UKC

Inspired by a similar thread in a car forum I thought it may be entertaining to see what other silly comments people have had from Non-Climbers...

"Do you want to climb Everest?"

and

"Why bother?"

Anyone have any other's to add?

In reply to Alan Dixon:

I get, "Isn't it dangerous", quite a lot.

In reply to Alan Dixon:

you're going where? IN WINTER? It'll be cold you know.

In reply to Alan Dixon:
Not non climbers but non skiers.

What did you do at the weekend.
Went up north skiing.
Was there any snow?

In reply to Alan Dixon:

you climb don't you? Yeah I used to climb loads of trees when I was a kid

In reply to Alan Dixon:

A small girl once asked her mum:- Why does he have to do that? (have in italics)

In reply to Alan Dixon:

ah you're a climber? ah yeah me and my mates once went up helvellyn while high on mushrooms. Was well funny. It started raining though so we only went a few minutes up.

In reply to Alan Dixon:

"Do you do that free soloing stuff; you know the dangerous stuff without ropes?"

As opposed to the totally safe free climbing the rest of us wimps do....

In reply to Alan Dixon:

"There is an easy way round the back."

"Is that your real name."


Chris

In reply to Alan Dixon: "That's bloody dangerous that is." when I took his daughter climbing - in my 200bhp left hand drive lancia integrale - errrr where could you see the danger in that day out ?

In reply to Chris Craggs:

Chris is a bit of an unusual name

In reply to Alan Dixon:

"I like Climbing."

"I went abseiling once, do you like abseiling?"

"No."

In reply to fried:

There you go

In reply to Alan Dixon:

"How does the first one get the rope up?"

In reply to Alan Dixon:

Ha some great quotes here - I do get the do you like abseiling one alot...and also

"do you really like that french dude who climbs builings?"

No I dont...if anyone cares.

In reply to Trangia:

Dad - "Pitons son, he hammers them in."

In reply to Alan Dixon:

yep, lots of people that have tried abseiling once....

In reply to Chris Craggs:
>
In fairness, that thought is not one restricted only to non-climbers!

In reply to Alan Dixon: My old man gives me this occassionally (every xmas)...
"I used to go climbing at school, you heard of that bloke Joe Brown? Yeah climbed passed me once, fag in mouth just using his fingernails i tell ya"

In reply to Alan Dixon:

"Are you insured?"

Yeah, right you stupid knobbers

In reply to Alan Dixon:

"Shall we go to meadowhall this weekend"

In reply to Alan Dixon:

Keep them coming! I also get alot:

'how high do you go?' and if i say something like ten meters they always reply: 'oh thats alright then'... pfft!

In reply to Alan Dixon: I've had "are you gonna climb all the way to the top?"

No, i'm gonna stop half way up, eat a sandwich and then ring mountain rescue to airlift me off! idiots!!

In reply to Alan Dixon:

my mountain-biking mate informed me climbing is a cheap hobby.

In reply to Alan Dixon: you dont really use an electric drill and put those bolts in ,isnt it spoilin the rock for other people..

In reply to dunc56:
in my 200bhp left hand drive lancia integrale

Oooh you lucky bugger. My flat mate at university had an EVO 1, and I just loved being driven around Coventry Ring Road at high speed. A marvellous car, and one I'd like to own one day

In reply to Alan Dixon:

At climbing walls. `Can you reach the top?

In the pub. What are those clip things called.
Did you just say CRampons or..?
Have you climbed Kili? (No I haven't. It's not a climb it's a walk).

In reply to Jamie Hageman:

Nothing like having low aspirations.

In reply to Alan Dixon: "what's the point" not so funny but very frustrating. No one seems to want to live life these days..although that may be ironic for someone who climbs saying that...

In reply to Alan Dixon:

At Hodge Close -

'They put these rivet things in and climb up those'

- whilst stoically ignoring the fact that this was obviously not what was happening.

In reply to Alan Dixon:

Friend A: "so, how do you stop yourself falling off?"
Friend B: "you attatch crampons to the mountain, stupid"
...

"I asked at the B&Q but they said they didn't have any ice nails" (after asking for an ice screw for christmas)
...

"that sounds lovely dear" (after explaining to my mother what a handjam was and why I didn't have any skin left on my knuckles...)

In reply to Jamie Hageman:

my dream car! garish Martini stickers and all

In reply to JonC:

I have got on past occasions: "do you do free-climbing, you know without gear and stuff?"

In reply to Alan Dixon:
When talking to my class about weekend activities.

"I've done climbing before that's when you have plastic bit screwed onto a rock and you climb up it"
and
"Can't you just walk round the cliff instead of going up it be much easier and safer"

In reply to Taba:

I would be a rich man if everyone who made such a nosh comment gave me a tenner (they would deserve this too!).

Another one to add when I say I like ice climbing:

"Isn't that a bit slippery?"

M

In reply to 65m moderate millington:

Just as well you used the full name "ice screw"!

M

Me: been climbing all summer
Other guy: you need to climb the Matterhorn then
Me: i have
Other guy: Ohh...

In reply to Alan Dixon: I now go out of my way to avoid climbing discussions with non-climbers as I am fed up of answering the same stupid questions.
When I have attempted to explain that I don't hammer pitons in, that climbing with a rope is not always safe, abseiling is not a sport, a climb's difficulty is not dependent on how tall it is etc... they just glaze over and make no attempt to learn something new.

