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Best Route Names

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 Dom Goodwin 25 Jul 2020

Some routes have names that conjure up a wonderful image e.g. A Dream of White Horses. A fitting name for this famous climb.

Other routes have names that perfectly explain them e.g. Mike's Mistake ;-)

And some are just funny:

Take That Effing Chalk Bag Off, Or I'll Nick Your Rope And Give It To Terry "The Chainsaw" Tullis And He'll Keep It For Ever And Ever 

What are your favourite route names?

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 Tom Last 25 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

I like those that sound well ‘ard, such as:

A Widespread Ocean of Fear, Darkinbad the Brightdayler, Down To A Sunless Sea

Two of those are quotes, but what the hell. Also think Johnny Dawes’ are great:

Sad Amongst Friends, Braille Trail, etc.

Post edited at 01:06
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 profitofdoom 25 Jul 2020
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 GerM 25 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

My own personal favourite with its conjuring up of all the romanticism, struggle and exhilaration of the climbing experience:

Ordinary Route

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 Kevster 25 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

The easy way down. 

As an approach description makes me smile every time. Makes you think you could take your mum along it. Little is further from the truth. 

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 Donotello 25 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

King Dong, wintours leap. I feel it describes me well.

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 JohnBson 25 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Original Route

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 nikoid 25 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Stack of Nudebooks Meets the Stickman (E4 6a)

Always amuses me for some reason.

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 Baron Weasel 25 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Mohamed the mad monk from Moorside home for mental misfits. 

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 Al Randall 25 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

I always liked Kipling Groove, named because it was Rudyard.

Al

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In reply to Dom Goodwin:

I enjoy route names that play on other route names. My favourite - and a great route in its own right - A Dream of Wild Turkeys at Red Rocks. Very meta. I've had my own (Joycean) version ready to go for a while: Barking Mad the Night Soiler. Sadly, I've never put up a new route to justify it. 

I'd like to take this opportunity to plug my two articles on climber-poets which are in the current and the next issues of Climber magazine, and which include a bit of a riff on route names. Please buy it and help keep printed media alive!

Post edited at 10:34
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In reply to Dom Goodwin:

For a clever play on words:
For Sportsmen Of The Epoxy Clips (6c+)

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In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Oedipus ring your mother (I think named after the same was graffitied on a bus shelter) 

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In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Or 'fear of rejection' siad route being a gruesome offwidth 

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 Trangia 25 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

"Ejector" at Harrisons is apt and  is one of my favourites.

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 Slackboot 25 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

'What Have The Vikings Ever Done For Us' at Fast Castle on the Northumberland coast. 

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 Rick Graham 25 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Divine Providence.

Purity of line and dominant position on the wild side of Mont Blanc. Possibly still the hardest way to the top of western europe. Great story on the fa to justify  the name.

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In reply to Dom Goodwin:

"I Learned to Swim at Dunkirk", a minor route but a great line from an old Portlander.

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In reply to JJ Krammerhead III:

> Oedipus ring your mother (I think named after the same was graffitied on a bus shelter) 

It was on the toilet wall at Stoney caf

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 peppermill 25 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Most of the stuff on Manure Pile Buttress describing Chouinard's debauchery.

Fifty odd years later and I still didn't want to touch anything on the belay ledges hahahah

Post edited at 14:05
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 peppermill 25 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

I've always thought the names of the North Wales slate routes are rather brilliant. "Snakes and Ladders", "Looning the Tube" etc

Post edited at 14:04
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 plyometrics 25 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

The Gay Dwarves And Mr Plod Go To The Tupperware Party. 

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 TomYoung 25 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Went to the Roaches for the first time the other day and found the gem that is Clive Coolhead Realises the Excitement of Knowing... (E5 6b).

It doesn't show the whole thing in the name, but the UKC description shows the complete name.

Post edited at 14:20
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 Darron 25 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Tufa King Hard (6c)

usually crops up in these lists.

Post edited at 14:23
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 ena sharples 25 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Dick Van Dyke goes ballistic. Love that.

Post edited at 14:31
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 birdie num num 25 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

The Ordinary Route

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In reply to Dom Goodwin:

I don't think you could invent a better route name for a companion route to Cenotaph Corner than Cemetery Gates.

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 Dave Cundy 25 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

I like Keep Taking the Pillars (E1 5a) in Morocco.  An amusing name that points you exactly where to go.

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 Meshach 25 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Mur y Niwl (Wall of Mists)

and Agrippa

I've always thought there's a book waiting to be written about route names and their history, sadly it won't be by me tho'.

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Not a route I've done but a place I know well.......Zennorphobia. 

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 ewanjp 25 Jul 2020
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 Trevers 25 Jul 2020
In reply to ewanjp:

> This one never ceases to amuse me.

