading it seem to trip into comedy. The 1995 film The Run of the country was the most stark example of this where every situation turns out worst for all concerned. I was half expecting the main character to get a scratch card, scratch off three stars and as a result, be hit by a meteorite.



paulcarey - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

Any of the Twilight saga nonsense.

Turgid, teenage mooning* with as much interesting content as the bin next to my desk.


*I don't mean in pulling-your-trousers-down-revealing-your-nether-regions kind of way.
1poundSOCKS - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to sensibleken:

> Some films are so bad they actually ruin the good films that came before it.

Prometheus spoiled Alien for me. Sometimes a mystery is better than a poor backstory.
Dave Garnett - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to 1poundSOCKS:

> Prometheus spoiled Alien for me. Sometimes a mystery is better than a poor backstory.

I agree. Worse, there's more to come apparently:

http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/films/news/alien-covenant-first-look-at-ridley-scott...

The only possible redeeming feature would be gratuitously lingering scenes featuring Noomi Rapace in her space underwear.
birks3746 - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

Dragon Blade:

In a hungover state I stumbled across this on Netflix, stars Jackie Chan, John Cusack and Adrien Brody, a weird a combo as you can find, but it's apparently the most expensive Chinese film ever.

The visuals are actually impressive (kinda vaguely like Hero from a few years back) but the script is hopeless but the worst thing about it is the editing, it's like they filmed all the scenes, then shuffled the order that it's supposed to go in! I lasted 35mins...
Mooncat - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to cb294:

> What! Heresy! Syriana was great!

> Probably the only Clooney film worth watching twice (all the Ocean´s N arew orth once max).

Totally agree, the best Matt Damon performance I've seen as well.

sensibleken - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to 1poundSOCKS:

And lets not even begin to think about what Highlander II did

1poundSOCKS - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to sensibleken:

> And lets not even begin to think about what Highlander II did

The ozone layer and aliens wasn't it? You had to remind me.
1poundSOCKS - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to Dave Garnett:

> Worse, there's more to come apparently:

I've given up on popular culture. I just watch the same bunch of climbing films on infinite repeat.
MonkeyPuzzle - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to Dave Garnett:

What? What about the world-class dialogue, such as:

David: Did you have intercourse with Dr. Holloway?
Elizabeth Shaw: Yes, but ten hours ago. There’s no bloody way I’m three months pregnant.
David: Well, doctor, it’s not exactly a traditional fetus.

Plus, the best special effects in a comedy ever!
0Unknown0 on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

I consider myself in a the perfect position to comment on this as I have had my leg up and watched none stop movies for the last week.
New movies,

War Dogs.......... Great movie, worth the watch.
Ben Hur............ Terrible, really bad because it had the potential to be good.
Suicide Squad........... Crap, tries too hard to be weird, but is so predictable it is awful.
The Purge............. SHockingly terrible, worst movie ever candidate.
Jason Bourne........... Another Bourne movie, what you expect, seen one seen them all.
Secret life of pets........... Good movie, enjoyed it with my daughter.
Now you see me 2............ crap
Imperium............ loved it. Daniel Radcliffe best movie I've seen him in.
Tarzan............... So bad it hurt to watch.
Central Intelligence.......... I hate comedies and so not going to like it that much, but probably alright if you like silly movies.
Yes London has Fallen is pretty terrible, probably along the lines of The Purge in crapness.
2
MrJared - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

Buried with Ryan Reynolds.
Bulls Crack - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

Severance. derivative and risible
rallymania on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

i made the mistake of buying one of those 2 films in one "box" DVD set things the cheap shops are fond of

XXX :- well it's ok i suppose. i've seen worse...

stealth :- no, no, no, no, back away... it's utter, utter, utter, utter, utter, utter rubbish.
purplemonkeyelephant - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to cb294:

What did you like about it? The incomprehensible geopolitical jargon only a UN diplomat would understand? The fact the movie actually felt like it was in real time? Or the world's tiniest explosion which was not worth several hours of what could barely be described as "buildup"?
cb294 - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to purplemonkeyelephant:

I guess I liked exactly what you disliked: The film was in many aspects unusual for a spy thriller, in that it focussed more on the underlying motivations and different interests that change allegiances over time, on how different aims are played off against each other, rather than the admittedly rather limp action sequences. I did not find the jargon too bad, and enjoyed trying to discover the links between the different story lines.