In reply to Alan Dixon: The one that riles me most is,
"have you climbed at Ratho; it's amazing!".

In reply to Alan Dixon:

"so what am I supposed to do while you gad off climbing then?"

"Well if you're going climbing, you'll have to take the dog"

" You've had a weekend climbing, so we're off to <insert European citybreak destination here>"

Of any shiny new gear: "HOW MUCH?"

In reply to Tony the Blade:

Some days my stupidity amazes me!

In reply to Alan Dixon:

"I've only climbed indoors and/or on grit and/or on bolts"

In reply to Scarab9:

I'd be pleased if somebody said that, at least it shows an enjoyment of climbing something. ()

In reply to Alan Dixon:

"where do you climb"

In reply to Alan Dixon:

Some cracking ones... put the same question on Twitter and Vertebrate Publishing came back with:
"is that for sleeping on" (bouldering mat) and "have you seen touching the void"

Andy Kirkpatrick Tweeted: "if you can walk down from El Cap why not just walk up?"

My girlfriend often says (after spending time/money in Joe Browns or Needle Sports)

"so is that you done for gear then, you have loads surely you don't need any more"

ha ha ha just imagine how she reacted when I started showing her Ice Axes and Crampons....

In reply to Alan Dixon:

Why are they stupid? They just don't know about climbing

In reply to Anonymous:

Actually, EVOs are turbo charged

In reply to Alan Dixon: The most frequent comment I get from non climbers is

"Can you take me along some time?"

R

In reply to Bulls Crack:

I didnt say they were stupid - just that they are non-climbers!!

Just a bit of light-hearted fun...

In reply to Alan Dixon:
My personal favourite from people asking me about ice climbing sessions is

'do you get pitchforks and stuff to climb with then?'

It remains one of my proudest moments that I managed to not laugh until they had left the building...

In reply to Bulls Crack:

Nor do plenty of self proclaimed 'climbers'

In reply to Alan Dixon: Best one I've ever heard was when I was walking into a pub carrying a boulder mat.
Builder at door: That's a big laptop mate.

In reply to Alan Dixon: Why don’t you use the ladder, it’s much easier

In reply to Alan Dixon:
You're not going to wake me at a stupidly early hour and be gone until late. (oh yes I will)
I don't see why you need to drive for three hours to go climbing, when there's that place 20 minutes away (Stone Farm).

In reply to Alan Dixon: You`re not allowed to climb here.

the usual ones i get is:
how steep is the mountain you climb
you drive all that way just to climb up one mountain
but there arent any mountains at the coast
are you any good
why does your car smell all the time

i do wonder how bored people get when talking about climbing, for some reason thats all they think i care about

In reply to Alan Dixon:

Not quite climbing but I recently did WGL training and it rained on the night nav. My Nan bless her phoned me a few days later and asked whether it had been cancelled because of the rain.

In reply to andic:

Compared to mountain biking, it is !!

In reply to Chris the Tall:
Compared to mountain biking, it is !!

Yep, you won't get any sympathy for the enormous cost of cams from someone who has just irrepairably broken a pair of Boxxer worldcups!

In reply to dunc56:

Are you a crap driver

In reply to Alan Dixon:

"What are you talking about, there's loads of climbing in London!"

Not as bad as people commenting about how I haven't been paddling since coming to London either, that paddling on the canal is surely the same thing.

In reply to timjones:

Have you ever seen a good driver driving a Lancia, Evo or Subaru?

In reply to Alan Dixon:


That problem is nails, send it dude - oops, could you pick up my beanie please, just leave down there next to my shirt.

In reply to Alan Dixon:
I've had a lots of the same as other people like soloing/abseiling/French guy up buildings but the most baffling was someone who got really excited when told i was a climber
Crazy person "oh god can I ask you a question about climbing?"
Me "um yes"
Crazy person "I want to know about those little bags of white stuff you wear!"
Me "okay"

In reply to Alan Dixon:
You would never catch me doing that.

Are you really going to climb up there? (actually, no I am traversing)

Have you seen that French girl who free climbs? you know Kath….

What is that on your back?

Youngster. I know how you can climb up there. (He explains helpfully pointing to the near impossible vertical wall).

In reply to Alan Dixon: My 95 year old Gran comes out with some crackers, I usually visit before I go off for the weekend in winter. She usually gives me some parting wisdom as I'm leaving:

"For heaven's sake Ben, do take a jumper"
"Be careful, it'll be slippy"
"I hope you've got some thick socks"

the best one so far, while brandishing an advert for pavement gripper/yaktrak style things in a magazine, "now then, I'm going to get some of these for you"

Ben

In reply to Alan Dixon: House mate: Who climbs the fastest, i bet im faster than you
Me: Its not about speed
House mate: Why not it should be like gladiators that was well cool
Me: Riiiiiiiight
House mate: yeh you need people to chase you

In reply to Alan Dixon: SEND IT!!

snigger

In reply to 1apetus:

Ahem... http://www.ukclimbing.com/forums/t.php?t=483700&v=1#x6647815

great minds and all that.

In reply to Alan Dixon:

"It's idiots like you that put mountain rescue folk at risk and cost the taxpayer, what the hell are you going up a mountain for in winter, they should fine anybody they find up a mountain in winter"

About at this point the fat obnoxious b*st*rd get's glassed in the face, oops there goes my imagination again.

In reply to Alan Dixon:

" Have you seen that french girl who climbs without ropes"
" Do you use talcum powder on your hands"
" What's the hardest abseil you have done" (I don't like abseiling!)

