UKC

Should I just forget it?

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 Gills 06 Oct 2016
In work today an old college called in. Since his retirement any time he has called on he has always commented about setting me up with one of his sons. I have always laughed along and politely and quietly changed the subject.
Today some of my current colleges gave out my personal phone number so he could pass it along to his son, without my permission and continued joking about it for the rest of the day.
I left work feeling very embarrassed and hurt, not to mention cross that they would give out my personal details without my permission.
I don't talk about my personal
Life at work much, they have no idea if I'm seeing someone or not. It's just inappropriate and unprofessional in my opinion.
Is this something I should just ignore? Should I speak to those involved? There's a staff meeting tomorrow,should I talk to the superintendent and get her to say to everyone that kind of behaviour is inappropriate at work but keep it vague so as not to single people out?
 Nick Alcock 06 Oct 2016
In reply to Gills:

Depends which college they went to really?

D
6
 David Alcock 06 Oct 2016
In reply to Gills:

It's well out of order. Bringing it up privately with your manager might be more tactful... it's tricky if you want to avoid bad-feeling.
OP Gills 06 Oct 2016
In reply to Nick Alcock:

Lol damn it! UKC strikes again! Colleague! (Please let that be right! Lol)
OP Gills 06 Oct 2016
In reply to David Alcock:

I realise that if I do anything atall I'm going to be talked about 'can't take a joke' and all that. I thought if,like you say, I go to my manager, it can be kept more vague but the people involved will know what it's about. Aswell as avoiding confrontation?
I hate this kind of thing! Makes me feel so anxious!
 Nick Alcock 06 Oct 2016
In reply to Gills:

Yeah. I was only joking with you Gills. Good luck with your problem

DX
 planetmarshall 06 Oct 2016
In reply to Gills:

Raise hell. I wouldn't worry about hurt feelings at this point. They've been unprofessional and you should make that very, very clear.
OP Gills 06 Oct 2016
In reply to Nick Alcock:

Thankyou lol!
 Nick Alcock 06 Oct 2016
In reply to Gills:

Big Smile

DX
 Ridge 06 Oct 2016
In reply to David Alcock:

> It's well out of order. Bringing it up privately with your manager might be more tactful... it's tricky if you want to avoid bad-feeling.

I agree, it's well out of order. Failing that get your colleagues mobile numbers and hand them out to random creepy strangers...
 Mike Stretford 06 Oct 2016
In reply to Gills:
> I realise that if I do anything atall I'm going to be talked about 'can't take a joke' and all that. I thought if,like you say, I go to my manager, it can be kept more vague but the people involved will know what it's about. Aswell as avoiding confrontation?

It is well out of order, but this culture does seem to develop at some workplaces. Personally, I would speak to the people involved first, let them know were the boundaries are, that you're not into that kind of 'office prank'. If they carry on after that it really is harassment.
Post edited at 18:47
Bellie 06 Oct 2016
In reply to Gills:

I'd simply approach the person directly and say simply and clearly that you do not appreciate your details being given out in such way, and it is unprofessional, and you'd rather them not do it.

You could add whilst walking away that your OH would take issue with it too ; )

Leave it at that and if they have an issue with it - well its their problem. You've raised it fairly/directly with them and not gone around the houses to managers etc.
cb294 06 Oct 2016
In reply to Mike Stretford:

It has crossed that border already. We have terminated the contract of someone working at my institute in a similar case, I am sure UK law would be equally strict.

CB
 Billhook 06 Oct 2016
In reply to Gills:

Your college - and thus your company have likely breached the Data Protection Act as they should keep all that sort of personal information safe and only released for use with your permission. Where did the employee obtain the information from? If it was the company or company provided information then they definitely were in breach. Your company should have a 'Data Controller' and I'd have a word with them first - you should not have to deal with it yourself at this stage. Breaches of the DPA are taken seriously by the Data Commissioner.

If you gave the individual the information in a private capacity then you've no 'official' come back.

