This topic has been archived, and won't accept reply postings.
Following on from previous threads about crappy corporate-speak (blue sky thinking etc)
This is a new one for me:
Horizon scanning
And then, in the same email, I was invited to talk about said horizon scanning at a webinar
<bangs head against wall>
Any other new ones out there?
This is a new one for me:
Horizon scanning
And then, in the same email, I was invited to talk about said horizon scanning at a webinar
<bangs head against wall>
Any other new ones out there?
In reply to Steve Kirman: lol, touching base is my favourite. although taken literally it could be sexual harassment.
In reply to Steve Kirman: I like the term on another thread - Wealth Management!
There are people getting paid to do this!
There are people getting paid to do this!
In reply to grumpybearpantsclimbinggoat:
What is wrong with wealth managemnt, it is the inverse of a debt counsellor.
What is wrong with wealth managemnt, it is the inverse of a debt counsellor.
In reply to Nevis-the-cat:
Nowt wrong with the term, I prefer the old term - Accountant.
> (In reply to grumpybearpantsclimbinggoat)
>
> What is wrong with wealth managemnt, it is the inverse of a debt counsellor.
>
> What is wrong with wealth managemnt, it is the inverse of a debt counsellor.
Nowt wrong with the term, I prefer the old term - Accountant.
In reply to grumpybearpantsclimbinggoat:
I think they are all failed novelists - way too much wordy creativity for the office!
Last week I was sat in a senior managers' meeting (on behalf of a senior management who couldn't make it) and I listened in disbelief as they all tried to come up with an alternative name for their 'performance improvement' report, because they had used that phrase for a couple of years and they wanted "something a bit more exciting".
Really.
Cue an out-of-the-box discussion in which terms were banded about, including 'brighter thinking' and the like... Needless to say, I had to bite my tongue a bit for the next 20 minutes.
*These* are the people who invent this type of godforsaken gobbledigook... and they are indeed paid lots of money... :-/
I think they are all failed novelists - way too much wordy creativity for the office!
Last week I was sat in a senior managers' meeting (on behalf of a senior management who couldn't make it) and I listened in disbelief as they all tried to come up with an alternative name for their 'performance improvement' report, because they had used that phrase for a couple of years and they wanted "something a bit more exciting".
Really.
Cue an out-of-the-box discussion in which terms were banded about, including 'brighter thinking' and the like... Needless to say, I had to bite my tongue a bit for the next 20 minutes.
*These* are the people who invent this type of godforsaken gobbledigook... and they are indeed paid lots of money... :-/
In reply to grumpybearpantsclimbinggoat:
Apart from the fact that they are not accountants generally.
> (In reply to Nevis-the-cat)
> [...]
>
> Nowt wrong with the term, I prefer the old term - Accountant.
> [...]
>
> Nowt wrong with the term, I prefer the old term - Accountant.
Apart from the fact that they are not accountants generally.
In reply to Steve Kirman:
It annoys me at meetings when people say:
"Yeah, lets talk about this one offline"
Pretentious muppets!
It annoys me at meetings when people say:
"Yeah, lets talk about this one offline"
Pretentious muppets!
In reply to The New NickB:
Hmmmm, you don't seem to be familiar with my gross generalisation personality
Hello!
> (In reply to grumpybearpantsclimbinggoat)
> [...]
>
> Apart from the fact that they are not accountants generally.
> [...]
>
> Apart from the fact that they are not accountants generally.
Hmmmm, you don't seem to be familiar with my gross generalisation personality
Hello!
In reply to Atholl de-Saint-Croix:
Disagree. The alternative is to say "let's talk about this one once this meeting has finished/at another time". "Offline" is a snappy way of getting across exactly what you mean and succinctly.
> (In reply to Steve Kirman)
>
> It annoys me at meetings when people say:
>
> "Yeah, lets talk about this one offline"
>
> Pretentious muppets!
