UKC

As most of you are probably aware, it's THAT time of year again. Hailstorms, wet green rock, muddy paths - it can mean only one thing...........
Yes, October 14th is official Nesting of the Gear day. Time to reinvigorate the ropes and nuts, to allow the rock spirits to heal their wounds, to consecrate the guidebooks, to commemorate routes achieved, to remember those who ventured forth onto the rocks and never returned.

I'm having a 'Nesting' street party on Sunday evening - wicker man burning ceremony, barbecue, kids inflatable castle, knot-tying competition, and loads more fun activities. Everyone welcome. Don't forget to bring your gear.

PS a note for your diary: Exhuming the Gear will commence on April 15th 2004.

In reply to Marc C:

Chocks away!

In reply to Marc C:

Being a heretic and obviously of a different religious persuasion, the chocks never go away.

In reply to Marc C:

However we do celebrate the 'de-greasing & sharpening crampons, etc' day, when the omens are right!

In reply to Marc C:

Tally-ho, Ginger! Acka-acka-acka!

Oh, right, sorry. Have fun.

In reply to Marc C: Thanks to all the RT folk who have sent their gear to be nested. Is there a nicer feeling in the world than smearing your tool with vaseline then sliding it into a nest of warm damp straw ? Unfortunately I can't accept any more gear - the tomb is literally chock-a-block.

PS Dazman - I'm sorry to tell you this, but I've had no choice but to ask the local vet to put some of your 'gear' down. The live owl chocks on your snakeskin bandolier were horribly mangled (presumably after your ascent of Jeffcoat's Chimney?) and were in great pain.

PPS O Mighty Tim - I have taken the liberty of forwarding some of your gear to the Imperial War Museum.

PPPS Dave H - please note that climbing partners do not technically count as 'gear' - so please let Rubbishy out now before he suffocates.

In reply to Marc C: You must be being too parochial. Whilst I can appreciate that climbing outside in Yorkshire in winter is not often on, in the southwest I have always climbed trad all year (eg Portland right up to December, Swanage in shirtsleeves in February and even a route on Avon Main Wall on Boxing Day. Get travelling. Life's too short to hang up your gear because of some arbitrary date!

In reply to PeteDeb: You obviously don't possess a copy of 'Stones of Wonderment: The Wicca Companion to Climbing Folklore'. I thought all climbers kept it in their rucksacks. My scout pack know it by heart:

A selection -

' He who climbs when winter's solstice falls shall fall himself'
'The stone spirits need their sleep, keep them awake, and sleep shall be thine evermore'
'The wounded crack drips blood, let it heal, lest blood be on thy crown'
'Nest the tools of thy trade, let them slumber, then in Spring admire their newborn power'

In reply to PeteDeb: ARBITRARY DATE?????!!!!

There is NOTHING arbitrary about October 14th, Pete. Your ignorance shocks and disturbs me.
You mean the birth date of the founder of The International Fascist Climbing Brigade, Sir Roger Beezeley-Syllt, means nothing to you ?

In reply to Marc C:

Thanks Marc for emphasizing the importance of this date. It should be noted, however, that there are some geographical differences in relation to this date. We, of course, are operating according to British and European Nesting Time (BENT), whereas - for example - the Americas are operating according to Canadian and United States Nesting Time.

By the way, is there a deflowering of the virgin ceremony associated with the nesting? If not, do you think there should be?

In reply to Marc C:

Damn my dyslexia!! So it was 'chocks' was it? I mis-read your email beta for Jeffcoats as "... and you'll probably benefit by including a few chicks on your bandolier.".

You hadn't specified any specific sizes, so I took the liberty of including a selection of tawny, barn, and eurasian eagle owl chicks... By the way, a well placed barn owl chick fits like a dream in that small pocket on your left, just before you pull over the slight bulge.

In reply to DaveH: What will you be doing with your MONSTER MAT, can I use it til April?

He whoist without.

In reply to DaveH: Thanks for that info Dave. Should just add that BENT is the international standard (whatever those idiots at the West Egremont Teamsters of C.U.N.T. claim).
Deflowering of the Virgin ceremony ? Hmmm. Strictly speaking, Nesting is about hibernation rather than fertility, but, what the hell ? The Christians took over Christmas, so why can't we Wiccans mix and match a bit? I'll email Tiggs. Adders, JayH and gingerkate - they'll be up for a bit of a laugh. You're not intending to burn them alive afterwards are you Dave? I mean - you are recovered now, yeah? The medication's sorted your little pyromania problem out?

In reply to Looking for a bed?:

That was for MarC

In reply to DazMan: Sorry about the mix-up. I actually meant take a few CHUCKS with you! Chuck Pratt was one of the greatest Yosemite climbers, and Chuck Norris is pretty hard as nails. Impressive statistic: No team attempting Everest or K2 has ever failed if their number included someone with the name Chuck. The second most 'lucky' name is Heinrich - the third is a tie between Henrietta and Toni.

In reply to Looking for a bed?: My good sir, are you meaning to insult me ? Real climbers don't use mats.............eugh.... ..even typing the word makes me feel all queasy.

In reply to Marc C:

I've heard tell that he's as bad as ever. Yippee! Lemme at him.

<JayH chortles and her eyes light up wickedly at the chance to inflict bags of minimum force in 'self-defence'>

In reply to Marc C:

That's okay Marc. Don't mention it. On a more serious note though, I'm glad that this has come to light when it has. It's certainly provided me with food for thought. I'm going to recheck your beta for Right Unconquerable... "Be sure to take a selection of RP's (rawl plugs), some cam's (climbing slang for cameras, disposables will do the job nicely), and one or two slings (As used for supporting broken arms. Ask at your local chemist)."

In reply to Marc C:
Deflowering of the Virgin ceremony ?

I'll email Tiggs. Adders, JayH and gingerkate - they'll be up for a bit of a laugh.

Ooooh Marc you having a party? Sounds like fun but I won't qualify for the deflowering bit - however I do have a mask with Pheasant feathers!

You're not intending to burn them alive afterwards are you Dave? I mean - you are recovered now, yeah? The medication's sorted your little pyromania problem out?

Well at least it will be warm - however, he's got to catch us first

In reply to Tiggs: You have a mask with pheasant feathers?! Blue Peter has a lot to answer for.
John, Val, Peter, and Petra were singlehandedly responsible for the near extinction of the British pheasant population in the 1970s.

Mind you, that Halloween mask gift idea pales next to their Mother's Day golden eagle nest and egg presentation gift-set. What a shameless campaign of ecological genocide was sanctioned by Libby Purvis and the gang. You see the fractured remains of the gift sets at boot sales across the country.

I suppose they partly made amends by recycling Petra and Shep as bonfire firelighters (just add a bit of paper pulp, lighter fluid to their pummeled corpses - burnt for days).