1
OP Gills 06 Oct 2016
In reply to Ridge:

Lol id love to but the same girls would have me infront of HR on an official warning at even the thought of it!!
OP Gills 06 Oct 2016
In reply to Dave Perry:

I don't know where they got my number from, one of the girls has it in her phone but it was equally available in the same room from the 'Oncall' contact details. I don't want to go down a big official route but it's left me distressed enough that I feel something needs to be said either to the individuals or to the department as a whole as a reminder of proper conduct.
It's a bloody hospital they should know about confidentiality, we deal with it every day!
 Bobling 06 Oct 2016
In reply to Gills:

Completely out of order, borderline harassment. Very hard to give advice about how to tackle it though without knowing more about the context but I would think anyone worth their salt in any sort of management role would take this pretty seriously.
OP Gills 06 Oct 2016
In reply to Mike Stretford:

I'm all up for having a joke, if they want to have a jibe and say I should go on a blind date with some randomer that's fine. It's the handing over of my details to that randomer that I have the issue with...
 Mike Stretford 06 Oct 2016
In reply to cb294:

> It has crossed that border already.

I totally agree, I was just suggesting what I would do as an option. To rephrase it, I would tell them they crossed the line, and that it should not happen again.
 Mike Stretford 06 Oct 2016
In reply to Gills:
> I'm all up for having a joke, if they want to have a jibe and say I should go on a blind date with some randomer that's fine. It's the handing over of my details to that randomer that I have the issue with...

And so you should, I completely understand. As part of the chat I would suggest one of them has a word with this random so you don't receive any unwanted messages.

The 2 routes are, speak to them yourself or go to management. There's potential pros and cons to each, and it's impossible to know which is most appropriate in your case. Whatever you do keep a record of what happened on a daily basis. Best of luck.
Post edited at 19:19
 Graham Booth 06 Oct 2016
In reply to Gills:

articulate inanimate buildings setting people up? Whatever will we hear of next
2
blackratdog 06 Oct 2016
In reply to Gills:

I'd say this was a clear case of sexual harassment. The fact that it's apparently not on his own behalf doesn't make any difference. I think someone may say that kind of thing once as a joke, fair enough. But you say "any time he has called on he has always commented about setting me up with one of his sons." By doing it repeatedly he has crossed well over the line of it being done in humour. Perhaps he sees it as a joke, perhaps he does it maliciously to annoy you because he knows you don't like it, perhaps he seriously wants to hook you up with his son. It doesn't matter, it's harassment and any employment tribunal would find in your favour. I'm not a lawyer, but I'm sure you could take them to the cleaners. You are probably happy in your job and don't want any trouble, but the more people like this are dealt with severely, the less it will happen to others in the future. The matter has clearly been exacerbated now that someone else has given out your private number. My advice would be to report both the retired person and the colleague who has given out your number to your superiors and see what they do about it. It's a repeated course of events, not a one-off, and now it's been ratcheted up a notch by your number being given out. No one should have to endure this in a work environment.
 Mike Stretford 06 Oct 2016
In reply to Gills:
I should have added, don't be anxious, you are in control of this. Just keep calm and don't react to any of their shit banter.
Post edited at 19:55
OP Gills 06 Oct 2016
In reply to Everyone:

Thanks for all the advice guys, I'm still not sure what I'm going to do. Hopefully a climbing session now and a good nights sleep will help make things clearer I will do something about it tomorrow though.
 Toby_W 06 Oct 2016
In reply to Gills:

Wow!

Wow again. I can't actually find the words. Any colleague who did this would probably either avoid me for the rest of their career or move to Australia due to the force of the words I would have with them.

I do warn anyone at work who I give my number too that it is my personal number and only given for the specific use it's supplied for and that I may be a bit abrupt answering to an unknown number/person.

