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My sis is getting married in September and we agreed that I should get a present that's not on the main wedding list, just to make it a bit more special than plates and cushion covers etc. from John Lewis.
I was thinking of spending somewhere around (below!) £100.
But I got the impression, from a conversation this evening, that I am being expected to shell out considerably more than this. I know there's no set rules on this but I am feeling a bit used here! She's my older sister, I am not a wealthy chap, I already thought £100 was safely generous.
basically, quality loudspeakers were casually dropped into conversation - and she and the hubby-to-be already have some stonking powerful hi fi equipment so I don't think anything costing less than about £250 is going to pass muster. Feels a bit awkward. I had thought of perhaps getting a photo or two professionally printed onto canvas and stretch-wrapped over a frame, this seemed to encompass uniqueness and "luxury item" (i.e. not something you might end up buying for yourself in due course, like, say, loudspeakers). It also fits into my proposed budget.
Er, not sure what the question is now!
Oh yeah - as younger (and only) sibling, do I have some responsibility to spend a large proportion of my monthly take-home, on a wedding present?
I was thinking of spending somewhere around (below!) £100.
But I got the impression, from a conversation this evening, that I am being expected to shell out considerably more than this. I know there's no set rules on this but I am feeling a bit used here! She's my older sister, I am not a wealthy chap, I already thought £100 was safely generous.
basically, quality loudspeakers were casually dropped into conversation - and she and the hubby-to-be already have some stonking powerful hi fi equipment so I don't think anything costing less than about £250 is going to pass muster. Feels a bit awkward. I had thought of perhaps getting a photo or two professionally printed onto canvas and stretch-wrapped over a frame, this seemed to encompass uniqueness and "luxury item" (i.e. not something you might end up buying for yourself in due course, like, say, loudspeakers). It also fits into my proposed budget.
Er, not sure what the question is now!
Oh yeah - as younger (and only) sibling, do I have some responsibility to spend a large proportion of my monthly take-home, on a wedding present?
In reply to Kenny:
Nope .. if they want speakers let 'em get their own. Buy or make 'em something you've thought and not from the shopping list .. all IMHO of course .. its a cliche but its the thought that counts and if their not happy .. THEN .. soddit!
Nope .. if they want speakers let 'em get their own. Buy or make 'em something you've thought and not from the shopping list .. all IMHO of course .. its a cliche but its the thought that counts and if their not happy .. THEN .. soddit!
In reply to Kenny:
If they want something "special" and not just some cushion covers, give them something special. Speakers aren't, I think, and if they really want them they should put them onto the bloody list.
I think your canvas picture idea is a good one, because it certainly has that "something special" thing about it. I think it's kind of unfair to expect of you to pay a huge amount of money, if you simply can't afford it.
Presents shouldn't really be about the financial value, but about the thought someone has put into picking one present over the other.
I don't know whether there is an official wedding etiquette about the minimum amount siblings should pay for a wedding present, but frankly, I don't care.
If they want something "special" and not just some cushion covers, give them something special. Speakers aren't, I think, and if they really want them they should put them onto the bloody list.
I think your canvas picture idea is a good one, because it certainly has that "something special" thing about it. I think it's kind of unfair to expect of you to pay a huge amount of money, if you simply can't afford it.
Presents shouldn't really be about the financial value, but about the thought someone has put into picking one present over the other.
I don't know whether there is an official wedding etiquette about the minimum amount siblings should pay for a wedding present, but frankly, I don't care.
In reply to Kenny:
They want speakers, help them buy them. find out where they will get them from then give them a voucher from the shop for the £100 you want to spend. alternatively give them the money towards the honeymoon.
That is exactly what we are doing for a friend this month as the couple both have previous houses and furniture but are cash poor relatively. They also have to pay for the wedding themselves so no daddy to bale them out.
They want speakers, help them buy them. find out where they will get them from then give them a voucher from the shop for the £100 you want to spend. alternatively give them the money towards the honeymoon.
That is exactly what we are doing for a friend this month as the couple both have previous houses and furniture but are cash poor relatively. They also have to pay for the wedding themselves so no daddy to bale them out.
In reply to Kenny:
Go for a wander and see what you can find that is either a one-off or is something that you totally know they will love. If you can make it personal, I would but steer clear of art, it's hard enough for two people that are married or live together to choose art, let alone someone who doesn't even live with them trying to work out their art tastes.