But the first question is nearly always "Have you climbed Everest"

In reply to Tony the Blade: Didnt see that ....

It was the first thing that came into my head when i saw the title of the post

In reply to Alan Dixon:

My all-time favourite - while lounging about at the bottom of a route, a woman comes up and announces in a loud voice for the benefit of all to hear, "my lad's in the Marines - he does abseiling without ropes!". We said we couldn't compete with that.

In reply to alan moore:

Hi Alan,

a good answer to this one could actually be another question:

"Is that the climbing wall or the old scruffy quarry that pre-dates it?"

M

In reply to isi_o:

I thought pitchforks were for transferring bullshit.


If I made the above reply, I would have failed singularly in this regard!

M

In reply to Alan Dixon: My favourte when bouldering at the Bowderstone - " Dont you know there's a staircase just over there? "

And another i overheard on the aiguille du midi after a couple of swiss climbers topped out on the Rebuffat -

Tourist: "oh wow your climbing gear is so many different colours, how come its all such nice colours"

Swiss Climber in a thick accent " Ja is so ven ve climb ve do not get bored "

In reply to Petarghh:

If you top out at the Midi Station, folk don't have to even say anything to appear stupid - we topped out after the Cosmiques Arete (not a particularly desperate route!) and got a round of applause from some daft Japanese tourists!

In reply to Petarghh:

Ha ha ha - swiss sense of humour...

my girlfriend just reminded me of one time we were in Outside in Hathersage... she happily proclaims "look they sell drinks holders you can clip to your harness" as she points excitedly to a chalk bag!!

In reply to Alan Dixon:

From a passing walker whilst I was belaying at the top of the crag:

"Are you pulling someone up or letting them down?"

From another walker to the neighbouring belayer:

"It's alright, I'm not going to cut your rope! Ha ha ha!"

In reply to Mark Bannan: I actually have a video of a friend abseiling from the top of the top of the Rebuffat to applause from a group of Koreans who then became transfixed by the fact that we didn't wear socks inside our rock boots... ahh happy times !

In reply to Alan Dixon:

I was having a bit of a 'mare on the crux of a route, when a bloke (having a picnic with his family) came over and said "would you mind not falling off it's upsetting the children".
I'm afraid my reply really upset him.

In reply to Alan Dixon:
a self proclaimed experienced European guy 'how do you use that, isn't it dangerous?' as he points to my normal belay device whilst taking both his hands off his grigri with his partner struggling mid pitch.

In reply to Mark Bannan:

It's a great route for making you feel like a hero, that one. We had a little photo shoot and everything (and got paid in biscuits). They were especially impressed when we let them hold an axe. To be fair, the wobbly ladder they've just watched you climb up is probably one of the hardest bits!

In reply to StuMsg:

Actually, had a very similar experience, but the guy was rolling a spliff at the time. The joys of climbing in Spain.

He (they) had not seen a normal belay device before.

In reply to Alan Dixon:

got talking to 2 about climbing in pakistan. seemed they were getting it till one informed the other i was building up to everest because its the highest...

several times been asked about kicking my spikes into the rock. tho tempted, i tend not to get into the details of drytooling.

In reply to Timmd:

So my tone comes across, I mean it'd give you both something to talk about, like the different kinds of trees climbed, or how high and where.

Tim

In reply to Alan Dixon:

Me on the viewing platform of the Aig du Midi after climbing up the cosmiques sitting down and taking a drink through the tube from my back pack

Little girl to mum - "what's he doing"

Mum to little girl - "He's taking on oxygen"



Me Mum after watching a video of me climbing fallout corner - "That doesn't look that steep" - lol, thanks Mum!

In reply to Alan Dixon:
On seeing a photo of me leading a route that I have on my desk at work: "So why are the ropes below you?"

In reply to Alan Dixon:
My other half after watching 127 hours " thats it your banned from going climbing in America"

In reply to Alan Dixon:

Horrified holidaymaker watching climbers on Promontory Slab at Baggy: "I hope they know what they're doing!"

In reply to blondel:

Mate of mine went on a camping holiday with his relatively new wife and her parents in the Lakes. One day he took his wife up Evening Wall on Ravens Crag whilst his in laws watched from the campite near the ODG.

When they got down his father in law went balistic and accused him of "trying to kill" their daughter. He had "put her life needlessly in danger" and "showed no consideration for her safety". The in laws were "utterly disgusted at his behaviour" and "disowned him as a son in law".

The holiday was cut short, thereafter his relationship with his in laws remained frosty, and within 6 months they had persuaded their daughter to leave him and start divorce proceedings!

In reply to Alan Dixon:

Climbing above a bunch of ferrel kids:

Kid: Why are you putting talc on your hands?
Me: It's chalk.
Kid: There's a path round there.
Me: Yes, I know.
Kid: Can I have a go on your rope?
Me: No
...stones thrown from below...
Me: Go forth and multiply!
Kid: My brother's in the army and I'm going to go and get him.

...ahh, the great outdoors.

In reply to Alan Dixon:

upon walking past any object or structure above 2m

"so you reckon you can climb that?"

In reply to Alan Dixon: I always have a hell of a game explaining to people that there are no mountains in Fontainbleau! and that yes I am driving all the way to France to climb on some "small" boulders....

In reply to Dan J M:

Reminds me of an occasion when we had gone to Pex Hill. Group of young locals at the the top chanting down at one of us (it was obvious which one!):

"You, you, you down there, what's it like to have no hair?"

