UKC

Magnificently "wrong but oh so right" sayings of 2012 so far:
"it's the end of an aria"
"and then the world's your lobster"

Both just so much more deliciously surreal images than the originals. Admittedly the oyster one is already pretty weird I suppose....

Your suggestions please? What splendidly odd near misses have you heard?
B

In reply to ben b:

"It's not exactly rocket surgery..."

In reply to SCC: Excellent!

In reply to ben b:

i have all my balls in the fire

In reply to Mr_Yeti:

that could be another feather to my bow

In reply to ben b:

I work with someone who regularly uses

"Hercules heel" instead of Achilles heel &
pacifically instead of specifically.

In reply to Mr_Yeti:

Brilliant. Does it mean: "I have been decisive and courageous, I sure hope it pays off" or "I'm now pretty sure I shouldn't have done that"?

In reply to ben b:

Wannabe Mayor Ken Livingstone has been going on about 'Naandaners' again. I do wonder why he talks about them so much when he's campaigning to be Major of London.

In reply to ben b:
Not quite what you are look for but I heard the neighbours young son (about 8 years old I think) shout at his friends who were playing with toy guns in the garden "hey boys! terrorize this!"
Very entertaining I thought, until I thought about the rest of the film and how wrong it is that someone of that age should be watching it.

In reply to gethin_allen:
It is a quote from Team America isn't it?

In reply to ben b:

old boss managed to come out with some really mangled phrases.

She once went for "get all our ducks in a row" (a weird one anyway!) and came out with "get all our sh!t in a bag"

What was going on in her mind at that point!

In reply to Reach>Talent:

Yes, it is, Most definitely not a film suitable for a small kid.

In reply to ben b: After a recent resus I heard someone say they'd managed to get a "return of spontaneous combustion"

Also instead of using the term 'post ictal' when describing someone who's had a seizure I heard a colleague describe the patient as 'post coital'

In reply to ben b:

I'm rather fond of "Don't go casting nasturtiums."

"That's prejudism." makes me smile too.

In reply to ben b: I regularly and quite deliberately use the 'lobster' one. It makes sense to me; mind you, so much of what I say seems to make sense only to me...

T.

In reply to ben b:
My granny used to talk about there being 'constipation on the windows' when it was cold out... Always made us chuckle!
Isi

In reply to ben b: Friends kid "You're barking at the wrong dog"

In reply to Pursued by a bear:

We do too.

In reply to ben b: Bloke I worked with once said "We're putting a gun to our head and shooting ourselves in the foot."

A mate of mine thinks that "penultimate" is the superlative form of "ultimate". After about 20 years I haven't had the heart to tell him.

In reply to ben b: I used to talk to a Russian bloke on Skype who was obsessed with using English idiomatic expressions. His attempts at using "finger in the pie" was hilarious. I eventually found out that he was being told them by a Nigerian bloke that he worked with!

In reply to Submit to Gravity:

a friends aunt on talking about a recent car crash in her village described how a car para-glided off the road and into the bus stop. She meant aquaplaned .

In reply to Submit to Gravity:

You should tell him about "ultra-penultimate".

In reply to ben b: Lobster one is one I use as is "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it shave"

In reply to ben b:

It will be good group bondage, instead of bonding.

In reply to adamtc: Ah yes. A bit like someone being post-icteric. Now the jaundice has gone they're much perkier.

Particularly liking the constipation inside the windows

Thanks all

In reply to valentinesbabe: That's magnificent! Have just sprayed coffee over my iPhone.

In reply to ben b:


isn't that from Fools and Horses? Everyone uses it, no?

In reply to ben b:

"hes digging his own nest"

In reply to ben b:

My fiance's first language isn't English. One day after a particularly hard day at work, he said "I need to go lie down and decompose." He meant decompress...

In reply to alicia: My Wife (also not English) uses – “as comfortable as a turtle in a microwave”

While I agree that 3 mins on power 1 would make even the most robust of turtles fidget I have know idea where she got it from.

In reply to mux: Which brings to mind the old joke: how do you turn a duck into a soul singer?


























Put it in a microwave till its Bill Withers.

T.

In reply to ben b: I like to take foreign sayings and translate them directly into English.

