UKC

The linguistic tricks that make you giggle, or generally make the world a better place...

"I've lined up all my ducks in a row"

"Check it out"

"Avalanche poodle"

"Back home by six for tea and medals"

"More cunning than a fox with a Cambridge PhD in cunningology"

Most Blackadder refs in fact...

In reply to Tim Chappell: Same again?

In reply to Tim Chappell:

While you're down there.

In reply to The Lemming:

That's a Bowie reference, isn't it?

In reply to Tim Chappell:

I've been known to play Quiet Coach Bingo for "Yah, darling, I'm on the train" too.

In reply to Tim Chappell:

"As much use as a nuns tits"

"A well protected route" -That makes my world a better place.

"Ruby Murray" or "Andy Murray" if you're the modern sort.

"Sweating like a pig in a raincoat" (My very good friend trekking in south america)

C

In reply to Tim Chappell: "You shlaaaaaaaaaaaaagg" (I'm a Gavin and Stacey fan).

In reply to Tim Chappell:

"This that and the other"

"the doings"

In reply to Tim Chappell:

who's shoes are them boots?
you're as useful as a chocolate teapot
it's ALL disco
never trust a hippy
if brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose

In reply to Chay:


You toiiiiilet! You fahkin toiiiiiiiilet!

Leave it Wayne e's nop werf it!

In reply to Dom Whillans:



"So short he has turnups on his y-fronts"?

In reply to Tim Chappell: "You're up and down like a pair of widow's knickers"

In reply to Chay:


One does not simply walk into Mordor.

In reply to Tim Chappell:


[As heard on the crux of Smith's Route:]

I suppose a screw's out of the question?

In reply to Tim Chappell: Don't piss down my back and tell me its raining

In reply to mickeyluv:

Ye'll have had yer tea.

In reply to Tim Chappell:

let go of my ears i know what i'm doing

In reply to Tim Chappell:
I sleapt like a log last night. I woke up on the fire...
As much use as a chocolate cock .
How can I saw like an eagle when I am working with blue tits.
Are u reading that paper your sat on.

In reply to Tim Chappell:

Wasn't this disproved in the later films. Sean Bean should have stuck to killing the French.

In reply to Tim Chappell:

Is that an owl in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?

In reply to Tim Chappell:

Tw#t-licking-f#ck-pig is a personal fav.

In reply to Tim Chappell:
mega
far out
groovy

In reply to Tim Chappell:
"Groovy"
"I think you should go climbing, you know how you get when you don't"

In reply to Darren Jackson: Or the Blackadder version (spoken by Rick Mayall/Flasheart to Nursie) 'Is this a canoe in my pocket or am I just pleased to see you?'

Another favourite from Blackadder...'as capacious as an elephant's scrotum' describing the size of his wealthy uncle's wallet.

A classic attributed (I think) to Spike Milligan, on seeing the famously lined and wrinkled face of W H Auden (google an image)... 'if that's his face what must his scrotum be like?'

In reply to Tim Chappell: "The demise of fingering has led to chaos in the UK!" - Micky Flanagan.

In reply to Chay:

I actually said that way before he'd even thought of it.

In reply to Tim Chappell:

Mad as a cut snake
Too easy

In reply to Tim Chappell: all the breaking strain of a warm kit kat

In reply to Tim Chappell:
as nutty as squirrel shit

In reply to Tim Chappell:

'sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish shop'

Stolen from a friend of mine (sorry)

In reply to Tim Chappell:

"this user is restricted from posting"

In reply to Tim Chappell:

He's got the backbone of a jellyfish.

A face like a Witch Doctors Cane.

In reply to Tim Chappell:
Not common parlance, but a mate of mine had some that should have been:

On a Land Rover without power steering: "Like trying to drive the Bank of England".

On a particularly awkward piece of software: "As friendly as a cornered rat".

On a similarly awkward piece of hardware: "If I had one of them, I'd swap it for a mad dog".

In reply to Tim Chappell:
Dialects are fun, otherwise mainly in jokes for friends or family.

Idioms that seem weirdly English but are sometimes much more international than you think - spin in grave is the same in German.

In reply to Chay:

I think the similar "Up and down like a bride's nightie" got Pattie Coldwell the sack from Radio 2.

In reply to Tim Chappell:

On frustrating/ incompetent people in general... 'Un-f*ck yourself.'

On the range... 'Brassed up.'

On stuff... 'If you can't duck it, f*ck it'

Also, 'If it moves but shouldn't, duck'tape, if it doesn't move but should, WD40.'

On things that just should not be...'Sink/scuttle that ship.'

On someone who is over excitable, angry, pissed off, generally not shutting up or drinking too much...'Belt-fed.'

On something that needs fixing... 'Remedy this/that.'

And a lyrical one.... 'Dig up the bones, but leave the soul alone.'

For lost... 'Topographically absent.'

To do something ballsy... 'Off safe.'

To do something awesome... 'Ninja.'

In reply to Tim Chappell:

"...well you can't fit a ferret in a tea cup, lad".

In reply to elsewhere: Talking of german...

