UKC

In the cliches in climbing videos thread, ice.solo wrote:


For starters, how about

* A real life shot of a non-climbing partner asking the question 'If you had to choose between climbing and me, which would you choose?' and footage of the answer... (On the same theme, an interesting short film would be to ask climbers 'If you had to choose between your non-climbing partner and climbing, which would you choose and why?' I imagine quite a few might have to be filmed with disguised identities.)

In reply to ericinbristol:

"Oh FFS get a move on and _stop_ going off route and stop whinging"

In reply to duchessofmalfi:

Very good. Plus the more understated 'How's it going?' which says the same thing.

In reply to ericinbristol: 5 Minutes of faffing with gear on a 10m long Vdiff

In reply to JimboWizbo:

5 minutes? Sounds like a speed climbing video. Ah, just realised you mean 5 minutes per metre.

In reply to ericinbristol:

Spending half an hour trying to find at least one decent belay anchour, then your partner coming up and pointing out that it moves

In reply to ericinbristol:

If you haven't seen it, try and get hold of 'The Face' video featuring Airlie Anderson and Aid Burgess. They're climbing on the desert sandstone in Utah and Airlie doesn't seem to appreciate it...

In reply to MJ:

I have seen it. It's one of my favourite climbing videos. AA getting her just desserts after calling AB a "wuss"!

In reply to ericinbristol:

The background sound, without music plastered all over it.

"watch me, ooeerr, F****, hold on, I don't think I can do it, hold on, arrrgh, pant, can you check the route in the guide book? here goes, watch me! retreat, I'm going to go for it be ready to catch the fall, I don't like the look of that cam, hold on, I'm going to place some more gear (waits 15 minutes) bugger that nut/cam/hex won't stay, watch me, ooeerr"

repeat several times

finally does the move

"oh it was easy - nothing to worry about"

In reply to ericinbristol: An incident (like I had) taking a non climbing friend up grooved arete, we were stood on the belay and he was asking about the gear we were using on the belay (two cams) as I was just pulling a rope up behind me to bring him up so he wasn't seeing gear going in. I told him they were completely bomber and gave them both a good tug to show him and one of them came out in my hand. He was not impressed.

In reply to tatty112:

Couldn't you just summarise that as staggering incompetence? :P

I think the bit most left out of climbing films - tea breaks and malt loaf...maybe a little nap at midday

In reply to ericinbristol:

On a long multi pitch in the mist, with rain starting to fall.

"It goes that way" (second who never leads)
"No , it goes this way according to the guidebook" (me)
"I think you should go that way, it's easier"
"No it's not, it leads to a dead end"
"I still think"
"Look, do you want to lead it..."
"No"
"Then shut up.."

In reply to ericinbristol:

The most important things that are never mentioned are the basic bodily functions - I've never escaped dysentery of various degrees on trips outside Europe and the results tend to occupy ones thoughts as much as anything else, especially when bivvying in a small tent or a plastic bag!

In reply to ericinbristol:

Getting to the bottom of the route (after a decent walk in) only to discover that one or other of you has forgotten a vital bit of kit so has to improvise...

The bit where you do your partner checks, and your belayer tugs on your lead line and it pops out of the ATC. You don't have anything to say, there is nothing to say.

In reply to Bruce Hooker:

vimeo.com/13831211

not always left out

In reply to duchessofmalfi:

Hilarious! And very true...

In reply to tatty112:

Quality!

In reply to Beat me to it!:

Another gem.

In reply to ericinbristol: How about standing around for 90 minutes waiting for the three chatty blokes ahead of you to potter up the first pitch or two?

In reply to Tall Clare:

That's not always left out, actually. On Lynn Hill’s NIAD video LH is sorting quickly through karabiners when her hapless second confesses that he’s forgotten his belay device. LH doesn’t miss a beat; simply hands him a couple of karabiners and carries on gear sorting.

jcm

In reply to ericinbristol:
monologues at the belay (particularly on winter routes):
"FFS what the F is he doing?"

With shots of the face going through, interest, rage, boredom and back again.
All of it is instantly forgotten once seconding the pitch that you find invariably hard (serious case of second blues?).

In reply to ericinbristol:

inspired by another thread... hours of footage of the second apparently having a complete mental break down while being eaten to death by midges... or spending 4 hours in your tent removing ticks from your b_ll s_ck

In reply to French Erick:

A single 15 minute shot of the belayer on a summer multipitch route while the leader is setting up a sparce belay somewhere out of sight and hearing - staring off into the middle distance for a bit, poking at the bits of lichen, peeling old scraps of tape off some nuts..

In reply to ericinbristol:

Leader: SAFE!

2nd:taps feet, checks watch

Leader: SAAAAFEE!!

2nd: mutters under breath

Leader: SAAAAAFFFFFEEEEE!!!! <turning puce>

2nd: DAVE! ARE YOU SAFE YET?

In reply to duchessofmalfi:

or as "our" new insult goes...

MAN UP PRINCESS!!!!

In reply to ericinbristol: Have we mentioned consuming half your own bodyweight in cake whilst sat in the cafe waiting for the rain to stop?

In reply to ericinbristol:

The moment when after marking critical points on the rope with tape and rehearsing with the worried belayer/girlfriend how she needs to run backwards if they come off or it will be certain death the successful hero looks down from the top of the climb and sees she is actually standing around with a ton of slack out watching some guy on another route.

In reply to 999thAndy:

Like!

In reply to rallymania:

We like to go with 'you've dropped your lipstick'