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Over the years I have read so many people, paying their respects to those who have passed on here. It is probably the case that people on here who you perceive as being 'a dick' (not to put to fine a point on it) probably in real life are not, but are probably misunderstood.
The second thing I find amusing is how when someone has died how so many people say how great people were in life, yet how often did they tell that person when they were alive and it really meant something? When I am dead and buried, the compliments are too little too late, I'd rather accept them now, when I am alive, when it counts. Never mind paying your respects, they are all well and good, but spread some real love now, not when its too late. ( and I don't mean to me! To your real mates)
Tonights passing thought.....
Post edited at 21:30
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In reply to Dave the Rave:
When was the last time you paid someone a genuine compliment? Regularly?
When was the last time you paid someone a genuine compliment? Regularly?
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In reply to aln:
I've just pissed on my smartphone... It's the closest that I can currently get to pissing on your grave, and I want you to be aware of my planned obituary tribute to you.
> You're a dick.
I've just pissed on my smartphone... It's the closest that I can currently get to pissing on your grave, and I want you to be aware of my planned obituary tribute to you.
Post edited at 22:20
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In reply to Clauso:
Xperia or iPhone 7 ? How's it holding up? Just interested as I'm in the market for a water resistant phone.
(Not interested in yours, obviously).
> I've just pissed on my smartphone... It's the closest that I can currently get to pissing on your grave, and I want you to be aware of my planned obituary tribute to you.
Xperia or iPhone 7 ? How's it holding up? Just interested as I'm in the market for a water resistant phone.
(Not interested in yours, obviously).
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In reply to The Ice Doctor:
Those that do good know they do, and don't need the compliments. Be happy in yourself, not what others tell you you are.
Those that do good know they do, and don't need the compliments. Be happy in yourself, not what others tell you you are.
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In reply to Clauso:
My allotment's next door, piss on my kale, it loves extra electrolytes
> I've just pissed on my smartphone... It's the closest that I can currently get to pissing on your grave,
My allotment's next door, piss on my kale, it loves extra electrolytes
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In reply to aln:
I'll bring kale seeds to your send off. Don't get cremated.
> My allotment's next door, piss on my kale, it loves extra electrolytes
I'll bring kale seeds to your send off. Don't get cremated.
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In reply to The Ice Doctor:
I've (probably) just helped to talk a friend out of suicide if that's any good? It was hard to know if they were serious, but I've just got in and I'm drained.
Your OP reminded me of a facebook sentiment I came across, about not waiting until people are dead for giving them flowers, but giving them to them while they're alive instead. It's in the same kind of spirit.
It might towards keeping each other alive I guess, if we tell one another how much we're valued? It was a good thing to post about.
I've (probably) just helped to talk a friend out of suicide if that's any good? It was hard to know if they were serious, but I've just got in and I'm drained.
Your OP reminded me of a facebook sentiment I came across, about not waiting until people are dead for giving them flowers, but giving them to them while they're alive instead. It's in the same kind of spirit.
It might towards keeping each other alive I guess, if we tell one another how much we're valued? It was a good thing to post about.
Post edited at 02:17
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In reply to The Ice Doctor:
On the second point, I may not be typical, but would prefer any compliments to occur once I'm dead. I find them nothing short of awkward and am perfectly satisfied, if not prefer, to receive none at all.
Never quite understood people who get unhappy because people haven't complimented them - be it in work or play. Surely positive noises from the mouths of others are inconsequential to how you live your life, especially as they may be either untrue anyway or unnecessary if you are doing your best.
On the second point, I may not be typical, but would prefer any compliments to occur once I'm dead. I find them nothing short of awkward and am perfectly satisfied, if not prefer, to receive none at all.
Never quite understood people who get unhappy because people haven't complimented them - be it in work or play. Surely positive noises from the mouths of others are inconsequential to how you live your life, especially as they may be either untrue anyway or unnecessary if you are doing your best.
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In reply to David Martin:
results count, not fluffy words.
> Never quite understood people who get unhappy because people haven't complimented them - be it in work or play. Surely positive noises from the mouths of others are inconsequential to how you live your life, especially as they may be either untrue anyway or unnecessary if you are doing your best.
results count, not fluffy words.
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In reply to The Ice Doctor:
People usually want to remember the good in others and most will actively avoid saying something bad, especially in a thread that will last in public forever.
I do get the impression that as a modern UKC forum regulars, we are rather on a pantomime stage these days and those 'overacting' most on UKC getting way more comment on the forums after tragedy. There is also a bit of a 'rubberneck' effect with those who die climbing getting more attention than those who die otherwise. So, unsurprisingly, we are human with human foibles.
