UKC

OK, so you haven't "dated" for YEEEEARS having been in long term relationships as long as you remember. Suddenly you find yourself back on the dating "scene" (oh god).

So. Meet nice guy. Getting on OK. 2 dates so far and not even a kiss (well, just a quickie goodbye on the 2nd date).

In order for him to think I'm not some loose slapper, how long do we reckon is a good time to wait before throwing him on the bed???

P.S. Date 3 is tonight!!

In reply to Vivvi:

Too late, he probably thinks you're frigid....

Whenever you feel like it would be my answer. Most blokes wouldn't complain whenever you decide to do it.

In reply to Vivvi:

I'd say that there are no rules on this and do what you feel comfortable doing.

Oh any bloke who reckons that a girl who likes sex is a "loose slapper" needs ditching. Any bloke who thinks that 3rd date is too soon to have sex probably isn't that into women.

So, basically have fun and remember to squeeze the air out of the end

In reply to Vivvi:

If you have not snogged by the 3rd date he is gay

In reply to John Wood:

oh and I found starting dating again after, well basically starting dating* to be a bit weird at first but soon started to become jolly good fun

*previous preferred approach was to wake up next to someone and suggest dinner. It's impossible to be nervous arround someone once you've seen them naked

In reply to Vivvi:

I'd be disappointed if I hadn't titted a girl up by the third date

In reply to Ridge:


Aye, and to make up for that I reckon she should take him dogging tonight just to show him this isn't true............

In reply to Vivvi: whenever you feel ready/feel like it/have shaved your legs and done your bikinni line, pruned and preened etc etc. dates where you have a meal at his or yours are good start. depends also how long he's been single for, what he wants. how long is piece of string?

In reply to rock waif:

She won't know that until she gets his kecks off.

In reply to Vivvi:

Surely you should be encouraging him to write to your father with a proposal of marriage. Get back to your embroidery young lady!

In reply to Vivvi:

Of course purusant to forum ettiquite, you now have to post on saturday letting us know if you put out or not

In reply to Vivvi:

Mid-conversation, casually move your hand to his crotch and let it rest for a few seconds before removing it and continuing with the smalltalk.

This usually suffices as a hint for most gentlemen.

In reply to KeithW:

Maybe taking a small unobtrusive ruler with her on the date, would help answer that query in advance.

In reply to Vivvi:


I don't think I've ever gotten to the 3rd date without at least a good snog. I'd say just do whatever you want whenever you want. If you want to jump into bed and he's up for it then you're suited. If you want to jump into bed and he'd rather hold your hand for the next 3 weeks then you're probably not likely to make it long distance.

Don't be shy to ask for it either. He might be dead nervous and not know how to approach it, so you can always give him a helping hand by saying "anytime you want to kiss me you won't find me fighting you off" or summat like that......

Good luck, and just do what you want and what feels natural. As much as people will tell you different, there ARE NO RULES to all of this.

In reply to Owen W-G:

and if that don't work, lick your bottle of beer suggestively.

and if that don't work he is definitely gay.........

In reply to Vivvi:

Oh no, don't tell me the stupid sod is trying to respect you. Grrr.

In reply to AlisonSmiles:

... and now I hate dating again..

In reply to rock waif:

"have shaved your legs and done your bikinni line, pruned and preened"

Surely girls do this all the time......just in case

In reply to AlisonSmiles:

That really doesn't bode well for 'the bedroom' does it?

In reply to Vivvi: only you can answer this!
when the time is right youll know

In reply to Cú Chullain:

nah, hairy for Winter when single, great insulation. sometimes there is no "just in case"

In reply to djviper: You're back then? Is Sloper with you still?

OP: My guess would be as soon as he arrives, get it over with, if its good, go for the date, if not, stay in and practice some more!

In reply to rock waif: I'll never look at you the same way.

In reply to Vivvi: I think you should stop looking and let the guys come to you. Or just have your way tonight ;P

In reply to Vivvi: I give it 1 date or 6 G&T's whichever comes quickest

In reply to Vivvi:

I hope #3 goes well!! If I went on 3 dates and there was no snog, I'd be a bit sad- you could hardly term it disrespectful! But as others have said, sleeping with him will happen when you are ready.