Some examples of stuff my partner and I have bought for various friends weddings (as we're in NZ, we don't usually get to the wedding list until all the good stuff's gone) or personalised pressies are:
A one of a kind huge kind bowl thing with a swirly design(80 quid)
Matching jade necklaces (the deisgns mean togetherness or something - cleddy's choice when her best mate got married)
Tickets to the British open.
Just put your mind to it, there's loads of stuff around that's interesting and unusual, you just have to think about it. And just because you don't spend much, doesn't mean that it doesn't mean a lot. I bought cleddy a recipe book for her birthday which cost me not very much at all. it was the kind that's got a wooden cover and you thread in your own pages. I labouriously typed her recipe folder (you know the thing, just contains scraps of paper with scribbled recipes on) into a word doc and then laid them all out nicely, printed them out and split the pages into sections and then stuck them all in. She loved it and uses it all the time. You can add recipes whenever yuo want because all you have to do is buy more card pages and thread them in. It'll be about 3 feet thick by the time she's done I suspect. That cost me very little but took a lot of time andeffort to get it to look nice, so it really is the thought that counts.
Good luck.
Go for a wander and see what you can find that is either a one-off or is something that you totally know they will love. If you can make it personal, I would but steer clear of art, it's hard enough for two people that are married or live together to choose art, let alone someone who doesn't even live with them trying to work out their art tastes.
Some examples of stuff my partner and I have bought for various friends weddings (as we're in NZ, we don't usually get to the wedding list until all the good stuff's gone) or personalised pressies are:
A one of a kind huge kind bowl thing with a swirly design(80 quid)
Matching jade necklaces (the deisgns mean togetherness or something - cleddy's choice when her best mate got married)
Tickets to the British open.
Just put your mind to it, there's loads of stuff around that's interesting and unusual, you just have to think about it. And just because you don't spend much, doesn't mean that it doesn't mean a lot. I bought cleddy a recipe book for her birthday which cost me not very much at all. it was the kind that's got a wooden cover and you thread in your own pages. I labouriously typed her recipe folder (you know the thing, just contains scraps of paper with scribbled recipes on) into a word doc and then laid them all out nicely, printed them out and split the pages into sections and then stuck them all in. She loved it and uses it all the time. You can add recipes whenever yuo want because all you have to do is buy more card pages and thread them in. It'll be about 3 feet thick by the time she's done I suspect. That cost me very little but took a lot of time andeffort to get it to look nice, so it really is the thought that counts.
Good luck.
In reply to Kenny:
Oh yeah - as younger (and only) sibling, do I have some responsibility to spend a large proportion of my monthly take-home, on a wedding present?
In a word, no. It's the thought that counts, not the amount. By being original and trying to buy something off the list you are showing that you care.
Oh yeah - as younger (and only) sibling, do I have some responsibility to spend a large proportion of my monthly take-home, on a wedding present?
In a word, no. It's the thought that counts, not the amount. By being original and trying to buy something off the list you are showing that you care.
In reply to Kenny:
Nope. I think people who get married have a cheek to ask for anything at all - they should only provide a list if you ask for one, I think. There was some research or something saying it cost an average of more than 200 quid to attend a wedding! (Hotel, new clothes, transport, not to mention the present.)
Think your idea of a canvas is a good one. I did this for the bloke's Christmas present and he liked it. I took 2 pics he'd taken and was particularly proud of and got them put onto canvas. You can do it all over the internet and it cost me about £120 for 2. I would recommend the digital design studio (www.tdds.co.uk) as they were really helpful and quick and they put a picture of what your design will look like on the web (proofs) so you can see it, and they don't pressure you to buy it, and also they can do special effects like warhol style prints etc so you could get something really unique.
Alternatively a guy I know runs www.eyeswidedigital.com and I'm waiting on 2 prints he's doing for me. I can't tell you what they'll turn out like as not getting them till Sat but he gave me a really good price and I only gave him 1 week's notice!!!
I think people like it more if you get them something different rather than something off a list. Another wedding I went to I got trees planted in a wood for them. URL is www.futureforests.com - basically it's about being environmentally friendly and 'carbon neutral'. They get a nice gift certificate and card thing, and also you can get a tree sent to them. If you're into the charity thing then try www.greatgifts.org as you can buy something useful (from a water filter to a herd of goats) for a family in the third world on their behalf. The people I got this for were really touched (NB not everyone is as altruistic, some just want dosh/presents).
For random gifty weddingy stuff try www.tsena.co.uk and click on wedding gifts - they do really nice albums that are a bit different (handmade, suede ones are nice, or you can get ones with the names of the bride and groom on) or personalised wedding cufflinks or handpainted gift plates. The albums have gone down v well in the past as they are not your typical white cardboardy things. They fall within your price range.