In reply to Alan Dixon:

I got fed up of talking about climbing in the office a long time ago, one of my colleagues was insistent in the face of frequent disproval that climbs were graded by the angle of the route alone. He insisted that very difficult was less than 90 degrees and very severe was 90 degrees or more. Every monday morning he would ask "what was the angle of the dangle this weekend then?"...

Mind you he also thought that the rope was tied around the waist and that the harness was just some elaborate kind of hernia prevention device.

In reply to Alan Dixon:

My favourite conversation went like this;

Bloke "Rangers or Celtic?"
Me "eeerrrmmm, neither"
Bloke "Ah, a rugby man"
Me "eeerrmm, no, rock climbing"
Bloke "What the fcuk would you want to do that for? I wouldn't trust a man who wasn't into football or rugby!"
Me "That's nice"

i was once sitting on a couple of bouldering mats at mother cap next to the busy path, climbing shoes on, chalk bag, etc, at about 11 in the morning; and a lady came and told me that it was a strange place to sleep. i just agreed with her.

another time walking back to walna scar car park with a bouldering mat on my back after being at the pudding stone, a man genuinely and seriously asked me if id been flying today. i dont know what he thought i had on my back, i replied 'not today no'.

In reply to JonC:

My school teacher asked me that exact question once.

In reply to tim newton:

At a guess, he thought you were carrying a paraglider, If you didn't look carefully, I could see how you could confuse a bouldering mat with a packed up wing etc.

In reply to gingerwolf:

I've been asked "did you climb all the way from the bottom?"

In reply to Alan Dixon:
Going up north on the west highland line a few years ago.A fairly posh (by my low standards) lady politely asked.

"Do you carry flares?"

In reply to Alan Dixon: On a day at Haytor:
Child: What's that man doing?
Mother: He abseiling darling. (On seeing my mate clearly ascending, not descending)

Child: Mummy, I want to see how they get down (on seeing us topping out)
He looked ever so disappointed when we just walked off round the back.

In reply to Alan Dixon: A conversation I had on an almost weekly basis with a work colleague went something like this:

Colleague: What are you up to at the weekend?
Me: Climbing (hoping the conversation would end there)
Colleague: What, hill climbing?
Me: No, rock climbing.
Colleague: (Long pause)Oh, right. Where do you go for that then?
Me: Peak district.
Colleague: (Another long pause)That's not very high is it?

I think I had the exact same conversation with him at least 3 times.

In reply to Alan Dixon: Took the wife to see a new wall in my area the other day and happened to meet another experienced instructor/climber I've worked with at other walls and on crag days -

Colleague to my missus: so do you climb too?
Wife: no i much prefer abseiling!
Me: cringe

It probably shouldnt have bothered me but somehow it did?

In reply to Alan Dixon:

From someone who claimed to be a climber, "What?!! There's climbing in the Lake District?".

"Have you seen Cliffhanger? You should - It's awesome."

In reply to Alan Dixon:


"Do you know that Bear Grylls? He's a good climber."

In reply to Frogger:

Another one that left me speechless, but not specifically about climbing:


"You're going to sleep in your van? [laughs] You must be crazy!"

In reply to Alan Dixon:


My personal favourite is:

"It's fine to retro bolt slate classics. Isn't it?"

In reply to Trangia:
We have a winner!

In reply to Alan Dixon:

Flogging myself trying to redpoint a short 7b+ in Cheddar. Passer-by, waving arm airily towards the 300 foot high cliffs all around: "Are you going to get on something hard later?"

In reply to Alan Dixon:

My boss:

"I was in the lake district and it was teeming down so the wife and I went for a walk down Borrowdale. We passed the massive rock called the boulderstone (sic), and you'd never guess, but there, in the rain, were these two people trying to climb on the underside of the rock. never seen anything so ridiculous in my life"

Me:

Errr, that holiday I told you about I had near Paris....

In reply to Chris Craggs: My dad asks "did you get to the top then?"

thanks to your PDF of the Kaly Via ferrata he now says it even more as it seems he is now qualified to do so.

I need to explain the difference between that and sport climbing in a little more detail me thinks.

In reply to Alan Dixon: I've said this on here before but once when i called in my local newsagents with my rope over my shoulder, Bob the newsagent asked me if i was going skipping (jokingly).

In reply to Alan Dixon:

A friend's son's girlfriend, who 'goes every week, she's very keen'

said, when i eventually met her 'oh, you go outside don't you?'

I told her i'd recently been on scafell

She replied 'isn't that in yorkshire?'

Whilst sitting on my (folded)boulder mats, an old granny came along and asked

"why are you sitting on a record player?"


I tried to explain...She still looked confused

10mins later whilst walking with the bouldering mat on my back "why are you carrying your bed"...."yes sir, i am"......

In reply to Alan Dixon: several years ago now but has always stuck in the memory - family with small kids stopped to watch two friends on a something at Brimham. the female leader, not that experienced at the sharp end, was having a bit of a wobble and had been gathering her thoughts for several minutes. the dad of the watching family said to his kids 'come on lets go', the youngest replied 'hang on dad, i think that lady's going to do a bungee jump in a minute'.

In reply to remi_mcm:

Maybe she was taking the p*ss?

In reply to Alan Dixon:

Without fail..

"you're a climber, OH, i've been abseiling and I LOVED it"

Cue me having to explain how retarded and mis-guided that particular sentiment is

In reply to Wilbur:

that's a bit mean....