In reply to Vivvi: Be assertive, if you're keen kiss him. Who cares what date, who does what first? If it feels right go for it.

Dating game is easy, don't put any pressure on yourself and just go out and have fun. If you don't meet the one. You may meet some ace friends.

Good luck!

S

In reply to broccoligirl:


yeah but.....



:P

In reply to rock waif:

"nah, hairy for Winter when single, great insulation."

So looking up your skirt now would be like chatting to Brian Blessed wearing a sars mask? ;-P

In reply to Gaz lord:

Yeah but what?
To be fair, I'd snog him after 3 dates if I thought he was hot.

In reply to Cú Chullain:


Aarrrgh! PMSL.... thanks for that visual.

In reply to broccoligirl: kiwi girls <shakes head> :-p

In reply to broccoligirl: oooooooooooo

Cu Chullian: Thats rank thanks.

In reply to broccoligirl:
You'd wait that long?

In reply to Vivvi:
>>
, how long do we reckon is a good time to wait before throwing him on the bed???
>

Tonight sounds about right. If he won't take the lead you will have to. If that scares him - drop him and move on.

In reply to soveda@work & sasmojo:

What! As if English lasses would wait longer than 3... oh if I was pretty sure the guy liked me, I might go for a kiss on date #2, but not on the 1st, I have some pride you know!!

In reply to Trangia:

Its a guy, guaranteed to want some.

In reply to Gaz lord:

Nah, might be terribly polite or religious and not into pre-marital sex.

Oh and Vivvi where are you? No replies on your own thread?

In reply to soveda@work:

Good point! Have we all been trolled? Surely not...

In reply to Vivvi:
I think date number 3 is pretty normal

In reply to broccoligirl:

Yep Vivi is in fact a bloke just fishing to find out which of the UKC hotties will put out quickest.

In reply to The Crow:

I wonder which of the lucky lasses will be getting emails tonight then...

In reply to broccoligirl:

Now it's you doing the fishing. Have you no shame woman?

In reply to The Crow:

The only one I'd put out for is sasmojo and he's in a relationship with Glyn Jones. So I shall pine away... woe is me...

In reply to Vivvi:

We had a girl at work we nick-named 'three-and-in'. She was a nice, well-brought-up, educated girl, whose opinion was that lads usually expect a shag by date 3, and if they don't get it they lose interest. She used to dump guys she wasn't interested in before date 3 to avoid any awkwardness. I took this to be the 'norm'.

I haven't been on the single scene for yonks either and found this quite interesting.

I hope this helps but don't let this influence your decision. If you want to, dive in, if you don't, don't!

In reply to Vivvi:
Tell him you want him to make you "airtight"...that should get him going!

In reply to broccoligirl:

I'm surprised you were able to look past Mr Jones himself.

In reply to The Crow:

Having never met either of them, it's kinda easy.

In reply to Adrian Lawrie:
Sorry about that, it was a bit out of order but I'm giggling my arse off!

As other people have kind of said : if the bloke thinks you're a slapper then it's his problem and you're better off without him.

If it doesn't work out my phone number is....only joking!!!

In reply to trevor simpson: pmsl, very good

In reply to broccoligirl:

So you'd put out to a stranger (sasmojo)?


Apparently.










;oP

In reply to Vivvi: I reckon 'wearing' one of those (ahem) 'eggs' and handing him the remote control over dinner, with a brief explanation, should get things moving a bit.

How about crunching some Viagra up into yours and his drinks? And then ask him to stand up from the table, after half an hour.

Grabbing hold on his crotch in an assertive yet not-too-hard manner.

Look him in the eye and say...

Ok ok I'm getting carried away. Don't take too much notice lol.

In reply to Adrian and Andy:

I think perhaps I may have also taken a joke a little too far.







Sorry BG. I didn't mean it.

In reply to The Crow:

S'ok babe... I don't take owt seriously on here. xxx

In reply to The Crow: dude I am not that strange. Broc Girl, hey! Hmm, I'll check with Glyn. :-p

In reply to Vivvi:

S'OK. No troll. Had to get some work done...bastards, making me work before a date... and since then been primping and preening.

He'll be here in a bit (dinner booked for 7.30 at restaurant nearby). Everything is shiny and clean, everything shaved, tits are out (well not OUT but making a bit of an appearance) and I might just go and get a bit of a G&T for Dutch courage.