Hope those ideas help. Personally I think it's a bit cheeky to ask for money because I don't see why they should know what you spent on them. They should just be happy that you're there and that you put a lot of thought into it!
Nope. I think people who get married have a cheek to ask for anything at all - they should only provide a list if you ask for one, I think. There was some research or something saying it cost an average of more than 200 quid to attend a wedding! (Hotel, new clothes, transport, not to mention the present.)
Think your idea of a canvas is a good one. I did this for the bloke's Christmas present and he liked it. I took 2 pics he'd taken and was particularly proud of and got them put onto canvas. You can do it all over the internet and it cost me about £120 for 2. I would recommend the digital design studio (www.tdds.co.uk) as they were really helpful and quick and they put a picture of what your design will look like on the web (proofs) so you can see it, and they don't pressure you to buy it, and also they can do special effects like warhol style prints etc so you could get something really unique.
Alternatively a guy I know runs www.eyeswidedigital.com and I'm waiting on 2 prints he's doing for me. I can't tell you what they'll turn out like as not getting them till Sat but he gave me a really good price and I only gave him 1 week's notice!!!
I think people like it more if you get them something different rather than something off a list. Another wedding I went to I got trees planted in a wood for them. URL is www.futureforests.com - basically it's about being environmentally friendly and 'carbon neutral'. They get a nice gift certificate and card thing, and also you can get a tree sent to them. If you're into the charity thing then try www.greatgifts.org as you can buy something useful (from a water filter to a herd of goats) for a family in the third world on their behalf. The people I got this for were really touched (NB not everyone is as altruistic, some just want dosh/presents).
For random gifty weddingy stuff try www.tsena.co.uk and click on wedding gifts - they do really nice albums that are a bit different (handmade, suede ones are nice, or you can get ones with the names of the bride and groom on) or personalised wedding cufflinks or handpainted gift plates. The albums have gone down v well in the past as they are not your typical white cardboardy things. They fall within your price range.
Hope those ideas help. Personally I think it's a bit cheeky to ask for money because I don't see why they should know what you spent on them. They should just be happy that you're there and that you put a lot of thought into it!
In reply to anotherdisgruntledweddingguest:
I went to a wedding last weekend where the bride and groom wanted cash rather than gifts. I refused, and am tracking down a tiger shark's jawbone for them, which I suspect they'll prefer. (Trust me!)
another wedding, I got fruit trees for the happy couple.
in a similar vein to your dilemma, my stepbrother, when getting married, expected my stepdad to shell out something ridiculous like £5k for a bells-and-whistles aga for their new house. My stepdad pointed out that there were four other kids to think of, and that he could bugger off. Once a yorkshireman, always a yorkshireman...
I went to a wedding last weekend where the bride and groom wanted cash rather than gifts. I refused, and am tracking down a tiger shark's jawbone for them, which I suspect they'll prefer. (Trust me!)
another wedding, I got fruit trees for the happy couple.
in a similar vein to your dilemma, my stepbrother, when getting married, expected my stepdad to shell out something ridiculous like £5k for a bells-and-whistles aga for their new house. My stepdad pointed out that there were four other kids to think of, and that he could bugger off. Once a yorkshireman, always a yorkshireman...
In reply to CJD:
I sort of agree here. Not a big fan on giving cash or even gift vouchers. But am going to a wedding in spain at end of month where the couple have asked for money rather than presents as they are both fairly mature, so everything they've really wanted previously they've already bought. I don't really want to do it, but it is becoming more traditional in Spain to give money (and like one of the previous respondents' bride and groom, they're cash poor). If thats not the case though, get em something they can look back on in 30 years (assuming it lasts) and remember it came from you. How many pieces of electronic equipment last that long nowadays.
> (In reply to anotherdisgruntledweddingguest)
>
> I went to a wedding last weekend where the bride and groom wanted cash rather than gifts. I refused, and am tracking down a tiger shark's jawbone for them, which I suspect they'll prefer. (Trust me!)
>
> I went to a wedding last weekend where the bride and groom wanted cash rather than gifts. I refused, and am tracking down a tiger shark's jawbone for them, which I suspect they'll prefer. (Trust me!)