....though it does get dull when random strangers want to hold a long discussion with you about abseiling as if it is approx 95% of climbing.

In reply to Wilbur:

Am I really the only person who hears the term 'abseiling' and immediately thinks of the sexual activity?

Look it up.

In reply to JonathanBarnett:
You aren't the only one.

In reply to Reach>Talent:

Oh thank God, I thought I was some kind of depraved pervert. Of course, nothing could be further from the truth.

In reply to JonathanBarnett: Thanks for that, I looked it up

Now I wonder whether I'll ever be able to keep a straight face whenever anybody mentions abseiling.

In reply to Wilbur:

Because of course a non-climber should know better?

Wonder if other people are posting on other forums about ignorant comments climbers make

In reply to Alan Dixon: Having a conversation with a neighbour I told him I am a climber. He responded with "I used to do loads of climbing. It's great when you ring the bell at the top isn't it"

In reply to Alan Dixon:

Lost - 1 Wild Country No.6 wire in <Generic Climb>

I would appreciate it's return as I couldn't remove it myself.

Thanks

In reply to Bulls Crack:

I'm not saying they should know better. I'm just saying that I enlighten them..

slightly OT but I also love the guy at a wedding recently who said he was a climber and did a lot in Scotland. When I asked him what routes/crags he told me he'd done a lot of munroes.

Err, I beg to differ mate, a climber you aint

In reply to Alan Dixon:

Under the category of conversations between climber and non-climber:

Missus: YOU'RE NOT GOING OUT IN THAT FILTHY, STINKING DOWN JACKET.

Me, with whinney voice: But it's really warm and it's cold outside.

Missus: TAKE IT OFF, OR WE DON'T GO OUT!

Me: Pleeeeese .....

Missus: NO!

Me thinks: "I'll try again next winter."

In reply to Bulls Crack:

In what sense as a climber is that an ignorant comment? Surely in this situation the non-climber is ignorant? It's just a bit of light-hearted banter after all, how about you lighten up?

In reply to Bulls Crack:

Are you just trying to get your posts up to get 'top 40 posters?'. Get a grip of yourself man!

In reply to Michael Hood:

Haha. Me neither.

In reply to Alan Dixon:

frequantly at work we get;

customer: do you climb?
us: yes
customer: ive been climbing..
us: oh yeah,
customer: yeah we went up skiddaw the other day...
us: ah oh.


Can someone please inform people that walking is NOT climbing.

We have some great customers, 1 of whom turned up with a karabiner and asked if he could use his own crampons ( whilst holding up the krab), let me think for a minute.....no

In reply to peas65:

Whether we like it or not, going up stairs or up Skiddaw is climbing by popular definition of the word.

I daresay that Himalayan pioneers have an equally disdainful attitude to us so called 'climbers' who piss about on 10m high crags on Sunday afternoon - its all a matter of degree

........eh?

Not climbing but just a few days ago I went walking with the dog and came back with my exhaust acting up...

my dad says to me "that's what happens when you drive up mountains"

eh? what?...............................ok... eh?

In reply to peas65: Can I just supply the following transitive verb;

To climb:

To go upward on or along, to the top, or over <climb a hill>

Best Regards

GBPCG

In reply to needvert:

Rest assured, you won't be able to keep a straight face from now on.

Personally, I'm working on developing some sort of 'kill-two-birds-with-one-stone' methodology that amalgamates the two meanings. I have a feeling it might all end up a bit David Carradine, though.

In reply to Trangia:

Not quite in laws, but I took my girlfriend, her dad and brother climbing when we were in the lakes in the summer, and they loved it!

In reply to peas65:

Can someone please inform people that walking up a mountain may not be rock climbing, but it is mountain climbing.

And as such has more claim to be included in the generic term "climbing" that pissing about on a tiny boulder in a forest

In reply to Alan Dixon:

Have you done the 3 peaks challenge?

In reply to Alan Dixon:
Me: One of the Guys at work got up Everest this year!
My know it all Step Mum: Of course, Everest is so much easier these days.
How? did it shrink?

In reply to Alan Dixon: always get 'do you want to climb Everest?' and 'I tried abseiling once!'.... My reply is.. 'no you didn't you got lowered by a safety rope'

In reply to Alan Dixon:

One random posh girl in a bar in Oxford "You're wearing climbers shoes"

Me "I'm a climber"

Girl "Me too, do you know how to belay on your own?"

Me "errrmmm.... Anyway... i've gotta go...."

In reply to HenryJM:

There is now a ladder at the step and fixed ropes - shirley it is easier than when Tensing got the the top to be the first man on top of the world.

In reply to HenryJM:

Also, clothing has improved and people can now do it without oxygen supplement so there must be more air up there!

In reply to twoplates:

she was chatting you up....

do you know how to belay by yourself

no

well i could belay for you...

it's lucky then that you made your excuses and left, i mean what self respecting climber would want a posh girl belaying them, right?

In reply to Alan Dixon:

youtube.com/watch?v=SyIJ_c5dXSE&

That is a great clip of a conversation between a climber and a non climber.

In reply to Frogger: "Do you know that Bear Grylls? He's a good climber."

Oh, got a great response to that...

Yes, he (person standing next to me) has belayed him, and I took the photos.