On the more positive side of humanity: where UKC can be wonderful is the linkage to news and artcles when climbers die... especially where some of the UKC contributers go out of the way to write a very detailed obituary article here on UKC.
People usually want to remember the good in others and most will actively avoid saying something bad, especially in a thread that will last in public forever.
I do get the impression that as a modern UKC forum regulars, we are rather on a pantomime stage these days and those 'overacting' most on UKC getting way more comment on the forums after tragedy. There is also a bit of a 'rubberneck' effect with those who die climbing getting more attention than those who die otherwise. So, unsurprisingly, we are human with human foibles.
On the more positive side of humanity: where UKC can be wonderful is the linkage to news and artcles when climbers die... especially where some of the UKC contributers go out of the way to write a very detailed obituary article here on UKC.
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In reply to David Martin:
I was under the impression that the OP was about more than just compliments specifically, to do with people showing others how important they are to them? If what's said about modern society is true, to do with social isolation, it couldn't do any harm.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/active/mens-health/11996473/2.5-million-men-...
Edit: Some of the statistics mentioned here about male isolation are rather sobering.
> On the second point, I may not be typical, but would prefer any compliments to occur once I'm dead. I find them nothing short of awkward and am perfectly satisfied, if not prefer, to receive none at all.
> Never quite understood people who get unhappy because people haven't complimented them - be it in work or play. Surely positive noises from the mouths of others are inconsequential to how you live your life, especially as they may be either untrue anyway or unnecessary if you are doing your best.
I was under the impression that the OP was about more than just compliments specifically, to do with people showing others how important they are to them? If what's said about modern society is true, to do with social isolation, it couldn't do any harm.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/active/mens-health/11996473/2.5-million-men-...
Edit: Some of the statistics mentioned here about male isolation are rather sobering.
Post edited at 11:29
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In reply to wilkie14c:
As communal - social animals, we all need and thrive on feeling valued and 'recognised', and part of a positive network and all that too, though. During the harder times especially.
> results count, not fluffy words.
As communal - social animals, we all need and thrive on feeling valued and 'recognised', and part of a positive network and all that too, though. During the harder times especially.
Post edited at 12:45
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In reply to The Ice Doctor:
In a similair vein, it always fascinates how many go to the funeral of a person they have not spoken to for years or if they have been in hospital or ill, not visited them. Top Tip, an old person or an ill person would probably rather have you come round for a cup of tea and a biscuit, as opposed to you going to their funeral.
In a similair vein, it always fascinates how many go to the funeral of a person they have not spoken to for years or if they have been in hospital or ill, not visited them. Top Tip, an old person or an ill person would probably rather have you come round for a cup of tea and a biscuit, as opposed to you going to their funeral.
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In reply to J1234:
I guess that's because we can tend to imagine that people will be there another day, and then they aren't anymore. Going to the funeral is the last way of 'connecting' in some way.
I guess that's because we can tend to imagine that people will be there another day, and then they aren't anymore. Going to the funeral is the last way of 'connecting' in some way.
Post edited at 19:44
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In reply to all.
It seems a lot of you completely got the wrong end of the stick.
I read Simon4 thread.
I just think rather than be a bastard to one another on here, or in life, a few compliments when living never go amiss.
Me. Death. Party for those left behind. Hope they enjoy it. Don't get that much wrong.
Perhaps when I am dead someone will post on here to tell you I've passed.
Don't lament. Don't dare say what a 'great person I was' I am who I am. I accept that. Its not easy being human, it just is, and we all die eventually.
Simple really.
It seems a lot of you completely got the wrong end of the stick.
I read Simon4 thread.
I just think rather than be a bastard to one another on here, or in life, a few compliments when living never go amiss.
Me. Death. Party for those left behind. Hope they enjoy it. Don't get that much wrong.
Perhaps when I am dead someone will post on here to tell you I've passed.
Don't lament. Don't dare say what a 'great person I was' I am who I am. I accept that. Its not easy being human, it just is, and we all die eventually.
Simple really.
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In reply to Timmd:
Therefore maybe tonight, tomorrow or at the weekend you may contact an old friend or go and see an elderly person and spend and hour with them
Therefore maybe tonight, tomorrow or at the weekend you may contact an old friend or go and see an elderly person and spend and hour with them
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In reply to The Ice Doctor:
I think you're safe there
> In reply to all.