I had come on this thread specifically to mention this one

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In reply to Dom Goodwin:

This is one that was chosen but then rejected as my climbing partner said he'd never speak to me again if I used it. Th neighbouring route is Major Slab and the new route was on the edge of that slab. As it was a short time after our ex-PM was revealed as an adulterer I hit upon A Little Bit of Curry on the Side, which I was quite pleased with.

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In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Flopsy Bunny goes to the Zoo (E1 5b)

because I went as this to a club Xmas fancy dress do - theme was route names.

The Satanic Traverses (E1 5b)

fa soon after the book was published.

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 Andy Hardy 25 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Conan, the librarian. 

Brilliantly conjures up the image of an oiled, uber buff Arnie staring down through the visor of a horned helm, pursing his lips and "shhshhhhh"ing the unruly mob into silence.

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In reply to FactorXXX:

> For a clever play on words:


I like that one. I did a new route once that I called Jihad to be there (S 4a). I remain quite proud of the pun.

I still think the best route name anywhere is Face Mecca (E9 6c). It's just perfect.

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 Bilberry 25 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Edgehog

Poultry in Motion

Vanishing giraffes

Post edited at 23:41
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 gooberman-hill 26 Jul 2020
 john arran 26 Jul 2020
In reply to TobyA:

> I did a new route once that I called Jihad to be there (S 4a). I remain quite proud of the pun.

In a similar vein, I bolted a new line near to Islamabad, in Pakistan, and called it Osama bin Climbin'

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 GrahamD 26 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Bifurcated Headplate Max ar Stanage always amused me, although the reality is an ungainly 4c belly flop.

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In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Punishing Pembroke in the Palm.......or it would have been if I'd ever got round to doing a new route there.

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 J Whittaker 26 Jul 2020
In reply to J Whittaker:

I don't know if I have a shortage in the sense of humour department, or whether there are references to things I'm not acquainted with, but it seems to me there is an endless number of route names in this genre and none of them has ever even raised the beginning of smile with me. Is there something wrong with me?  

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 JoeFoster59 26 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Osama Bin Yardin (f7C)

Post edited at 11:08
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 alan moore 26 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Satan's Slip on the Devil's Slide fits so perfectly that it can easily be overlooked as a nice route name.

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In reply to Rog Wilko:

I with you on that. I think such names are puerile.

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 nigel baker 26 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

My own little route on Giggleswick.....

Resins to be Cheerful ....guess the number of bolts?

correct....1...2...3

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 Al Randall 26 Jul 2020
In reply to Rog Wilko:

I like route names that have some relationship to the route or the climber rather than a collection of clever, sometimes offensive words that make sense only to the first ascensionist or no sense at all. Having said that it would be very difficult to maintain that discipline. I have no imagination in that regard and the only route that I had published was the very boring, in retrospect, "Solus" because I soloed it on the first ascent. I have nothing but respect for climbers with more imagination than me.

Al

Post edited at 14:09
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 J Whittaker 26 Jul 2020
In reply to Rog Wilko:

We just all have different tastes and humour. It wouldn't do if we all liked the same.

However how can you not be amused and or outraged at the dastardly deed of stealing a treacle sponge. Absolute treachery of the highest order!

Post edited at 14:24
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 Sherlock 26 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Highball boulder ln Hueco Tanks I think,

Run Spot Run

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 Pefa 26 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Take it to the limpets. 

Squid Vicious.

Both Fast Castle sea cliffs. 

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In reply to Al Randall:

> I like route names that have some relationship to the route or the climber rather than a collection of clever, sometimes offensive words that make sense only to the first ascensionist or no sense at all.

I agree absolutely. There's another of mine I'm quite pleased with. It goes up an area of rock that everyone else thought looked very tumbledown.To Hell in a Handcart (VS 4a)

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 Matt Podd 26 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

"CAN of worms" has relevance to some of us who used to dangle on ropes

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In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Tryfan 

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 Lankyman 27 Jul 2020
In reply to Aonach eagach is the best:

Cabbage

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 Stroppy 27 Jul 2020
 Hat Dude 27 Jul 2020
In reply to Gordon Stainforth:

> I don't think you could invent a better route name for a companion route to Cenotaph Corner than Cemetery Gates.

Cenotaph Corner itself is a great name for such an obvious  feature.

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 Iamgregp 27 Jul 2020
In reply to Darron:

And maybe its Greek cousin Tufa King Pumped (7b+)

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 DaveHK 27 Jul 2020
In reply to Dave Cundy:

> I like Keep Taking the Pillars (E1 5a) in Morocco.  An amusing name that points you exactly where to go.

In a similar vein, and also a Jefferson Airplane reference, Surrealistic Pillar.

https://www.ukclimbing.com/logbook/crags/lovers_leap_ca_tahoe-4823/surrealistic_pillar-125247

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 cb294 27 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Nothing comes close to Wings of Unreason!