(True story, on the day he was invested as Chief Scout)

In reply to Toreador:

I agree with this! (possibly helps to be a munro basher and rock/ice climber)

M

In reply to twoplates:

I must admit my reaction is to wonder why you're wearing climbing shoes in a bar in Oxford.

Y.

In reply to Yrmenlaf:

Yeah I was wondering that! Twoplates?

In reply to Dave 88: Me three as its just plain strange.

In reply to Yrmenlaf: he sounds like the kind of guy that walks into bars wearing his harness with a rack attached to make people think he's cool.

Or not!

hehehe!

In reply to Alan Dixon: A funny story that I'm reminded of that kind of fits here. We're on a weekend up from London in Derbyshire. My friend's introduction to climbing about 25 years ago - first time in a pub outside London. Still makes me chuckle.

Landlord: Evening.
My Friend: <Tapping on pump>. I'll have a pint mate. What are you drinking Tim?
Me: I'll have a pint of bitter please.
Friend: Yuck. Bitter is horrible.
Landlord: <glaring> Are you over 18?
Friend: Yeah, we're climbers.
Landlord: <still glaring> Do you have to be 18 to go climbing then.
Friend: <stunned silence>
Friend: What's Mike having.
Me: He'll have a bitter too.
Landlord: Where is this Mike?
Friend: He's outside parking the car.
Landlord: Well when he's finished parking the car he can come in here and get his own pint.

In reply to Alan Dixon:
As an instructor get a few odd questions...

"I haven't abseiled before, how will I get down?"

When newcomers belay: telling their climbers to slow down when lowering off

Favourite by far... our walls are numbered, number 1 is randomly in the middle of the massively overhanging wall. Looking round they say "So the difficulty goes up with the numbers?"

In reply to Paul1:


We were all beginners once...

The day I came in with my new boulder pad
mom "Whats that, how do you carry that with all your other stuff"
me "No mom, I only need this when I go bouldering"
mom "But how do you carry your sleeping bag and tent"
me "huh"
mom "well its a big matress isnt it"
me "no mom a bouldering pad, for climbing on boulders so i dont break my ankle"
mom (with the most blank look iv ever recieved off another human being)"I really dont get you people"

In reply to TimR: dunno why, but that really makes me smile!

In reply to thebullmaster: hahaaaaa!! excellent!!

In reply to Alan Dixon:

About 10 years ago...

Me: (unboxing my first camera phone) "Look mum, it's a mobile phone with a camera in it"
Mum: "Oh"
Me: "Shall I take your photo?"
Mum: "Has it got any film in it?"

In reply to Alan Dixon:

Girl wanting to make an impresion after been told about climbing: I'd want to do wild stuff too, like abseiling and bungee jumping. - Fixed her good, though.

In reply to thin bob:

Yes, everytime I remember I smile. Back in the days when climbers had a bit of a reputation and if you were underage a blind eye was turned as long as you sat quietly in the corner. Don't think we were much older than 15.

I love it when you get introduced to someone because they're climbers too. By the law of averages they're never the same 'type' of climber as you. Still it's always nice to meet anyone who prefers to spend their weekends outdoors instead of infront of x-factor with the heating on.

In reply to Alan Dixon: Out climbing and my friend and I are approached by an American couple who heard us talking. The conversation was as follows-

couple- "hey, are you guys from england?"

us - "no, we're from Scotland"

couple- "oh right, well your English is really good"

Oh dear....

In reply to Chris Craggs:

Heard many variations on that. it's not really stupid though, more of a factual observation as there usually is.

In reply to Sir Stefan:

I bet you did!

In reply to Chris Craggs: routes at Dumbarton -

"mister, there's an easy way round the back mister"

"mister, you're on fire mister"

My personal favourite was while climbing the beautiful pocketed limestone of Rheinstor a passing elderly lady tut-tutted about how the crag had been damaged - she informed us that those holes we were pulling on were caused by climbers knocking in their tampons

at least she didn't blame Gary's drill.

In reply to Alan Dixon:

the most annoying one I've heard is "we can f--ing dry tool these routes (at Millstone) if we want" peppered with additional abusive comments.

In reply to nickcanute:

Those routes are at Auchinstarry. I know this because I named them.

In reply to Tony the Blade:

I'm up for any form of climbing... Do not be a climbing snob!!!

In reply to Alan Dixon: After an day on the "The long climb Ben Nevis" we got to the cairn at the top of the Ben for some round, red faced woman to say

"we got up her without all that stuff"

In reply to scotlass: In a similar vein, we were setting off on Tophet Wall on Gable, when a group of walkers were making their way down the scree chute with a lot of difficulty, and stoped to say - "it's alright for you, you've got ropes on!"

In reply to Alan Dixon: After taking a slightly unconventional route up the ben by the tourist path, I was confronted by an angry couple who asked,'what did you do that for?! We were following you!'

The higher you climb, the easier it gets to breathe cos the air's purer up there


4,800 odd meters? do you need oxygen up there?



is it cold on a glacier?

friend Ginge: i cant be arsed learning ropework so im going to solo the old man of stoer sea stack

Me: how you going to get down mate

friend Ginge: ....I...em...dont know.

Client: iv never abseiled before

Instructor: dont worry, abseiling is a unique activity, if you do it well, you arrive at the bottom, if you totally cock it up you end up at the bottom too, just a bit quicker.

In reply to scottie390:

I like that one.

Although I'm not sure it's unique in that respect. i think it applies to paracuting too. Probably a few other sports that I can't think of too.