CB
nufkin - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

> What would you nominate?

Movie Mix seems to specialise in showing likely contenders. Particularly if they feature Steven Segal
Andy Say - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to Rigid Raider:

> Cliffhanger with Stallone; absolutely dire. Films like that do nothing to discourage people from climbing mountains ill-equipped.

Excuse me, Sir! I thought it was one of the best comedies I have ever seen......
rossowen - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

A film called 'Resistance'. A fictional account of World War 2 where the Germans reach South Wales.

It's a fictional thriller where anything the writer can imagine can happen, and nothing happens.
Oliver Houston - on 05 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

I've just watched 2001: Space Odyssey, believing it was some kind of classic and probably worth watching... Maybe a bit like Star Treks predecessor.

Wow, there were probably less than 12 minutes of story line in over 150 mins of film. And more than 12 mins of acid trip...
1
petenebo - on 06 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

Has anyone managed to watch more than the first 15 mins of 'Machete Kills'?
pebbles - on 06 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

"Three colours:blue". watched it to the end so as not to spoil things for movie loving friends. Discovered as I left with relief, minus my right arm which I had gnawed off to relieve the boredom, that we had all endured it for the same reason and could have escaped to the pub.
1
sensibleken - on 06 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

Rubber. Oh god I forgot about Rubber.

For those who haven't seen it, its an utterly pretentious attempt at arthouse about a tyre with the psychic ability to kill people. The film starts with one of the main characters breaking the fourth wall to explain in detail what the point of the film is, because the director pre-empted our pityfull brains not getting his magnificent vision
planetmarshall on 06 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

> What would you nominate?

Battlefield Earth.

Some films are so bad they become a guilty pleasure. From the comedically terrible reviews I had to watch this one just to see how bad it was, and it was just irredeemably dull. It did at least spawn several gems in said reviews - such as this one:

"A million monkeys with a million crayons in a million years would be hard pressed to come up with anything as cretinous as Battlefield Earth."

See also Mark Kermode's review of Transformers: Dark of the Moon, which is just him banging his head off a wall for a couple of minutes.

planetmarshall on 06 Sep 2016
In reply to Oliver Houston:

> I've just watched 2001: Space Odyssey, believing it was some kind of classic and probably worth watching... Maybe a bit like Star Treks predecessor.

> Wow, there were probably less than 12 minutes of story line in over 150 mins of film. And more than 12 mins of acid trip...

Well, anyone who doesn't recognise 2001 as a work of artistic genius is simply and factually wrong.

planetmarshall on 06 Sep 2016
In reply to Rigid Raider:

> Films like that do nothing to discourage people from climbing mountains ill-equipped.

Absolutely. After watching Vertical Limit I thought it was the done thing to go climbing with a pack full of nitro-glycerin. Lochaber MRT were none too impressed.

Toby_W on 06 Sep 2016
In reply to Oliver Houston:

Does this ring any bells?

Aaaaaaaaarhhhhooooooooooowwww aaaaaaaaarhhh quick fast forward aaaaaaaarrrrroooooooo oowwwwww aaaaaaaaaaarrro ooooo quick fast forward aaaaa oooooooooowwwww baby aaaaaahhhh quick rewind baby aaaao ooooooowwwwww quick fast forward oooooooo aaaarrrrh continue with flashing lights for 5min more oooooo old man.

;-)

Cheers

Toby
PeterM - on 06 Sep 2016

Recently on the box Thor, Thor:The dark world, and Avengers Assemble. All colossal shite. Not my choice either.