It's only so awkward cos I don't really know this guy (OK, OK, met him through online dating). Mind you, snog is DEFINITELY on the cards tonight. And if he gets me drunk enough he might get his way but somehow I think he's too nice.

I promise to post tomorrow if I put out...!

Cheers all!

XX

In reply to Vivvi:

*Everthing*? Gosh <blushes> <stares at feet>

In reply to Tree: back?? i never went anywhere
been busy doing climbing things, and alas i havent heard from tom in a long time!

In reply to sasmojo:

You are barkingly weird mateyboycocker!

In reply to djviper: shame, he is a miss (not literally o'course (a Miss that is) or is he?)

In reply to Glyn Jones: oo aye! But is there any other way sweetie?

In reply to Vivvi: If I was the bloke in question I would concluded you were frigid if you hadn't done it before then.

Ladies, always make sure you shag on the first date. Preferably before then.......

In reply to Cú Chullain:



Great, now I have very wrong songs going round my head. Whistles - It took a coal miner to find her v......a, and the hairs on her .....

fades quietly into the distance

In reply to Vivvi:



Dutch courage is always good

Good luck with it...

In reply to Vivvi:

Date 3 was a disaster...as you can probably conclude by the fact that I'm posting on here at this time.

Meal was nice. Chat over meal was nice. Comes back to mine. He reaches over to snog...woo hoo, think I....and it just was not good. He was a sloppy face masher who just leapt in for the grope with absolutely nooooo finesse. I just felt mauled. But bizarrely, I couldn't tell him to f*ck off; just agreed to another date in the week just so I could get him out of the house. A date which of course will never happen....planning my excuses already.

So. Advice on etiquette not needed.

And back to square one feeling a bit battered and a lot more wary....

In reply to Vivvi:
Oh dear, sorry to hear that =(

In reply to Vivvi:

Sorry to hear that Date 3 didn't go well - I was going to say that the third one is about the right one to get physical. Unless you forget yourselves and end up wrapped up sweatily in each other on the first (which can be good), the second is too soon. Fourth and subsequent dates are fine too, but you'd be wasting time. I do prefer to take it slowly, I think.

Oh well - best of luck with future explorations.

In reply to Vivvi: Sounds like a bunch of us on UKC are having a load of crap dates lately! It was so easy when we were younger, is it a pitfall of getting older that the dating just gets worse!!!!

You should have told him straight though, that you had no intention of seeing him again.

In reply to Vivvi: could be worse- could have a UKC account.

In reply to Allan Thomson:


Come off it, she felt mauled and needed him out.
He doesnt deserve to have his ego massaged.

In reply to Vivvi:

Sorry it did not go so well.

If it is any consolation, my first boyfriend and i never kissed, not properly anyway, and we were together 7 months! I got the impression he was not going to... ever.... and it took me that long to break up, so be thankful you got out early enough!

In reply to Neil Conway: Telling him straight wouldn't give him an ego massage - it would just let him know he'd totally cocked things up for himself.

In reply to Vivvi:

If you'd really clicked with him, would you be saying that? Or would you be saying 'He's a crap snog but we can change that'

I guess I'm partly trying to make a point about chemistry, but it's a genuine question as well.

In reply to Allan Thomson:
But if she didnt feel comfortable, she needs him out, not mollycoddled.

In reply to Neil Conway: Obviously you and I have different definitions of mollycoddling. And not telling someone straight and giving them a load of half baked excuses is not necessarily going to get them out - whereas a straight "I'm not interested in seeing you any more, I don't think we are compatible" would be right to the point.

And obviously telling them that you object to them 'mauling' you as well, so then they know the reason - and maybe in future they will consider their actions a bit more carefully. If she has any respect & liking for the bloke at all she could at least give him the benifit of that insight.

In reply to Allan Thomson:

Think about it, a woman alone with a man she doesn't know "that well" do you really think it wise to tell him straight?

In reply to Allan Thomson:
I agree he needs telling, but not at the point that she wants him out of the house.
Its all about avoiding situations of conflict.

In reply to Mooncat: True, but then I am assuming that she felt she knew him well enough to get in that situation? Non of us were there, so we can only go by what Vivvi tells us.