> Don't lament. Don't dare say what a 'great person I was'
I think you're safe there
In reply to The Ice Doctor:
I think few things put disagreements into perspective like death does. Suddenly nothing much seems worth minding about.
> I read Simon4 thread.
> I just think rather than be a bastard to one another on here, or in life, a few compliments when living never go amiss.
I think few things put disagreements into perspective like death does. Suddenly nothing much seems worth minding about.
Post edited at 23:47
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In reply to Timmd:
This is always worth listening to youtube.com/watch?v=DMvTlhE92UQ&
> I think few things put disagreements into perspective like death does. Suddenly nothing much seems worth minding about.
This is always worth listening to youtube.com/watch?v=DMvTlhE92UQ&
In reply to Timmd:
Interesting, I might fall into that group of 2.5m men. Late 40's and married. We moved around a fair bit so lost touch with friends from school/university. After our children were born we again moved so lost touch with most of those connections formed through the early years. In my work people move a lot and also tend to go home in the evenings as most live a bit out of London. I am not in any clubs/groups etc. Whereas my wife is a member of a choir, book club and running club and has kept in contact with a few old friends. But I have always been a bit of a loner so am ok with it for the most part.
Interesting, I might fall into that group of 2.5m men. Late 40's and married. We moved around a fair bit so lost touch with friends from school/university. After our children were born we again moved so lost touch with most of those connections formed through the early years. In my work people move a lot and also tend to go home in the evenings as most live a bit out of London. I am not in any clubs/groups etc. Whereas my wife is a member of a choir, book club and running club and has kept in contact with a few old friends. But I have always been a bit of a loner so am ok with it for the most part.
In reply to RX-78:
It would be an individual thing, I'm sure, but I gather that it's once a partner dies that it can become more of a factor, women seem to survive better/live for longer following the loss of a partner than men do, because of having more connections with people to use for support, with emotional and physical health being intertwined.
I have a loaner streak in me, too, but for the people I care for, I kind of can't do enough for them, so I try and direct a bit of that towards making new friends, because I know it'll do me good in hard times, and a proportion of the friends I make turn out to be worth making (most importantly). I was very glad I did once my Mum passed away, I wasn't up for having Lucy and Joe round for tea with Lucy offering to bring the food, but it meant it a lot to get the frequent offers.
It can take effort, but it's good. The sexes can have different styles of developing closeness, but women perhaps generally have it sussed in knowing the importance of connections.
The self can be changed more than I appreciated....
It would be an individual thing, I'm sure, but I gather that it's once a partner dies that it can become more of a factor, women seem to survive better/live for longer following the loss of a partner than men do, because of having more connections with people to use for support, with emotional and physical health being intertwined.
I have a loaner streak in me, too, but for the people I care for, I kind of can't do enough for them, so I try and direct a bit of that towards making new friends, because I know it'll do me good in hard times, and a proportion of the friends I make turn out to be worth making (most importantly). I was very glad I did once my Mum passed away, I wasn't up for having Lucy and Joe round for tea with Lucy offering to bring the food, but it meant it a lot to get the frequent offers.
It can take effort, but it's good. The sexes can have different styles of developing closeness, but women perhaps generally have it sussed in knowing the importance of connections.
The self can be changed more than I appreciated....
Post edited at 15:35
In reply to J1234:
I like that he gave the caveat of 'too many days in a row', to do with what you're doing each day not being what you'd like to do if it was your last day.
It can be more difficult to apply it to everyday life without the caveat.
I like that he gave the caveat of 'too many days in a row', to do with what you're doing each day not being what you'd like to do if it was your last day.
It can be more difficult to apply it to everyday life without the caveat.
Post edited at 22:32
In reply to Clauso:
No way am I being cremated. I have a total body donor card, I've donated my body to science. When science has a look at my body science will be doing sciency stuff to work out how I achieved such levels of magnificence.
> I'll bring kale seeds to your send off. Don't get cremated.
No way am I being cremated. I have a total body donor card, I've donated my body to science. When science has a look at my body science will be doing sciency stuff to work out how I achieved such levels of magnificence.
In reply to Timmd:
Yes, you need that caveat as you do need to try at thinks as some things are hard, however you also need to know when giving up is not failure and to avoid the issues of sunk cost.
> I like that he gave the caveat of 'too many days in a row', to do with what you're doing each day not being what you'd like to do if it was your last day.
> It can be more difficult to apply it to everyday life without the caveat.
Yes, you need that caveat as you do need to try at thinks as some things are hard, however you also need to know when giving up is not failure and to avoid the issues of sunk cost.
Post edited at 07:48
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