I sort of agree here. Not a big fan on giving cash or even gift vouchers. But am going to a wedding in spain at end of month where the couple have asked for money rather than presents as they are both fairly mature, so everything they've really wanted previously they've already bought. I don't really want to do it, but it is becoming more traditional in Spain to give money (and like one of the previous respondents' bride and groom, they're cash poor). If thats not the case though, get em something they can look back on in 30 years (assuming it lasts) and remember it came from you. How many pieces of electronic equipment last that long nowadays.
Having just got married I'd say no. My little brother didn't get us anything, partly because he's disorganised and,, no that's it really. It doesn't matter, he was there and he's not got much money either but paid for his room (which we were going to do for him) and shelling out for that meant a lot to us. In fact the same is true for most of our guests as someone said it's not cheap going to a wedding.
Wedding gift lists are a great idea if people want to get you something, it makes it easier for them. Presents should make the giver feel good as well as the person receiving them.
One of the best presents was from a friend off here, I knew who it was from straight away, it made me smile, reminds us of the good trips we've had and reminds us of the wedding, perfect.
The guy above had some good suggestions, I'll add one.
If they're really set on speakers build them some. My best man (an audiophile) built some and he said it was cheaper and not to difficult. They do sound very good (to put it in context the wires on his system cost more than my stereo). I can find out how much and where if you like.
Waffle waffle, sorry to go on. Good luck.
Cheers
Toby
The guy above
Wedding gift lists are a great idea if people want to get you something, it makes it easier for them. Presents should make the giver feel good as well as the person receiving them.
One of the best presents was from a friend off here, I knew who it was from straight away, it made me smile, reminds us of the good trips we've had and reminds us of the wedding, perfect.
The guy above had some good suggestions, I'll add one.
If they're really set on speakers build them some. My best man (an audiophile) built some and he said it was cheaper and not to difficult. They do sound very good (to put it in context the wires on his system cost more than my stereo). I can find out how much and where if you like.
Waffle waffle, sorry to go on. Good luck.
Cheers
Toby
The guy above
In reply to sharkfeed:
that's why the tree idea is good (I think!) The couple who I gave the fruit trees to three years ago have already seen the trees, and their marriage, bear fruit (one nipper and another on the way).
that's why the tree idea is good (I think!) The couple who I gave the fruit trees to three years ago have already seen the trees, and their marriage, bear fruit (one nipper and another on the way).
In reply to Kenny: Why not buy something for her (not both of them) with the £100. Failing that, towels. Newly married couples can never have enough towels!
I reckon £100 is well generous.
I reckon £100 is well generous.
In reply to Kenny: My niece got married and they were going on the "trip of a lifetime" to Mauritius for their honeymoon. I found out which hotel they were staying at and upgraded them to a suite type room over the water. It seemed well recieved.
In reply to Kenny: The main rule regarding wedding presents is: There's no rush; wedding etiquette allows you a year to get the couple a present. Therefore wait for the sales and you might be able to get them the speakers cheap.
In reply to Jon Dittman:
What, really? We've still got unused towels 5 years on.....
> Newly married couples can never have enough towels!
What, really? We've still got unused towels 5 years on.....
In reply to Carolyn:
We still have towels from our wedding unused 31 years later. Why do women want to keep some things for ever and buy more of the same themselves?
We still have towels from our wedding unused 31 years later. Why do women want to keep some things for ever and buy more of the same themselves?
In reply to Kenny: Most definitely not. Possibly the best wedding present Claire and I got was a coffee table that was hand made by my best man. The cost was just the stain/ varnish. As has been said its the thought that counts.
In reply to Kenny:
Give them £250 and tell them they have to repay it if and when they get divorced. Sounds like they're thinking in business terms so why not you?
Maybe they are feeling the financial strain of the wedding on them and are trying to recoup some of it from the nearest and dearest!
Seriously, they have to be taking the mickey if they think you should spend £250 on them. Even fairly well off people I know wouldn't dream of that level of wedding gift between brother and sister.
£100 maybe if you're feeling flush!
Give them £250 and tell them they have to repay it if and when they get divorced. Sounds like they're thinking in business terms so why not you?
Maybe they are feeling the financial strain of the wedding on them and are trying to recoup some of it from the nearest and dearest!
Seriously, they have to be taking the mickey if they think you should spend £250 on them. Even fairly well off people I know wouldn't dream of that level of wedding gift between brother and sister.
£100 maybe if you're feeling flush!
In reply to Kenny:
I think your idea of the photo shows a lot more thought and is a lot more personal than speakers. Speakers don't sound any more personal than plates, cushion covers etc, in which case you may as well have got something from the list. I would say that £100 is plenty to spend on the present. I think 'as much as you can afford' should be the guide, you shouldn't be expected to spend well over what you can afford just because they're your only sibling.