In reply to Neil Conway:

Exactly, that can be dealt with by phone or text, safer all round.

In reply to Allan Thomson:

Or you can go by what normal everyday common sense tells us.

In reply to Mooncat:

Fair point, however Vivvi's already said she's not going to tell him straight, but trot out a load of half baled excuses for why she can't make the fourth date, instead of texting and saying "I do not wish to see you any more, I felt mauled by yourself, and it is over" - or something like that.

In reply to Allan Thomson:

Did you mean to insult the OP or is because you're a half wit?

In reply to Mooncat:

"Normal everyday common sense" or views based on predjudice which have not had confirmation to this point?

Like I say only two people can tell us what the facts were.

In reply to Mooncat:

I'll bite, but you must be slightly half witted to not consider telling someone straight is the best course of action. Or do you live in a cloud cuckoo land where you need a little sugar coating as you can't face the reality and truth?

In reply to Mooncat:

No comment on your last posting, you have seen the light brother.;-0

In reply to Allan Thomson:

Can you tell me which prejudice I've used?

In reply to Allan Thomson:

Retard, can't you see that a woman alone wants to avoid a confrontational situation?

In reply to Mooncat:

Exactly!

In reply to sutty:

A long time ago Sutty.

In reply to Mooncat:

Well you're assuming that Vivvi felt threatened in the situation - something which she hasn't actually confirmed. What she has said is that she felt turned off her date because his technique didn't quiet meet up to her romantic ideal. The fact that she was comfortable enough with bringing him back to her house alone would suggest that she didn't feel threatened by him at least initially.

In reply to Allan Thomson:

she may not have felt threatened initially, but the moment she felt uncomfortable about the situation she was right to seek to end it.

In reply to Mooncat:

Excuse me read the f*cking post properly. I can accept she wants to avoid confrontation while she is alone.

I think you're the retarded f*ckwit if you can't understand the meanining properly of:- "instead of texting and saying "I do not wish to see you any more, I felt mauled by yourself, and it is over" - or something like that."

She won't be alone with him when she texts him, she won't have to see him beyond that point.

In reply to Allan Thomson:

Where have I said that? And why do you think that?

Let me guess, because you're a retard?

Do I win £10?

In reply to Neil Conway:

Yep, that's fair enough, however she's also just said she's come up with a whole lot of excuses to trot out, instead of putting it like it is from a safe distance.

In reply to Allan Thomson:

>The fact that she was comfortable enough with bringing him back to her house alone would suggest that she didn't feel threatened by him at least initially.

Well the fact the girls did not feel threatened by you on a meet initially did not make them want you to come to any more meets. Your behaviour put them off, so you are not welcome again.

Can't put it clearer than that can we, you are a creep.

In reply to Allan Thomson:

You say in your last post she wants to avoid a confrontational situation, but all along you've been saying to tell him straight, make your mind up FFS.

In reply to Mooncat:

"Retard, can't you see that a woman alone wants to avoid a confrontational situation?"

Excuse me you f*ckwit, but are you really so thick that you don't realise your own post implies that a woman alone feels vunerable and threatened - "a woman alone wants to avoid a confrontational situation".

This has no bearing on telling someone straight from a safe distance, instead of trotting out a load of excuses.

In reply to Allan Thomson:

It is normal to avoid conflict situations.
An explanation of why there will be no next date may be beneficial to the guy, but she should not be made to feel pressured into giving one.

In reply to sutty:

No sutty, you are full of shit, and I have discussed this with another rocktalker who has been on two meets with me, and he is of the opinion that you are confused (which would fit with your senile profile) and have mixed me up with another rocktalker, who I will not name.

In reply to Allan Thomson:

I'll try to make this as clear as possible halfwit, read your original post.

You can read can't you?

In reply to Neil Conway:

It's her decision, but she's got a better chance of getting rid of him quicker if she puts it straight instead of making up excuses. It's her call and her business anyway.

In reply to Allan Thomson:

No come on Allan, be fair I've heard from a few people who've met you that you're weird.

In reply to Mooncat:

Yes, would you like me to teach you too??...

In reply to Allan Thomson:

In that case we will bump this thread for the people there to see it, and tell it as it was. One there has been frightened by other people off here and will not go to meets they are at now, though one was just drunk I am sure and did not mean to do anything.