'Stille Wasser sind tief' love that phrase

In reply to Tim Chappell: A friend of mine is reffered to as "Mad as a box of frogs" very often; I do like that phrase.

C

In reply to Chay:

Mad as a bag of wet mice?

For someone in a mood: Go and take your face for a shit.

To someone having an epic/making a mess of something: How's that working for you?

In reply to Tim Chappell:

Cock monkey

In reply to Tim Chappell:

Probably cheating, but: -

"Come on arms, do your stuff"

In reply to Tim Chappell:

'Drip tray' is another, used to descride a certain type of lady.

In reply to Tim Chappell: S'up Brah! must be shouted

In reply to Tim Chappell: "I ain't got time bleed" plus most of the Predator script

In reply to Tim Chappell:

She had a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle.

He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

E

In reply to Mighty Max:

"Easy Peasey, squeeze the lemon"
youtube.com/watch?v=kKeB82retLs&

In reply to Tim Chappell:

"Fit as a butcher's dog."

In reply to Tim Chappell:
An ex-colleague used to chant "Rah-Rah Racoon-shit" to the tune of Boney M's Rasputin, when something went well for him (we didn't hear it that often TBH)

In reply to 999thAndy:


"So why not cut out the middle man and just join the Nazi Party?"

"Well that's as much use as Anne Frank's drum kit"

In reply to Tim Chappell:

I like as a comical insult: "you smelly pirate hooker"

If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much room!

Short arms and deep pockets....bone shakingly stingy.

In reply to Tim Chappell: that's rarer than rocking horse shite, that

In reply to Tim Chappell:
Your about as welcome as a fart in a space suit.

Your like a fart in a colander wondering which hole to come out of.

Said the actress to the Bishop

Sweating like a Geordie (or other regional person) in a spelling test

In reply to Tim Chappell:

"GFS" - abbreviation reputeably banned from being put on patients notes at Addenbrokes Hospital, Cambridge meaning " Good Fen Stock" meaning thick as pig shit.

In reply to GrahamD:


And one from the N & N hospital in Norwich... "NfN" on patients' notes means "normal for Norfolk"

In reply to Tim Chappell:

..."If it had a pulse, he'd either f*ck it or cook it"

In reply to Tim Chappell:

If you found this on your medical chart I'd hold off on booking that holiday - CTP = Circling the Plughole.

In reply to MonkeyPuzzle:

If you found this on your medical chart I'd hold off on booking that holiday - CTP = Circling the Plughole.

I nick named my Grandfather 'Spiderman'. Not because of any super powers he might have accidentally gained , but more because he couldn't get out of the bath unassisted.

In reply to NeilMac on - 00:34 Mon

"...well you can't fit a ferret in a tea cup, lad"

I like this but in what context would you use it?

In reply to Tim Chappell:

"It's looking a bit grey over our Bill's mother's" (meaning the weather is closing in)

"he can't decide whether he needs a sh1t or a haircut" (meaning he's a bit indecisive)

both heard frequently in my office in Sheffield

In reply to Tim Chappell:

"Made of case hardened dog sh1t"

In reply to Tim Chappell:

a face only a mother could love.

In reply to Tim Chappell: Wetter than an otter's pocket.

In reply to Tim Chappell:

"The standup and aim-its" referring to people who are so common as to not get out of the bath for a pee.

"Funty" from "Funty cart" used to describe little cars with big sound systems and lots of cheap fibreglass modifications driven by 17 year old standup-and-aim-its.

"Pigstopper" - knock kneed.

"Pigfluffer" - someone who would do anything to get on TV, named after Rebecca Loos on Celebrity Farm.

"Failed the audition for Fingerbobs" - someone who can't be bothered to lift a finger.

In reply to Tim Chappell:
"Have you heard that Thatcher's dead?"

In reply to Tim Chappell:

"Nuke it from orbit, its the only way to be sure"

"could't find his own @rse with both hands and a flashlight"

"the kind of stage presence that packs the toilets"

In reply to Tim Chappell:

Colder than a well-digger's arse
Wind yer neck in
Catch yourself on
Deeper in denial than an Egyptian diver

Madder than a:
a.) bag of spiders
b.) goat in a wheelie bin

or the classic exclamation

Christ on a bike!

In reply to Tim Chappell:

Get a grip of your knickers

Dashing around like a scorched earwig

All fur coat and no knickers

itchy bum, things to come, nearer the hole, the bigger the sum

In reply to Tim Chappell: Most things said by Jens Voight

http://teamjva.com/jens-voigt-soundboard/

And also, a recent invention "[let] the monkeys take you/it/them!" as a dismissal or condemnation of anything. Should be said in the style of a pirate for maximum effect.

1980s back in the news - from 2000AD at that time.

"Eat plutonium death you alien wierdos".
"Nuke your parents"

In reply to Fat Bumbly2: 'Jane, bury me in a Y shaped coffin Ethrington... she bangs like a privy door when the plauges in town.'

BW

In reply to Tim Chappell:
Instead of rain on your parade and similar idioms, I like "I don't want to shit on your chips, but..."