In reply to Alan Dixon: I just searched the thread and am astounded to find no mention of Spiderman. Around 50% of childrens parents at some point in their first session at a climbing wall utter the "... just like Spiderman" comment at least once, I grind my teeth under the fixed rictus twice as hard when they seem to think it might be a fairly original thing to say.

When someone graduates to singing Spiderpig, it makes me actually want to cut the rope and run out of the door.

In reply to Alan Dixon:
My girlfriend also believes:
"you have enough climbing gear already you don't need more!"

In Northumberland - and in a Geordie accent- "Ya don't wanna do that Man, there's a path just roond there!"

In reply to Alan Dixon: *Looks at gear rack* "You need all that? How long were you down here for?!"

In reply to aln:

good names mate, soz i couldn't remember where

"So do have you done bungee jumping too?"

To be fair, reading this topic, it is pretty funny sometimes what non-climbers say. But I do feel it a little unfairly victimises non-climbers, after all they are 'non-climbers'
Climbing is a sport which gets very technical if you want it to so you have to forgive people who do not know about it.
I remember at university living with 3 massive football fans and me a 'non-football fan' i made many a stupid comment regarding football.

In reply to John Ww: John, you made my day with that one!

In reply to Alan Dixon:

In what used to be quite a specialist climbing & outdoors shop-

Me- "Where do you keep the cams?"
Shop Assistant- "The.....?"
Me- "Cams. For rock climbing"
Shop Assistant- "Oh you mean like karabiners?"
Me- "Nevermind I'll go to Cotswolds".

On another occasion on the phone to the same shop-

Me- "Do you have the climbing guide for North Devon and Cornwall?"
Shop- "Hang on I'll check.............Hi, err no I don't think Lonely Planet do a guidbook for Cornwall"
Me- "Thanks for looking".

In reply to petersheppard:

Yer, but i gave him the Helmet to put on and got his Son, a Beaver Scout, in to his harness!

In reply to Alan Dixon: The classic has to be "Is there any climbing in Scotland?"
and the one from my mum after she first saw people lead climb "What happens if someone falls?" no mum, we never fall, the rope and gear is there just to make things more interesting

In reply to Alan Dixon:
as the guy o reception asked for the ambulance for my brother (there was nothing wrong with my brother in the end) the two first timers turned round and walked out the door

In reply to a scottish guy: bouldering at bouder stone in the lake district a tourist climbs up the steps I top out on one of the problems they look at me with a smug smile and thinking there the first to say it point out theres an easier way up aaaaaaaaaaaagh

In reply to ScottWK:

But there is an easier way up.

"climbing's for when your younger and have no female attention"

In reply to Alan Dixon:
Fully racked up, tied in, chalking up and staring up at a route on Avon gorge.

Tourist wonders over - "are you climbers?"

Intellect of Bristol really does worry me sometimes.

In reply to antdav:

Both classics!

In reply to Alan Dixon: ive had the usual, do you like the human spiderman, and ive really given up explaining why not as apparently im just jealous, because hes the only famous climber.

Also so people thinking bouldering mats are so many different things, scuba diving gear, picnic table, mattress, boat.

In reply to Alan Dixon: while climbing at dsyerth/waterfall crag north wales
bloke walking past shouts up when you doing the eiger then..... my wife who was belaying was trying to choke back laughter. on another occasion leading a f4( so my wife could have a go at it for her first climb)i got a round of applause from about a dozen or so ramblers was acctualy embarrassing

In reply to Stanners:.


Had a similar thing happen to me in Glencoe one winter. Arriving back at the 3 sisters car-park, a coach load of Americans had just pulled up. We had just trudged in, ropes, axes, helmets, etc festooned all around, looking a bit knackered. The coach door opened, and a blast of fetid warm air emerged, followed by a few hardy souls and their cameras, one of whom came over to us excitedly and said "Say, are you guys climbers?"

I was tempted to do a "Red Dwarf" and say "No, we're the Bolivian navy on manoeuvers in the South Pacific". But I didn't

In reply to Trangia:

not a stupid question, did you know before you started climbing !!!!!!!!!!!!!

In reply to spiritwalker:

Better than that - a mate of mine was given the perfect 'straight line' a few years back with:

"are you Cliff Climbers ?"
"No I'm Pete (insert surname), who are you ?"

In reply to Jamie Hageman: Turbo charged? Really? That's amazing.

In reply to Little Brew:

Yeah, and you also tried to "look after" the silverwear hanging around his neck. Which promptly nearly fell off.

If been a climber gives you this kind of arrogance and attitude i would rather be classed as a walker who likes to climb. What right do you have to think that because you like climbing indoor walls and staying on one crag allday that you are better than anyone else? walkers, hill baggers or fell runners are all better people than you lot, this thread proves what i have always said "that most rock climbers are middle class arrogant pricks who feel they have more rights on the mountain than anyone else." well guess what you don't!!!!

In reply to Wesley Orvis:

What's wrong with having a sense of humour? It's all light hearted and I think most would accept that they themselves have come out with many of the comments posted before they got into climbing; I certainly did!

All you've done is give off the sense that "walkers, hill baggers or fell runners" are boring, oversensitive & humourless gits!

In reply to Wesley Orvis:

Easy tiger! Who rattled your cage?

In reply to spiritwalker:

When encumbered with ice axes just reply, "We're looking for Trotsky" in a Russian accent..

In reply to Wesley Orvis:

But your profile says...


It might be slightly misleading!

