UKC

Ive got a best mans speech to give tomorrow, and in the best traditions ive left it till the last minute.

has anyone got any good quips/one liners/jokes that can be used generically so i dont have to subject the wedding party to crap and rudeness (my limits to humour)

cheers all in advance.

chris - bad speaker.

In reply to Chris Georg:

There are a couple of books out there which give good advice and alot of jokes which can be adapted. You should get one as they really do help and there is nothing worse than a crap 'best man's ' speech.

In reply to Removed User: im not getting a book just for jokes.

paying for smiles, and very capitalist in my view.






and im cheap.

In reply to Chris Georg:

Don't forget to toast the bridesmaids, most important!

If ur following the groom, u could stand up and say you were going to waffle on and regale everyone with stories, but the grooms just done it, so you won't have to, toast everyone and sit right back down?!

My brother in law, gave all the guys at the wedding a key without my sister knowing, and then asked for everyone who had access to her house or had been intimate with her prior to them getting it together to return them, all the men stood up and walked to the top table and put their keys down in front of my sister.

In reply to Chris Georg: Have a look at confetti.co.uk for some ideas - I think they had some form speeches and jokes.

In reply to Chris Georg:
Just dont mention Amsterdam, the dirty hooker and the trip to the clinic. Especialy not in the same sentance

In reply to Chris Georg:

http://www.thebestmanspeech.com/

In reply to Spudsy37:


Very good!

In reply to Chris Georg:

Early on in ????? school life, he decided to tread the boards as a thespian. His first opportunity came when his junior school was putting on a major production of “Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs”, in which ???? was cast as one of the dwarfs. And very soon, he had made the part his own. From the outset, he personified his role day and night, living and breathing the essence of his character. And many say they’ve never since seen a more virtuoso performance of Dopey

In reply to the sheep:

shit, back to the drawing board then.

In reply to Chris Georg:


On behalf of the groom thank the guests for making the effort to share in the special day etc.

Thank anyone who assisted in the weeding, eg bridesmaids etc

Make some compliments about the bride, eg
The bride looks stunning, the groom looks stunned,
The bride looks one in a million, the groom won in a raffle,

Tell a few embarrasing stories about the groom (but not the occasion where he puked over the whore he was shagging).

Round up with a couple of stories about what a throughly decent chap he is.

Sit down.

Aim to talk for 3 - 4 minutes.

In reply to Chris Georg:

Some beastiality tales about the groom always go done well with the bride's family. :-o

Joking aside, as mentioned before, crowd interaction is a sure fire winner.

In reply to Chris Georg:

Didn't pay for my copy, borrowed it. Seriously though, they cover more than the jokes. Perhaps the web address that another poster has sent will do the trick. It could make the difference between bagging the bridesmaid or the ugly second cousin twice removed.

In reply to ewang:

Or just ones about the groom going down well on the brides family

In reply to Chris Georg: i've managed to 'work up' some stuff out of this sort of thing before but your mileage may vary

http://www.thehistorychannel.co.uk/site/this_day_in_history/this_day_Septem...

In reply to Chris Georg: Say nice things about the bride, insult the groom, but nothing which will lead to divorce and most important keep it brief.

In reply to Chris Georg:

Tell amusing and maybe mildly embarrasing stories about the groom. Touch on how you first met etc.
Involve the bride at some point, maybe with a story of how the bride and groom first met.
If you have a poiniant anecdote involving the three of you that would go down well.
As said before thankk the bridesmaids and complement the bride and groom on appearance.

In reply to Chris Georg:

A good icebreaker/standby joke ... You say that many folk have asked how the groom slept and say that he slept like a baby....wet the bed and cried for his mother all night.

The grannies love that one.

In reply to Chris Georg: Here's one - lets say Bob was the person who spoke before you...

"I knew Bob would be a hard act to follow, and I was right, I couldn't follow a work of it"

Boom Boom.

Cheers,

Tom.

In reply to sloper:

>Thank anyone who assisted in the weeding, eg bridesmaids etc

Excellent, now I have a picture of everyone in morning suits and dresses on their knees weeding the garden.

In reply to Chris Georg:

Heard this at one wedding I went to:

"To find a bit of inspiration for this speech I decided to look up 'wedding' in the dictionary and found 'the joining together of two different materials'. I was a bit confused at first, until I realised that I'd looked up 'welding' by mistake."

The best man then went on to wear out the analogy, but it was a good start.

In reply to Chris Georg:

Tell him:
"Now that he's married, he may aswell forget everything he's ever done wrong...for the simple reason, there's no point two people remembering them", and subtly point towards the bride.

In reply to Chris Georg:

"How to be the best best man and make a stunning speech" got me through the speech I made in August with no problems. Really great book with step by step instructions on prep, delivery, etc.

I heard a pretty risky speech at the weeekend. The final joke went something like this:

"there was some confusion as to where the bride and groom are going on their honneymoon. Although we all know they are booked to go to Cuba, on the stag do we were all under the impression they were going to north Wales as the groom kept telling us he was going to Bangor 2 weeks."

We laughed!

In reply to Mikey_07:

Get the bride to lay her hand flat on the table, then get the groom to place his hand over the top of her's.

"Make the most of this, it'll be the last time you have the upper hand"

In reply to Flyboy:

It's all in the delivery eh .... that should be "the groom kept telling us he was going to Bangor for 2 weeks"

Idiot!