In reply to Allan Thomson:

Mine's fine thanks, my brain's made me heaps of money over the years.

In reply to Mooncat:

Names, places? There's not that many people left on RT who have met me anyway.

Yep, I might not fit into the 'normal' mold being very much my own person. However the acusations which Sutty has made are totally unfounded, and are based on confusion - and that's not just in my opinion.

In reply to Allan Thomson:

However the acusations which Sutty has made are totally unfounded, and are based on confusion - and that's not just in my opinion.

Names? Places?

In reply to sutty:

Carry on, because I would like to know what on earth you were wittering about. I've only ever been involved with one RT and they certainly weren't drunk, and we were kind of an item at that point.

In reply to Mooncat:
Well I discussed this with HarryP over MSN and he has been on the only two picnics I have been on and is as clueless as to what Sutty is wittering on about as I am.

The two picnics I've been on was one up in the peak district and one in Wales, both around 2003.

Come on Sutty, I'm getting bored waiting for you to come out with these stories.

In reply to Vivvi:

Vivvi, sorry it all went a bit crap. You said in the OP he was a nice bloke and it sounded like things were going well until you ran into his "technique". Possible candidate for re-education/training rather than outright binning if its an erm technical matter than needs correcting?

I completely understand why you fixed a date to get the guy to leave but I think that generally, this guy's given you his time and it seems that he's at least tried to be respectful and a lady shouldn't be planning excuses. In that situation I'd want and expect honesty, even if its just to say it didn't feel right for you. Oh and this should be a phone call. Not an email, not a text. The last two are just rude and there are somethings you don't want to find in your inbox on a Monday morning.

In reply to Vivvi:

Vivvi, sorry it all went a bit crap. You said in the OP he was a nice bloke and it sounded like things were going well until you ran into his "technique". Possible candidate for re-education/training rather than outright binning if its an erm technical matter than needs correcting?

I completely understand why you fixed a date to get the guy to leave but I think that generally, this guy's given you his time and it seems that he's at least tried to be respectful so a lady shouldn't be planning excuses. In that situation I'd want and expect honesty, even if its brutal. You might be doing him a favour. Oh and this should be a phone call. Not an email, not a text. The last two are just rude and there are somethings you don't want to find in your inbox on a Monday morning.

In reply to Mooncat: Hmmm. Seems to me that all AlanT is saying is that Vivvi shouldn't make up bullshit as to why she doesn't want to see this guy again, but should be honest with him. Alan has already stated above that it was ok initially to get him out of her house as she was feeling a bit uncomfortable and mauled, but that perhaps rather than coming out with excuses she should just phone him and be honest, giving him the real reason she doesn't want to see him again. There is nothing confrontational about that in the slightest. John Wood below has said much the same thing, are you and Sutty going to start giving him grief now also?

In reply to Vivvi: See? you should have gone for it before the date- and saved time!

In reply to lasonj:

Either there is some history here we don't know about between these chaps or the red wine was really, really flowing last night.

In reply to John Wood: Aye, seems so, dunno whether it is justified or a case of mistaken identity, who knows. It has all quietened down anyway so I don't need to bring a chair and popcorn

In reply to John Wood:

I had to run off to the hospital with a neighbours youngster who was unwell,no drink involved at all on my part after my teatime pint.

The people involved will post if they feel like it, or you can do a search for bunkhouse meets wales about 4-5 years ago to see what happened.

In reply to sutty:

Alright Sutty

i heard the story briefly outlined by someone, but the person who told me only sees things in absolutes, they can break these rules but anyone else dosent seem to be forgiven, which makes no sense to me

4-5 years ago, don't you think its time to let bygones be bygones and all that good stuff

In reply to Vivvi:


You are clearly not a Castleford lass then, they like that sort of approach round that way........

In reply to johnj:

I had, read who brought this sort of thing up. He still is not welcome on meets though.

In reply to Allan Thomson: Mate, just ignore him or better still report him to the mod's as he seems unable to contribute without insulting anyone.

In reply to John Wood: I think she heard you the first time.

In reply to sutty:

Is sutty's permission required to attend a UKC meet ?
Is he the "meets moderator"?