My favourite at the moment being "Shat on the leg" (Bæsje på leggen). I use it every time I watch Scotland play rugby.

In reply to mux:
I have know idea where she got it from.

What does it mean? Snug as a bug? Or like a cat on a hot tin roof?

In reply to ben b:
My gf often says "That's how I float", which appears to be a combination of "That's how I roll", and "Whatever floats your boat"..

In reply to Submit to Gravity:

Lol. I've a mate that uses placitate instead of placate, pacify or placify. i've spent the last 20 years cringing when he throws it into a sentence. I too haven't the heart to tell him. He talks in constant clichés and is also partial to the odd mixed metaphor. Eg At the end of the day the cows will come home to roost. Love him to bits though.

In reply to ben b: I had a maths teacher who mixed 'pull your socks up' and 'pull yourself together' into 'pull your socks together'.

Woman on the radio the other day, regarding the "tesco tax" in Ireland - "it sends out the message that big business' are just sitting ducks, waiting to be milked".

Ben

On the Apprentice last night: "don't look a gift horse in the eye"

In reply to ben b:

"McNally today you are in the hot pants"

In reply to Paul035:

I noticed that one too, and someone's witty reply on twitter was "beauty is in the mouth of the beholder"

In reply to ben b:

'I can't be asked' is a polite substitute for a more common botty-related phrase.

In reply to ben b:

' lets stop taking the piss and get this murderous scum out of the equation. love and peace. jb'

In reply to ben b:

I liked the Radio presenter that accused a Cabinet Minister of turning round and running backwards.

Y.

In reply to ben b: All this is just a bit of a damp squid.

In reply to Wiley Coyote:

I would go more down the line of hot tin roof ..

its usually involved when describing awkward moments

In reply to ben b: Just this morning I've had someone query my use of 'sea change' and tell me it should be 'seed change' - is it me, or does seed change sound vaguely indecent?

In reply to ben b: My late mother in law was going to the hairdresses for " a quick blow job " She also bought a pair of radioactive sunglasses bless her.

In reply to ben b:

we've been looking at houses recently and, using the wonderful NZ TradeMe, have seen a couple of real estate agents using the term "a sort after" property. It's that good you can sort everything else out later!

I have also seen some impressive variations on cul-de-sac.

In reply to ben b:

I enjoy "never kick a gift horse in the mouth".

In reply to ben b: and of course there's any number of folks round these parts who like to talk of attempting an 'on-site ascent'. as opposed to what, I always wonder...

In reply to ripper:
Adopts Wimbledon voice: "New balls, please..."

In reply to Helen R: Oh good grief - don't start me on NZ real estate agents.... I dread to think about the cul-de-sac....

I do get a terrible British feeling of superiority when reading the property press. It's neither good nor clever. But occasionally refreshingly honest I guess - "owners desperate to sell" always impresses!

In reply to ben b: did you hear about the constipated mathamatition? he worked out his problem with a pencil!

In reply to ben b:

'It's a complete mind field'

said by someone at my work, more than once.

'I could sell s*it to the Arabs, me'

In reply to Wiley Coyote:

Snug as a bug in a rug!!

In reply to ben b:

"It's a mute point".

In reply to ben b:

a work colleague of mine complained that another was "forever trying to curry flavour" with the bosses!

In reply to Glyno:

...and an ex manager would always state how he'd "put his head on a plate" when taking a risk!

In reply to Glyno: 'Two way streak' is what a colleague of my once said to me... I never did correct her... :0)

In reply to Miss Piggy:

Perhaps she meant that if you showed her yours she'd show you hers

In reply to Wiley Coyote: Lordy, I hope not...

In reply to ben b:

My Mum once said she had tried to scare off a cat by "Pissing at it"...

In reply to ben b:
not sure whether anyones said this already .on last nights "apprentice" one of the so called "high fliers" said "never look a gift horse in the ..eye" and these prats with big ambitions and even bigger egos are our future .god help us all.

In reply to ben b: I once worked somewhere where the Accounts Assistant said "irreregardless" for "regardless". At least she was consistent about it!

In reply to ben b:
"we'll burn that bridge when we come to it" is a phrase I heard in our company this year.