>
> It annoys me at meetings when people say:
>
> "Yeah, lets talk about this one offline"
>
> Pretentious muppets!
Disagree. The alternative is to say "let's talk about this one once this meeting has finished/at another time". "Offline" is a snappy way of getting across exactly what you mean and succinctly.
In reply to Ava Adore: But it's when they say "let's take this offline, I'll just file it safely in my mind".
In reply to Ava Adore:
"Bollocks" is pretty succint too.
> Disagree. The alternative is to say "let's talk about this one once this meeting has finished/at another time". "Offline" is a snappy way of getting across exactly what you mean and succinctly.
"Bollocks" is pretty succint too.
In reply to PeterM:
Or even "succinct".
> (In reply to Ava Adore)
>
>
>
> "Bollocks" is pretty succint too.
>
>
>
> "Bollocks" is pretty succint too.
Or even "succinct".
In reply to grumpybearpantsclimbinggoat:
Yeah, that means..."ha, no chance of THIS progressing any further".
> (In reply to Ava Adore) But it's when they say "let's take this offline, I'll just file it safely in my mind".
Yeah, that means..."ha, no chance of THIS progressing any further".
In reply to Ava Adore:
Other than I instantly understood "let's talk about this one once this meeting has finished/at another time", whereas "Offline" needed an explanation.
> (In reply to Atholl de-Saint-Croix)
> [...]
>
> Disagree. The alternative is to say "let's talk about this one once this meeting has finished/at another time". "Offline" is a snappy way of getting across exactly what you mean and succinctly.
> [...]
>
> Disagree. The alternative is to say "let's talk about this one once this meeting has finished/at another time". "Offline" is a snappy way of getting across exactly what you mean and succinctly.
Other than I instantly understood "let's talk about this one once this meeting has finished/at another time", whereas "Offline" needed an explanation.
In reply to Serpico:
Well, like any form of jargon, you need to understand it first before you can use it fluently.
Well, like any form of jargon, you need to understand it first before you can use it fluently.
In reply to Ava Adore:
Or you could just stick to speaking English?
What advantage does "Let's talk about this offline" have over "Let's talk about this later"?
> (In reply to Serpico)
>
> Well, like any form of jargon, you need to understand it first before you can use it fluently.
>
> Well, like any form of jargon, you need to understand it first before you can use it fluently.
Or you could just stick to speaking English?
What advantage does "Let's talk about this offline" have over "Let's talk about this later"?
I worked as a design consultant for a major oil and gas company a few years ago and got to know a small group of younger engineers and IT types quite well.
They eventually raised a budget for me to be seconded onto their ongoing project called the HIST project, a well-funded but apparently confidential effort which had meetings every friday lunchtime. It quickly became apparent that the HIST project team met in the pub and that main function of the project was to create acronyms which were anagrams of insulting and vulgar words, acronyms which they then had applied other people's useless and/or stupid projects. The secondary function of the project was to create buzzword bingo cards to use in meetings with senior management. And they had a proper budget and time allocated to all this!
They eventually raised a budget for me to be seconded onto their ongoing project called the HIST project, a well-funded but apparently confidential effort which had meetings every friday lunchtime. It quickly became apparent that the HIST project team met in the pub and that main function of the project was to create acronyms which were anagrams of insulting and vulgar words, acronyms which they then had applied other people's useless and/or stupid projects. The secondary function of the project was to create buzzword bingo cards to use in meetings with senior management. And they had a proper budget and time allocated to all this!
In reply to Steve Kirman: Oo, oo! Just remembered one.
We're going to disintermediate the supply chain to induce free flow logistics.
(we're not going to buy from 3rd party suppliers anymore)
We're going to disintermediate the supply chain to induce free flow logistics.
(we're not going to buy from 3rd party suppliers anymore)
In reply to Ava Adore:
Does this mean, to use jargon in an email, you need to e-fluent?
(I really hope so...)