Or does he have an over inflated opinion of himself ?

Or worse ?

In reply to Vivvi:

Oh dear, sorry this turned into e-fisticuffs in the wee small hours....!

OK, to set the record straight. I didn't feel physically threatened by this guy; perhaps a little intimated but no more than that.

One thing I should perhaps have said but couldn't quite bring myself to say last night was that when I asked him to cool it down he said "but you're wearing a low cut top and you look really sexy". Now OK, he probably just meant that as a compliment but in that context (me having told him to back off) it sounded very much to me like he was saying "you had the goods on show, you obviously want me to get at 'em". Frankly, just made me feel a bit cheap.

And yes, it really isn't good to tell a guy porkies to get him out of the house but I think it would have taken quite a strong woman to be able to say "Look, love, sorry but you don't kiss well, I feel like you're mauling me and you've just made me feel a bit cheap, so please leave and I don't want to see you again". All a guy would have done in that situation (correct me if I'm wrong) is to get offended and either want to argue his case or get nasty. I couldn't face either.

I fully intend to tell him that I don't want to see him again (but probably by email) and shall say that I just don't feel comfortable enough with him to pursue the relationship further. Which is truthful. But just not today...I've had a really good day climbing today and all I plan to do now is flake in front of the telly with my cat and a glass of wine.

Thanks all of you who have been so supportive. Don't feel quite such a loser now!!

XX

In reply to subtle:


i dunno, maybe a Kangaroo court is needed

I can't help feeling a bit sorry for the poor mug everybody is talking about...
Also this business of putting a time frame on romance is a bit weird...surely one should let things "go with the flow" and if a bunk up feels good, right and necessary for both participants on the first night then to hell with "etiquette"...If it doesn't then wait till it's on...if it never happens then it obviously wasn't meant to.

In reply to Adrian Lawrie:

Well, yes, I'm sure you're right. Certainly feel pretty silly having asked the question with how things turned out.

In reply to Vivvi:

The question's fine and not one to feel silly about surely? - that 3rd date is somehow significant I think. The 1st two are often 'getting to know you' but by the time you get to 3 then I think of that as the beginnings of 'going out' and all that entails, so a snog is certainly in order and unfortunately the chap fell at that fence...

In reply to Vivvi:

I'd suggest that isn't very classy. Why doesn't he get a phone call?

In reply to John Wood:

As I previously said, I don't feel comfortable with this guy and I don't know him very well. I don't know how he'll react and I don't feel up to risking verbal abuse.

In reply to Vivvi:
personally I totally understand your response...

saying "but you're wearing a low cut top and you look really sexy" is just plain weird, it's like he's saying you asking for it, quite an intimidating thing to say if you ask me.

Don't worry there are plenty of other men out there and one of them will be more suitable

Stevo

In reply to Vivvi:
Doing it by email doesn't seem particularly unclassy to me, I'd say thats perfectly acceptable under the circumstances.

Dumping a proper girlfriend/boyfriend by email is pretty cold, but telling someone you've had a couple of dates with that you don't want another is hardly the same thing. Anyway, I'm inclined to agree that comment does seem a bit creepy - it was probably nothing more sinister than an unfortunate choice of words on his part, but you don't have to apologise if you don't want to get into a conversation with him about it.

My 2p.

Sean
x

In reply to Vivvi:

I was going to say that I was once wondering the same 'when is he going to snog me?' thing then discovered after 4 dates that he didn't fancy me. He actually wanted climbing lessons. Since he's a nice chap I wasn't too cross but felt a bit misled. Since reading this thread it looks like it should have been obvious to me.

At least I'll know for next time not to wait so long

In reply to Vivvi:

I wouldn't worry about dumping him by email. Frankly compared to discussing your love life on a public forum nothing will seem either classy or unclassy.

jcm

In reply to sutty:

Oh, go on, sutty, post up a link. I could do with a laugh.

jcm

In reply to deepsoup:

"Dumping a proper girlfriend/boyfriend by email is pretty cold"

One of my ex-girlfriends dumped me after more than 3 years by sending me an e-mail. At the time it was pretty rubbish but now it's just kind of funny!

In a way I understand, I mean, I'm pretty damn lazy myself and it is a lot less effort to just send an email