UKC

I figured this thread needed starting. Who else but Chris Morris could come up with such genius as:

"Sutcliffe: The Musical"
and
"Cake is a made up drug"

As well as getting Dr Fox to comment on the similarity of crab and paedophile DNA. Such genius...

In reply to Touching Centauri:

"Some people say alcohol is a drug. It isn't - it's a drink"

In reply to Touching Centauri: My favourite:

"SCIENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!"

In reply to Touching Centauri:

"There's no evidence for this, but it's scientific fact"

In reply to Touching Centauri: I'm talking nonce sense!

What about Bernard Manning: "One kiddy on Cake, cried all the water out of his body. Just imagine how his mother felt. " and "... you can puke yourself to death on this stuff - one girl threw up her own pelvis-bone..."

Cheers,

FT.

In reply to Touching Centauri:

VOICEOVER : He was allowed to write articles for a magazine edited by a man who, at that time, had a 9 year old nephew with a nice pink arse and no hair on his balls. The orgy of slywinking usery was only brought to an end by a stairwell noncebashing which left North braindead and quadraspazzed on a life-glug.

CHRIS MORRIS : Jes North is released tomorrow. Can we be sure that pervert mechanics haven't built him one of these. Of course we can't, which is why your children could very soon be splatted by a roboplegic wrong-cock. Now what are the facts about paedophiles?

In reply to Fume Troll: It affects part of the brain called Shatner's Bassoon?

In reply to Chris F:

What about the Japanese advert for smoking grass through a dog?

In reply to Chris F: what`s he gunna do ? Run for Dongress ?

In reply to Touching Centauri:

"They told me you had good AIDS!"

In reply to Touching Centauri: Interesting article here:
http://observer.guardian.co.uk/screen/story/0,6903,532307,00.html
Cheers,

FT.

In reply to Touching Centauri:

"Otters are easy. You can kill an otter in seconds, kick its face off."

In reply to Fume Troll: Just read that a few minutes ago, quite interesting.

"But what about the less fortunate, like bricklayers and blacks?"

In reply to Touching Centauri: I once met him briefly a few years ago in London. It was at one of the Warp Records parties and I'd had a bit too much to drink, had just thrown up on my trainers and decided to call it a night. In the lobby of the club I saw a bloke dressed in tweed, a flat-cap and wellies and immediately realised it was Chris Morris himself! Being a big fan I thought "I'd like to shake his hand!".... alas he didn't agree and gave me such a dirty look when I wandered over :'(

In reply to eppa:

Just been watching 'The Day Today' on video. "Fact me till I fart!"

In reply to Touching Centauri:

Talking of being 'So 1995', well 1997, but close.

In reply to Touching Centauri:

The bit with Claire Raynor:

CM 'So if a man started attacking you would you beat him off?'

CR 'Well yes, I suppose I'd have to'

CM 'So what if another man started too, would you try to beat him off at the same time?'

CR 'Of course'

CM 'So what if it was loads of blokes, would you try to beat them off one at a time?'

CR 'I'd try to beat them all off to the best of my ability'

I know I've misquoted it but that doesn't detract from how ridiculously funny the exchange was.

In reply to Touching Centauri: Yes Morris is a genius (I've been watching Jam of late). I can't believe the things he could get some people to say, "her trunk is actually up stuck up her anus and they're not trying to help her", Paul Daniels.

In reply to Kate: Ah yes Jam. Even more messed up. Didn't that have Kilroy going nuts in a shopping centre?

In reply to Kate:

Jam was really weird, even for Chris Morris. My main memory of the show was a jilted lover putting himself through a wood chipper and being fired at his ex's window.

In reply to Touching Centauri: I think so, but I haven't got to that one yet. His most messed up thing is My Wrongs 8245-8249 and 117.

In reply to climbingpixie: I prefered the radio version, Blue Jam.

In reply to Touching Centauri: The most funniest thing ever though was on his Radio One evening show on Wednesdays. There I was sitting doing my homework, and he says that REM are in trouble for advocating the benefits of eating whales, then played this song.