2
planetmarshall on 06 Sep 2016
In reply to PeterM:
> Recently on the box Thor, Thor:The dark world, and Avengers Assemble. All colossal shite.

Agreed, though I must admit they do at least have some entertainment factor. The problem with any live action treatment of comic-book characters is you eventually have to deal with the fact that they are inherently ridiculous. Even Nolan's lauded 'Dark Knight' films couldn't overcome the fact it was still a guy dressed up like a bat.
Post edited at 15:51
Xharlie on 06 Sep 2016
In reply to planetmarshall:
When I watched 2001, I thought it was pretty awful. Sure, I saw the brilliance and I acknowledged the fact that it was hugely influential, basically the grandfather of a genre, but I still thought it was dire. Apart from "the bit with HAL", I disregarded it as total junk.

But two weeks later, I was still discussing, debating and arguing about it with a mate at work and I realised that it couldn't have been so bad if it gave us that much to talk about.

I'd never watch it again, though.... apart from "the bit with HAL"

EDIT: Thankfully, in 2007, Valve gave us Portal so we never have to watch 2001 again. It will take about the same time to play as 2001 does to watch and it's basically "HAL9000, the game". Also, you get rewarded with cake so there's that.
Post edited at 16:10
nufkin - on 06 Sep 2016
In reply to planetmarshall:

> anyone who doesn't recognise 2001 as a work of artistic genius is simply and factually wrong.

Hand in the air for me.

It might be a work of artistic genius, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's a good film (it doesn't necessarily mean it's bad either - or the worst, like, ever - but I have no interest in watching it again)
ultrabumbly on 06 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

There are few films I will stop watching. I think there is only about 5 or 6 I have ever done so. I like to at least reclaim having been bamboozled into sitting through it up until the point I realise it is a turkey by being able to know just how bad it was. For instance I recently sat the whole way through The Green Lantern!

The most recent I couldn't stick out was He Who Dares: Downing Street Siege http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3640272/

Absolutely terrible!

I challenge anyone to last more than ten minutes. It was on netflix when I saw the start about a year ago. I don't currently have it so can't check. Really try, outstandingly bad.
cb294 - on 06 Sep 2016
In reply to nufkin:

Same here. 2001 is worth seeing once, but mainly for the opening, the use of music, and the HAL scene. It would have definitely benefitted from rigorous cutting, maybe down to half length.

Anyway, I find Kubrick extremely hit and miss: Responsible for some of the best films of their respective genres ever made (Dr. Strangelove, Lolita, Paths of Glory, The Shining) as well as completely unbearable rubbish (Spartacus, Full Metal Jacket, and, worst of all, Eyes Wide Shut).

A Clockwork Orange is a strange one with aspects of both, a bit like 2001: Great concept, great use of music, but otherwise complete art wank.

CB
davidbeynon on 06 Sep 2016
In reply to cb294:
Whether you like Kubrick is all a matter of perspective

http://www.vimeo.com/48425421
Post edited at 17:23
ultrabumbly on 06 Sep 2016
In reply to cb294:
> Anyway, I find Kubrick extremely hit and miss: Responsible for some of the best films of their respective genres ever made (Dr. Strangelove, Lolita, Paths of Glory, The Shining) as well as completely unbearable rubbish (Spartacus, Full Metal Jacket, and, worst of all, Eyes Wide Shut).

"What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?"


Post edited at 17:41
cb294 - on 06 Sep 2016
In reply to davidbeynon:

Excellent, I never considered this!

CB
BnB - on 06 Sep 2016
In reply to cb294:
> Same here. 2001 is worth seeing once, but mainly for the opening, the use of music, and the HAL scene. It would have definitely benefitted from rigorous cutting, maybe down to half length.

Then you are blind to the virtues of the film. It's an exercise in painting the imagination. That's why the scenes are so slow to develop. The plot has so few development points because the images are for gazing at, not moving on from. You watch 2001 to see the craft of the model makers and the painterly vision of Kubrick's eye. I can't count the number of times I've seen it and if anything I find some scenes indecently hurried. A numinous masterpiece.

