UKC

To the complete b*stard who left a big slick of poo down the rock from the high tide start ledge of Dream of White Horses which got in everyone’s ropes today: f**k you.

Must've got inspired...

A Dream of Brown Trousers (E2 5b)

Haha yeah, they were clearly very “inspired”.

I can recommend the 24hr launderette outside Morrisons in Holyhead. Even provides antibacterial fabric softener. Plus a decent curry house down the road while you wait, although I’m hoping that doesn’t cause me another brown rope situation today…

Also perfectly understandable. I mean, who hasn't been there? ( the predicament I mean, not the starting ledge of DoWH).

It was easily solvable by extending the belay further so as to crap directly into the sea. 

Erm, me. Have never shat on a route and I feel like I'm not in a minority there. 

Err, me! I've never shit on a route! Dream.. Is literally perched over a 100million square km toilet. Of all the routes I've ever done, I can't think of an easier one for a nice clean shit. 

Dirty gits. 

Me neither, would like to point out. Just showing a tiny bit of empathy for the poor sod who got themselves in that state.

Also doubt the kayakers are too keen on the people suggesting fouling their patch instead.

It's always worth reflecting on the fact that we share 'climbing areas' with other outdoor enthusiasts.

A few years ago I was belaying a friend at Stoney Middleton. The base of the climb was next to a coffin-shaped hole. As my mate reached the crux, some rustling noises could be heard in the darkness. Eventually a student-aged caver emerged, then another, then another, until about eight of them were stood around me staring up at my mate.

Ths thing is, they were soaking wet from the caving and the water ran off them, pooling in a depression in the ground in which the rest of my kit was stored.

Then one of the youths piped up, "Oi mate, we're getting all your gear wet!" And they all laughed. They simply stood there making no attempt to redress the situation - neither moving away from my rucksack nor offering to move it for me. 

"That's karma", I replied, "...because not five minutes ago I took a huge steaming piss in to that hole you've all just crawled out of. I literally aimed at the huge root you all used as a handhold."

Never seen so many smiles drop so fast. Priceless! (I don't pee there any more.)

Nobody wants to encounter a climber's brown trout at the foot of a sea cliff, but shite being pumped into the sea on an industrial scale by the water companies is much more of a concern really. 
https://www.sas.org.uk/water-quality/

I think the route was Om on Prayer Wheel Wall.

Bang out of order. There is a rule: do not shit on the routes; do not shit under the routes. In fact, do not shit anywhere near the routes. If you don't know and understand this rule, you are not a climber, you're a complete punter, and you'd be better taking up golf.

Indeed. It's one of those rare beasts - a single-pitch route whereoff one can clock up a Factor 2 fall by continuing down the adjacent hole. 

And don't shit in the holes.  Unless at one of a certain three Scottish courses.

Agreed - encountered a giant Mr Whippy turd on the ledge at the first stance of the Comici-Dimai (VII+) on the Cima Grande. Only noticed when I sat down and my rack of wires got dunked in it. To say it took the shine off the day would be an understatement. 

A long time ago, I went to climb the Couzy Route on the Aiguille de L'M. I'd walked into the base of the route in my Koflachs and, just as I was approaching the belay stance, my partner shouted out some kind of warning - which I obviously paid no attention to.

Anyway, it rapidly turned out that I'd trodden in a large pile of human shit. Of course, I tried to wipe most of it off - but I then had to pack my Koflachs into my rucksack for the climb, and the subsequent descent.

So thanks very much, Anonymous Shitter: you made my day ...

I’m enjoying this cathartic scat-chat.  

Other memorable turds I have known include one at cheddar which my poor mate flaked a brand new sport rope into and one I trod in on a ledge in Avon whilst litter picking no less. F**k you all. 

Walking in to do the Lyskamm Traverse, the whole glacier is pocked with the leavings of various continental incontinents... but it was the turd on the very summit of Lyskamm Occidentale that really crowned things off. Presumably there is some kind of club for those who have shat above 4000m.