CB

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 Stone Idle 27 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Kiss my Wrasse down in Cornwall has a certain something.

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 fuzzysheep01 27 Jul 2020
 Dave Cundy 27 Jul 2020
In reply to Lankyman:

Mornington Crescent....?

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 Grahame N 28 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

"Edging Skills or Hospital Bills"  5.10b at Tuolumne Meadows always makes me chuckle, and tells you something about the climb too.

Post edited at 10:53
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In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Nice Face, Shame about the Ledge (6b+) is one of my favourite names. It both accurately describes the route, and is a good play on the old expression.

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 C Witter 28 Jul 2020
In reply to Rog Wilko:

Hm... And when it all falls down on someone daft enough to try it, you'll be able to recycle whatever's left and claim a new FA, called 'Fresh from the Hospital'.

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 Lankyman 28 Jul 2020
In reply to Dave Cundy:

> Mornington Crescent....?


Nothing so witty I'm afraid. It was a barely disguised attempt to comment on AEIB's post. The guy(?) is either a troll or lacking something up top.

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 Seymore Butt 28 Jul 2020
In reply to ChrisBrooke:

> Nice Face, Shame about the Ledge (6b+) is one of my favourite names. It both accurately describes the route, and is a good play on the old expression.


Ditto

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 Nez 28 Jul 2020
In reply to nigel baker: or mine close by,Hit Me with your Clipping Stick (7a)  Hit me with your clipping stick

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 AndySL 28 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

"Spear of Destiny" on Portland has a next door neighbor called "Spear of Brocolli". Makes me chuckle.

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 Rick Graham 28 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Call me a late baby boomer fuddy duddy  if you will but rather then try to compete with all the stand up comedians one liners, my top five are

Divine Providence.

Supercrack of the Desert.

Face Mecca.

Shibboleth.

Ichabod .

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In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Bed Bugs Bite My Bollocks VS 4c on Lundy - leaves little to the imagination.

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 Paul16 29 Jul 2020
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 Martin Bennett 29 Jul 2020
In reply to Dave Cundy:

> I like Keep Taking the Pillars (E1 5a) in Morocco.  An amusing name that points you exactly where to go.

Have you done it Dave? Me Andy and Alan did what we think was 2nd ascent then had a word with 1st ascensionist (Twid) in Les Amandiers suggesting E1 due to the unprotected wall half way up. Good route, as are all 3 I've done there.

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 Gaia 29 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Goats That Gnash in the Night (E2 5c) is my old time favourite, just a handful of routes left of a well known Gary Gibson E5!

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 Martin Bennett 29 Jul 2020
In reply to Rog Wilko:

> I agree absolutely. There's another of mine I'm quite pleased with. It goes up an area of rock that everyone else thought looked very tumbledown.To Hell in a Handcart (VS 4a)

Thanks for mentioning it Rog. I'd overlooked that. I shall look it out next time I'm there. Trouble with places I've been going to for over 50 years is even tho I've got the latest guide book I don't bother looking at it, making the assumption there can't be owt new that might be within my waning powers.

Completely agree with your views re route names - in jokes or sometimes even banal personal references won't really do now, will they? One of the worst I've come across was "Carlyn went shopping instead". I mean...

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 mark s 29 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

tormented ejaculation

because he didn't get to finish

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 eric the good 29 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

I liked a 'A Nightmare of Blackpool Donkeys '!

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 John H Bull 29 Jul 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

I've always been impressed with Visually Stunning Underpants (E5 6b), because of the louche redundancy of 'visually' combined with the word 'underpants', which is just funny on its own. Reminds me of seconding in the 80's, when everybody had holes in their tights.

Way Fruitsome Experience and I Got Horribly Drunk (E3 6a) are pretty good too.

Post edited at 23:21
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In reply to Martin Bennett:

Sounds like you're surviving the plague OK. Hope to do another route or two with you sometime....

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In reply to AndySL:

"Spear of Destiny" has a story behind it. Whilst we were cleaning up the crag a large 'spear' of rock dislodged and impaled itself on the ground between us. Another one of the nine lives gone.

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 Martin Bennett 03 Aug 2020
In reply to Rog Wilko:

> Sounds like you're surviving the plague OK. Hope to do another route or two with you sometime....

So far so good Rog. Even done a few easy climbs in The Lakes in recent weeks but a daft slip resulted in a fall which damaged my chronic shoulder. Sound familiar?!!

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 Martin Bennett 03 Aug 2020
In reply to eric the good:

> I liked a 'A Nightmare of Blackpool Donkeys '!

Sorry Eric - pedantry alert - unless I'm misinformed it's Nightmare of Brown Donkeys (E3 5c) at High Tor.