> (In reply to Serpico)
>
> Well, like any form of jargon, you need to understand it first before you can use it fluently.
>
> Well, like any form of jargon, you need to understand it first before you can use it fluently.
Does this mean, to use jargon in an email, you need to e-fluent?
(I really hope so...)
In reply to Ava Adore:
> "Offline" is a snappy way of getting across exactly what you mean and succinctly.
I don't know. If you just yelled "offline" in a meeting, you would certainly put an end to any further discussion. In reply to Atholl de-Saint-Croix:
>"Yeah, lets talk about this one offline"
Could be;
"Yeah, lets talk about this one later"
Job done, that will be £1000 please.
>"Yeah, lets talk about this one offline"
Could be;
"Yeah, lets talk about this one later"
Job done, that will be £1000 please.
In reply to niggle: well although they clearly went about this via an ox bow lake you can't nibble on the elephant and expect to catch all the butterfly's in one net.
In reply to Steve Kirman:
what's the original thread referenced here.. i want more
better than dilbert hehe
what's the original thread referenced here.. i want more
better than dilbert hehe
In reply to Steve Kirman:
"Webinar"....yeah, I came across that one a week or two ago.
it's just a horrible word. There's something fundamentally wrong with it that makes it 'not work' for me.
"Webinar"....yeah, I came across that one a week or two ago.
it's just a horrible word. There's something fundamentally wrong with it that makes it 'not work' for me.
In reply to sutty:
Later when? Later in the meeting? Later in the year...?
No cigar...
> "Yeah, lets talk about this one later"
Later when? Later in the meeting? Later in the year...?
> Job done, that will be £1000 please.
No cigar...
In reply to captain paranoia:
One someone i used to know used to you;
May I make a suggestion?
Used when you want something done their way.
One someone i used to know used to you;
May I make a suggestion?
Used when you want something done their way.
In reply to Steve Kirman:
The next time you phone up your IT expert with a problem and he tells you its an "i-d-ten-tee" issue go and write it out.
The next time you phone up your IT expert with a problem and he tells you its an "i-d-ten-tee" issue go and write it out.
In reply to Steve Kirman:
Newsnight email tonight has;
We'll be speaking to the
bloggers who were ahead of the curve.
Newsnight email tonight has;
We'll be speaking to the
bloggers who were ahead of the curve.
In reply to GreyPilgrim:
Nah, it's obvious - a 'webinar' takes place over the web, whereas a 'seminar' takes place over the sem, or is half a nar.
"Sarchasm - the gulf between the purveyor of wit and those that don't get it."
My favourite.
> (In reply to Steve Kirman)
>
> "Webinar"....yeah, I came across that one a week or two ago.
>
> it's just a horrible word. There's something fundamentally wrong with it that makes it 'not work' for me.
>
> "Webinar"....yeah, I came across that one a week or two ago.
>
> it's just a horrible word. There's something fundamentally wrong with it that makes it 'not work' for me.
Nah, it's obvious - a 'webinar' takes place over the web, whereas a 'seminar' takes place over the sem, or is half a nar.
"Sarchasm - the gulf between the purveyor of wit and those that don't get it."
My favourite.
In reply to Steve Kirman:
To relieve the boredom in meetings you can always play "doublespeak bingo".
Before entering the meeting, 2 or 3 of you decide what "business speak" phrases might be used by others. You then opt for which ones you will have on your "bingo" card. As the meeting progresses you tick off the phrases as they turn up. If you tick off all the phrases on your "bingo" card then you must stand up and and shout "Full House!" to the bemusement of the others.
Excellent fun.
To relieve the boredom in meetings you can always play "doublespeak bingo".
Before entering the meeting, 2 or 3 of you decide what "business speak" phrases might be used by others. You then opt for which ones you will have on your "bingo" card. As the meeting progresses you tick off the phrases as they turn up. If you tick off all the phrases on your "bingo" card then you must stand up and and shout "Full House!" to the bemusement of the others.