SHINY FLAPPY MEATY CREATURE

When you are hungry
You're not hungry
You are starving
Oh
Body, body, nutrient
Nutrition, stomach, stomach empty
Fill it
Oh

Hey!
What's on my plate? (eat)
No it's not some fish (hey)
It's part of your culture to hunt it (hey)
And it's flipper-licking good
Yummy-yum (whale)

[chorus]
Eat meat, whale meat
When you need a treat
(shiny flappy meaty creature)
Pull that baby off the teat
Fill its face with tail meat
(smiling Jappy people nourished)

What are whales for if not for eating?
It's good to kill 'em
They're not exactly pretty
Hate their stupid noise
And their ugly little eye - die!

[chorus]

Here come the whaling fleet
Meat, greet, eaty treat
(come and help me cut this blubber up)
(come and help me cut this blubber u-up)
(whale)

In reply to Kate: Haha brilliant!

In reply to Touching Centauri: joss ackland's spunky backpack

In reply to Touching Centauri:

Cackle my Gladys.


Davie

In reply to Touching Centauri:

Jam. A man afraid of heights commits suicide by throwing himself from the first storey 50 times. The baby plumbed into the central heating by the guilty browbeaten plumber. The doctor with a predeliction for the sound of penises slapping off patients thighs.

Weirdly haunting stuff.

In reply to Touching Centauri:

No that was another show by Victor Lewis Sm ith I think- with the Gay Daleks. TV Trash or summat.

In reply to lummox: No, it was Jam:

"Chris Morris announces it's "The day Kilroy lost his mind." There is then a series of manic shots of a lookalike of television presenter Robert Kilroy Silk going mad in a shopping mall, running around naked, shouting at passers-by, urinating on a shop window then falling asleep in a supermarket's freezer after attempting to wrestle a baby from its mother."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jam_%28TV_series%29

In reply to Touching Centauri:

the twisted brainwrong of a one off man mental

In reply to Touching Centauri:

The guy is a genius, no doubt about it.

Don't forget 'The Day Today', another classic!!

In reply to dispeller: Oh yes the day today brilliant, someone was asking here the other day about gay mountains, I remember Colin Popshed doing the gay seas once (Caspian was one from memory), but I wondered if he'd ever done gay mountains.

In reply to Kate:

A first outing for Alan Partridge as well..great stuff!!

In reply to dispeller:


Started as 'On The Hour' on Radio 4.

"It's O'Clock at 5 O'clock."

Anyone remember Radio Active, with m-m-m-Martin .... erm.. Brown?

In reply to KeithW:
Jacque Oeuf was brilliant on 'On the Hour'.

In reply to Touching Centauri:

His best stuff was the radio one shows, circa '94.

Pretending to drag the body of the just dead johnny walker from the next studio, his trousers slip down,

Peter Baynham, "oh my god, he's got two cocks!"
CM, "didn't you know about that? I though everyone in broadcasting knew"

In reply to KeithW:


Not forgetting Mike Flex and Anne Adapter

In reply to trevor simpson: not forgetting announcing Jimmy Saville`s death on air- that might have been On The Hour... and the first Alan Partridge`s- when the second best racing driver in France dosed him.

In reply to all: agreed. sheer genius. i remember after the paedophile episode, the staffroom at my school was in uproar after the headteacher came in demanding to know if we'd seen the 'awful programme about those perverts in the neighbourhood'

cheerio

In reply to dispeller:

John Fashanu. John Fashanu. John Fashanu.

In reply to trevor simpson:

along with the baby batting classic - the big spoon baby balloon, where they tied a helium balloon to a baby, put an empty cd case on its back and tea strainers on its eyes so as to make it look like a fly.

In reply to dispeller:


Didn't that have them wheel-clamping homeless people? Priceless!

In reply to Touching Centauri:

Yes it did. The more I see this thread the more it's making me want to watch my videos, dvd's and listen to the old radio stuff. The Day Today War episode was brilliant.

In reply to Touching Centauri:

I've just ordered the Dvd of Brass Eye!!

It had to be done..thanks everyone for the memories!!