Oddly enough I was at Blackpool today having biked from Fleetwood. Very quiet for 10 miles of beach and not frantic even at North Pier in the centre - certainly no Bournemouth style Covid worries.

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 Neil Adams 04 Aug 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Depends if you want something evocative, some nice wordplay or something more absurd:

  • Prophecy of Drowning (E2 5c), which feel appropriate mid-crux but also relates to the history of the island
  • I'd wanted to do The Sarclet Pimpernel (E1 5a) for years, partly for the name
  • James Bond is Alive And Well And Living In Plockton is another favourite, though I can't find it in the logbooks
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 Nigel Coe 04 Aug 2020
In reply to Rick Graham:

> Call me a late baby boomer fuddy duddy  if you will but rather then try to compete with all the stand up comedians one liners, my top five are

> Divine Providence.

> Supercrack of the Desert.

> Face Mecca.

> Shibboleth.

> Ichabod .


Then you'll like Supercrack of the East Mendips (E1 5b)

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 Nigel Coe 04 Aug 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

In the Boulder Ruckle at Swanage were the routes 'A' Line and 'B' Line (VS 5a), so a logical addition was Sea Lion (HVS 5a).

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In reply to Martin Bennett:

Sorry to hear that (from one shoulder sufferer to another). Done the odd route or two. Last w/e we did a couple of V Diffs in Northumberland (without aid!).

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 nniff 04 Aug 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

There's something about route names that tell you everything you need to know from miles away.  As above, Cenotaph Corner - "Where does that go?"  Smack.

Similarly, Silly Arete.

At the other end of the spectrum, for pure logic - Point Five Gully.

For a pun, I've always like  The Hoarmaster

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 Ben_Climber 04 Aug 2020
 Joseph23 04 Aug 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

 makes me laugh  Highball That You Bastards! (E7 6b)

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 dominic lee 06 Aug 2020
In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Irritable Owl Syndrome  E6 6c

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In reply to dominic lee:

> Irritable Owl Syndrome  E6 6c

Took me a bit to get that.

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In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Rock Hard (E3 5c) - particularly when you know Jon's reason for the name. Amusingly, I climbed it, thinking it was an FA and called it "Time Waits for No Man", thinking I'd beaten a mate to it...

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In reply to Dom Goodwin:

The best route name is crib goch keep on saying it and you’re say something else 😂

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In reply to Rog Wilko:

> Sorry to hear that (from one shoulder sufferer to another). Done the odd route or two. Last w/e we did a couple of V Diffs in Northumberland (without aid!).

Yes Rog - my reference was to the fact that last time we venture out together we hadn't gone 200 yards before you slipped and put your shoulder out. Look forward to a day out together. maybe when things are nearer "normal"?

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In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Edgehog (E3 5c) has always amused me.

T.

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In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Similarly, Ordinary Route (E5 6a).

T.

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In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Sticking with Gogarth, Dinosaur (E5 6a) was supposedly so called because you'd need small brains and a long neck to do it.

T.

Post edited at 20:13
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 Gary Gibson 10:15 Sun
In reply to FactorXXX:

Epoxy clips now..next to it?

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 Gary Gibson 10:19 Sun
In reply to Andy Clarke:

‘turks’ is one of the best trad routes I have ever done. Did it with Harold Walmsley in 2011 and it is named after a blend of whiskey as was the the theme on the wall from the team that climbed it...Sour Mash and others as examples.

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 Gary Gibson 13:35 Sun
In reply to Pursued by a bear:

I thought the quote was ‘a long neck and no brains’?

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 Gary Gibson 13:41 Sun
In reply to TobyA:

If I remember rightly that was a concoction of ideas tgat Roy Thomas and myself came up with, with epoxy clips now to the right of it.

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In reply to Gary Gibson:

Quite possibly.  Memory is a fickle beast, and I didn't check it.

T.

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 Gary Gibson 16:33 Sun
In reply to Gaia:

It had a direct reference to the goat that inhabited the vicar’s field in Bosherston that had an unhealthy habit of stealing your food when you chose to dine 

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 Gary Gibson 10:27 Mon
In reply to Tom Last:it’s also interesting to know how those names came about...there is a clarity on how Darkinbad came to be named..down below it was Darkinbad and at the top it was bright daylight 

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In reply to Dom Goodwin:

Cunning Stunts (Pillar E2)

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In reply to Dom Goodwin:

"Phone the Hallamshire"...... Bold 6a.

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In reply to Dom Goodwin: I love a good route name and knowing the history behind them. It shows what an imaginative and clever bunch climbers can be. Some which I like with stories behind them:

Agincourt (8c) and Le Plafond de la Ligne Maginot (8c)

Nightride (E1 5b)

Fifteen Men on a Dead Man's Chest (E5 6a)

The Enchanted Broccoli Garden (E7 6b)

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