UKC

"Notably, the sociologist Simmel (1996 Simmel, G. 1996.) sees gratitude as the most important cohesive element for society, it is the ‘moral memory of mankind,’ the bridge connecting one human being with another, ‘If every grateful action, which lingers on from good turns received in the past, were suddenly eliminated, society (at least as we know it) would break apart’. Gratitude is often heralded as being ‘profoundly interpersonal’ (Emmons and Crumpler 2000 Emmons, R., and C. Crumpler. 2000.]). A ‘grateful person’ is more likely to attribute positive outcomes to the efforts of other people (McCullough, Emmons, and Tsang 2002 McCullough, M., R. Emmons, and J. Tsang. 2002.), wanting to give back as an acknowledgement of this gift."

Kerry Howells, Karen Stafford, Rosanne Guijt & Michael Breadmore (2017): The role of gratitude in enhancing the relationship between doctoral research students and their supervisors, Teaching in Higher Education


‘If every grateful action, which lingers on from good turns received in the past, were suddenly eliminated, society (at least as we know it) would break apart’. Discuss.

In reply to damhan-allaidh:

Thanks for sharing that.

In reply to damhan-allaidh:

It's why bottles of wine was invented

In reply to Bjartur i Sumarhus:

Just thought it was an interesting point to discuss. Obviously not. Fortunately, I am grateful for having some work to do on a Friday afternoon.

In reply to damhan-allaidh:
I don't see the distinction between gratitude, which one might feel, but not express, and 'gratitude', which one may not genuinely feel, but express just the same.
The former would benefit oneself, but no-one else, the latter would benefit only the other person. (unless they knew it was insincere, in which case society usually falls apart)

In reply to damhan-allaidh:

Wouldn't kindness be more important, we don't always do things to "get" gratitude and not getting gratitude doesn't stop us from performing kind acts.

Obviously giving all the time, especially to the same person, without some gratitude might become wearing, but giving to a charity for instance, where you get no gratitude does stop you giving.

Or is the precept that because I'm grateful of past kindnesses I'm more likely to give?

In reply to krikoman and fredt

The students and staff interviewed for the research identified what (for them) comprised 'gratitude practices': letting go of resentment, reflection, taking responsibility, and acknowledgement - which includes the idea of unexpressed gratitude, but must influence relationships positively in a more subtle, less overt way. Those all surprised me.

The whole concept made me pause for a couple of reasons. Out of habit (and because that's what the OED says), I think of gratitudes as "pleasing, thankfulness" - but I now wonder about being grateful for things that are not pleasing. Have either of you seen Dan Cohen's Ted Talk on losing arguments? He appreciates losing them because that's how he learns things; his perspective is that we never learning things through winning an argument. The second reason was exactly the idea of kindness. There is a tweet from a couple of years ago that pops up every now again. I can't remember the exact quote, but it's based on a new PhD wondering about what will make them unique in academia - and the reply is kindness. So, as you say, there's probably a reason we say "kindness begets kindness".

In reply to damhan-allaidh:


Shouldn't you be doing it then?

I can see how gratitude is that "bridge" that connects us. I certainly feel that warm glow inside when someone thanks me for something I've done. The most recent example was at the wedding of my late brother's daughter where I was asked to "fill his boots" (fortunately, not the bill though!). It was not only the gratitude of my niece and her husband that touched me, but also that of many of the guests who, though they didn't know me, made the effort to personally thank me for my words. It was one of the most joyous parts of the day for me and I certainly felt a connection with everyone there.

I sometimes think there is not enough people being proactively good to each other. This extends further than just being a show of gratitude and includes respect and courtesy, forgiveness and apology, sympathy and empathy. I also think this is a fundamental flaw in our psyche and may herald back to a time when we were "more savage", though sometimes I feel our savagery is increasing.

I know I am not perfect, but who is and indeed, who wants to be? But recently, I have been trying to make more of a conscious effort to be more empathetic and have found that it has made me a better and happier person, though this may be due to the fluoxitine I taking at the moment!

There is a poster on here, that I won't embarrass by naming, with whom I have had some "run ins" with in the past. I think we both stepped back and thought about things a bit and I would say we have now developed some kind of friendship (as far as that can go online) through a mutual respect and empathy, that at one stage I would not have thought possible.

Thanks for your post and I hope your work isn't too onerous.

In reply to damhan-allaidh:


That's something that posters on here and people in general definitely don't do enough of. Some do and have openly admitted to having their minds changed by the weight of other arguments. A true scientist should always be grateful for being proved wrong because, as you say, it is a furtherment of understanding. Personally, I think admitting that you are wrong is a sign of strength rather than weakness. It sometimes takes a lot of guts to do it.

In reply to Hugh J:

I am multi-tasking! Actually, this is quite closely related to things I am working on at the moment. Trying to develop organisational strategies and training that are not just about the operational side of things-but have a human and humane dimension. Not onerous - I quite enjoy it, but it can be rather perplexing (and frustrating).

>I can see how gratitude is that "bridge" that connects us. I certainly feel that warm glow inside when someone thanks me for something I've done...

That's a lovely (though, slightly bittersweet; I'm sorry about your brother) story. I think that warm glow comes from realising that you don't just have goodness within yourself, but through other's gratitude, your goodness extends outside of yourself, bringing satisfaction and pleasure to family, friends and strangers alike. What a tremendously powerful thing to be able to do!

>I sometimes think there is not enough people being proactively good to each other/I know I am not perfect, but who is and indeed...

In terms of these two thoughts, and Dan Cohen's work - I've been pondering this a lot myself in the wake of political events here and in the US; and in staff meetings(!) Everyone wants to be right. In various facets of my life, I've encountered people who are intimidated, angered by, or see as a weakness things like gratitude, courtesy, sympathy, kindness, empathy etc. I've taught in just about every sector, and worked in two countries - people shy away from discussing or acknowleding emotions; we outright try to exclude them from the workplace. Not good.

And thank you, too!

In reply to Hugh J:

This just popped up on my twitter feed, thought you might be amused, too: https://twitter.com/Botanygeek/status/817277095608983557

In reply to damhan-allaidh:

UKC in a nutshell !

Thanks, made me laugh.

In reply to damhan-allaidh:

I love that so much.

In reply to damhan-allaidh:

It's actually a small G, g
That should go in the reality thread.

In reply to Lusk:


Ha! You've inspired me to try and find something else, but the best I can do is a snail with a drooping head...not great.


Feel free to move it over.

In reply to marsbar:

Me, too.
I wish I'd had that when I was teaching; it would have really messed with the kids' heads And mine!

In reply to Hugh J:

You think that is UKC, this is UKC ...
(play from 27:27)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b086kpfg/walliams-friend-series-1-6-hu...

In reply to Lusk:

LOL. Spot on. That's the why it takes me so long to write a post!

In reply to damhan-allaidh:

Your OP looks like the small print to my house insurance.