Post edited at 17:31
cb294 - on 06 Sep 2016
In reply to ultrabumbly:

I found the film completely overwrought, even though some scenes or dialogues in isolation are compelling. Also, the first part in boot camp is coherent, but towards the end when actually fighting the storyline disappears.

Compare this to the Deer Hunter, Apocalypse Now, or the old version of All Quiet on the Western Front. Now these are proper war movies!

Similarly for later films, A thin red line and Flags of our fathers / Letters from Iwo Jima are just a class apart from Saving Private Ryan.

CB
cb294 - on 06 Sep 2016
In reply to BnB:

IMO a film, like a theater play, should tell a story. I prefer to watch paintings in a gallery. Making a film as a series of paintings is art wank. As you can imagine, I also hated Koyannisquatsi.....

But of course I am part trolling here, if you enjoyed that film then fair enough. Tastes are subjective, after all! To me it simply felt like a worthwhile but ultimately failed artistic experiment.

However, one simply cannot let such a thread pass without slagging off films you know others will class as masterpieces. Where is the fun in moaning about Battlefield Earth or Independence Day, to stick with the SciFi genre? Way too easy!

CB
Flinticus - on 06 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:
All of you have higher standards than me (at least my veg out with a few beers standard) as none of you seem to have tried Evil Aliens.

I (me!) turned it off while mildly drunk, to read!!
Post edited at 17:55
1
aln - on 07 Sep 2016
In reply to Lusk:

Well he bangs on about the Gaurdian so much he must read it to know so much about it. I've read it maybe twice.
redjerry - on 07 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

Horrible acting, incredibly trite, ham-fisted screenplay... "God's not Dead" is without doubt the worst film ever.
The New NickB - on 07 Sep 2016
In reply to cb294:

Very odd. I love films on both your best of genre and unbearable rubbish, Kubrick lists. Admittedly, Eyes Wide Shut is complete guff.
cb294 - on 07 Sep 2016
In reply to The New NickB:

As I replied to BnB, such gradings are not only totally subjective, but on a thread like this they are also part trolling. If I dislike a film like FMJ or A Clockwork Orange it does not mean that I cannot see that they are valid works of art. As for EWS, the less said, the better!

CB
ads.ukclimbing.com
Iwan - on 08 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

Pod. Just take my word for it. It really is truly awful on every level.
1poundSOCKS - on 08 Sep 2016
In reply to The New NickB:

> Admittedly, Eyes Wide Shut is complete guff.

I feel compelled to put in a good word for Eyes Wide Shut. I really liked it.

Although I must admit, I did type Eyes Wide Shit, but spotted and corrected it.
cb294 - on 08 Sep 2016
In reply to 1poundSOCKS:

Liked Eyes wide shut? Madness!

Liked Nicole Kidman? Completely understandable....

CB
1poundSOCKS - on 08 Sep 2016
In reply to cb294:

> Liked Eyes wide shut? Madness!

I reckon films like this always get a small, cult following. All the criticism just makes us stronger.
RX-78 on 08 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

Well, how about Severed Ways, watched it while the rest of the family were away. Just finished reading PsychoVertical and I think watching Severed Ways was more of a challenge than The Reticent.

from wikipedia:
Severed Ways: The Norse Discovery of America is a 2007 independent adventure drama film that tells a story of Norse explorers battling nature, natives and Christianity in North America in the year 1007 AD. It was written, directed, edited and produced by Tony Stone who also plays one of the lead characters.

The story is told in near-documentary film fashion, using only natural light, with an initial shaky camera technique that eventually slows down into smoother cinematography. It has very little dialog and a soundtrack featuring anachronistic heavy metal music. Though unrated, the film shows human-to-human violence, animal killing, defecation, and sex.


Also recently watched The Raid 2, as liked The Raid, sadly wasn't impressed.