Cheers

Toby

1
 Billhook 06 Oct 2016
In reply to Gills:

Then I'd bring up at the staff meeting. You'll be in a union too I guess. If the info came from official data then the Data Controller at the hospital will be in breach of their duties if they don't follow it up. They won't necessarily kick a stink up but they will make sure this sort of thing does or should not happen. Its not necessarily the same thing as 'confidentiality' which is un/ethical This is simply illegal!.
 colinakmc 06 Oct 2016
In reply to Gills:
As I understand it the data protection act requires that employers do not divulge personal information about employees. So anyone who accessse your records to pass on your contact details has actually broken the law/ caused your employer to break the law. It's not a joke, and your employer surely needs to know that someone has breached data confidentiality. Unless you handed the phone number out yourself, it's disciplinary for someone.
Bear in mind you're the injured party here.
1
 Bwox 07 Oct 2016
In reply to Gills:

> Lol damn it! UKC strikes again! Colleague!

No, no, Dervish had a point - some chaps are good eggs, but if he's a Baliol man he's bound to be a rotter.
 Dave Garnett 07 Oct 2016
In reply to Bwox:

I have old colleges calling me all the time, generally for money!
1
 hang_about 07 Oct 2016
In reply to Gills:

I'd have a word with the person who gave out your number and tell them how out of order it was. Get them to contact the guy who they gave your number to, explain that they were being an idiot and ask them not to pass the number on. If it has been passed on, tell them to explicitly tell their son to delete it and not to call. If they don't cooperate raise it with their line manager (I wouldn't do it in a middle of a staff meeting). Say that you tried to sort it out with the minimum of fuss but that you're being ignored. Needs to be nipped in the bud before it escalates. Make the person who gave your number out responsible for putting it right - they can suffer the embarrassment.
 plyometrics 07 Oct 2016
In reply to Gills:

Just scrawl their personal numbers on the back doors of the local men's public convenience, alongside the promise of a range of exciting and naughty liaisons...

Then sit back and relax.

 RockAngel 07 Oct 2016
In reply to Gills:

If the chat about giving out personal info doesn't get thru to your colleagues, and they say that you 'can't take a joke', give their phone numbers out to random selection and see how they like it
 subtle 07 Oct 2016
In reply to Gills:

> I'm all up for having a joke, if they want to have a jibe and say I should go on a blind date with some randomer that's fine. It's the handing over of my details to that randomer that I have the issue with...

so, errrrr, what's your number?

(for those without the capacity to realise that the above comment was not serious)
KevinD 07 Oct 2016
In reply to Gills:

I would be pissed off but not sure what response I would take. Be tempted by the graffiti in pub toilets suggested by others.
 Trangia 07 Oct 2016
In reply to Gills:

Not just in a work situation, but in any life situation it's totally inappropriate to give out someone else's personal contact details without their consent. The person who did this should be left in no doubt that their behaviour was out of order. I suppose it depends on how you get on with this individual. If it's cordial then a direct approach is probably the way forward, but if not, your suggestion that your superintendent should remind everyone of the importance of confidentiality in such matters is probably the best solution. If this individual makes a habit of breaking confidences then a formal complaint to the superintendent is probably best.
 Bootrock 07 Oct 2016
In reply to blackratdog:
No it's not

Sexual harassment is bullying or coercion of a sexual nature, or the unwelcome or inappropriate promise of rewards in exchange for sexual favours.


Agreed it's out of order. And it's a pet hate of mine for people to give out numbers, I have fallen out with mates over refusing to give out personal numbers without permission.


But the solution is to just communicate with said person. they might not know it made her uncomfortable, and thought it was a joke. They could well be mortified to find out you find it so uncomfortable.

Instead of whinging to a group of strangers, go and communicate to the person. If they dont take notice, then there will be procedures to follow with your HR department, and even just a small word in the ear of your line manager.

It's not hard. Everyone kicking off and going into orbit.
Post edited at 15:12
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 FesteringSore 07 Oct 2016
In reply to Gills:

If all else fails and the person to whom your contact details were passed calls you then I think you might have a case for harassment or something. Might be a long stop.

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