In reply to Wesley Orvis:

Maybe a little harsh!

In reply to metal arms:

ok then it should carry on to say "but then i came across the attitude and arrogance of rock climbers towards other hillgoers and beginners of their own sport and it turned me sour again"

In reply to Alan Dixon:

No offence meant to anyone but i cannot stand the way in which climbers look down on all other users of the mountains!!!!

In reply to Wesley Orvis:

are you mental? I think you should maybe speak to a professional councillor...

firstly, everything on this thread is light hearted, and often self mocking as much as anything. At no point have hill walkers or fell runners etc been insulted. If you've got a problem with this thread then you must have a problem with all humour as the vast majority of it is based around taking the piss out of each other.

Secondly, as well as this one have you checked out the "Stupid things Climbers Say"? Which is also contributed to by climbers and goes to further demonstrate that it's not arrogance, it's light hearted humour and banter.

Maybe you should at least have a drink and quiet sit down and calm yourself.

In reply to Scarab9:
>

LOL. This chap is completely insane.

In reply to Alan Dixon:

The post that got to me was the comment towards the munro bagger, what right do you have to say that he don't have the right to say that he climbs mountains? If i am off for a hill walk up Scafell Pike, when i leave i might say to our lass "i am off to climb Scafell Pike" i wouldn't want some arrogant middle class ponce to question what i have just said. Stay on your indoor walls and leave the mountains to the people who love all aspects of mountaineering.
In my opinion someone who climbs every munro in Scotland, up a variety of different routes, regardless of method used walking/scrambling/climbing would certainly gain a lot more knowledge than some over confident idiot who knows the intricate details of every crack on all the main crags in Scotland. Just my opinion from someone fed up of the "clicky climbing crew"

In reply to Wesley Orvis:

D'you want a valium?

In reply to Wesley Orvis:

Come on welsey; its all a bit of fun. You sound like you are related to that woman on the Tram... just hate climbers instead of immigrants!!!

In all seriousness... I think your comment has won the title of "stupidest thing ever said by a non-climber"

In reply to Wesley Orvis:


I too look down on other people looking down on other people using mountains.

In reply to Wesley Orvis:

That's twice now that you've used the term "middle class". I'm intrigued - exactly how do you deduce the social status of an internet forum poster? Are you somehow clairvoyant?

In reply to Wesley Orvis:

So one post from one person (which was countered by at least 2 others) led you to the statement "most rock climbers are middle class arrogant pricks who feel they have more rights on the mountain than anyone else."

In reply to John Ww:

Posting on the internet is a middle class passtime. Obvious, innit ?

In reply to Wesley Orvis:

Middle class eh, when do I get the pay rise, that comes with the promotion?

In reply to GrahamD:

Word (dude)!!

In reply to Wesley Orvis:
the "clicky climbing crew"

"THat'll be those clicky clip things they have, wotchacallums, you know Karabinier-thingies. My son's done some of that climbing stuff and he keeps his keys on one them things"

In reply to Toreador:
So one post from one person (which was countered by at least 2 others) led you to the statement "most rock climbers are middle class arrogant pricks who feel they have more rights on the mountain than anyone else."

First rule of forum ranting; never allow evidence to get in the way of your prejudice.

In reply to Alan Dixon:

Sometimes they get it right. At Auchinstarry one day a few of the usual Bucky Boys are hanging around watching from across the pond. A guy in our party was struggling a bit on Red Lead. Bucky Boy shouts, "Here mate, it diznae go that way, it goes up tae the left". He was correct, climber went left and finished the route.

In reply to GrahamD:

I suppose the reply "no - I'm Cliff Richard's love child!" would be quite fun!


I hope your mate's name is not Pete Docherty!

M

In reply to Wesley Orvis:

The OP was inspired to start this thread from a similar thread on a car forum. I suppose that was to be taken light hearted as well.

In reply to Reach>Talent:
>First rule of forum ranting; never allow evidence to get in the way of your prejudice.
So true!
I'll use this line as a signature on another forum if you don't mind !
Thanks

In reply to Scarab9:

Is he pissed-off cos his bins haven't been emptied?

Dear UKC,

Is there any way that we can have some sort of build-up or intro to Wesley's rants? Something along the lines of the stage effects employed for the baddie in a panto. Dry ice, crashing chords on a church organ, thunderbolt sound effects?

Lots of love,

Mr P McDougal

In reply to petersheppard:


can you blame me, if we lost that tin dog, how much trouble would we be in! or worse, killed off the chief scout within hours of his investiture!!

In reply to Alan Dixon:
How about - 'just got back from the Peaks' - bloke from Emmerdale!

I mean a programme of that cultural standing should know better - its shot in the Yorkshire Dale as well isnt it??

In reply to GrahamD:

So - are you on a high mountain?

In reply to Alan Dixon:

Coming down the tourist path after climbing a route on the north face of the Ben. Rope dangling out of mates rucksack.

Young kid "Have you just bungee jumped off the edge?"
Mate "Yes
Young kid "Coooooool"

Made us smile.

In reply to Alan Dixon:
The Mrs got chatting to a South African colleague at the photocopier today about her interest in the outdoors and climbing...
Colleague: Have you got all your own equipment?
Wife: Yeah!
Colleague: So you've got the 'ballet shoes' and everything?
Wife: Err, yeah!? (Smirks)
Colleague: So you must be quite good then?

In reply to Alan Dixon:

Alan, you legend! I wish there was a massive "LIKE' button on here!