I will not include some awful films we have been 'forced' to watch by our children.
Thugitty Jugitty on 08 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

Films on Netflix or Amazon which have middling ratings are often worth a punt in search of the occasional gem. Things like "Z for Zacharia" with only three characters and a slow plot aren't everyone's cup of tea, but I really enjoyed it. However, this doesn't apply to "Butterfly Crush", which is utter, utter shit. The only positive reviews were clearly written by people connected to the film makers. If you have Amazon Prime then try watching just five minutes of it.
Tyler - on 08 Sep 2016
In reply to RX-78:

Which Christians were they battling in America in 1007AD?
RX-78 on 08 Sep 2016
In reply to Tyler:

not sure, I vaguely remember a cross and some monk in the film, probably someone copying the voyage of St. Brendan. Anyway didn't Jesus also visit America?
cb294 - on 08 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

OK, delete everything I have said, the worst film EVER will be the new Ben Hur. Nothing you could conceivably pack into two hours of cinematography will be able to make up for the pile of shit that has been crammed into the two minute trailer. And here was naive little me thinking trailers were there to convince people to go see the whole thing....

CB
Dave Garnett - on 08 Sep 2016
In reply to RX-78:

> not sure, I vaguely remember a cross and some monk in the film, probably someone copying the voyage of St. Brendan. Anyway didn't Jesus also visit America?

He was actually born there, contrary to rumour. If you can have Nazis on the moon, an American Jesus is fine.

On the subject of which... Iron Sky!
Jimbo C - on 08 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:
Any 'environmental disaster' film such as:

The Day After Tomorrow

2012

Edit: Can I have another one - nominated for the worst sequel ever:

28 Weeks Later
Post edited at 13:29
1
no_more_scotch_eggs - on 08 Sep 2016
In reply to Jimbo C:

> Any 'environmental disaster' film such as:

> The Day After Tomorrow

> 2012

> Edit: Can I have another one - nominated for the worst sequel ever:

> 28 Weeks Later

yes to both of those- DAT was absolute tripe, preposterous drivel, but quite fun if you were able to deactivate any critical faculties for the duration of it.

28 weeks later was offensively bad though, Robert Carlyle must really have been short of money that month to have agreed to be in it...

is there another sequel after that? not that i've any intention of seeing after '28 weeks'....
HakanT on 08 Sep 2016
In reply to pebbles:

Best. Film. Ever.
Bulls Crack - on 08 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

The Wicker Man...until it got elevated to cult status
HakanT on 08 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

Intentionally crappy films don't really count as they are only achieving their goal. Sharknado is a brilliant crap film. So is the sequel "Sharknado 2: The Second One" which wins a price for best strap line.

In terms of films that set out to be proper films, "Death Becomes Her" is probably the worst thing I've endured. Followed by pretty much anything with Steven Segal. Under Siege is acceptable only because of Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Busey.
cb294 - on 08 Sep 2016
In reply to HakanT:

Yes, Three Colours: Blue is fantastic. White was also good, but Juliette Binoche for me, any day, ahead of Julie Delpy!

CB

stp - on 09 Sep 2016
In reply to Greasy Prusiks:

> Independence day.

Watched at the cinema with some friends on acid. Thought it was totally thrilling from start to finish and found it filled with deep and hidden meanings. Years later I saw it again on a boat trip, this time straight, and then realised what a truly awful film it was.
1
davidbeynon on 09 Sep 2016
In reply to sensibleken:

The annoying thing about Rubber is that it had the potential to be a high quality pisstake but threw it all away.
stp - on 09 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

I quite enjoy some really bad films. The type that are so bad they're good.