I think your idea of the photo shows a lot more thought and is a lot more personal than speakers. Speakers don't sound any more personal than plates, cushion covers etc, in which case you may as well have got something from the list. I would say that £100 is plenty to spend on the present. I think 'as much as you can afford' should be the guide, you shouldn't be expected to spend well over what you can afford just because they're your only sibling.
In reply to Kenny: unless they are a young couple starting a new house (ie actually need a new crockery set) i never buy wedding gifts.
In reply to Kenny:
My boyfriend's sister got married last year and we got them a whisky (they really like whisky) from their birthyear ('74). Went down a treat - it wasn't cheap, but personal without going overboard.
I don't think you should pay 250 pounds on speakers...might not be the ones they want and it's seems like a bit much...
My boyfriend's sister got married last year and we got them a whisky (they really like whisky) from their birthyear ('74). Went down a treat - it wasn't cheap, but personal without going overboard.
I don't think you should pay 250 pounds on speakers...might not be the ones they want and it's seems like a bit much...
In reply to CJD:
I was invited to a wedding recently about which the bride said, "It's my wedding and it should be up to me how people thank me for being invited." I said that I wouldn't go under those conditions.
Went anyway, but the present I gave them wasn't on the list.
On a more positive note, for another wedding of friends, a group of us got together and bought a London Eye pod for their first wedding anniversary (and with some leftover cash, a voucher to cover dinner at a nice London restaurant). Knocked up a nice card, and gave them that at the wedding. They recently went on the trip, and really enjoyed it.
> in a similar vein to your dilemma, my stepbrother, when getting married, expected my stepdad to shell out something ridiculous like £5k for a bells-and-whistles aga for their new house. My stepdad pointed out that there were four other kids to think of, and that he could bugger off. Once a yorkshireman, always a yorkshireman...
I was invited to a wedding recently about which the bride said, "It's my wedding and it should be up to me how people thank me for being invited." I said that I wouldn't go under those conditions.
Went anyway, but the present I gave them wasn't on the list.
On a more positive note, for another wedding of friends, a group of us got together and bought a London Eye pod for their first wedding anniversary (and with some leftover cash, a voucher to cover dinner at a nice London restaurant). Knocked up a nice card, and gave them that at the wedding. They recently went on the trip, and really enjoyed it.
In reply to Kenny: ther was a guy on springwatch last night who makes Robin nesting boxes as presents. Says he's well away from the reception by the time the presents are opened. Bludy good idea I thought. Something hand made is way more thoughtful than loudspeakers that they'll probably want to upgrade in a year
In reply to graeme jackson:
We have an ashtray made by an old woman with failing sight given as a birthday present to my wife that she treasures as it was made with love and care specially for her. The lady died but her memory lives on with us.
We have an ashtray made by an old woman with failing sight given as a birthday present to my wife that she treasures as it was made with love and care specially for her. The lady died but her memory lives on with us.
In reply to Kenny:
The correct etiquette is to ask them what they want, telling them how much you intend to spend.
The whole point of wedding pressies is to set them up with useful things that they actually want, although I'm sure your photos would be most charming.
Trouble is that most couples these days are already shacked up together, and have just about everything they need...
The correct etiquette is to ask them what they want, telling them how much you intend to spend.
The whole point of wedding pressies is to set them up with useful things that they actually want, although I'm sure your photos would be most charming.
Trouble is that most couples these days are already shacked up together, and have just about everything they need...
In reply to all:
I was recently invited to a wedding of an aquaintence rather than a close friend, and found the suggested gift list enclosed with the invitation! I think that was the height of poor etiquette and was little more than outright begging. By all means send the list to a guest if they request it, but don't assume.
I was recently invited to a wedding of an aquaintence rather than a close friend, and found the suggested gift list enclosed with the invitation! I think that was the height of poor etiquette and was little more than outright begging. By all means send the list to a guest if they request it, but don't assume.
