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Beautiful route descriptions

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Hey guys,

I've just started training to become a wedding celebrant, I'm working on my first project and wanting to write a nerdy climbing themed wedding script (this is for a project not an actual wedding)

So I'm asking for help - I know loads of you have written or read beautifully written route descriptions,  anything spring to mind that could be used as a relationship metaphor?( it can be funny!!! )

I think trad descriptions tend to be better and as a sport climber I'm struggling to find something funny/beautiful! 

 Em

 veteye 25 Apr 2021
In reply to Emilysaladfingers:

A description for a certain E9 in the old Cloggy guide?

Or the description of Lockwood's chimney in Snowdonia

I seem to remember that a similar underground route on the east coast of Skye was also quite amusing.

 Tom V 25 Apr 2021
In reply to Emilysaladfingers:

First time I've heard of "wedding celebrant" as a job. Good luck in your venture.

 Jim Lancs 25 Apr 2021
In reply to Tom V:

There's the old standby that married life is much like Kipling's Groove on Gimmer - Ruddy 'ard in parts.

Post edited at 21:12
 C Witter 25 Apr 2021
In reply to Emilysaladfingers:

Starts off steep, exciting but well protected. Soon gives way to steady but unprotected climbing. Above, keep moving through more difficult territory, despite the outrageous position. The difficulties, though sustained, are never desperate. Finish up delightful slabs.

 nastyned 25 Apr 2021
In reply to Emilysaladfingers:

I liked Rough Rider on Clachnaben which goes something like: "climb the middle crack, a large knob at mid-height proves useful".

 Darron 27 Apr 2021
In reply to Emilysaladfingers:

Batchelors climb at the Roaches, climbed in 1913, was considered at the time as:

”only suitable for married men and others used to taking such risks” 

(from memory - you may need to check exact wording)

Actually it’s mentioned in the description of the climb on here. It will not link for some reason.

Post edited at 12:14
In reply to Emilysaladfingers:

Thanks guys for for ideas so far! 

Yep wedding celebrant is a thing I'm a nurse so I'm just training to do this in my spare time. It will mean I'll be qualified to carry out humanist weddings anywhere people want to get married/partnership ...up a mountain, in the sea......or in a wedding venue. Quite looking forward to the adventures ahead! 

 Lankyman 27 Apr 2021
In reply to Emilysaladfingers:

Look up Swiss Tony on YouTube. 'Climbing is like making love to a beautiful woman'

 GarethSL 28 Apr 2021
In reply to Emilysaladfingers:

Somewhere deep in the forum archives is a beautiful poem about how climbing is like a relationship, or relationships are like climbing. I think it may have been written for a wedding. 

The only line i recall is, "remember to give each other enough slack but not too much to hold each other back"...or words to that effect.

Hopefully some old timer will have more info, but I remember it as being a fantastic poem and one you will surely get some inspiration from! 

 keith sanders 28 Apr 2021
In reply to Emilysaladfingers:

Virgin Crack in Water cum Jolly .

If taken direct comes quite pleasant.

keith s

 C Witter 28 Apr 2021
In reply to GarethSL: 

> The only line i recall is, "remember to give each other enough slack but not too much to hold each other back"...or words to that effect.

That's nice. The sense isn't quite right, though... maybe something like:

"Hold each other tight, but not so much you hold your partner back: sometimes we all need to be given some slack."

I'm sure it can be improved, though, with a bit of effort.

Post edited at 22:56
 Lankyman 28 Apr 2021
In reply to C Witter:

> I'm sure it can be improved, though, with a bit of effort.

How about

'There was a young lady from Bude

who went for a climb in the nude ... ?

In reply to Emilysaladfingers:

Strapadictomy

A real classic and rite of passage which is hard work but well protected. Climb the short arete to runners, then lean out (large wire in the flake) and layback. About face, and finish briskly. 

 GarethSL 29 Apr 2021

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