Recent gems in that category are Birdemic Shock and Awe, An American Hippie in Israel (the title's protagonist is blatantly not American) and my favourite Raiders of the Lost Shark. Raiders scores a well deserved 1.7 on IMDB and has it all. Poor locations, terrible acting, ridiculous plot, awful photography and special effects to make you cringe. The poster is fantastic though the scene depicted is not in the film, nothing remotely like it in fact.
davidbeynon on 09 Sep 2016
In reply to stp:

I just googled "raiders of the lost shark", and that is without doubt the best movie poster I have seen in ages.
sensibleken - on 09 Sep 2016
In reply to stp:
If you like so-bad-theyre-good films then I can't recomend enough Fatal Deviation, Irelands only Kung fu movie, the whole things on youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPne3Wh0lqk

Its got everything, non actors in every roll, witty one liners "f*ck you and your gun ya prick", ex members of boyzone, a monk led training montage (catholic monk), just enough decent kung fu to give it some merit, and a sexy lady!
Post edited at 15:25
mark s - on 09 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

watched the point break remake on my kodi this week

utter pap
Flinticus - on 09 Sep 2016
In reply to sensibleken:

Why!

Check out the clip at 6:48.

Though the Londis scene is also...stunning

Wanderer100 - on 09 Sep 2016
In reply to Rigid Raider:

> Cliffhanger with Stallone; absolutely dire. Films like that do nothing to discourage people from climbing mountains ill-equipped.

Now now. We all secretly want to hang off razor thin edges with one hand and avoid falling helicopters whilst wearing a very old jumper full of holes. I wonder if there's a course I can go on or some training programme I can follow?
SChriscoli on 10 Sep 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

Only a few films I was cast into the Glastonbury toilets

1: Ultraviolet. I lasted 10 minutes.

2: Hobbit - unexpected journey. After the excellent LOTR trilogy somehow managed to make a book shorter in length than any of the LOTR books into 3 long movies. The first being the worst.

3: Batman vs Superman. Such hype...such expectation
.such a letdown.

Offwidth - on 04 Oct 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

Just skimmed Left Behind starring Nicholas Cage as I was facinated how dreadful it was. How the mighty fall.

https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/left_behind_2014/

Has anyone seen a major movie with less than 2%??
baron - on 04 Oct 2016
In reply to Offwidth:
I watched part of this last night and couldn't believe how bad it was.
You couldn't make a film that bad if you tried.
Can't see anything beating it.
The New NickB - on 04 Oct 2016
In reply to rossowen:

> A film called 'Resistance'. A fictional account of World War 2 where the Germans reach South Wales.

I read the book, beautifully written, but I do like something to happen and like you say, nothing did.
SChriscoli on 04 Oct 2016
In reply to sensibleken:

Wow. You're a third person that has admitted to seeing this film.

I dont think it should make the shit list because by its very nature doesnt take itself very seriously..but sadly stayed too obscure to make it to cult status.

The same cab be had for the whole Machete saga. Danny Trejo is just balls to the wall mental.

Now if you want true abhorrent abomination. Try and last longer than 20 minutes of Ultra Violet. Then tell me your real top of the shit list film.
1
Offwidth - on 05 Oct 2016
In reply to baron:
I felt like some cheese with my delicious Matsu El Picaro (the best wine ever under £10?) . I watched Expendables 2 just before and it was pretty bad and a really odd movie made for top trump playing 11 year olds but R rated (like the A team but with people being killed). So bad in fact that despite including most of the big name 'dumb fight movie' stars from the last two decades, Steven Seagal refused to be in it... Chuck Norris was especially dreadful... little new there I guess. Rotten Tomatoes lets us down here: yes it was self aware and cartoon like on purpose but deprecation stretched to breaking point isn't far from defecation.

I thought things can't get that much worse but after a merely mediocre standard B movie start my imagination was soon Left Behind ...I was mesmerised: just fast forward during the non dialogue bits as the true horror of the screenplay and key scenes at the end is intensified)

The Hobbit... pah ... positively Joycean in comparison.
Post edited at 08:58
Offwidth - on 05 Oct 2016
In reply to SChriscoli:
Ultraviolet is very poor derivative tosh that everyone knows should be outside the visible spectrum (I watched to the end but wasnt sure if it was all a bad dream) but seriously.. try Left Behind.
Post edited at 09:05
David S Gainor - on 05 Oct 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

The Neon Demon. Utter toss.
1
Phil79 - on 05 Oct 2016
In reply to The Lemming:
Has "The Happening" been mentioned yet? If not it should be high on the list.