In reply to Kenny:
when my brother got married i had no money and didn't get him a present. No problem, never been mentioned, he paid for me to get legless on his stag night and on his wedding night and that was fiar. When my sister got married a few weeks ago I bought her a thermometer and barometer set into slate from the shop in keswick. Haggled the price down to what i wanted to spend for a very nice bit of stuff. It looks cool and it really stands out and its fantastic. I was just looking for something random that would look good whereever and happened on it. Wouldn't want to buy anything really functional but at least get a complete thing rather than say speakers which are just a little bit of a hifi or a picture frame or similar.
p
when my brother got married i had no money and didn't get him a present. No problem, never been mentioned, he paid for me to get legless on his stag night and on his wedding night and that was fiar. When my sister got married a few weeks ago I bought her a thermometer and barometer set into slate from the shop in keswick. Haggled the price down to what i wanted to spend for a very nice bit of stuff. It looks cool and it really stands out and its fantastic. I was just looking for something random that would look good whereever and happened on it. Wouldn't want to buy anything really functional but at least get a complete thing rather than say speakers which are just a little bit of a hifi or a picture frame or similar.
p
In reply to Swirly: Damn - wish I'd known that one - I've still got half of my sister's wedding present sitting in the spare room and she's already got divorced!
I'm with most others - it's the thought that goes in to a present that counts rather than the money - the canvas photo things sound good and look good too - especially in B&W - a lot more original than vouchers or stuff. I had wicker storage baskets made for my sister's wedding - big enough to fit rolls of material for costume making. For a mate's wedding in a couple of weeks I've organised a horse riding / pony trekking weekend for them later in the summer, both were realtively cheap. I wouldn't have thought even £250 would go far towards a really good set of speakers - maybe you could just get one?
I'm with most others - it's the thought that goes in to a present that counts rather than the money - the canvas photo things sound good and look good too - especially in B&W - a lot more original than vouchers or stuff. I had wicker storage baskets made for my sister's wedding - big enough to fit rolls of material for costume making. For a mate's wedding in a couple of weeks I've organised a horse riding / pony trekking weekend for them later in the summer, both were realtively cheap. I wouldn't have thought even £250 would go far towards a really good set of speakers - maybe you could just get one?
In reply to Trangia:
Enclosing gift lists seems to be rather commonplace these days. Were you invited to the actual wedding or just the evening party? Seems a bit rich to expect a present if it was just the evening and if you're only an acquaintance, why would they want you at their wedding (no offense meant)?
Enclosing gift lists seems to be rather commonplace these days. Were you invited to the actual wedding or just the evening party? Seems a bit rich to expect a present if it was just the evening and if you're only an acquaintance, why would they want you at their wedding (no offense meant)?
In reply to Mick's Daughter @ Work:
Just the party - for which guests were expected to buy their own drinks!
By acquaintence I meant that it was someone I know through climbing, and have climbed with on and off along with others, but I wouldn't say we were particularly close friends, and have no common interests outside of being occaisionally on the same climbing meets. They seem to have invited eveybody they had had a passing acquaintence with!
Just the party - for which guests were expected to buy their own drinks!
By acquaintence I meant that it was someone I know through climbing, and have climbed with on and off along with others, but I wouldn't say we were particularly close friends, and have no common interests outside of being occaisionally on the same climbing meets. They seem to have invited eveybody they had had a passing acquaintence with!
In reply to Kenny:
We get off pretty litely really as I was talking about this the other day with some polish friends and there it is tradition to have a huge wedding spread over two days with copious alcohol and even more food. In fact if some of the guests aren't ill or taken to hospital due to eating too much then it's considered bad form
Obviously this costs a huge amount to lay on for loads of guests so I was asking about that - but in fact it is mostly profitable to have a wedding as it might cost 10k but you'll get 15-20k in gifts (mostly they just give money).
Family rates start at around 100 - 250 euro for cousins, aunts etc... but I didn't find out what it costs a brother so can't be much help...
We get off pretty litely really as I was talking about this the other day with some polish friends and there it is tradition to have a huge wedding spread over two days with copious alcohol and even more food. In fact if some of the guests aren't ill or taken to hospital due to eating too much then it's considered bad form
Obviously this costs a huge amount to lay on for loads of guests so I was asking about that - but in fact it is mostly profitable to have a wedding as it might cost 10k but you'll get 15-20k in gifts (mostly they just give money).
Family rates start at around 100 - 250 euro for cousins, aunts etc... but I didn't find out what it costs a brother so can't be much help...
In reply to Mick's Daughter @ Work:
Still cheeky though. My sister's just got engaged; the invitation says, "We don't care if you don't give us a present; what's important is that we want you at the wedding. If you would like to, though, the list can be found at ____." I thought that was a nice touch.
> Enclosing gift lists seems to be rather commonplace these days.
Still cheeky though. My sister's just got engaged; the invitation says, "We don't care if you don't give us a present; what's important is that we want you at the wedding. If you would like to, though, the list can be found at ____." I thought that was a nice touch.