The only en route shit I forgive (bigwalling and multiday alpine routes aside) is that poor sod in that US video who does it down himself whilst trying to extract himself from a crack he is stuck in.

Happily, in 60 years of climbing I've only had one "encounter of the turd kind" and though not nice it wasn't as bad as some described above, but at first a bit puzzling. It was March 2007 and we were on Hadrian's Wall Direct on Ben Nevis. I was leading one of the easier higher pitches when I began to notice coloured flecks in the névé. The higher I went the more frequent they became until there were distinct brown streaks. At this stage the penny dropped, and suspicions were confirmed when at almost a full rope length I found a mahoosive bucket had been hacked where the poor unfortunate who'd preceded us must have crouched in committing the act of squittering down the pitch, the poor sod. I had to make a couple of moves sideways to take a stance in order to ensure our ropes avoided the ordure. All in all not too bad an experience since being necessarily very cold the pong wasn't apparent.

You can't polish a turd....

We arrived at the start of the Cassin (TD) to find two fellow Brits roping up, and next to them on the not over-roomy ledge a huge pile of shit steaming gently in the first rays of the morning light. “Watch your step, someone’s taken a huge dump there” said one of them.

I loved that “someone”, there was nobody else in sight.

An(n)us Horribilus

I don't golf, but I assume one doesn't shit in the holes, on the greens, tees or fairways. Is it legit in the rough though... Asking for a friend. 😁

As my dry Scottish friend Grant says 

"Aye... But you can roll them in glitter."

Just look who logged the route before you on latest ascents. 

Please don't shit or pee in the cavers entrance at Stoney. Its not cool or funny no matter how much the cavers upset you. I've exited there several times and the tree root handhold is nice and clean - as well as useful.

Worst turd I've encountered was halfway down the big slab on Troutdale Pinnacle. Lots of elaborate and unnecessary gear placements to keep both ropes out of it. A mystery how folk can't a) think ahead or b) hold it for 2 minutes longer to a better spot for everyone

Did you read my post to the end? In fact, did you read my first sentence?

Edit: In fact - did you understand my post at all? I didn't pee in the cave due to the cavers 'upsetting' me. I took a pee down a hole not knowing it was used by cavers. Once I realised otherwise,  I decided to never do so again. Between the pee and my concluding thought, karma entered the story.

I’ll not think about ‘logging’ a route in the same way now…

Me and my mate came across a splendid Cumberland Curl on a ledge on Shepherd's Crag, Borrowdale. We didn't notice until we were preparing the rope for the next pitch. Fortunately, the offending turd was sitting nicely between two stones, preventing our rope becoming soiled. Why there we'll never know. It was a solid, so no excuse for at upset stomach.

What route was Tigga on?

There was a massive shit just on the exit of the chimney before Tower Gap year before last. Along with all the bog roll somebody used to wipe their arse. Just as you come out of the hole as well. Nice. 

Sorry! Should have read it properly. I take it all back! 

Derailed by all the other posts about poo! 

I am trying to eat my lunch but am sniggering too much at this thread.

My 82 yr old dad used to tell the story of a trip to the mountains of Norway when he was a youth.  One of the huts had a loo that was basically a privy on a bridge over a ravine.  If you timed things with a gust of wind blowing up the ravine, things would seem to defy gravity for a few seconds.  They called it the hovercrapper.  If the wind blew too hard, there was even a risk you would get your own back, so to speak.

All good. Apologies if my response was overly blunt!

And I would like to thank whoever let their dog leave one at the base of Chudleigh Rocks.  Somehow it got on some of my quick draws and my rope.

At least I think it was left by a dog, but given the rest of this thread…,

Sorry about that. It might have been me. I'd had five pints of purple moose and a vesta curry. I was hoping it would be solid, but it like the discharge of a blunderbuss. It surprised even me.

Not personally but have shared a ledge with someone , known to frequent these forums,who had to, appropriately enough, on The Moon (E3 5c)

Was there anyone within earshot called 'Houston'?