Two hours of Marky Marks terrible acting, and everyone running away from wind, or plants, or some other nonsense, I cant remember.

Dirge.
Post edited at 10:50
sensibleken - on 05 Oct 2016
In reply to Phil79:

Oh god, when the guy turned on the lawnmower and lay down in front of it? I nearly wet myself laughing
peebles boy - on 05 Oct 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

Freddy Got Fingered with Tom Green. Took me 3 separate sittings to get through it, wish i had just given up after one attempt.
Phil79 - on 05 Oct 2016
In reply to sensibleken:

Yes! I'd probably glazed over by that point, but I can remember that.
Thorpy - on 05 Oct 2016
For me it has to be Birdemic, the .gif animations of birds "attacking" people its truly hilarious. But it's almost so bad its good.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1316037/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Shapeshifter - on 05 Oct 2016
In reply to sensibleken:

> If you like so-bad-theyre-good films then I can't recomend enough Fatal Deviation, Irelands only Kung fu movie, the whole things on youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPne3Wh0lqk

> Its got everything, non actors in every roll, witty one liners "f*ck you and your gun ya prick", ex members of boyzone, a monk led training montage (catholic monk), just enough decent kung fu to give it some merit, and a sexy lady!

And we have a winner surely - how they ever managed to raise the £3.80 budget to make that I'll never know
krikoman - on 05 Oct 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

The Blob

Zero Population Growth

both a bag of ..
wercat on 11 Oct 2016
In reply to cb294:

I've always thought a good war film is one that you're glad you have seen but wouldn't wish to have to see again - Katyn for instance.
cb294 - on 11 Oct 2016
In reply to wercat:

Yes, All quiet on the Western Front for me.

CB
Pesda potato - on 11 Oct 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

There are a lot of good bad suggests there, ill add ghibli Grave of the fireflies
johnwright - on 11 Oct 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

For me the absolute worse film I ever hand the stupidity to watch was "JAWS". It was sh1te. I rest my case.
6
Dell on 16 Oct 2016
In reply to johnwright:

> For me the absolute worse film I ever hand the stupidity to watch was "JAWS". It was sh1te. I rest my case.

You heathen, get in the f***ing sea!
The Lemming - on 17 Oct 2016
In reply to johnwright:

> For me the absolute worse film I ever hand the stupidity to watch was "JAWS". It was sh1te. I rest my case.

May I ask when you first saw Jaws?

Was it when the film first came out or was it many years later when special effects became more sophisticated?
thebigfriendlymoose - on 17 Oct 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

The lack of effects is to me what makes Jaws stand the test of time as a really good chiller. The mechanical shark kept breaking down (they hadn't tested it in salt water), so they had to change the film on the fly - relying on the fear of the unseen. What was intended to be a "creature feature" ended up far more suspenseful.

Also, I can't see how anyone could think a film with the John Millais scripted USS Indianpolis scene could be all bad... the bit where they are all jokily comparing shark wounds when Quint delivers a horrible account of the fate of the crew of the sunk ship:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMl1NbR0h_A
johnwright - on 17 Oct 2016
In reply to The Lemming:

I saw the film first time on the television donkeys years ago. It was utter sh1t then and I can't see why it's improved over the years,
idiotproof (Buxton MC) - on 18 Oct 2016
Smurfs 2 - had to watch it with some kid for work, though i expected it to bad.....it was REALLY nad.

Just Married - some ashton kutcher film we saw after my gf moaned i always chose the film. 10 people in the small cinema screen. 4 left within 20 mins, the guy in front turned round and sat on the floor looking at the back wall and i spent an hour trying to tie my shoelaces with my feet..... beyond awful


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