In reply to Trangia:
Pay for your own drinks and bring a present? Blimey that really is a bit cheeky. I don't think I've ever bought a present for a couple if I've only been invited to the evening party but to be fair, I think only one couple ever enclosed a gift list with an evening invitation and I didn't bother going to that one.
Pay for your own drinks and bring a present? Blimey that really is a bit cheeky. I don't think I've ever bought a present for a couple if I've only been invited to the evening party but to be fair, I think only one couple ever enclosed a gift list with an evening invitation and I didn't bother going to that one.
In reply to Richard:
Yes, agreed. I think having a gift list is sensible but it's the idea of putting it in with the invuitation that just a has a rather presumptuous feel about it...Save getting 20 toasters I suppose. I got a real earfull for not buying an engagement present for my bro but their wedding date was 2 years in the future and they were still living with their respective parents. Of course I'll get them a wedding present but I thought flowers and champange were an adequate gesture for the engagement....obviously I was wrong ;~(
Yes, agreed. I think having a gift list is sensible but it's the idea of putting it in with the invuitation that just a has a rather presumptuous feel about it...Save getting 20 toasters I suppose. I got a real earfull for not buying an engagement present for my bro but their wedding date was 2 years in the future and they were still living with their respective parents. Of course I'll get them a wedding present but I thought flowers and champange were an adequate gesture for the engagement....obviously I was wrong ;~(
In reply to Mick's Daughter @ Work:
My girlfriend actually offered to host my sister's wedding list (as in, put our phone number on the invitation and tell us what you need; we'll co-ordinate and make sure you don't egt 20 toasters) because she hates the commercialism of them so much.
?
How many more people out there don't understand the idea of gift-giving?
> Yes, agreed. I think having a gift list is sensible but it's the idea of putting it in with the invuitation that just a has a rather presumptuous feel about it...
My girlfriend actually offered to host my sister's wedding list (as in, put our phone number on the invitation and tell us what you need; we'll co-ordinate and make sure you don't egt 20 toasters) because she hates the commercialism of them so much.
> I got a real earfull for not buying an engagement present for my bro
?
How many more people out there don't understand the idea of gift-giving?
In reply to Trangia:
Err, that's standard practice now more or less.
> I was recently invited to a wedding of an aquaintence rather than a close friend, and found the suggested gift list enclosed with the invitation! I think that was the height of poor etiquette
Err, that's standard practice now more or less.
In reply to Richard:
I really like the idea of having someone else taking care of the 'presents' situation. I know other people who've done that.
My mother went mad after the bride-to-be complained about the lack of presents. Started going on about how they needed stuff for their 'bottom drawer' and that it was lucky everyone didn't think the way my sister and I did.
I really like the idea of having someone else taking care of the 'presents' situation. I know other people who've done that.
My mother went mad after the bride-to-be complained about the lack of presents. Started going on about how they needed stuff for their 'bottom drawer' and that it was lucky everyone didn't think the way my sister and I did.
In reply to Mick's Daughter @ Work:
Ah, but then you don't get the massive incentives offered by Debenhams/John Lewis/whomever (I think Debenhams offers something like lifetime discounts to people who've had wedding lists there, for example)
> I really like the idea of having someone else taking care of the 'presents' situation. I know other people who've done that.
Ah, but then you don't get the massive incentives offered by Debenhams/John Lewis/whomever (I think Debenhams offers something like lifetime discounts to people who've had wedding lists there, for example)
In reply to Richard:
they didn't do anything like that when i got married (98) just vouchers equal to a % of the money your guests spent...
they didn't do anything like that when i got married (98) just vouchers equal to a % of the money your guests spent...
In reply to ENTJ:
I've only heard this second hand, probably wrong. At any rate, there's a strong incentive...?
And to all:
http://www.etiquettehell.com/
I've only heard this second hand, probably wrong. At any rate, there's a strong incentive...?
And to all:
http://www.etiquettehell.com/
In reply to Richard:
Something that seems to be getting more popular in London (another contagion from the USA, I think) is wedding co-ordinators. They pretty much do everything for you including sending the invitations, receiving the replies and co-ordinating your gift list. You don't have a list per se, you just tell them what you want (brand names etc)and then when guests get in touch with them, they either point them in the right direction or organise the gifts for them.
Something that seems to be getting more popular in London (another contagion from the USA, I think) is wedding co-ordinators. They pretty much do everything for you including sending the invitations, receiving the replies and co-ordinating your gift list. You don't have a list per se, you just tell them what you want (brand names etc)and then when guests get in touch with them, they either point them in the right direction or organise the gifts for them.