Excellent fun.
In reply to Steve Kirman:
New? You're lucky - we've been using that for,years
'Sandpit' is a new one to me; forming insubstantial theories that run though your fingers and are full of cat shit.
New? You're lucky - we've been using that for,years
'Sandpit' is a new one to me; forming insubstantial theories that run though your fingers and are full of cat shit.
In reply to sutty:
Lol! We had a whole project in my organisation called "turning the curve"!
Maybe my work colleagues will find the bloggers when they get there....
> We'll be speaking to the
> bloggers who were ahead of the curve.
> bloggers who were ahead of the curve.
Lol! We had a whole project in my organisation called "turning the curve"!
Maybe my work colleagues will find the bloggers when they get there....
In reply to mlu200:
My all time favorite - Solution Start Point
As in - this project has reached a .......
My all time favorite - Solution Start Point
As in - this project has reached a .......
In reply to Steve Kirman:
They've thoughtfully put all Gus' sayings at the top here. This stuff is mostly from 17-19 years ago, do keep up.
http://www.caffeine-headache.com/donkey/series/quotes.php
They've thoughtfully put all Gus' sayings at the top here. This stuff is mostly from 17-19 years ago, do keep up.
http://www.caffeine-headache.com/donkey/series/quotes.php
In reply to Blue Straggler:
oh i like the think-wok one, will go nicely with my teams policy of trying to have have food related management speak(concept casserole being a favourite). that and subverting the other phrases is about the only thing that gets me through some meetings without hitting people.
> They've thoughtfully put all Gus' sayings at the top here. This stuff is mostly from 17-19 years ago, do keep up.
oh i like the think-wok one, will go nicely with my teams policy of trying to have have food related management speak(concept casserole being a favourite). that and subverting the other phrases is about the only thing that gets me through some meetings without hitting people.
In reply to Steve Kirman:
The corporate bullshit always ends up seeping into the public sector.
At my university, our end-of-semester performance review meeting has been renamed the performance enhancement meeting. Why not just call it the wishful thinking meeting?
The corporate bullshit always ends up seeping into the public sector.
At my university, our end-of-semester performance review meeting has been renamed the performance enhancement meeting. Why not just call it the wishful thinking meeting?
In reply to Steve Kirman:
Horizon scanning has been a well used term for over a decade now. And it's not so much corporate-speak any more than 'filing' is. It's an actual activity that doesn't really have any other term to describe it. It's not forecasting although similar. It's not environmental analysis, although similar. It's horizon scanning - looking ahead and identifying what issues or developments might need to be addressed and, where necessary, starting to prepare for them. I don't think this qualifies as corporate bulls**t.
> Following on from previous threads about crappy corporate-speak (blue sky thinking etc)
>
> This is a new one for me:
>
> Horizon scanning
>
> This is a new one for me:
>
> Horizon scanning
Horizon scanning has been a well used term for over a decade now. And it's not so much corporate-speak any more than 'filing' is. It's an actual activity that doesn't really have any other term to describe it. It's not forecasting although similar. It's not environmental analysis, although similar. It's horizon scanning - looking ahead and identifying what issues or developments might need to be addressed and, where necessary, starting to prepare for them. I don't think this qualifies as corporate bulls**t.
> And then, in the same email...webinar
>
That definately does though!>
In reply to Steve Kirman:
Oh, and not wishing to turn up empty handed... my own least favourite
Stakeholder mapping.
Oh, and not wishing to turn up empty handed... my own least favourite
Stakeholder mapping.
In reply to La Shamster:
"It's a nice idea but lets sunset that for now"
i.e. it will never see the light of day
> (In reply to Steve Kirman)
>
> I hate being asked to "diarize that" - WTF!!
>
> I hate being asked to "diarize that" - WTF!!
"It's a nice idea but lets sunset that for now"
i.e. it will never see the light of day
This topic has been archived, and won't accept reply postings.
Loading Notifications...