In reply to Mick's Daughter @ Work:
But then how do you justify the Elvis impersonator?
(I briefly toyed with the idea of getting one to turn up at the reception as a wedding present for my sister, but I'm not sure she'd have appreciated it.)
But then how do you justify the Elvis impersonator?
(I briefly toyed with the idea of getting one to turn up at the reception as a wedding present for my sister, but I'm not sure she'd have appreciated it.)
In reply to Richard:
Lol!!!!! Those Elvis impersonators give me the serious eebie jeebies for some reason. Some friends of mine decided to have an Elvis themed fancy dress party for all their chums instead of seperate hen/stag nights and they've even given their son the misddle name Elvis (poor kid).
Lol!!!!! Those Elvis impersonators give me the serious eebie jeebies for some reason. Some friends of mine decided to have an Elvis themed fancy dress party for all their chums instead of seperate hen/stag nights and they've even given their son the misddle name Elvis (poor kid).
In reply to Mick's Daughter @ Work:
I love Elvis impersonators, if you download some of the new widgets for Tiger (New Mac OS), there's a set of webcams you can check out. The usual stuff, Times square, Tokyo downtown etc. One of them is the wedding chapel in Vegas and you can usually see some numpty or other being married by Elvis. It's hysterical.
As for the wedding list thing, as Cleddy and I are getting married here in NZ, we kinda feel that if people are going to shell out that much money to come and see us get married, that's enough for us (and that will almost certainly be spelled out in the invite). We have pretty much everything we need anyway, having combined two people's flats/houses worth of stuff. We could do with a new 3-piece suite and a new dining table but that's about it. We've seen a nice dining table that's a 1 of a kind so we might put that on our wedding list. Just that. We want to arrange it with the shop that people can ring them or contact them and make a donation to the table. We don't want to know what each person has put in, just a list of people that have so we can thank them afterwards. That way people don't have to worry about only giving 20 quid (which is fine IMO) and we hopefully get a table that we love at the end (even if we have to pay the balance).
I love Elvis impersonators, if you download some of the new widgets for Tiger (New Mac OS), there's a set of webcams you can check out. The usual stuff, Times square, Tokyo downtown etc. One of them is the wedding chapel in Vegas and you can usually see some numpty or other being married by Elvis. It's hysterical.
As for the wedding list thing, as Cleddy and I are getting married here in NZ, we kinda feel that if people are going to shell out that much money to come and see us get married, that's enough for us (and that will almost certainly be spelled out in the invite). We have pretty much everything we need anyway, having combined two people's flats/houses worth of stuff. We could do with a new 3-piece suite and a new dining table but that's about it. We've seen a nice dining table that's a 1 of a kind so we might put that on our wedding list. Just that. We want to arrange it with the shop that people can ring them or contact them and make a donation to the table. We don't want to know what each person has put in, just a list of people that have so we can thank them afterwards. That way people don't have to worry about only giving 20 quid (which is fine IMO) and we hopefully get a table that we love at the end (even if we have to pay the balance).
In reply to Matt Wilson:
Do you mean that email asking me to call and pick up a full sized stuffed elephant for the porch was not from you? I wonder if the Simba stuffing emporium will let me cancel the order for a 30 hands high 2 ton stuffed elephant to be sent express delivery the moment you named the day..
I have a sackful of turkish lira that seem to be not worth what I thought. I will send you a million or so towards the table.
Do you mean that email asking me to call and pick up a full sized stuffed elephant for the porch was not from you? I wonder if the Simba stuffing emporium will let me cancel the order for a 30 hands high 2 ton stuffed elephant to be sent express delivery the moment you named the day..
I have a sackful of turkish lira that seem to be not worth what I thought. I will send you a million or so towards the table.
In reply to Matt Wilson:
"having combined two people's flats/houses worth of stuff. We could do with a new 3-piece suite and a new dining table but that's about it"
SO where did ya both sit/eat?? seems a bit mercenary to me! Never mind the wedding list/donation/ONLY giving £20/table we love etc. etc..
BUY THE FCEKING THING YOURSELVES! JEEEZ!!
P
"having combined two people's flats/houses worth of stuff. We could do with a new 3-piece suite and a new dining table but that's about it"
SO where did ya both sit/eat?? seems a bit mercenary to me! Never mind the wedding list/donation/ONLY giving £20/table we love etc. etc..
BUY THE FCEKING THING YOURSELVES! JEEEZ!!
P
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